How to Give Grandmotherly Advice About Feeding?

First of all, how big was he when he was born? 20 lbs at 4 months is really big, but not if he was a 12 lb baby or something! It's really important that he goes to the doctor. Especially for his shots! I don't think some schools will let the kids in unless they've had all the shots, but I'm not sure. I would try to talk to them about why they are doing things the way that they are. Perhaps there is a rationale behind it. I totally do not agree with the bottle feeders...it can make things much more difficult in the long run. Make sure that you stress to them that you only have the best interest of the baby and them in mind. Whatever you do, don't order them or make it sound like you are questioning their parenting skills. If you do, you will surely cause a rift in the family. Good luck to you and keep us posted!

Hello! I wanted to let you know how old my youngest is and what she weighs. She is a year and a half and she weighs around 22 lbs. I def think they may be over feeding him if he is only 4 months old and weighs 20lbs. Have you tried talking to them? I used to put a little bit of cereal in my first borns bottle when she was a baby. I stopped when she started eating solids. I also was told to feed the kids 3 times a day w/ the solids. I Really didn't feed them real meals until about 6 months. They say they are just introducing foods to babies, they don't really need it because they get all there nutrients from formula. If you don't want to sound bossy, I would just talk to them and maby say you were told the info you want to tell them, or to just tell them that maby they should go to the doc just for a well check that way its a different approach from "being bossy". I hope that helps. Good luck! :)

I feel two ways about it...

I think the worst thing you can do is the wimpy passive/aggressive,"Honey have you asked the pediatrician?" type lines.

This is your grandson. He is being put at risk. Not only does bottle feeding cereal mean he is taking more than he needs - see the AAP's "Caring for Your Baby and Young Child: Birth to Age 5" link here: http://www.amazon.com/Caring-Your-Baby-Young-Child/dp/055...

...he's damaging his thyroid and the mechanism in his brain that controls hunger and tells him when to stop, thus taking more than needs, and making him obese. Additionally, it is a choking hazard. As my pediatrician explained when my husband wanted to start our infant on cereal, an infant's esophogus is about as big as a bic pen, the actual hole likened to the tip. Thus, choking is a real and serious risk. Also, as I'm sure you know (from the way you mentioned it), introducing all foods at the same time is a bad idea as #1 you won't know if he's having an allergic reaction which food is causing it, #2 he'll refuse anything but sweet (yellow vegetables, fruit cereal) if they're introduced first, #3 if he IS allergic to a food he's getting so much that it could potentially be a major reaction requiring medication and medical attention. Finally, obese babies grow into obese children - because their bodies get screwed up and if a parent doesn't have the knowledge or care enough about their kids to get the appropriate nutritional knowledge when their kids are babies, they more than likely won't as they grow into children, teenagers, etc, thus perpetuating the problem. Don't get me wrong, I love fat babies and I'm not advocating denying your grandson what he needs - I just hope you can get them to feed him more appropriately and healthfully.

As a mother, I hate it when my mom tries to tell me what to do, when she's passive aggressive about it, or even worse, if my mother in law were to try to tell me what to do.

But this is a medical issue and in their arrogance and ignorance are putting your grandson's health at risk. As you are obviously a mother with superior knowledge, I feel like it is your duty to give them the facts point blank and to do it asap. I recommend purchasing the AAP book I mentioned (you can get it on Amazon for $0.12)or getting it from the library, arming yourself with specifics, with the source material marked, and having a firm discussion with your child - be it the mother or the son of your grandson. They will tend to be more receptive...and if not, try the other one or both together.

But yeah....it's kinda something you can only say once and try to open with positive remarks on their parenting and above all else - be kind. Grandmothers can be overbearing sometimes....but also, sometimes if it's a health issue, it's called for. I guess, have the facts, be kind but firm, tread lightly, and once they have the facts, if they choose to ignore them and continue to put your grandson at risk, that's their choice as (potentially bad) parents and there is nothing you can do about it.

Obviously I feel very strongly about this. I sincerely hope I haven't offended you in any way. Good luck!

This may sound hard but this is what my councilor recommends. Don't give the advice. It's not your business. It's their mistake to make and your job is to provide unconditional love and support.

E.

