How to Get over My Anger

Hi, i know your frustrations. We have 3 kids (8, 6 & 3) and I work from home too. It is hard to manage everything at once. It sounds like we have been having the same talks at our house. My husband doesn't have the trouble of the TV but rather the computer. Before we had kids things ran smoother and we talked about what the difference was, I worked full time at a job then. The first thing we realized is that we use to have what he called a field day (Marine Corp. talk)on Saturday morning when we would do all the cleaning (ie: vacuum, dust, bathrooms and landry). Kids are a hugh distraction of focused time. I love being home with my kids, but find that at the end of the day there are still too many things on the TO DO list (both work and family)

This is what we are putting into action as of this past weekend. #1 go back to field day cleaning (with the kids help). #2 Plan for kid distractions ("if you let me do this for 30 minutes we will play a game together") be sure to use a timer for both events. #3 Plan the TO DO list with smaller more detailed items for the 30 minute time slots (ie: make 3 phone calls or complete filing). #4 Set office hours for the home business (if you don't plan your work you won't do it).

You have received some other good advice from others also. However, some families need the at home business income so quiting may not be an option. One person said be willing to accept the job as done even if it is not how you would do it, that is sometimes hard. But is really good advice. Good luck in finding a balance that works.

If you want the wholesome, balanced life that you believe in, I think the first thing you need to do is drop the at home business. You have too much on your plate with a preteen, a toddler, and baby on the way. You were on the right track when you first started staying home. It's obvious you are needed tremendously by your family. I know some people can handle working from home and taking care of the family, but it isn't for everyone. I know I couldn't do it, and I only have a 6 year old and a 3 1/2 year old. The stress you are feeling isn't good for you being pregnant, and it isn't good for your family. Having said that, I also believe in everyone doing their part in the family. Some may not agree with my suggestion, but it is working for us. We started doing allowance with our kids. They are to help do the laundry, put their clothes away, clean their room, and clean up toys from their play area when asked. They are also to help with anything else We ask them to do. They earn $1 a week, and if they whine, complain, or don't do what we ask when we ask, and we have to do any of their responsibilities for them, we start charging them. We charge a quarter for each thing we have to do for them. This has really helped get us into working as a family for the family. They have started to see how much money they are saving in their piggy banks, and love it. I realize your little one is too young for this, but something like this may work with your daughter, and may even motivate your husband to get the family back on track again. I think you should sit with your husband when the kids are asleep and tell him you are just too drained to continue this way. You don't want the stress to hurt your unborn baby, and you need to drop the business and just be a wife and mom again. If you are doing the business for financial reasons, have a budget ready to show him when you have your talk. Figure out how you can cut back on things so you can live on his salary. Tell him that you need him to be your MAN and you would be so proud of him for taking care of you and your kids. I think if you at least drop the business and approach it this way, you and your family will be a lot happier. Good luck!

Sweetie, you need to be much easier on yourself. You may be supermom (as all moms are) but you can't do everything, nor should you be expected to. Especially as you're expecting, your stress should be minimal. You mentioned a balanced family life...I think that's a fantastic attitude to have...but it sounds like your balance-o-meter is a little off. Re-evaluate what you want and what you're able and willing to do. I'm a little old fashioned and believe that the mother's place is the "home work" and the father's place is as the "office work" or providing for the family's monetary needs, so take what I say and put it into your own beliefs. You're a good mom. You're a good wife. You're a good person. That's what really matters anyway. So...in short...quit the job :)

www.flylady.net
This website helped me tremendously in dealing with feeling like I had to do everything and my own perfectionism. I learned I had to change my own behavior before anyone else would change theirs.
Since finding this website and realizing where I was at mentally I've really changed my way of thinking about things. I hope it helps, even a little.

What's the worst thing that would happen if the laundry didn't get done? If you stay at home it probably wouldn't be you who'd have a problem. What's the worst thing that would happen if the dishes didn't get done? If you husband is like mine the minute he noticed there were no bowls or spoons for his nightly bowl of cereal he'd get the message.

The point is, if you want someone else to do a job you have to be willing not only to accept the way they do it but patiently wait for them to realize the consequences when it's not done. If your husband wants dinner and it's not done - let him raid the pantry. He'll get sick of that diet after a couple of days. You can have simple kid friendly meals ready as soon as your daughter gets home for school!

Whenever I open a kitchen cupboard and find the pots and pans in total disarray I ask myself - do I want it done the "rihgt" way (my way) or do I want someone else to do it? When I realized it was more important to me not to have to do it myself I began overlooking the way they do it.

1st of all telling your husband what you want during an argument will get you no where. What you need to do is on the weekend when you are all at home, put the baby down for a nap so there are no distractions from the baby, shut off the TV, unplug the phones or put the cell phones in another room. Just think of anything that could be a distraction and eliminate it. You, your daughter and your husband sit down and have a meeting and discuss your frustractions but in a positive way. Don't scream and yell. Explain that you need more help and write up a weekly choir list. Explain to your husband you know he is tired from a long day at work but you are tired from a long day and explain to him everything you are doing. Men do not stop and think about everything women do all day. Explain to him that you would like his help setting the table for dinner in the evening instead of heading for the tv or what ever you want from him. Write up the choir list right then while you are having the meeting and put it where everyone can see it. You can even have a place where your daughter can check off that she completed her choir each day. When I had smaller children I made my choir list with check list and they checked off their choirs and then wants all their choirs were checked off they got a treat. My kids loved books and so if they did all their choirs for the whole week then they got a new book. So you can get really original with treats. Good Luck!

Hi...You have some great advice on here! But the one I agree with the most is Rosemary's advice. It took me a long time to let go of the "supermom" syndrome. You can't do everything and you shouldn't. Let things go for a while, and stay CALM. If the complaints start coming in, you need not say anything but smile and give a suggestion as to how that can be fixed. I did this for about a month, and then my sweet hubby noticed that I couldn't do everything. When you do it all, they will expect it all. If my girls (and hubby) don't put thier clothes in the hamper then they don't get washed. (example) And whatever else you can "come up" with! Make it a "silent game" so you don't lose your insanity. (ha) And you still may need to have another chat with them, but only after you let them figure out that you WILL NOT do everything. So LET THEM TAKE RESPONSIBILITY :)
Hope this helps! Good luck to you!!
LT