Hi Moms,
My son takes Suzuki violin lessons with a fantastic teacher. There is a 30 minute individual class a week and a 30 minute group lesson a week. There are usually 4 students in the group class who are between 5 and 7 years old. The problem is that the lessons are in the teachers home. She has a babysitter for her children while class is in session. She requires that all her children play the violin as well. Until recently, her 5 year old son has refused but is coming around. He is in the group class for children who are still learning the basic songs. The requirement is that once the students learn all of the Twinkle Little Star variations, they can join the higher level class that my son is in. The teacher encourages her son to join my son's class even though he is not ready and is disruptive. The class is "dumbed down" to include him when he joins in and he constantly asks his mother to "help" him play songs he doesn't know. He also "plays along" to songs he doesn't know which is disruptive since everyone is playing a song together and he just moves his bow back and forth pretending to play but just making noise. There are no other Suzuki teachers in the area and I feel weird about speaking to the teacher since she very obsessed with making her son play. I am thinking of speaking to the other parents and getting their feedback...thoughts?
Yes, I am present at the individual and group lesson. It is a requirement that I be at the lessons. I am not paying 60 dollars an hour to babysit someone else's child. My son really enjoys how this teacher is teaching and loves group lesson (it is a requirement in Suzuki). He is thriving but I don't I just think that with only a 30 minute group session a week, every minute counts and I am unhappy with this level of disruption. Thank you everyone...I appreciate everyone's input.
If I am paying for something and not satisfied with the quality I am getting, then I speak up. Either the provider fixes the quality to my satisfaction or I take my business elsewhere. I would not continue to shell out money for a product or service that I wasn't happy with.
I would look for another teacher. There are other methods to learn to play violin. My first daughter learned to play piano the Suzuki method my youngest learned how to play using a traditional method where she started to learn to read music from day one. Honestly after going through 3 years of twinkles...I would never go with the Suzuki method again.
That teacher has a difficult job. She is teaching for pay out of her home, and her son is wanting her attention at the same time she is teaching (and negative attention is better than none at all).
I hope she can get this worked out. Meanwhile, if it were me, I'd look for another teacher for my child. I like the Suzuki method (that's how my son learned violin), but there may be other teachers of young children in your area, even if they teach by another method.
Speak directly to the teacher, tactfully, about your concerns... Anything less is just venting and isn't going to change anything, and may very we'll blow up on you and your child. For the record, I think you have every reason to be annoyed!
My daughter plays the violin and if this were happening to us, I would also be annoyed.
The only way to address it is to communicate with the teacher and be straightforward, not rude, not confrontational, just calm discussion.
In all of our years with private tutoring and violin which were one on one with the teacher.... the teacher's had their children in some sort of care and they were not there during this "work" time.
This is as simple as someone who wants to work from home.. children must be in the care of someone else while you do your job at home... if not, then you are not doing a quality job. You are paying for your child to be there for quality lessons... he is not getting that. You need to speak with the teacher and realize that she might resent other parents not wanting her little darling in the room and you may have to find another teacher who teaches more professionally.
Hopefully you will find a good solution that works for all of you.
Option one: Since you are part of a group and other parents are there every time, I like your idea of speaking privately to the other parents. I hope that a group of you can go to her together. If just you alone go to her and say this isn't working, she can brush you off and think "This is just one cranky mom." But if a group of her clients comes to hear and says there is a problem, she cannot ignore you nearly as easily. This option means that you will just have to get over "feeling weird about speaking to the teacher" as you mention. You are a paying client and are not getting what you feel you pay for. Don't let her intimidate you, and the other parents should not either. Present a united front but don't criticize her child openly or she will probably get huffy and offended. Just be direct and simple. Draft a script of what you and others will say when you meet with her and don't have any kids there when you do see her.
Option two: Summer is a natural time for a break. Consider telling her that your son is taking the summer off her lessons - and then get him into a different format, if she is the only Suzuki teacher around. Have you checked recently to see if possibly there is indeed another Suzuki teacher in your area, maybe since you started with her? If you can't find another Suzuki teacher, try him on individual lessons with another teacher but be sure it's one who (a) is experienced with kids his age and (b) isn't going to be anti-Suzuki and try to have him "unlearn" things. You might find he thrives just as much under another teaching style if that teacher is good with kids his age.
Option three: Since he seems to be thriving and the issue with the teacher's kid is really your issue and not his -- Let it go, and just leave things alone. If he's pretty young, your son is still learning a lot. If your son, and not just you, is saying that the teacher's son is a distraction, then yes, you need to act on it.