Oh my I feel for you and your grandson especially. Kids today are cruel and I would hate to have him made fun of because of his parents. I do feel that feeding a child even cereal at that age is way to soon. I think we were told by our doctor to start to start him on cereal around 6 months. After a few weeks of cereal we were told we could start him on veggies only. Because if they have the choice fruit or veggies it would be fruit and that would lead into bad eating habbits in the later years. You are suppose to follow a certain chart because babies can be allergic to somethings, like starting with greens for a week and then moving to another color and so forth. Once you have done the colors of veggies you are suppose to move on to the fruit. I think that 20lbs for a 4 month old is way to big. We have a 18 month old and he is a perfect weight around 23-25lbs. We go to the doctor next week for shots and weight, etc. I can't believe that they havent taken him to the doctor either it is very important for him to have his shots. I don't think that you would be a bossy grandma when it comes to the best interest of the child I wouldn't care what they think of you. I would start taking some actions. Short story, my husband was from a family that did drugs and dranken like it was common and he mother was mean to him and his sister. She would beat them and be so drunk and do things to them and his family knew about some of it. When she would be drunk infront of the family they would see how bad his life was and no one did anything about it. My husband is fine today about it took him a long time to get where he is today. He has to be on paxil for the rest of his life and no longer talks to his mother and is still bitter towards some family members that tell him they should have done something and didn't. He has been down a ruff patch. I know that this has nothing to do with food but if he continues to eat the way he is now we could be 100 at 5. He could die at a very young age due to his weight. Its not uncommon for people to do this to thier children; it only gets worse. Watch Maury sometime when they have 80lbs 3 yr olds. Good luck!

I know this is nearly a year old but I am glad you were able to get thru to your Daughter-in-law. I had the same issue with a step-daughter and she quit letting me see my granddaughter because "she knew what was best for her daughter" My granddaughter had stomach problems all the time and their solution was to give her milacon drops several times a day. And they used that feeder bottle too. How lazy is society today that they resort to those bottles? Anyway, she came back into our life a few years later after having another little girl (two granddaughters now from this daughter) only to take them away again because of this or that. Bravo on solving your problem and I pray you still have them in your life. God Bless

I would just tell her straight up, you are putting your baby at risk. If I were doing something wrong, that serious. I would want to know. What if she doesn't know what she is doing is wrong. You need to do what is in the best interest of the child. Fast!

Okay,first off, that baby should have gone to the dr. like twice since 6 weeks. It needs to get shots and be evaluated that there is not an underlying reasin for the weight gain. Second, you have a right to make sure the baby is getting the best care possible. Tell your child that he/she needs to take the baby to the dr. or you will be forced to take matters into your own hands, by calling Child Protective Services. While the parents may truly love their child they have to understand they are not doing what is best for him/her. You have to watch out for the safety of the baby, no matter what. As far as what baby eats, let the dr know what is going on, and hope that they can talk to your child. Hope this helps.

Be very careful with this one. I think it would be okay to say something about it once, but after that, you have to let them raise their child how they see fit. I have a mother in law who always tried telling me how I should do things with my children. It finally got to the point where I said something to her and it turned into a huge blowout. We're fine now, but for about a year or so, I was gritting my teeth around her. It wasn't that I was doing things wrong, just different than how she did things, and she assumed that it her way was the better way. If she had come to me in your situation and said "You are doing a great job, but one thing I wanted to mention was being careful about introducing foods too early. From what I hear, it can cause food allergies. Also, just to save you trouble later on, try to keep up on those doctor appointments. I know they can be a nuisance because of how often they want you to go at first, but if you fall behind on some of the shots, they will have to play catch up and that's not fun for the child." Something like that, and I would've been fine about it. It's when you constantly say things about stuff that it could get ugly. My mother in law would say things like "are you sure you shouldn't be offering them milk instead of juice during their dinner?" I mean, she had no idea of how much milk I'd given them that day. It was things like that that were said over and over that built a wedge between us. I can't imagine how hard it is to see things like that when it's your own grandchild, but trust me, it's very offensive to have the grandmother critique your parenting skills. Say something once, and hope for the best.

You're right, you should lay off feeding advice. My doctor told me you can't feed an infant too much. However, he also told us to wait until 6 months to introduce cereal or anything else. We skipped cereal and sent straight to sweet potatoes. While it IS suggested that babies are breastfed exclusively until 6 months, lots of docs still recomend early cereal and foods for a variety of reasons.
There are different views on well-visit check ups. I have a friend who delivered at home with a midwife and only took her daughter (now 8.5 months) to see a doc at 2 months and hasn't been back since. Her daughter is healthy. You could offer to take him to an appointment and see where that gets you, but otherwise, there isn't much you can do. It's not unsafe not to take the baby to the doc at 1 and 2 weeks, 1,2,4,6,9 months, it's just preventitive. He's obviously gaining weight and there is little corrilation between fat babies and fat kids as long as they are feeding healthy foods.
As for shots, the jury is still out. It's a personal choice as to what shots a baby gets and don't get. People will tell you that they have to have the shots to get in to school, but that's not true. You can sign a waiver if you don't want to give your kids immunizations. (How else could Christian Scientists put their kids in school?)
Good Luck!

One note* there's no reason for a 4-month-old to use a feeder instead of a spoon. Try making thicker cereal and feeding him that way.