How to Handle Child That Is Possibly Hurting My Toddler.

I would keep them apart the next time and say that he needs to stay right with you and isn't going to play today and see if he behaves the same way.

What kind of "practice" involves a 20 month old boy and a seven year old girl? Not saying it's a bad thing but more details please :)

Don't let them near him. He can toddle near your feet and eat his snack by himself on your lap or next to you or sit in his stroller. If the girls come close, just say, "Not today girls."

And WATCH them so you can see if they do pinch him/pull his hair. How are you not catching this, especially if you suspect it going on? Are you letting them occupy/entertain him while he toddles around so you can keep your eye on your other child practicing? That's what it sounds like. Not a good idea even if they aren't hurting him. This is 100% preventable if you watch your child and not leave it up to little girls. If you do catch them, you are totally within your right to tell them to knock it off and to leave your child alone.

I have more than 10 years background in teaching. Yes, there are some children who hurt/upset other children for fun. When your child starts screaming, ignore your instincts to comfort him. Look at the older girl, full in the face. If she is doing anything other than looking terribly concerned, she is probably hurting him on purpose. If she has a look of glee, delight, or satisfaction in her eyes, she is definitely hurting him on purpose. The fact that you are watching closely and haven't caught it is a strong indication that this is deliberate. Accidents are usually a lot more obvious.

You do not have to have witnessed exactly what she did to confront her. I have found the best way to confront kids like this is a simple, clear statement "I know what you're doing. You know what you're doing. Stop."

Her most likely response will be "I'm not doing anything!" or "what did I do?" This may be delivered with wide-eyed innocence or angry defensiveness. These types of kids are usually pretty impressive liars. Don't buy it. Don't argue it. Just say very calmly. "I have noticed that my child screams in pain every time he's around you. I think you know why. If you don't know why, I think you need to go and figure it out. While you are figuring it out, you need to stay at least 3 feet away from my son. Do not touch him. Do not play with him. Do not get him snacks."

Do not engage in any further detail or discussion. If she tries to argue with you, cut her off with "I know. And you know. And if you don't know, it's your job to figure it out. I'm not going to argue with you. You need to stay at least 3 feet away from my son. This conversation is over." Walk away.

If she cries, say "I'm sorry you're sad. I'm sad too. My son is sad. it's a very sad situation."

If you end up being confronted by her parent, say in a very non-confrontational, non-accusatory manner. "Every time (girl's name) plays with (your son's name), (your son's name) ends up crying in pain. I'm not sure what's going on. But for right now, I think it best that she not play with him. Perhaps you could work with her on how to play well with toddlers and we can try again in a few months." If the parent is *not* in denial, they will know exactly what the problem is and confront her appropriately. If the parent is in denial, the parent can stay in denial and come up with any appropriate excuses they like. You are not likely to be able to break a parent out of denial and it's not your place to do so. Don't try.

Watch your child and this other child like a hawk. Hover and be ultra-protective. Regrettably, there's not much you can do about the other kid. Your job is to simply communicate that your baby is *not* a good target. Keep an eye on your purse and your older son too.

If the girl comes back and admits specific wrongdoing and truly apologizes, give her another chance under *very* close supervision. Examples:
Not a trustworthy apology:
"Sorry he was sad. Can I play with him again?" is not an apology.
Legitimate and genuine apology:
"I've been thinking. I like to keep his shirt straight. I think sometimes when I have been fixing his shirt, I've been pulling his hair. I didn't mean to hurt him and I'm really sorry. I won't try and fix his shirt anymore."

Sorry you have to deal with this. Good luck.

Don't let those little girls around your son unless he's within arm's distance of you. If he wants to walk around, you be one step behind him. No giving him snacks unless they are sitting right next to you.
You haven't seen them hurt him so you're unsure. There needs to be no question.
Tell them you're teaching him about how we keep our hands to ourselves and don't take your eyes off of them.
If they aren't doing anything and he still cries, you'll know it's something else. Maybe he doesn't like being hovered over by them.
I'm assuming you have an older child and that's who the practice is for.
Have him on your lap if you have to while you watch your other kid practice.

Best wishes.

my son used to somehow always end up hurt around his cousin. i never saw it, but i knew. his cousin was little too, and was having a really hard time at that time. so after a couple of times, i just sat down with them and didnt leave and made sure that my nephew saw i was watching. i didnt leave them alone after that, and pointedly just looked at my nephew when i said "no".... he stopped doing it after a while.... his life got better and he felt more secure and matured a bit and he is wonderful with the kids now. what im saying is that it doesnt mean this girl is horrible or doomed or whatever. i just wouldnt leave them alone. at all. and if she will be around, i would just let her know that you are watching her. you dont have to say a word.

You stay right near your 20 month old.
You tell the girls, no playing with him. He is too young and not comfortable with them.
You, keep your child near you.
The girls do not have to be allowed to play with him. You are the Mom.
They should be asking YOU if it is okay. Not the other way around.

When I wait with my son, at my Daughter's martial arts class, there are MANY other younger siblings and their Moms waiting too. But, the Moms are RIGHT there with their accompanying child. And if young, the child is kept near them. Or they have a blanket to sit on, with their child and they entertain their child themselves. If another child comes near the other child, then it is up to the Mom... IF the kids can touch/play with your child.

If you have a GUT feeling that your child is not liking the girls... then just stop it.
To a certain extent, trying not to appear rude... is just at the detriment of our own kids. Because, if we don't want another kid to play with our kid because we get a bad vibe about them, THEN YES, as the Mom you should be able to just say no. Stop it. Go away. My son doesn't like that. etc. Versus not saying anything just because we don't want to be 'rude.'

