How to Get over My Kids Father

Get some counseling that's how you get over him. That's the only thing nice I can say. So I will leave it at that!!!!

It's not my place to judge you for being involved in the past with someone who is married. You can't help who you fell in love with. You can only move forward.

It's time to look at things like your label of a "rocky" relationship. What were your expectations? That he would leave his wife? That if only you were attractive/sexy/fascinating enough, he'd marry you or at least be loyal and involved. That might have made sense in the beginning, but after 1 child when he didn't commit to you, that should have been a clue. He has shown you who he is. Believe him. He is not going to change. The only person who can change here is you.

So, while you couldn't help who you fell in love with, you can decide to fall out of love with someone who doesn't prioritize you at all or value you. Maybe he likes sleeping with you, but then he goes home to his wife. You know about her, but does she know about you? Have you both been tested for sexually transmitted diseases? And do you both assume that he's not with a third or fourth woman? If so, why? There is nothing in this man's history to suggest that he has any interest in being faithful to one woman.

So, while he is your children's father, he's not your partner. So you need to compartmentalize him, and only rely on him where you can, knowing that you and the 3 kids are not top priority.

Coparenting is hard. That's why most people in your situation get family counseling, to learn how to put aside the feelings and dashed hopes of a relationship gone bad, and how to strictly work with the other person as a parent. Until you can deal with why admire and yearn for someone who has not, in 6 years, put you first, you can't move on. You have to get to the point where you see yourself as more valuable than he does, you'll feel hurt. You have to stop the urge to beg him to stay, and work more on the urge to get him to pay.

The first step to moving on is to forgive yourself for making a mistake.
You are holding on to the relationship to prove to yourself that it really wasn’t a mistake.

The mistake is not your children or loving someone. The mistake is allowing someone to treat you this way and calling it love. The mistake is denying to yourself that this is true.

Because to stop believing ‘that you can’t help who you fall in love with’ would require work on your part. Work to change this self destructive pattern and look at painful things about yourself that make you think it is ok to be treated this way.

It can be scary and painful to change your way of thinking but for that pain and hard work you get empowered, high self-esteem and better decision making so that you don’t become a victim to your own dysfunctional thinking.

So forgive yourself and start to move on.

I'm not sure I understand - you were married and then divorced and he remarried?

Or was he married, and you had three children with him (i.e. extramarital affair)?

Either way - he's not available and I don't think you're really in love with him (someone really does have to be emotionally available to have an actual connection with them) so much as infatuated. That's usually based more on some issue we have personally. I'd realize that the longer you're hanging on to this, the longer you're denying yourself the chance to meet someone who can really come into your life and be good for you.

You're cheating yourself out of happiness. Time to move on. Be good to yourself.

Also - be good to your kids. Right? They deserve a happy and (emotionally) healthy mom.

You had 3 children with someone you knew was married?

Did you expect him to leave his family for you? Does his other family know about you and the children? What a jerk.

You do not deserve someone who treats you like that and certainly someone who does not want in your life and will not help you with children HE helped create. You are much better than this... You CAN grow and you CAN become the role model your children NEED.

Please get some family counseling and counseling for yourself so you can move on from this jerk.

Stay away from men until you get your head straight and raise your children.

You have kids with him and co-parent with him.
What do YOU get out of this relationship?
By clinging to feelings for him - you close the door to having them for anyone else.
It's selling yourself short - and you deserve better.
He's got a wife he's made vows to - what ever happens - he goes home - to HER.
And frankly if he's willing to cheat with you - he's willing to cheat on you.
He's no prize worth winning.
I don't know - maybe if it wasn't you he'd have someone else on the side - and who knows - maybe he does.
Get some therapy - really.
I want you to get a sense of your self worth - because you don't have that right now.
Take a break from dating and being with anyone - take several years off.
You need to find out who you are when you are not in a relationship.
Don't get sad - get mad.
A man should be on his knees begging for the honor of being in your life - and he should put a ring on it.
This guy ain't him.
When you don't NEED a man is usually when a good one comes along.

I suggest you find ways to get the parenting done without voice to voice contact. Just simple quick, to the point, messages.

Don't meet up with him or take the kids where he can see them. Let him come pick them up or whatever but he stays in the car and you stay in the house. Limit your contact.

As for you and your feelings it's time to go out and get busy doing things with other people. Make friends if you don't have any. Join some organizations. Be busy and stay busy around other people. Pretty soon you'll realize you haven't thought about him in hours, then a day, then it will be easier.

This man is an abuser. Any man who is married to one woman and has an affair and children with another woman is an emotional abuser. He will promise to leave his wife and marry you or tell you she is not a good wife and it's all lies. He just wants to have an affair.

How do you get over him? Counseling. You need to get into counseling to find out why you are willing to accept this kind of relationship. YOU deserve to have a loving relationship with a man who can love you and build a life with you. Not a man who can only be there on his terms.

It's unclear if you were ever married to him or had a 6 year affair with a married man and had 3 kids with him!!! Wow that's some situation you got yourself into! And I do mean YOU. Not 1, not 2 but 3 kids with this guy??? Why??? You might be fantasizing about a life with him & your kids and driving yourself nuts in the process. I would seriously concentrate on raising your children and get over this man. You got your hands full with 3 babies!! Good luck!

I think you have to reframe what you think about him and ask yourself what you love about him.

I obviously don’t know you or him but what I do know is that he is a cheater, his wedding vows meant little/nothing to him, he was willing to bring 3 more kids into the world but not be completely devoted to their mother.

Is he at least a good provider? It seems to me that both of his families are being cheated and short changed. He certainly doesn’t sound like a catch to me.

Best of luck. I hope you see you deserve better than what this man has to offfer you.

Maybe you should reach out to his wife? After all she knows all about being in love with him and raising his kids. Maybe you guys can work together.

I'm sorry - that sucks. Personally if I was in love with someone who was married I would 1. start going to therapy to work on myself and why I respect myself so little that I love someone who will never be there for me and 2. cut him off and only deal with him briefly when it comes to things like child support and visitation. I assume he is paying child support and spending regular time with his kids, right? Don't talk to him on the phone. Don't see him. Don't let him spend time with you or come into your house. Don't meet him anywhere. Respect yourself. I hope you can find love with someone who will actually be there for you and will grow old with you and be a partner and teammate in life. You and your kids deserve someone like that.