How to Handle House Guests Who Don't Diaper Their Baby?

Wait! I just saw her and her kids online. Someone took a pic of them at the table sitting on potties with no diapers.

It's official, I've heard it all now. Truly - are people THAT dumb? No, thank you, I don't want e-coli all over my house - please put a diaper on that kid.

Totally not normal and very inconsiderate on her part. I would tell her she needs to put a diaper on her baby. I couldn't imagine just letting my baby wonder around peeing and pooping on everything especially at someone else house.

Your house, your rules.
Perhaps a speech along the lines of "In my house, no one is allowed to urinate or defecate on the floor or the furniture. For this reason, babies who don't yet know how to eliminate into the toilet every time are required to wear diapers or training pants, just as puppies who don't yet know how to eliminate on the grass every time are required to be crated. Now if you would prefer to crate the baby, that is also an option."

Honestly, your friend sounds like a bit of a whack job.

Why are her feelings so hurt by being told that she needs to have her child in a diaper? Why is SHE getting angry because someone is not okay with her child peeing and pooping all over their house and yard? What makes her think that somehow this should be allowed and is acceptable? Does she really think that the world revolves around her and her kid and he should just be allowed to poop and pee wherever he happens to be?

It might not bode well for your friendship, but I don't think I could handle being friends with someone who has such a blatant disregard for someone elses home - you are doing them a huge favor by letting them stay there and this is how they pay you back? It may not be what you would do, but I would have had a very hard time not saying something the first week. Something along the lines of, "Ya know, I know you think you are potty training him, but this isn't potty training. He can't really communicate to you when he needs to go, and he is not getting there on his own, so really, he is not potty trained. And since he is not potty trained, I am asking you to please put him in some diapers for the last 2 weeks you guys are here. Honestly, I am getting really grossed out by all the pee and poop that has ended up where it does not belong. It is unsanitary and I can't put up with it any longer."

They don't like it? Let them find someplace else to stay for the last 2 weeks before they are in their own place. Let them stay in a hotel room and have their kid poop and pee all over the floor there. Then when they are moved in to their new home, the kid can ruin all the carpets and floors there. If you remain friends with them, it will be interesting to see what other child-rearing philosophies they come up with that fly in the face of common sense and society's expectations.

Not only is this not normal potty training behavior, this is the most bizarre situation I have ever heard of. When she told you her child was potty trained I could see you thinking no diapers sounded like common sense. But this child isn't potty trained. Every slot machine hits the jackpot at one point or another and that's about what this potty training is like. Dumb luck and good timing.

The first time the kid crapped the floor I would have gone and gotten the Huggies myself.

Tell her. It's unsanitary. You are pregnant.

what incredibly inconsiderate 'friends'. it's great to potty train without diapers IF you are willing to shadow your kid all the time (very much like house-training a puppy) AND are not in someone else's home.
i'm afraid i'd have to be very firm with this situation, even if you are down to 2 weeks. a lot of peeing and pooping can take place in your home and your bed (your BED???????!!!!!) in two weeks.
'prunella, i appreciate your desire to work with poindexter on his toilet training in the way you think best. but i'm afraid it's not appropriate for your stay in our home. while you're here, he may not poop or pee on our floors, our beds or our grass. i appreciate your cooperation.'
and let her get as hurt and angry as she wants.
there's obviously a reason that this woman's own mother isn't housing them at the moment.......
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khairete
S.

I have a friend that did early elimination training. Her child still wore cloth diapers. The onus is on the parent to recognize biological cues and handle it until on behalf of the the child until he is old enough to handle it. What your friend is doing is being ignorant and lazy.

It is not normal, and it particularly rude and obnoxious to expect others to deal with it. I'm also amazed that after hearing the scenario with her mother, you didn't handle this business right away. I have no good advice for you, except that you need to consider why you're friends with someone this obnoxious in the first place.

So: They are close enough as friends for you to invite them to LIVE with you -- not just visit a while, but live in your home for six weeks -- yet they are not close enough as friends that you can be frank with them about this situation?

