How to Get a 3 Yr. Old to EAT W/o a Fight!

My son is a super picky eater. Always has been.
We just, do not 'battle' about eating.
He will eat and there is always something from what I cook, that he will eat.
We don't force or intimidate him, into eating.
He does not starve.
He is a healthy tall boy.

This age, they are very contrary.
Just ignore it.
Its a stage.

avoid arguing.........or it just turns into a power struggle.

Offer a couple of things and be done with it. If she is hungry she will eat, or drink milk. Just offer healthy things. Making them eat just makes them want to defy you.

Tell your sister to find a good vitamin so she can relax a little.

Remember, kids that age eat on a 48 hour schedule. They may eat nothing today, but tomorrow they'll make up for it. (This is assuming your niece isn't underweight) 3 is a tough age, I never understood why people call it the terrible two's, because mine grew horns literally on their third birthdays. As others have suggested control is a big factor. My current three year old can be a bit overwhelming trying to exert her control. When she chooses not to eat a meal, I leave her plate at the table for an hour or so after we're done. She often revisits it and eats more. I also have two bowls of washed fruit (right now it's clemintines and apples) available for her at any time. Clemintines are great because they are easy for them to peel on their own. You'd also be surprised what they'll eat if you offer it to them. My 3 yo eats grape nuts with raspberries, and my 7 yo LOVES Indian food. I also make sure there is one fruit or veg option at every meal that I know they will eat (like strawberries, or green beans). Have your sister look at it like a tantrum. Ignore the battle of wills, offer healthy options, and don't break down and allow junk food except for special occasions. This too shall pass. Hope it helps!

Might want to pick up a copy of FEED ME I'M YOURS by Lansky. Lots of ideas!!

Updated

Give her a choice. Do you want carrots or green beans? An egg or some cheese? GIVE them the power of CHOICE. Remind them that they don't have to like everything, but they won't know unless they try. I used to teach pre-school and we cooked EVERY day except for field trip days. Rules: 3 courtesy bites (if someone went to the trouble to prepare it and/or get it for you - TRY it) THEN, after 3 bites, make the decision. If they don't like it, simply thank them for trying it and move on. It's AMAZING what you can accomplish by changing your strategy.

Suggest having her choose, EVEN in the grocery store. Grapes or bananas? This builds conifdence. In addition, start talking about WHY you need certain foods. We eat carrots to help our eyes. We eat apples to help our energy, keep us healthy and help our belly work better. If you don't know this stuff, good idea to learn it. You and everyone else, is MUCH more apt to do something if they know WHY!! KNOWLEDGE is power!!!

Let them look at labels for you in the grocery. They tell you which box or whatever has LESS sugar, MORE fiber, etc. and those are the choices you make. LEARN together and help children become better equipped to make good choices as teens and adults.

Learning can be FUN! It's all about the approach.

There are many different ways to try.
One thing that works with my son even today, and when he was a young as 3, was helping. If he got on the stool and felt he was a part of making dinner then he ate it. He was proud of himself and wanted to try his own piece of work. He loves to cook at 7 almost 8 still. He can pretty much eye measurements in the kitchen but everything is still done under strict supervision.
No fighting. We simply put the food in front of them and ignore them. When it's not a power struggle, the power is in their hands. If they eat, they are filled, if not oh well. But there's no argument with it. I go on a regular conversation with another adult at the table and they eat.
Eat together. Eating as a family leads to family conversation and openness. It also is proven that families that eat together have children with better grades, do fewer drugs and have higher self esteem along with healthy eating habits.
Stirct schedule works also. Make sure meals and snacks are offered at the same time each day and nothing extra. If she misses breakfast b/c she refused to eat, still offer her the snack at snack time. If she doesn't eat it, it is her choice. Again, offer lunch at the same time, and again if she doesn't eat it, it's her choice. She won't starve. She will eat when she is hungary.
My sons half brother is most stubborn child I have ever met when it comes to food, but we recently found that if my son helps him make food, or pick it out off the menu, he is more willing to eat it.
Offer every food 10 times before you fall for the I don't like it. After seeing it a few times they may be more willing to try it, again especially if it's not a fight. Best of luck!! I love this age! :-D They are cute and fun and challenging in all new ways!!