I do agree that what she's doing is inappropriate at best and damaging to her business at worst.
I think you need to talk to the teacher. Express your understanding of her point of you ("I know how important it is for you to teach your son") but demonstrate how it affects your son ("but, do you think he's ready for this class? It seems like you have to keep things simpler when he tries to play at this level") It won't be easy, but it's the only way of making something happen. Talking to the other moms won't accomplish anything and may annoy her.
It sounds like he isn't always there, is that correct? What I would recommend is documenting a lesson that he is not at - track what the kids play, how many interruptions/breaks in learning there are, how much focus and attention is given to each student, etc. Then, do the same for a class when her son is present. By showing her the differences between the two lessons, and saying what I wrote above, she might be able to see just how disruptive her son really is being. Just make sure you document all times that ANY student is disruptive - not just her son - so you're at acknowledging that you know they aren't all perfect except for him.
Talk with the teacher in a direct diplomatic way way. Do not get opinions from other parents. To do so is creating drama, perhaps causing others who are now satisfied to become dissatisfied. Talking with other parents creates another level to what is now a simple and direct situation. You are rightfully concerned about the level of learning for your son. Talk with the teacer about your legitimate concern. No need to involve other parents.
it's a tough situation. if you don't address it you will continue to be resentful, not to mention shelling out bank for insufficient instruction (and yes, if the class is interrupted constantly by her child, it's insufficient.) but it has to be handled with a lot of tact and a complete lack of an accusatory tone.
i don't think it would be creating drama to talk to the other parents, so long as you're careful to keep it positive, and just feel them out. and it may well have a lot more impact to approach her as a group. just remember to keep your comments centered on *your* kids, not saying anything about *hers*, lest it come off as an attack.
but if she really can't see this, i question her brilliance as a teacher. would another child be permitted to be this disruptive? would it be that terrible if yours learned a different violin method?
i had a riding instructor for my boys and me for a couple of years. we all loved him, but oh, what a talker and a gossip he was! i can't tell you how many lesson i paid for which were taken up with me or my kids riding in circles while he told endless funny stories. i finally worked up the gumption to address it, and while he outwardly took it well, it sort of petered out from that point on. but at some point you have to decide how much you're willing to keep shelling out for less-than-focused instruction.
khairete
S.
It sounds like the only solution is for you to talk to her. It is possible she will say she has been thinking he needs to be removed from the class...with all hopes.
It seems you will have to get to the point and mention how much John loves the class, but it seems she is having a difficult time teaching both the class and her son at the same time. If she says, "Oh no not all at all", you have to stay on task and let her know you are concerned about the attention your son is getting.
Hopefully it goes over well.
I think you can handle this two ways:
1) Tell Teacher "I see your son is disrupting your teaching time, can I help distract him from the session. Maybe I can take him outside to play, play a game with him, etc." I know she is encouraging her son to be part of the group, but play dumb to that just to show her he is a distraction and you, the parent, notice .
OR (probably the option I would choose)
2) Tell Teacher: "My son is really distracted when your son is playing different songs and asking for help, is there another option for your son"
Inform the teacher you are PAYING for the privledge of your son being there. Tell her you expect get yor moneys worth. Her son is disruptive and doesn't want to be there.
just wanted to clarify, are you present during this or are you relying on your child's say so? and if you are present is that typical and encouraged by the teacher?
I would be tempted to interrupt her and stop the entired lesson the next time her son disrupts, but that might be embarrassing if there are other parents there.
so like others have said, next lesson say I have an issue I would like to talk to you about privately after our next class the coming week would that be possible or may I call you on Thursday? then say you have noticed that the group seems to all be at similar ability levels and you really like that they are playing actual songs, woud it be possible for your son to join for the second half of class since being there for all of it is so disruptive, thanks bye. maybe someone can phrase it better.
I would be inclined to gather another group of moms too but it isn't the most mature thing to do.
How hard is it for her to give private lessons to her son?
You are a paying customer and you are paying her to spend lesson time with YOUR child not hers.
We've never done Suzuki. When I looked into it, I was shocked at how expensive it was! With kids who are preliterate, I can see it, but your son is old enough to start reading music in private lessons. That's what I would be doing - switching my child to private lessons.
Drop the group lesson. Tell her you just don't have time for it. If she presses you tell her that lessons are important to you and your time is precious. If she insists on her son being in the class then you must cut that portion out.