Then they are not really friends, are they?

This behavior is not just abnormal for potty training; it's abnormal for friendship.

If she is hurt and angry at a supposedly close friend -- again! Close enough that you are giving up your privacy to them for six full weeks, geez! -- who tells her she needs to do this one small thing -- then is she worth hanging onto as a friend?

I would long ago have put a diaper on him myself. No waiting for her or dad to do it. Your bed, where you sleep, has been soiled with feces. She would probably throw a fit if a cat or dog pooped in her bed. Why is it different if her child poops in yours? You're pregnant and don't need to be exposed to feces around your house any time, any place. Tell her that: My doctor says I can't be exposed to cleaning up fecal matter like this. Period.

Just have to add my 2 cents...
NO. It is NOT normal potty training! Not at all. Not even close!

In no time at all you will be dealing with diapers for your own baby, and then onward to potty training eventually. And then, you will realize just how far out there your friend is, and what a SAINT you have been. I would have said something within a DAY of him peeing/pooping in random places throughout my HOME and my YARD. Geez Louise!

I thoroughly agree with DVMMOM's assessment: She sounds like a real whack job. Where in the WORLD did this woman come up with the notion that what she is doing is potty training??? Maybe you can broach the subject with her from that angle....
"So Jenny, I have been thinking ahead to when "I" will be potty training my baby one day. And it got me wondering, since what you are doing is not what I thought and have read potty training consists of, where did you get this method from?"
Maybe she totally misunderstood something she half read, or maybe she heard something from another mom with half-baked ideas about parenting.

Regardless of the answer, I would put a stop to it while they are in your home. It is totally disrespectful for her to knowingly allow her toddler to pee/poop all over your house like that. And your yard?!
I would have been mortified if my (traditionally potty trained) child had peed or pooped on a friend's carpet, or sofa, or dare I even say their BED?? But to change nothing about her practices afterward?? She's got a screw loose.

ETA:
And by the way... almost ANY person can tell you that trying to potty train a child during a period of stress or adjustment (like saaaaayyyyy.... living in someone else's home for 6 weeks planning to move again) has just about a ZERO percent chance of being successful during that time. It is best to wait until things stabilize---in their own home.

.

What the...WHAT??

Sure, it's a kid's normal reaction to go willy nilly, with no diaper on. If they aren't potty trained!! What's NOT normal is your friend's weirdness about it. I'd tell her you need the kid to wear diapers, because he is defecating in your HOME. I would not just wait it out two weeks, if it were me. I wouldn't want a child urinating and crapping allover my house for 2 hours, let alone two weeks. Getting angry, my goodness.

A FRIEND would not disrespect your property and home so much. A FRIEND would be humiliated and apologetic, if their kid took a dump on your BED. I would be distancing myself from the lady, big time.

This "potty training method" is called elimination communication. Instead of ever using diapers you teach your child to recognize when it's time to pee, you look for their personal signals, and you both make a joint effort to get to the potty on time. It's a VERY involved form of potty training (most people who do this never diaper. ever). When they are very little they have no knowledge of it (obviously)... but most EC babies will be fully potty trained by 18 months....
This is a legitimate form of parenting and I respect it--- however we tried it for 2 days and I discovered I just don't have the patience or attentiveness. And it grossed me out.
I have to say that when you are staying at someone's house--- that is an entirely different situation.
You SHOULD be frustrated/annoyed and honestly I would ask that the parents put cloth diapers between the undies and the baby.... and maybe a leak proof cover on top. They don't have to abandon their EC plan for this... they just need to be considerate of you and your home... It's so nice of you to let them stay! I feel like it's somewhat like bringing your un-house trained dog to someone's house and expecting them not to care when the dog poops everywhere..... People know not to do that. They should know better than to let their child pee all over your house (and your bed! Gross!!!)
I would bring it up and politely suggest cloth diapers, stat!

