Hi moms! I have a 13 months old boy. My husband works full time. I work a few times a month and am taking online classes for graduate school. My mom helps us to watch our son M-Thur. so that I can study. I recently noticed that my boy who is usually sweet and funny is "acting out." That usually happens when a) I am taking something away from him that he is not supposed to have (something he finds at home or outside and want to put in his mouth); b) I am trying to prevent him from hurting himself when we are outside by not letting him run on the street or climb up the slide etc; c) I don't wan to carry him (he can walk pretty well himself). He screams, fusses, throws himself on the ground, and even tried to bite me a few times (in his defense I think he is getting his top 4 teeth at the same time). Also, it's usually the worst with me and not as bad with my mom and husband. I don't want to give in and let him do whatever he wants because it's not safe. But I am also embarassed he acts like that in public. He also doen't talk yet and I am honestly not sure how much he understands (we speak two languages to him). I thought tamper tantrums were not supposed to start till they are two. Does nayone has any advice how to handle them? Thank you!
He's 13 months. Put him in a stroller when you walk. Put him in a playpen when you can't be on the floor with him. Baby proof the area he can get to. He may need his nap times adjusted.
He can't communicate his frustration any other way, mom. So you have to redirect, redirect, redirect. And don't let him bite or hit you. You grab his hands very quickly and hold them firmly and don't let go. He'll fight you. Still, don't let go. Say to him "Hands are for helping, not hurting." Say it every single time. As he grows, he will start understanding that. You also need to put him in a pack 'n play when he has a tantrum and walk away from him. Give him no attention while he's tantruming. The pack 'n play keeps him safe so that he doesn't hurt himself. And it affords you the opportunity to walk away so that he learns that he doesn't get attention, and he doesn't get what he wants.
Read, talk and sing a lot to him. As he learns to talk, it will help. One thing that daycares say to their kiddos is "Use your words" to help them understand to say what they feel instead of hitting. So you should do the same thing. And mom, it takes saying things like "Use your words" and "Hands are for helping, not hurting" hundreds and hundreds of times.
He's still a baby. But you have to train him and this is how you do it.
Distraction.. When he has something in his hands he is not supposed to have, you grab something interesting that he CAN play with or look at and say "Trade please", then swap items. Example, A plastic bowl with a lid on it, can be traded. Even better, if something is inside this plastic bowl with the cover on it. A plastic spatula, a bucket with something that is making a rattling sound.. A funny hat..
Trade a box for the dangerous item.. You get the idea.. Of course also baby proof your house as much as you are comfortable with so you do not have to worry so much.
The running in the street, we used to say, "Red light", pick up our daughter turn her around and have her run back to where she started.
Or pick her up and swing her around in a playful way saying, "Red light".. Or turn her upside down and point to a flower, a chair.. etc..
Their attention span at this age is 1 to 2 minutes at the most. So distraction is way easier at this age, than it will ever be again.
When you're outside put him in a stroller and strap him in. The fit he throws will tire him out and he'll fall asleep. You'll be able to go for a walk and enjoy the quiet. He'll get some rest and hopefully learn he has to do what you say.
It's quite simple to pick him up and remove him from the situation he's in when he's not doing what you want. Picking him up and sitting him on your lap is very effective when he's in need of time away from an activity where he's not able to be calm and happy.
I hope you find the way to figure him out. If you don't it will only get worse.
If he's tired and/or hungry tantrums will happen.
Don't take him out when he's tired or hungry.
Walking is exhausting for them for the first year or so.
When he gets tired pick him up or put him in a stroller/wagon/shopping cart.
I use to put our son up on my shoulders.
Once he was about 4 yrs old I could give him piggy back rides.
It's good load bearing weight lifting to strengthen your bones.
I could carry him one way or another for a short while till he was about 65 lbs.
When he's 2 yrs old walking will be much easier for him and by 3 or so he'll be running so fast you won't be able to catch him (you might need a leash).
Believe me, you're going to miss being able to pick him up once he's too big for it anymore.
Tantrums in public are going to be a fact of life for you for the next few years (till he's almost 4).
Make sure he's well rested and fed before outings - that really takes care of most of it.
For the times when a meltdown does happen, pick him up (especially if he's in a dangerous place like a parking lot or road), and take him to the car if you are out or his room if you're home.
If you must run errands then get a baby sitter so he can be home and comfortable and you can run them in peace.
My 1st sons tantrums started at the same age. We distracted, used the stroller, ignored etc. For hitting and such I would hold his hands and look into his eyes and say "no hitting". It's going to get worse before it gets better I'm sorry to say. :)
Yes it's embarrassing but all the other moms have been there too. I always kind of chuckle when they are that young and throwing a tantrum (it's pretty funny when your not in the thick of it). When they are 3 and trying to pull the same stunts is when it really sucks.
ADD: re the walking thing - stroller. Seriously, how tall are you? How old are you? How tall is he and how long are his legs? YOUR experience of "how hard" walking is doesn't come close to HIS experience.
Please put yourself in his place regarding when he is upset. Some parents get so mad at their kids when the kids are upset and if they just stopped for a minute and looked at things from the KID's perspective, they would have an easier time fixing things and stopping tantrums before they even start.
ORIGINAL: So far the moms are giving great ideas. MANY tantrums are from not being able to communicate. He's learning that he's not you, and that he wants to do things that he wants to do - totally normal but a bit of a surprise :)
Find some books at the library or book store on Baby Sign Language - it's basic, but just a few signs can make everyone happy. When he can communicate what he wants/needs without crying, it may help a lot.
Love and Logic is wonderful - get some books on this. It will help a LOT as he gets more language. It's discipline based on choices and natural consequences. Takes a bit more work, but it's worth it.
And TALK to him about everything you do, and about what/why he's not supposed to do some thing. - not in huge sentences, but put words to what you do and why. My son is a HUGELY logical kid. Even when he was young, I told him "don't do X because Y will happen" - you want him to understand how things work, cause and effect, why he should do what you ask and what will happen. "Because I said so" should be used SPARINGLY, because it's a throw-away phrase and it teaches nothing. You want him to do what you say, but how much better is it if he does what you say understands why?
Good God he is 13 months old! He cannot communicate and gets frustrated.. Choose your battles. When out put him in stroller.
