How to Handle Neighborhood Kids with Our New Swimming Pool

I had a pool when I was growing up and my mom's rule was this. One friend over at a time - period - end of story. It elimiated the entire neighborhood in the pool and also I learned real quick who were friends and who wanted to use the pool. Friends would still come over on a rainy day!

I would point out to them that the community already has a public pool they can swim in. If it doesn't, ask them if you can come over and use their bathtub.

I would just say I'm not comfortable having kids in the pool unless their parents are here watching them, no matter how good a swimmer they are.

Listen.....
Getting a pool does not suddenly turn your backyard into a public recreation facility.
It's a simple as that.
Another mom on here some time ago went through the same thing when they got a trampoline in the backyard and had kids bugging up her butt constantly to come over and use it to the extent that she and her own kids couldn't use it.
Swimming pools are exciting, no doubt, but my neighbor got a new BMW. Did that mean everyone got to use it?

Just say no.

Swimming pools, hot tubs...things like that are by invitation only.
I personally wouldn't allow anyone but your own immediate family and close friends until you get the ph and chlorine levels and all that stuff down pat.
It takes a while to get that stuff figured out. If your daughter wants to invite a friend over after the new wears off, that's one thing. But, neighborhood kids wanting in the pool just because you have one.....
Just say no.
You're not being selfish. Random kids asking to be in your yard because you have a pool is not polite. And they may ask.
All you have to do is say no.

In my opinion if you are not good friends with the parents and your daughter is not good friends with their kids they would just be using you for your pool and that in no way is O.K. With that said I think that they will understand if you say no to letting them use your pool. I have been in a similar situation before and know that if they don't know you that well and you let them use your pool they will not have respect for your property and nothing good can come of that! Let us know how it goes.:)

Don't let them over. Period. You are NOT a lifeguard and the pool should be fun for you, not a big stress. You do not need to "share" your pool with the neighborhood. Think of some rules about people coming over and share them with your daughter so she will know what to say when the kids start asking her to come over and swim.

I hear you...we bought our house about 10 years ago and it has an in-ground pool. We were ever so politely told on several occasions by many of the neighbors that the old owners used to allow people to come and go as they pleased. My DH and I had to politely respond (which isn't easy to do w/out looking selfish) with a "sorry, we have a very protective dog, please, we will have no one coming into our backyard w/out permission"...the kids haven't been too naggy...we do have a set of sisters who ask to swim all summer long and when I feel up to it, I allow it...if not I say "sorry, not today".

I figure, if I'm gonna be out there and I feel like watching 2 extras then I do..if not, then I don't...I don't really mind the extra swimmers, I did have to put a ban on the slide though...I didn't want anyone getting hurt!

Feeding them all lunch is what drives me crazy!

Good luck and don't let any one make you feel guilty for not wanting your pool to be looked at as a public pool.

Been there! We had a pool, and as soon as it went in, we had all kinds of "friends" who would not have otherwise wanted to play with my daughter. I told them that they had to bring Mom or Dad to watch them, and then they could use the pool, if Mom or Dad stayed the whole time with them outside. It was never a problem!

M.

If you bought a new car, would you allow all your neighbors to drive it? No. It's yours, not their's. If they want a pool so badly, they shoud get their own. There are huge liability issues too.

My neighbors installed a pool when I was a child. We helped them by removing the sod. I figured we'd be invited over more because we helped with preparation for construction. We were only asked over one or two times. I thought that that was unfair. We only went over when invited.

Don't allow others to make you feel bad. It's your property. Enjoy!

I agree with getting a tall fence. Don't want teens jumping over a short fence. Lock your fence. Have life saving equipment on hand next to the pool.

Good luck,
: ) Maureen

First check with your insurance agent and learn more about your coverage and potential liabilities. They may suggest have a waiver signed by every non-family person (or their parent) that uses the pool. Your policy may also have special provisions regarding fencing and security.

As for the little hangers on...they are just kids. Granted, they could have better manners, but that is really on the parents.