Is this normal? Yeah, for zoo animals! You need to put your foot down and set the rules considering it's YOUR house! Diaper that kid NOW!!!!

You could possibly pick up bacteria from that kids' poop and pee that could harm your unborn child!!! I saw a documentary once that a man died because of bacteria that was in his daughter's poop!!! Seriously!! It's rare but it does happen!

Those parents need some counseling!!! And why doesn't an 18 month old have a vocabulary? Sounds odd to me!

Good luck!!

Not normal, not even reasonable. Sure a lot of us try to potty train over the summer because you can let them run around without bottoms on. Thing is one, that is our home, two you do it so the kid can get to the toilet quicker not so they can just go where they please.

She told you about her mom to manipulate you. It is on the same line as everyone is mean to me about robbing banks I am so glad you are different. She would know damn well you are not different but by saying that you will let her get by with it.

Here is the rub, she is probably broke. When she was planning the move financially the child had to be out of diapers so she is convincing herself that he doesn't need them. When people are lying to themselves nothing ever works out well.

I would bet my bottom dollar when she moves into her new home she will put diapers on him but claim the weather is getting colder.

This is absolutely disgusting and intolerable - period. The child belongs in diapers as this child is not of potty training age. Please tell your friend that HER choice to not diaper her child is for HER home, but not yours and bill her for the items that need to be properly cleaned. In addition show her the dangers of human feces. EWWWW.

To bad id her feelings get hurt. Put the diapers on or leave.

Excuse me? No, this is not normal potty training behavior......

This is extreme rudeness for them to expect you to put up with pee and poo everywhere.

Being potty trained means ALSO being able to either know to go into the bathroom or use the potty chair, or being able to consistently tell someone so they can help you use the toilet/potty chair.

They're just being lazy....

Unfortunately, you've put up with this for so long, it will be hard to tell them that the "rules" have changed. This should have been addressed the first time you saw it happening.

I hate to say it, but so what if it hurts her feelings if you tell her to either keep him in diapers or find another place to live... are they really that great of friends that they are putting you through this?

Seriously? This is not normal potty training behavior. I would be mortified if I let my son or daughter poop and pee all over my "friend"'s floor. Hell, I'd be mortified if my dog did it.

The child is not old enough to be potty trained, the parents just know the signs that the kid is going to go and run him to the toilet. Clearly the child doesnt care since you said he takes no notice of it.

I don't understand how you have allowed this to go on for so long. They seem like the treat their kid like a dog, letting him poop outside???? I don't have any advice, if they were real friends, they would put a diaper on their kid while they were in someone elses house. Either you tell them that, or live with it for another few weeks. It's your carpet.

She is living with you and should have the decency to put a diaper on that baby! Tell her now that she needs to diaper while he is in your home. She also needs to go around the yard and pick up his poop--thats gross. Set your boundary or they will continue to walk all over you.

You are being exceptionally patient. I think I would have sent them to a hotel by now (not that any hotel would take them). At any time that would gross me out and cause health/sanitation concerns, but especially when pregnant. I think it would have made me sick to my stomach and concerned me that I would be exposed to something. Can you use your pregnancy as a concern if you talk to them about this?

"I don't want humans pee and poop on my floor, in my bed, or in my yard. I know it's important to you to keep Billy out of diapers and I respect your decision. If there is another solution besides diapering, great. Otherwise, he's got to wear diapers while you are staying here because I can't hang with him peeing and pooping on the floor, in my bed, and in our yard."

ETA: That's a really good point, Victoria. Potty training regression is normal for children who are ALREADY completely potty trained, during periods of transition.

Also, being able to recognize and control urine and fecal movements is a neurological development. Not something that we can actually train or rush.

Wait, what? WHAT?! This is completely unacceptable. What kind of people ARE these? You DO NOT allow your child to urinate and defecate all over someone else's home. ESPECIALLY someone who is kind enough to let you LIVE there temporarily. Absolutely unacceptable and by now I would have put down an ultimatum. SHE had hurt feelings when she was asked to diaper her baby? What about YOUR feelings when you have pee and poop all over your house? I can't even believe the nerve of that couple! Demand that diaper or kick them out. This is so far beyond normal that I question why you would even want to be friends with people who act like this. Totally, totally disgusting and unacceptable.