Remind your sister that no child has ever starved himself/herself. Children will eat when they are hungry, and the last thing she wants to do is to make a big deal out of it.

She should set out the meals and two healthy snacks (morning and afternoon) and leave them out for 15 - 30 minutes longer than it takes her to eat. If her daughter hasn't come to the table to eat, she should clear the table until the next meal or snack. Don't give the child anything else in between (which will be hard at first because she'll be crying that she's SO hungry) but this technique will work. This way, your sister is still in control of the meals and times, but your niece is in control of what and when she eats, as long as it falls within the time allotted by her mom. And, of course, your sister should continue to make the foods that she knows your niece DOES like, even if she says she doesn't like them.

Blessings,
J.

I am with Kathy! For awhile there I thought my daughter was going to grow-up only eating chicken nuggets. However, I started letting her help cook dinner and started to realize that she was more intersted in trying something that she had made. Her favorite meal is salmon, sweet potatoe and broccoli. I think the key is to eat healthy yourself so that you are setting a good example. Also, I always said I would never bribe, but it totally works so I don't care! My daughter has been trying everything and as long as she eats well and tries everything, she can have a treat of her choosing after dinner. However, sometimes she picks a healthy treat like a banana. I also do not make her eat something that she tries and doesn't like. But when she does try something and likes it I say see...you would have never known you liked it if you didn't try it.

My son does the same thing. He is three as well. I refuse to be a short order cook. He eats what our family eats or he goes to bed hungry. The only thing is that he has to at least try it. If he truly doesnt like it, I dont make him eat it. Otherwise, we dont debate nor do we negotiate with our three-year-old. We are the parents and he is the child. She will not starve missing one meal but she will think again about not wanting to eat dinner when it is something she will it. My son will usually give in and eat then he will tell me, "Yum, tastes good Momma."

If a child doesn't want to eat, take it away.
It's pretty simple although it's heart wrenching because us MOMS want our kids to eat.
No sense in forcing it.
Here is your food. Eat it or don't. But, you won't get anything else.

Stick to it, every single time.

Also, it helps if other people in the family make a huge fuss about how good everything tastes and gobbles it like it's gold. Sooner or later, the kid will want some too.
Kids really can choose what to eat. The parent chooses when.
No bribing or late snacks. Meal time is meal time.
Ride it out.
Many kids won't eat just before a growth spurt and then they make up for it.
I don't believe in forcing a child to eat anything.
Offer it. Let them see everyone else enjoy it.
If they won't eat it, fine. Dinner or meal time is over. Period.
Sounds tough, I know, but it works.

Best wishes.

Offer her what everyone else is eating and save her plate for later if she won't eat her dinner. I don't think it's good to short order cook for kids; it sets up a bad and frustrating pattern. This sounds like more of a power struggle than food preferences, so stay calm and wait it out. If she's otherwise healthy, she'll get through this just fine. I do try and offer at least one "food of the day" at meals for my kids, and at least one "newer" food. That way, they get exposed to trying new things but have at least one food they'll like and eat. Good luck; this is really normal behavior, and hopefully it is short-lived.

I think that Kathy's ideas are great, especially if you can get yourself to stay on a "strict schedule." In my world that would never happen. At that age, I was more concerned about my child eating than the where. He did really well eating in his car seat while we were running around and had nothing better to do. When not in his carseat, he much more interestng things to do and investigate so he was not as interested in food.

