My son who turned 3 last month says, "I don't like you!" When he says that to a family member, like my husband, my daughter, and me, it's in response to something we did/didnt't do and my husband and I just respond, "but we still love you!" or something similar. After all, he's only 3 and he's just being honest with what he's feeling. I want to create an environment where my kids feel free to share all their emotions, whether it's positive or negative.
But how do I deal with this when he says this to another child? I've been on several play dates recently where if the other child didn't share with him or was a bit rough with him or touched him in a way he didn't like, he would say that to them. Not only does he say this, his words are usually accompanied with a gesture -- he would point at the child when he says the word "you" in "I don't like you."
Now, see - we'd say "We don't like (the behavior)" not "You".
That's how they handled it at our daycare. You don't want to say you don't like the person. So if your son doesn't like that the other child was rough with him, he could say "I don't like that you hit/shoved me".
Better yet you turn it into something like "Please don't shove me". You just model what you'd like him to say.
Building on the other replies, you might consider changing your response when he says 'I don't like you' to you or your husband. His statement really isn't about liking or disliking a person, but about what they are doing, so you can help him to start seeing the difference between those two things. Perhaps instead of saying 'But we still love you,' you might start saying 'Do you mean that you don't like that we need to stop playing outside and go in now?" He might still feel mad at you/him because he isn't getting what he wants right then, and so perhaps he will insist that he doesn't like you, however you can start building the habit for him of thinking in terms of people's behavior rather than the person him/herself.
I also liked Tadpole's suggestion for dealing with the other child not being as cooperative, sharing, etc. Redirecting the activity is a great way of getting past a possible conflict without letting the guest child run roughshod over your son.
validate why they are not liking the child, then redirect them. example. you don't like little suzie because she will not share her toy, but we are still friends, so lets just put the unshared toy down and go play ring around the rosey.
he's learning that words can hurt.
You tell him that while he may not like you right now? You love him.
there will be a time that comes that you will not like what he's done, but you are still going to love him.
When he says it to another child? You can tell him that not liking people for not sharing isn't always the right thing to say. You can tell him that he can tell the other child, I'm sad you won't share with me.
Exactly what Margie said.
It's ok to express yourself and your dislikes, it's not ok to be rude!
why do you have to do anything?
3 year olds speak their minds to each other. it's a good thing.
if the other kid was rough with him, all the more reason for him to use his words, honestly and appropriately.
they're not using fists. leave it alone.
khairete
S.