Not normal.
Buy a nice pack Of PullUps for her and lay it down!

Its not normal potty training behavior, they are taking advantage of your good will.
Tell them to diaper the kid till they move.

Not normal at all! It seems like your friend thinks she is doing Elimination Communication, key word "THINKS". Your friend isn't doing it right and she is very, very, very inconsiderate of other people! Parents who practice EC don't let their kids pee and poop all over the house and yard, they actually pay attention to the signs and the child goes in the toilet consistently.

Stop worrying about being nice about it and put your foot down! I would kick them out in a heartbeat! As long as they are in your house, they diaper! Too bad about her "hurt feelings". Good grief, she is so clueless!

My heart goes out to you! You are a saint (or crazy) to let this go on for a month!

Buy a pack of pull ups and tell her you are compromising since you realize she's trying to potty train. You heard they are only for big boys not like baby diapers at all. For your sanity and hers. The first pack is a gift but he needs to wear something...big boys do not wear nothing...she needs to teach him about privacy.

Seriously, this is totally weird & abnormal, and just plain RUDE, to let your clearly NOT potty trained child pee & poo all over your host's house. There is no excuse for it, other than either complete insanity, ignorance, selfishness, or denial.

I would not be sitting idly by in MY house while I did someone else a favor & watch their kid ruin my things.

Is she really your "friend"? You seem scared to say something to her, which must mean that you're not as close or as good of friends as you think you are. You should be able to be honest with her. I can't see how she would be upset over this, honestly. And, if she is, then I think she has a bit of a character flaw & may be a little bit drama queen-ish.

To answer your question, the very last sentence in your post... NO! This isn't remotely related to potty training on any level. Gross.
I'm sorry that you're having to deal with it. It's time for a sit down, two weeks left or not.

I would be telling, not asking her to diaper her kid. Saying something along the lines of "if you don't diaper your kid, find a new place to sleep tonight."

Wow, this is just terribly unclean! An 18 month old baby is not ready to potty train (especially a boy).

At the BARE minimum they should be putting him in training underpants to at least contain his solid waste. I'd buy a pack for him and say, "Here, I got these for Little Joey so there's no more poop all over the house." A good friend will respect your home and not be unrealistic.

As Lua suggested, this is "EC" or Elimination Communication.

Whether or not (and this really is NOT the point) this is a 'legitimate' method of potty training, she is a guest in your home and should have the common sense to minimize the stress she puts on you and your significant other.

(I personally feel that waiting until a child is able to communicate their needs is a very important marker of readiness for teaching toileting to a child.)

Sometimes, too, we have to change our habits and preferences when we are depending upon the goodwill, graciousness and kindness of others. I think it was rather manipulative for your friend to complain about her mom's rules and stay with you. Seriously.... she's staying with family and complaining about having to be a reasonable adult, complying with a reasonable request?

What would have been more thoughtful was "You know, my mom wanted Little Guy to wear diapers at her place. What would you prefer?" This would have been the mature approach many of us would take when doing something which might predictably upset/impact others. Just as I used to ask my more modest extended family members when I visited for the day "Is there a private place where I could nurse Kiddo?" It's about being considerate and respectful of their preferences.

Do not feel badly about asking your friend to keep a diaper on her son, M.. This is an extremely reasonable request.

Diaper him or move out!!!

Let them try something like this at a shelter. It wouldn't fly there and it shouldn't fly in your home.

Umm that's gross, and unsanitary and your "friends" should be ashamed of themselves.

REMEMBER this is YOUR house, you have to live in it, and you shouldn't have to cave to the way THEY want to live because you are doing them a huge favor by letting them stay with you.