I know one family that has a pool "open house" once a month or so. They hire a lifeguard from the city pool for a few hours, grill hot dogs, and everyone else brings the drinks, chips, etc. However, they do expect that a certain number of parents stick around...it isn't a babysitting service.

The rest of the time is family and invited friends only.

Our neighbors had an above ground pool when I was growing up. There were times that we were invited over to swim and there were times that the pool time was for that family and their "family time" only.

The basic premise was stated by their parents when the water was going in the pool and all the neighborhood kids were standing around watching.

They said something like, "hot summer afternoons when school is out and our kids are swimming, you are welcome to come over. When we are having family dinner near the pool on Sunday night or family time on the weekends, our pool will be just for us."
And everyone was cool with the fact that the rules were stated up front, too. You violated a safety rule in their pool and you were sent home.

Someone else had asked a pool question here and this was my response then. Hope it helps you too.

As a former lifeguard and Water Safety Instructor I have to say that you should not allow anyone, and I mean your kids too, in the pool unless an adult is present. The adult must be at poolside at all times when the kids are in the pool. I would suggest calling the parents of the kids in the neighborhood and explaining that the pool is not open unless they know that you, your husband or another pre-arranged adult is going to be there by the pool acting as lifeguard. This doesn't mean that they should assume you are going to be watching the pool just because you are home with the baby. It also doesn't mean that if someone calls and wants to swim that you are obligated to say yes, especially if you had no intentions of being out by the pool at that time. You don't want the other parents just sending their kids over whenever the kid wants to swim.

I would also not allow kids to come over with their parents whenever they felt like it. This is your pool, in your yard, not a public swimming pool. You are liable whether or not their parent is there.

Explain to your kids and their friends and parents that this is a safety and liability issue and that as much as you'd like them all to be able to come over whenever they want to use the pool they just can't. Your kids could call their friends when the pool is open and available or you could have a flag that you put in the front yard so the friends know when it's ok to come over.(Just make sure to take it down when it's not pool time.) Or there could be some other signal your kids could have with their friends.

I would definately ask the kids what their swimming ability is. Appropriate PFDs should be worn by those who need them. These should not have to be supplied by you.

Other pool rules apply such as no roughhouseing, no diving if it is not deep enough, no running around the edge (if it's an in-ground pool), etc. Go over all of the rules with all the kids before anyone gets in the pool. Write the rules on a board and post them by the pool, too, so no one can "forget". Rule breakers will have to sit out for an established period of time (5 or 10 minutes). Believe me, if it's hot out and they see their friends having fun, they won't do it again.If they do, they have to immediately go home.

I know this may sound really harsh and restrictive but just think how you'd feel if something happened to one of your kids or one of their friends. Establish all the rules up front, enforce them with no exceptions and they'll get it pretty quickly and have a good time.

First -- Contact your insurance provider and ask what best practices they can recommend. Having a pool (or trampoline) is a tremendous liability issue. Which leads me to the make sure you have a good fence and a good pool cover.

Second -- Collect the parents' emails of any kids who asks "when will the pool be done?" or "can we go swimming today?". And then send out a regular Smith Family Pool Bulletin.

In it you can communicate ground rules (i.e. no diving, no splashing, no playing chicken, no food/beverages, no dunking, independent swimmers only, must be potty trained, no running, must be accompanied by a parent, 1-2 hour minimum, 1:00-4:00pm only, 3 strikes you're out, etc.).

Also, use your Smith Family Pool Bulletin to announce which days the pool will be open to friends and when it will be closed/for family only.

Finally, get a well crafted sign that can be read from a distance that can be flipped one way to say, "The Pool is Open" and the other way to say "The Pool is Closed".

We have a pool (well its an above ground pool) but we have rules too. We live out in the country but our neighbor kids will longingly ride their bikes by when we are in the pool. I actually don't mind them over swimming, but the kids are friends with my kids all the time, not just when the pool is up. My boys LOVE having friendso ver to swim, and everyone has a good time. BUT the rules are when its daytime and the boys are swimming, or they are asked over, they are welcome ot come swim with us. If its evening and we are swimming as a family, then its family time.