Whenever or if another kid is overcrowding or hurting or irking my kids... I SPEAK up. I don't care about being direct. You can be direct, in a calm manner. It is being diplomatic, but standing your ground and speaking up.

Just tell the girls to STOP. Your son doesn't like it and it upsets him. Don't let it.... continue.

And yes, some kids do hurt other kids. On purpose. Not all kids are nice. Some are mean.

You should NOT be afraid... of speaking up to a 7/8 year old child.
You are the Mom. You are the adult. Your child is upset and screaming and crying when these girls are around him.
Speak up to the girls.
Tell them go away, they are not allowed to play with him anymore.
He does not like it.
Problem solved.

Stay near your toddler and make sure everyone keeps their hands to themselves.
Where are the parents of these girls anyway?
It's ok and expected that we get confrontational when it comes to our kids.
Don't dance around it while your child is being hurt.
Keep your child near you and tell the girls they need to find a new playmate.
All you should do is protect your child.
You have no idea why she's hurting others.
Jealousy, attention, spite - could be any number of things.
Not your kid - not your problem.

Go with your gut, one of the little girls probably is pinching him or something. It's not really explainable as to why. I had a cousin that was mean like that. She wasnt a mean girl really, but she liked to see babies cry. Sick in a way. We talked about it not long ago, she's 50 now and has kids and grandkids, she remembers being fascinated by spanking little kids to see them cry when she was about 7 or 8.... and feels guilty now but cannot explain why she had that urge. Where's Dr Phil when you need him?

Yes, it does sound as if she may be hurting him, the same thing was happening about 6 months ago when my guy was 2 and my nephew 9.5. He would start crying for no apparent reason, but my nephew was always the one with him and had no acceptable explanation. We started watching much more closely and caught him hurting him, grrrrrrr, and though my nephew has been disciplined and my guy can now talk and tattle ; ) I don't leave him with him unattended.

You can't really confront the girl, so my advice is to put your son in his stroller, and tell the girls you prefer him to stay closer to you at practice.

I do have a suggestion...don't leave your baby to play alone with two older children that you don't know.

If it happens again, maybe you could say to them, in the same nice tone of voice that you would use with your own kids, "Are we all using nice touches?" If the little girl is hurting him, she'll feel like she's being called out. If not, she won't be alarmed and neither her parents. Just a thought.

Depending on the length of his hair, a tug hard enough to make him cry will leave a reddish mark as will a pinch. When he is with these girls and this happens move to him fast, pick him up and check him out. You don't need to say anything to them, you're his mother, he's crying, you're there. The light gentle rubbing from you will also help calm him. If there is a mark then find out who her mother is and take him to her, show her the mark and kindly request that she have a talk with her daughter. If it happens again after that you have the right to tell the girls "No" if they ask to play with him. If they ask why tell them that he's been getting hurt and you want to keep him with you.

I've seen my granddaughter and grandson when they were that age cry when they were being played with by older children. I discovered that the older children were trying to control the toddlers. My grandchildren wanted to be more independent and not have them hovering over them all the time. The older children would straighten clothes, insist that they do something such as eat this cookie or don't eat this cookie, eat this one sort of thing or insist that they stay with them instead of going off on their own. The latter was a good thing.

I modeled for the older kids how to interact with a toddler; how to give them choices and/or how to be more moderate in their control.

I don't know if that's what's happening here. Your comment about how you don't see anything reminded me of my experience.

I'd move close to them so that I could hear and see what is happening.

While avoidance would help your child in this situation, I am not entirely in favor of avoiding the situation. Granted, I do not know you, but you do not sound as though you are the accusatory type. If your instincts are telling you this is happening, then there is a good chance that this could be happening. The behavior needs to be addressed so that this girl does not continue to hurt others smaller than her; although, there is a fine line between addressing the behavior and having another set of parents pissed off at you. :)

The next time your son starts screaming and crying, I would comfort your son and *ask the girls* what happened...not in a threatening sort of way...in a "you're the big kids here, can you tell me what happened to Timmy?" sort of way. Use the time to remind them that he is a small child who they need to be extra careful with. You could also fib a little and say that you noticed a small bruise on him from last week, and if he continues to get hurt, you're going to keep him by you during practice time. See what happens...sometimes kids will do things to see what sort of reaction they can get. It needs to be addressed. Good luck!

I know you don't want to believe that a child would hurt a baby....and maybe they aren't. Regardless, your son is bothered by the girls in some way whether rational or irrational. I would just keep your younger son close to you next time and tell the girls too bad. Frankly the girls may be doing something to your kiddo or he may just see them as scary since they aren't family. Who knows.

I had a cousin who tortured me relentlessly when I was a kid. Even I couldn't explain it to my parents satisfaction but my cousin was just mean and scary to me. In front of parents, he was the golden child. My mom and aunt (his mom) STILL do not believe me about what torture he put me through, even though he has turned out to be a schmuck as an adult. I am 38 and he is 42. Still creepy. Kids can be mean and confidence is SO important. Just head it off at the pass by cutting off or fixing their interactions. Good luck

I'd actually lay money on it either being an accident or separation anxiety/not getting his way. Meaning he wants to go THIS way and and they're making him go THAT way (and he doesn't want them anymore, he wants mom, and he's pissed/hurt aaaaaaaaaiiiiiiaaah!). I've seen both more times than I can count (again, at sports practice usually). The little ones catch on quick that a sudden sharp cry will get them what they want (mom, or to go the other way, or for their roll of pudge NOT to be in the hand under their arm).

Could they be hurting him on purpose? Sure. It's just not usually what happens. Usually, it's the toddler wants mom, or an accident.