Sounds like to me that she just doesn't want to deal with diapers, true potty training or cleaning up his mess. She's lazy, and if they're "trying" to do this new way of potty training, she needs to be on top of him all day long, every day looking for signs and cues, not just letting him go in your house and yard. That's ridiculous!

Shame on her for coming into your home expecting that this kind of behavior is ok. Shame on you for allowing it, especially since you know it's not right. Stand up for yourself, and if she gets mad, the friendship wasn't meant to be.

It is your home, if you want him diapered you have every right to ask for it. What they are doing is called elimination communication, but it is the parents who are trained to watch for cues baby needs to go, the baby is not trained in anything at all. Since the parents clearly miss cues on a regular basis, asking them to diaper is not at all unreasonable.

I would tell her that you are speaking to her as a good friend, but her child seems to be having a potty training setback, and unfortunately your carpets and bed are taking the brunt of it. You are pregnant and cannot keep cleaning your carpets (frankly, she should be doing that). The fact that she said her mom hurt her feelings makes me wonder if she just wants him to be a special snowflake and can't accept that he's an 18 month old BABY who is not ready to use the toilet. I would tell her to put him in pull ups or similar for the duration of the visit, as a compromise. They are absorbent like diapers but can be pulled down like underwear. If she gets upset, she can stay elsewhere.

My DD was much older when I trained her and has occasional accidents, but that is MY child in MY home. I think that her insistence on having him in leaky undergarments is selfish and rude. If I am a guest in someone's home, I try to accommodate THEM for accommodating me. I would have flipped out if someone's kid pooped on my bed and eliminated in my yard like a dog. Even a good friend. ...or is she a "good" friend if she doesn't respect you enough to put a diaper on her kid? Do not let her guilt you into having a stinky home and yard for months to come after this visit. She's holding you emotionally hostage if you are afraid to say, "You need to diaper your kid." Her own MOTHER sees there is a problem here.

If she flounces off angrily when you tell her he needs pull ups or a diaper, then she's not a friend but a moocher.

Hurt Her Feelings?! Well too bad! She is staying with OTHER people to help her get her life on track. So, she should be asking YOU what YOU need, not the other way around. This story almost seems unreal. I cannot believe people act this way, or that you would put up with it. I really hope you stand up for yourself in your own home. Where is your husband and the other people who live in your home during all of this!? My husband would have gone through the roof by now!

wow, that poor baby is not potty trained and nowhere near it either; your friend is more focused on bragging about potty training her son early than seeing the obvious, her child is obviously NOT ready to start potty training yet.

In regards to how and what to tell her, I can't put it much better than Manda F.'s post. I would def talk to your friend if I were you, this is not ok.

No this is not normal potty training behavior. Mom needs to be watching him and taking him to the toilet regularly and at the first sign of needing to go. It is common to let a baby go without diapers for short periods of time during which someone watches him so that there are very few messes but not go diaperless all of the time.

Perhaps if you approach the mom from the view point that he's making messes that are need to be cleaned up and ask her how to deal with them she would be more amenable to making a change. Instead of telling her to diaper the baby, tell her what the problem is and ask her to work with you in resolving.

This is not normal. If they cannot respect your request and diaper their child - who is most certainly NOT trained because he is not going in to pee on his own - then they can stay at a hotel. They are not friends.

You could just print out this question and all the answers you have received and casually lay it where you know she will see it. Considering that EVERY SINGLE PERSON ON HERE has said that this is not right, maybe she will rethink the situation?

Obviously, you are a good friend. You are letting your friend live in your home for six weeks. I have friends I love dearly, but could not imagine opening my home to them for six weeks. I understand that you don't want to upset your friend. If they are really anti diapers, they can get the reuseable plastic pants to put over some underwear and keep your floor clean. I'd probably wait until the next accident and simply tell her, "I know you were upset with your mother about this. And I have been trying to do this your way. But I can't take the accidents all over the floor and furniture any longer. Please put a diaper, pull up or plastic cover on him while he is here. I know this is your way, but it's really grossing me out right now."

