How to Handle Fears in a 3 Year Old.

My son did this, and I let him know that it's completely normal, and won't last forever, and we got him a little fishtank with a dim light in it(and fish)-also helps him find his way to the bathroom at night, he was peeing on his garbage can, half asleep and confused. But I think the fisjtank was a birthday gift, or some occasion, and it is work, but it really helped

A few thoughts:

Lots of kids go through a fear of the dark. If you let your daughter know it's common and kids all around the world survive it every night without harm until they get over it, she may feel less alone at night.

If you empathize with your daughter, neither telling her she shouldn't have the fear, nor trying to convince her that there is nothing to fear, she's more likely going to deal with it better. If you insist there's nothing in the dark shadows, and she knows there is, then her trust in your good judgement may be weakened. (It's fine to tell her that you trust her to get over the fear when she's ready.)

A night light is no more likely to feed the fear than any other device, like Monster Spray or soothing music. Anything that can give her a sense of control is likely to help, and she'll probably only need it for a couple of months before this phase passes. Since a light is a solution that she finds appealing, a night light, or a flashlight beside her bed, might help her feel calm and in control. (When my grandson was struck with fear of the dark, the green eye of the baby monitor became a monster eye watching him, and he didn't want it on.)

She might appreciate it if you sit with her during the day and write down all the ideas the two of you can come up with to help her cope with her fear. Night light, check. Monster Spray, check (plain water in a spray bottle with a fancy label will work). Sleep with mom, check (This is only a brainstorming list – just write it down IF she says it, and eliminate it from the final lineup.) Mom sleeps with me, check. Blanket tent, check. Fierce, protective stuffed animal, check. Prayer or blessing before bed, check. And so forth, check.

Then go through the list and find two or three mutually agreeable solutions. Be sure at least one of them is her contribution – when kids "own" the solution, it will generally work better. Again, a nightlight is not a bad idea, and is less likely to feed her fear than requiring her to lay frightened in the dark.

Once a solution is found, she'll be able to more calmly observe that nothing is hurting her, night after night, and she'll start to relax. I clearly remember this phase around 4. My mom wanted me to be a big, brave girl and tough it out. My dear, dear Granny convinced her to let me have a flashlight – or maybe she just snuck it in to me. I probably didn't need to turn it on more than a few times the first night or two. I never caught the monster I was so certain was about to pounce. Then I was fine.

Kids, as with adults, if they have a fear, no matter how unjustified or irrational, it is still a fear for *them*. It is still very real to them.

If, for example, you are afraid of spiders, you *know* that spiders are tiny and don't run up and attack you, but when you see it, you just can't help but scream and run. The fear takes over. This is the same with kids. You know, but your reactions take over anyway. And you are an adult, not a little one who has only begun learning about life.

So, along with the other posters, I suggest you help her figure out how to be secure. Think of this as a lesson teaching a bigger concept: "I'm scared - what do I need to do to fix it?" This is a great life lesson - to take charge of your problems and find a solution. wow!

Have her try different things until she's secure in her room again. And I agree that a night light is really no different than puppies under her bed or magic spray. There are lots of different night lights now anyway. We have a night light that when you close your eyes, it's dark, but when you open them, there's plenty of 'light'. Keep looking for and trying solutions till you find one (or the phase passes). That's how you get past LOTS of issues your whole life. This is one example to teach that and since she's young, it has a chance of getting ingrained in her beliefs as well.

If she still likes Sesame Street try the Elmo Bedtime DVD, one of the characters is scared of the dark and they talk about differnt ways to get her through it. It is also of course full of lovable Sesame Street monsters, so she can see monsters aren't always scary.

Good luck!

Instead of monster spray try a magic wand that you have or make one to wave over the whole room to make it a special place just for her to sleep in and that she is safe. My kids also have a long body pillow to lean against as if I am close by. Good Luck!
J.

I gave this answer to someone else earlier today. I pay a kids music cd with the cd play set to repeat continuously in my daughters room. This may help to keep her mind occupied so that she does not think of her fears.

Perhaps leave the hall light on until she falls asleep or a bathroom light if it close to her room. Another idea is give her a small flash light that she can turn on "to check things out" if she feels scared. There is a really cute book called "The moon in my room" and it is about a child going to bed and having the same book. Any way it has a circle that lights up for a period of time and then goes off on it's own. It may help her too. You can try the monster spray just use a spray bottle of your own with only water inside, that way their is no fragrance and she may be comforted.

http://www.amazon.com/Moon-Room-Night-Light-Book/dp/15912...

My sister came up with a great idea. She took a spray bottle and filled it with water and a little almond extract so it would have a smell. Then she made a label that said "MONSTER AWAY". She gave it to her 3 yr old and told her that scary things couldn't live anywhere where the spray was used. She let her take the bottle to bed with her and told her that if she got scared of anything she could just spray some Monster Away on it and it would disappear! Knowing that she could protect herself gave her a sense of empowerment and stopped the fears. I had to jam a set of pillows between the wall and the bed for my little one at that age as "tushy protectors" so that she wouldn't have to fear something biting her in the rear-end if she slept on her side with her back to the wall! Kids are funny that way!

Both my kids did that too.
It is developmental based.
They get night time 'fears'.... and they have vivid imaginations... which we cannot 'extinguish.'

For us, we comfort our kids.
We let them talk about it.
They can sleep on the floor mattress in our room if need be.
We let them.
Its no biggie to us.
As a kid, I did that too. My parents let me in their room. It is one of my FONDEST memories, of my parents, from my childhood.
The way you comfort them, through their 'fears'... real or not... will either be a fond memory for them later, or it will be a bad memory....

If you think about it, it is moments like these & how you handle it, that make a child remember their childhood fondly or not... it did for me at least.

Even my 7 year old girl, still gets some night time fears. Its fine. She knows logically its not real, but its age based... and their emotions/imaginations are 'real' to them... despite.

Each child, will react or need different things, at times like this. See what will 'comfort' your little girl.
Even if that means sitting in her room with her, as she falls asleep. Then you can leave. I have done that too. I don't mind. It will pass....

all the best,
Susan