How to Get My Child to Stay in Her Bed All Night????????????

Does she want a very special toy? What I do with my son is I have a star chart for staying in bed. I buy the toy he wants, but put it on his top shelf where he can see it. I have 16 spaces or basically 16 nights that he stays in bed until getting the toy.

Dear R.,
Sometimes kids never see mom & dad together. There was a couple that brought their kid to therapy, massages were suggested but what worked is when her parents had couch time. This happens when the husband comes home and he sits at the couch and talks with his wife while the children are playing in the same room. Tell the kids you aregoing to talk on the couch for 15 min., undisturbed. Within 2 days, the little girl slept throough the night. She was insecure about her parents relationship so the only time she saw them together was when they tried to get herto go back to bed. We learned this from a parenting class. if you would like more information, go to gfi.org.

L. M.

We have a door nob "lock" on our 2 year old's door. Its plastic and you must push in the side tabs to get it to turn the nob. I am not sure if it will work for an older child, but it keeps the peace!

I have 3 girls almost the same age (except my youngest is now 11 months old and sleeps 12 hours....so hang in there, it will happen). When my oldest was about 4, she used to wake up in the middle of the night on average 1-2 times a week, with either growing pains, bad dreams, or just couldn't sleep. I would simply walk her back into bed, and either rub her legs, tell her something nice to think about (swimming, school, going bike riding, etc...) and then say, I love you, night night. We NEVER let her in our bed, because once you let them in your bed once, they will want it all the time. We have never had a child sleep in our bed....ever!! I would rather lie with them a couple minutes in their bed and then leave (when they are still awake), so they keep the skill of putting themselves to sleep. That lasted for a good year, now she simply gets up to go to the bathroom on her own, but goes right back to sleep.

Good luck!!

I agree w/most of the posts, R.. Locking the door could actually be very bad for her because she will feel a sense of rejection and abandonment. You don't want to do that I'm sure. Best thing to do is to maintain boundaries and each time she gets up and comes to your room, lovingly pick her up and put her right back into her own bed. Be consistent and eventually she'll give up trying.

Good luck!

Watch supernanny type shows. They show how to deal with this exact subject....

You either make the decision to have a "family bed" OR you quietly take her back to her bed EVERY time until she realizes that you mean business....as long as it takes.
The same with the 3 year-old...
My husband and I chose the "family bed" option with our 6 children because we needed our rest, and we never regretted it.(They were NEVER all in our bed at once.)
It is not for everybody.
And yes, if you lock your door(which is NEVER a good option), she will probably yell and wake everyone up.

I feel you.....both my kids 7 & 5 have a habit of coming into bed with me. I was told my both my doctor and a child psych. whom I work with that I need to just keep putting them back into their own beds and that eventually they will stay there. This is something new for my daughter, the 5 years old, since my husband started a new job and is gone overnight every few days but with my son we co-slept with him and he has always been more comfortable in our bed. We did at one time use the door locks on his door ( before potty trained) and it seemed to work but it's not fesible any longer. I'd try the lock door and see how it works.

Okay, so your child wants to be with you? so that is saying that she needs something from you, not manipulation but she is just wanting attention from you. Try having a special time of day with her or if possible, an entire day. It sounds like she is losing her place in the family and is just reverting back to what she knows you will respond to. Try some special time. I would NEVER lock any door. Locking a door says you can't reach out to me. If anything, take turns with your husband, but I can guarantee, giving her some special time, special jobs, etc.. will cure it in a few days... good luck, just don't lock her out...

Hi R.,
Our daughter did not sleep through the night until she was seven. We did two things that really helped:
1) We kept a nice sleeping bag and pillow in the corner of our bedroom. She was allowed to come in and make herself comfortable, but could not wake us up. At first she came in frequently, but within a month, she stayed in her room.
2) Because she was a terrible sleeper, we told her that she could stay in her room and play, if she couldn't sleep. We would see the shaft of light from her room, and hear her messing around with toys, and she would play for awhile, turn off the light, and go back to bed.
Good luck!

I am sorry to hear you are going through this with your daughter. As you probably know kids go through these phases. I have a daughter who is 4 and she started waking up several times through the night as well. Sometimes they get into habits that need to be broken. You could put a tape player in her room that plays soothing music so when she wakes up it can lul her back to sleep or have one of those baby music things in her bed to turn on herself if she wakes up. I would talk to her and tell her if she wakes up she is not to come into to your room and that she can play quietly in her bed or listen to some music until she feel sleepy again. You may have to remove her from your room for a few nights till she sees you are serious. When she sees you won't let her in bed with you guys then she will fall asleep on her own. When they get into bad habits you have to stand firm to break them. Good luck, it may be a little rough at first but she will come around. K.

I agree with Dana Z. Be consistent and take her back to her own bed. My daughter did that for a while. We found out she was afraid something was in her closet. Every night we make sure the closet is closed and I put a toy in front of it, that seems to have helped.

Hi R.. I am a mom of 3 as well...4, 2 1/2, and 8 months (all boys). I know how exhausted you must be with a 6 month old as well, but really persistence is the best thing for your 5 y.o. When she gets out of bed, quietly explain that you expect her to sleep in her bed at night, walk her back to her room, tuck her in and leave. The next time, do the same with no talking (simply walk her back and tuck her in). If you stay consistent and do it every time, she will eventually learn that she is not going to find her way into your bed no matter how many times she tries...she WILL eventually stay in her own room. IMO, locking your door is not a good idea for 2 reasons: 1. you need to be accessible in case of a real emergency and 2. your daughter needs to know that you and your husband are always available when she needs you (even if her need is only perceived).

Obviously, these are just my opinions, but I hope they were helpful.

Have a blessed day,
Jen