Congrats on the new pool - sounds fun. Pools are great but also a big liability. Unfortunately, in this day and age, people are all to happy to hold you responsible if their child got hurt or worse in your pool. Make sure you have adequate insurance, and keep it fenced and locked, and set up some very strict rules. It sounds like you are feeling a little guilty and don't want to disappoint the neighbor kids, but realistically, they won't be able to just come over and swim whenever they want. And heck, why should they? Unless you want them to and invite them, and have the time and energy to supervise them (or invite their parents to). It's unfortunate to think worst case scenario, but it's probably necessary.

We had a rule that children were not allowed to swim in our pool without one of their parents present. Secondly, neighborhood children were allowed only when we hung a certain "flag" at our front door. So once or twice a week I would hang the flag to welcome neighborhood children and their parents to join us at the pool. This worked very well for us.

First most pools have to be fenced in-if this isnot your case then you do need to protect yourself from anyone coming in (either way you need protection from others). Check with your insurance people and do what they tell you. Now as far as this goes IT IS YOUR POOL AND YOUR FRIENDS! So when it comes to others they are looking for a free ride at your expense-you are very allowed to say NO! If and when your daughter wants to "play" with those kids then she will ask you-this is something that kids use can use as a way to get what they want-swimming but not friends is simply not cool and I would support my daughter with a no till they really are friends-all age groups have their ways of testing and simply taking advantage of other kids. Your daughter's self esteem should be in your interest and how you work this is tricky-be sure to talk with her lots. You might also want to get a written letter from the other kids
family (parents) to make sure it is ok with them when you decide to let them swim at your house and in your pool-without their supervision-which you may not want them over either. Pools are tricky so first this is your first year-lets just try it for US this year and see what happens next year. Time to test the energy the kids want to put out for friendships...good luck and remember you can always say NO anytime and any place.

I have had a trampoline and a pool. I would just add to the chorus of, it's your pool. No need to feel obligated to share with the rest of the neighborhood. And I will second what one poster said about having to feed everyone. I didn't really mind, but I sure went through a lot of snacks and drinks!

Mostly, what I wanted to tell you is, we SERIOUSLY considered having legal waivers of liability made up and having parents sign them. It won't actually protect you if someone decides to sue. But it will make the neighbors THINK it will. And also make them think about the inherent dangers of your pool.

Also, on the liability issue: My son fell and broke his arm in my neighbor's driveway. It didn't even occur to us to sue them or take any legal action whatsoever. He was a six year old on a bike and he fell. It happens. But our medical insurance company seemed determined to find someone liable. I was interviewed several times and filled out several "possible third party liability" forms (which were required for our claim to be paid). So, even if you believe that your friends and neighbors would never sue you, their insurance company might.

First, congrats on the new pool - very exciting! I know you said your daughter is 12, not sure if the neighborhood kids are around her age? But, regardless, all kids get excited about pools. This,however, does not mean this gives them a green-light to swim! Personally, I don't even think it gives you a green-light to have to invite them with their parent. But, if these are kids your daughter "sometimes" hangs out with - don't put the pressure on yourslef to "when" they can swim - it will just happen. And your daughter will more than likely enjoy having the company at times in the pool (I know mine do) - as long as you are comfortable with it (again, I am not sure with these neighbor kid ages and if they can swim). I'm sure you will come up with your own rules and they will get used to them - just like when you are swimming and don't visitors - I'm sure your fence will be closed - or I'm friendlier with a mom who has younger kids and when I am looking for "pool company" - I call her before I head out and invite her over. Don't stress - you will figure it out and the kids will figure you out -ha!

I understand your trepidation. I don't have a pool now (I wish!) but our family did when we were growing up and our parents dealt with this fairly simply: They did not address hints whatsoever. If someone is hinting around for an invitation to your pool, just act as though you do not hear it. It is very uncomfortable to be sure, but you'll have to get used to it! Tell your kids to do the same. If they are having a hard time doing that, tell them to say, "We are not allowed to invite people over to swim without asking our mom or dad first."