He is now 4 1/2. And we are getting much more strict with the "where" he is allowed to eat. Before, if he was hungry an wanted to eat while playing, I would let him. Now, I will have him sit at the table for anything I do not want to have to clean up later. I will still let him eat whenever he wants, because I think one should eat when they are hungry, not because the clock says it's time. The only exception to this is if I am cooking a meal and it's almost ready, or if he wants to eat something else while we are sitting down to eat already, and I know he likes the food we are having. Then he must wait, because I think at almost 5yo, he can understand the concept of "wait."

Just my 2 cents worth. Hope you find a method that works for you with the least amount of drama.

P.S. I was just looking at my FB page and saw this post: Q is for Quinoa. Get your kid(s) involved in preparing it. Break out the measuring cups and have 'em do the measuring, explaining the 2:1 ratio (2 cups water, 1 cup quinoa). We also like to pour quinoa (or rice) in a lipped baking pan and then use our fingers to write our ABC's and 1,2,3's. Sounds silly yes, but we're telling you they like it! Touching leads to eating....

Anyway, thought you might be interested in this, too. The have a FB page with daily posts: http://www.facebook.com/?tid=10150100243606841&sk=mes... and a website: http://funfoodle.com/

Wish we had something like this nearby, but good ideas regardelss.

We have a 3 bites rule in our house. You can't get up from the table until you eat 3 bites of every thing on the plate. If you take your 3 bites of everything, you can get down, but you still don't get a snack before dinner. If you want a snack, you have to eat all of your dinner. We're very careful about portion sizes and I started serving the little ones on smaller plates. It helped me to serve them realistic portions and the smaller plate was less overwhelming. If my oldest takes her 3 bites and genuinely doesn't like something, then she doesn't have to eat it. I do make exceptions to the rule when I know I'm making something my kids don't like. My oldest hates chili and chicken tortilla soup. The rest of us love it. On those nights, she gets leftovers. But, the same 3 bite rule applies to her dinner.

Here's the hard part....you HAVE to stick to the rule. If you say "3 bites but no snack" then you CAN'T give in. You can't offer anything else. You have to be prepared for your kiddo to go hungry once or twice. It's hard when they're crying "But I'm HUUUUUUUNGRY!" But, if you don't stick to your guns, they won't know you mean business. Also, you can't let their "But I don't LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIKE it! Can I have XYZ instead? I promise I'll eat all of THAT." persuade you to make them a special dinner all the time.

We started the 3 bite rule maybe 10 months ago, right after my daughter turned 3. It was HARD at first. It killed me to see her pitch a fit and scream and cry because she wouldn't eat 3 bites. We just told her very matter of factly, that when she was done with her bites, she could get down. Slowly over the course of the 10 months she's grown to love many of the foods she used to hate.

Good luck to your sister! :D

At 3, they don't want to designate their time to eating.
Used to drive me nuts.
I chose NOT to battle. Not to beg, not to chase him around with a spoon.
Offer the food. After dinner, take it away.

I bargain. "You can have a posicle if you eat 5 bites of meat." I have tricked my kids into thinking some stuff is a treat that is actually healthy! "ok, you can have a yogurt, but only if you eat all the peas on your plate." "No strawberry banana smoothie if you don't eat all your oatmeal." It may not be inthe good parent handbook, but it works!

In our house, behavior is all that matters at the table. The kids can eat or not. I offer it. They eat it, or don't eat it and get nothing until the next meal. But no rude comments ("I dont' like it" would be consequence city) or leaving the table allowed. It's amazing how well it works. My son, who is 3, who used to be super picky, is so used to the fact that he can't mope or complain or leave the table AND he won't get anything else, that if it's not his "favorite" meal, he'll get that look of defeat (but tries not to make it obvious), slumps a little, and just looks at his plate for a while. While the rest of us merrily eat and chit chat away totally ignoring him, he usually ends up picking through his meal, since he's hungry and there is no other option for him to fill his time while sitting there. Then he gets huge high fives and dessert. So usually now, no matter what we serve, he eats it. If not, when we're done, he's done, and no dessert.