How to Explain This to My Family?

My boys used to LOVE getting dressed up as female cheerleaders when their school had "powder puff football".

And I used to LOVE helping them with their make up! (Two of them really made pretty good looking cheerleaders to be honest!)

Their sexuality never crossed my mind with respect to them dressing as females.

**shrug**

Tell them it is like theatre for you...you and the other cosplayers are doing live theatre. It's a creative outlet. There are plenty of men who take on woman's roles in the theatre. And by the way- you might be someone who enjoys doing community theatre. You might want to look into it!

If they know that you cosplay, don't even stress. And if they do have an issue with it, that's their problem.

You're not a crossdresser-I believe crossdressing involves receiving a sexual thrill from wearing clothes of the opposite sex.

If it's hanging in the closet, get a nice hanger and garment bag FOR the costume. That way, it's clearly a costume if they're that nosy. Plus it provides extra care for the costume :)

An actor would never apologize or explain about having costumes in his closet. So consider yourself an actor, because that's essentially what you're doing for your hobby. And stop thinking you need to apologize or explain.

Does your family already know you do cosplay and they just don't know about the skirts and dresses? If they have no idea you like cosplay and that too is hidden from them - why would you feel ashamed of a hobby you enjoy? That's the real issue. Why hide something that you truly like from your own family? And why fear it if they think you're gay? Would that make them shun you, if you were? Are they super-conservative, and/or obsessed with the idea that no one should be gay, or judgmental in general? Those are issues beyond whether you have a skirt in your cosplay wardrobe.

If you haven't explained cosplay to them, that is where you start, if you want your family to hear about something you like. But explain it only because you want to share something you think is fun and interesting and engaging, not because you feel you must justify it or explain it away due to fearing their reactions. You sound scared of your own family's judgments. If that's the case, then that fear, not items of clothing, is what you need to examine.

why not just say 'i'm wearing this for cosplay' and leave it at that?
if they really care about you they'll be fine with it, or ask further questions and you can go deeper.
would it insult you if they think you're gay?
would they ask? can't you just then say 'nope, just cosplay.'
for the person who says you're crossdressing, you just say 'no, that's actually something quite different.' if they're assholes you're not going to change their mind, but if they're not, they'll learn about it.
don't twist yourself into knots trying to fend off people's preconceptions. the right people will ask the right questions, and the wrong ones won't listen to 'explanations' anyway.
khairete
S.

I would think the hiding would be considered more bizarre than clothes. Maybe I am odd mom with odd kids but I base judgement about my kids on who they are, not what they chose to wear. I don't mean that in some touchy feely liberal barf kind of way. I mean my sons are funny, I would just assume it was part of that personality.

I mean the kid grew his curly hair into a fro though most of high school because it wasn't against the rules and drove his teachers nuts. Private school. Should I have assumed he really wanted to be black?

You have a personality, your parents know that. If that would make them think you are gay then they already think it, but clothes aren't going to change anything.

J.,

You just tell them it's for COSPLAY - show them an episode of COSPLAY - or even pictures of COMICCON....but you like My Little Pony, eh? Okay. Not typical but heck - there's a calling for it...they have events...

Really though - what does it matter? I'm serious. You're a grown man. Why do you have to explain yourself to family???

WHY does it matter if you are gay or straight? I don't get this question. Do you NOT communicate with your family? DO they NOT know what you like to do in your spare time?? If not? You have more serious problems than your family wondering if you are gay OR a cross-dresser.

JUST TELL THE TRUTH!! Show them pictures of the COSTUMES people wear for these events. If they can't handle it? It's THEIR problem!!

My granddaughter does cosplay. Her character is male. No big deal. Have you been talking with them about cosplay and the characters! I would understand a negative reaction if you spring it on them cold. I was not sure anI'm was a good thing until my granddaughter talked about it and I saw some cosplay. The costumes are great! My granddaughter is learning history and has made some friends from other countries.

I do not think cosplay is cross dressing. It is acting. I enjoy it some thru my granddaughter. I took her to Kumoricon and enjoyed the costumes.

Why do you think your family will object to a woman's costume? Knowing that could help us be more helpful.

In 2014 we really have reached the point where there is so much acceptance of so many different expressions of wardrobe, sexuality and personality. If you consider yourself a performer, then you are a performer. If people get it, great. If they don't, it doesn't invalidate your choices.

You fear their judgment - I get that. But you are also a little judgmental yourself about being viewed as being gay. No, the others should not confuse cosplay with transvestism/crossdressing, or transvestism with a particular sexual orientation. But your need to explain that you are not gay shows that you are not yet free of prejudices or fears. Maybe you feel your family would be even more upset about homosexuality than dressing in a skirt. But you have to free yourself of the need to defend and concentrate more on the ability to explain.

You use the term "need to wear a skirt" - so it's more than performance for you, right? It's an expressed need. So I'd explore that so you can feel completely comfortable with who you are and what all the nuances are. YOu still feel the need to hide, and that's the problem. If you get some counseling to explore yourself and also share some info about your family and their issues, you may find much more clarity and strength.

I just learned a new term today -- I guess I'm out of it, 'cause I hadn't heard of cosplay.