If people ask you outright (oh they will!), simply say, "Sorry...today is not a good day for guests; maybe some other time." Don't feel the need to offer a justification or a rain date.

Also: install a very high and good fence. This is not just for insurance and liability reasons (as others have suggested). It's also so that, even when neighbours hear you and your family, and possibly other guests that you have invited, splashing and having a great time, they won't see it; and you won't see THEM seeing YOU. :-)

Congrats on your new pool; enjoy it!

You install a privacy fence that you cannot see over or enter into from the backyard. Then when children ask your daughter if they can swim you tell her she must ask you first and then you have time to "come up with other plans" or to decide if that child can swim or not.

We had a pool when I was a child and we have a chainlink fence with a lock on the gate. When kids asked to swim my mom simply said your parents must come and watch you the whole time you are here. Of course the parents never wanted to do that so no one ever got to swim unless I invited them over.

We have kids that just stop by in the summer just to use the pool. I told my son he is no way obligated to invite them in when they come ringing. But if he is okay with them coming by even briefly, that is his choice. He understands that some are just using him for the pool, and have told him that he should discourage it. But others, maybe using him for his pool, but are more summer time friends. Plus the way I see it, helps keep the my son and the neighbors on at least a neighborly good terms. And, I let them know my rules, if you can not abide by it then you don't get to come back.

I also get some of the teenage boys (older brothers and immediete neighbors) that occasionaly ask to jump in and cool off. I sometime say yes and some no. It's my pool it is my choice. But kids love pools, and their manners often go out the window when it hits 100 depgrees.

Really I had "summer time friends". It is fine as long as it is not damaging.

Our neighbors have a pool and we have always *waited* for an invite. We've been over maybe twice. And it's okay with us. We're not close friends. I would never expect them to supervise my child knowing them as little as we do. In this day and age, your neighbors will understand. The ones who don't aren't worth worrying about.

On the other hand, we have a huge play structure, unfenced in our backyard. We've told parents "a parent has to be on hand to supervise the child on our structure." The minute we said that, very few kids came over to use the structure. The few times they did unsupervised, we let them play for a while then sent them home telling them Mom or Dad had to be there with them next time. If it repeated we sent them home to get Mom or Dad with a "I'm so sorry, I can't watch you like I did last time. Can you go get Mom or Dad?" They never came back.

Tell your neighbors "due to liability insurance we're not letting anyone use our pool without us around and without a guardian or parent to watch the child." This puts the parent in the mode of having to ask because few adults will come over unasked. And when they do in the beginning, let them know that "for right now, you and your family are just enjoying the specialness of the pool and you'll have them over when things settle down from that crazy time."

I would not let them use it.... if those kids did not care about being friends with your daughter before.........than that's too bad :)

I'm an insurance agent in AZ and do NOT ever assume, friends, family and/or neighbors will not sue you...they will in a second. When the pool is complete, call your homeowners insurance and bump your liability up to 1 million. It will only add about $40 per year to your policy and is worth every penny. If your neighborhood kids are not close to your family then I would not feel obligated to invite them over at all. And make sure you check into a fence with a lock on the gate, that will deter them to sneak on your property when you aren't home. Good luck and enjoy the pool!

First of all, you need to have the pool fenced in so young kids do not get to it and have an accident. Make it clear to your children that friends are not to use the poll unless they and their parents have been invited over for that reason. By laying down the rules your kids can tell these other kids "my parents said no" without having to look like the bad guy to these neighborhood kids. The fact is, if you allow these kids to play in your pool and one drowns, you are liable, so I would just say no acrossed the board unless their parents are there to watch their own children.

Growing up I had friends that had pools and never went uninvited. There was one friend that I had known for 2-3 years before I ever went to her house and even then I only went there once to go swimming after work (we were 16-17 at the time). Pools that are in peoples yards should be respected and if it is family use only then everyone who is not personally invited just has to accept it.

If it was me, I would tell them that every child needs to bring their adult to watch them. Period. Make sure your pool/backyard is fenced and put a lock on your gate to deter uninvited guests - at least that way, if really anything ever happens, you have some proof that you have done your best to secure your property.
Good luck.