Not normal at all and destructive to your home. I would sit her down and let her know that while she may think he child is potty trained he is not. In adidtion, you are preggers and the stress of pee and poop all over is not healthy for you. Ask her to diaper her kid. If she gets upset, thats on her. This is YOUR home not hers.

I would tell her that this is your home, and since you are gracious enough to allow them to stay with you for 6 weeks, they should be respectful of your home. I doubt she would allow other people to pee and poop in her home, on her bed, and in her yard.

Also, 18 months is too early to potty train a boy. Most boys train around 3 years old. A few might train this early, but if he does not have the vocabulary to say that he needs to go, and if he just nonchalantly goes whenever and wherever he is, then he is not ready for potty training period.

This is not normal potty training behavior. I would not be afraid of hurting her feelings, I would also complain piteously and frequently about the messes her kid makes until she does something about it or moves out. Whichever would come first. I would also get a little corral and line it with newspapers like you would do for a new puppy in preparation for step two.

If passive aggressive step one didn't work, I'd sit her down and tell her MY HOUSE MY RULES! Poop and pee on my floor, bed, couch or anything I own will not fly in this house. Diaper your kid or I'll put him in the corral like a puppy.

She's attempting Elimination Communication (EC) and failing miserably. You can prohibit this behavior altogether or you can get a book on it and attempt to show her where she's going wrong. EC kids do NOT pee and poop everywhere. It's your house, your rules. I know it's hard to confront someone about things like child rearing practices, and EC is GREAT when done properly, but she is taking advantage of your good nature and is wholly ignorant on the entire concept of EC.

Good luck.

Well, every 15 minutes they need to be putting her on the toilet to "catch" her. If they were in their own place, that's one thing. But it's really selfish of them to let their child use a friend's house as their potty.

No, this is not normal training behavior. It's unnecessary, unsanitary, and is not really "training".

I'd put towels down every where to help, and grit your teeth waiting out the two weeks.

Please study up on real potty training. You'll need it!

Dawn

NOT normal potty training behavior. In fact most children are not able to be potty trained at this age, although a few can. Sound llike she just doesn't want to pay for more cloth diapers or pull ups. Perhaps she doesn't want to do more laundry. Pehaps she wants to feel her child Is perfect. Regardless, this is very rude. How would she feel if her dog kept pooping in your house and on your bed? Probably not ok. Why should it be ok for a child? The child is clearly not potty trained and she should not start the training process while in someone elses house when she know she will be moving soon. Eliminating in the yard is NOT potty training. In fact I had to distinguish for my children that if there is a potty available, we use it instead of the yard. Only for emergency peeing (when there is not potty available) do we go outside. Other wise children would pee in parking lot bushes, other people's yards, garden centers - anywhere outside! Good for you to stand up for yourself and your house by asking her to keep her child diapered. Kudos!

Oh. My. Goodness. This poor child is nowhere NEAR being potty trained. My daughter will be 3 in November, knows when she has to go, and we've been working very hard together to get to the potty for at least the poopy end of things. Their son is NOT potty trained, this is NOT normal sequence of potty training, and their son is obviously not ready for potty training. Peeing and pooping on your floor and in your yard with no real reaction = diapers or a WAY more attentive EC parent! Even dogs who are house broken don't pee and poop on the floor; they indicate that they need to go out!! And if he's not able to communicate the need to go, then they aren't practicing EC either.

I was MORTIFIED when my son pooped on my mom's living room floor!!! He was a little over 2, and we had just gotten out of the bathtub and evidently didn't get his diaper on fast enough (or the potty to him fast enough!). My family laughs about it to this day, and every time it's mentioned, I still feel the face-flaming, stomach-churning mortification I felt when it happened.

I'm glad to see that you finally said something to her because it's not just a "being inconsiderate" or hurting someone's feelings issue. It's also a safety issues, especially for a pregnant woman. And to poop in your BED? *shudder* I understand accidents, having a 5.5yo son and 2.5yo daughter, but accidents by definition happen rarely and are remorseful.