You have all the answers you need below. Every one is valid in its own way. Read them all again.

If your parents are extremely conservative, and you know they will disapprove of this, maybe there is no point in telling them you do this.

No one shares EVERYTHING they think and do with everyone else -- it is not necessary for people to know everything about us, and maybe there is nothing to be gained by sharing this with your parents. You are allowed to have a part of your life that they don't know about, if nothing good will come of it. You are a grown man. (As much as anyone is a grown man at 20.)

I don't need to know about EVERYTHING my kids do. As someone said below, if they do things I might think are weird, I would probably rather not know. I'm not sure what I would think if my sons told me they were Bronies. I'd accept it, because it's not my business, but I don't know if I'd *get* it, or be madly in love with the idea.

If you do share and they ask if you are gay, then tell them no. There is nothing wrong with being gay, however.

It's your life, as long as you're not harming anyone, go ahead and do whatever you want. But if you can't have any privacy, maybe it's time to move out on your own, and not live with your family.

You have a hobby that involves wearing costumes. Nuf said.

Just show them some of more creative and bizarre cosplay costumes that some people show up in, and they'll probably sigh with relief that you only wear a dress!

If you explain that it's not representative of what you consider your nature and personality to be, but it represents a character that you assume online, perhaps that will make sense to them. After all, the lead in the upcoming live tv version of Peter Pan is being played by a young woman; she's an actress playing a part, and the part is very different from whom she is in real life.

Don't get defensive. If the need arises, simply tell them that a cosplay event is a crazy fun time and that people dress up like robots, aliens, lords and ladies of yore, knights, and every type of character imaginable, and that you are having fun playing a part for the continuity of the game. If they ask if it means that you're gay or a crossdresser, tell them you're a creative actor and ask them if they've seen Tootsie or Mrs. Doubtfire or Peter Pan or any one of a million movies where the character dresses like something he or she is not.

I once accompanied my daughter to a cosplay night - she has medical issues and I was there to kind of assist her, and she dressed as one of the many doctors in Dr. Who, complete with men's pants, dress shirt, men's sport coat, scarf, bow tie, a fez and her sonic screwdriver. (I didn't dress up). She had a wonderful time being the 4th Doctor and I spent the whole evening with my mouth and eyes open wide with astonishment and awe (and, ok, sometimes shock) at the variety of costumes. And some, well, I have no idea if they were male or female, or even human! Everyone had such fun and there was such camaraderie. I can see why you enjoy it.

Dude. You live in Seattle. Land of the utilitkilt. There are lots of men in skirts around here.

I suppose in some families this news would raise some eyebrows while in other families this news wouldn't cause them to blink twice.
It's not like you're telling them you're an axe wielding serial killer.

I love MLP. There. I said it. I'm 35 and I love MLP. :-) Rainbow Dash is awesome.

I wouldn't worry about it. Don't hide it. Just be who you are. You don't need to explain a thing. Wear the costume...and if someone asks, give them a confused look and say, "Uhm, It's Celestia from MLP." Or whomever you're dressing as. And if they ask if you're a crossdresser? Well...honestly, when a male dresses as a female, or a female as a male...they're crossdressing. Big whoop. It has no bearing on your gender identity or orientation.

So you're a Brony? If that's what you like, it's a part of who you are. If you live with the family, share it. Maybe you can view the documentary about Bronies with them and get a feeling of what they think? If you don't live with them, what business is it of theirs? And even if you live with them, how does it interfere with family life unless you dress in cosplay and hang out in the front yard and at family gatherings? I mean, hey.. you're an adult. They can either accept it or not and it's their decision either way and shouldn't weigh on your happiness.

p.s. my daughter says to be sure they know that you are not the only male who does this and it's a "community" of people who do this. :)

Don't. Keep this to yourself. Your family does not need the burden of knowing.

Seriously, I would rather find out my son is gay and a cross dresser than find out he is into MLP Cosplay. Just sayin...

Why can't u just tell them it's for cosplay? Just explain what cosplay is. Gay? Cross dressing? That has nothing to do with cosplay. Or MLP. Just be open about your interests.

My 17yr old son's best friend is also into MLP, although he doesn't dress up. Or maybe he does. I'll have to ask him about it...

Is it the dress part that you think will weird them out or the My Little Pony part? I think it would be a lot less creepy for them for you to be a chick in an anime rather than a little girl's My Little Pony. The whole Brony thing is just....???

Well, I would just go with "this is my Brony costume. You like?" And go from there. If you feel the need to tell everyone that you aren't gay then I guess you could just say "I like dressing up for cosplay. And, no, I'm not gay in case you were wondering."

Just tell them it's your costume. I don't see the problem, I guess. But I hang with a lot of people who are into cosplay and costumes so no one cares as long as it's in good taste. (And by that, I mean not super slutty for no reason.)

If they see it and ask tell them it's for a part/character you're playing in a skit with friends. Not really a big deal unless you act like it's embarrassing or odd.

Well I just saw this movie called "Bruno". This is about small boy about 8 year old boy He wore dresses. I am sure you look great. The Pope wears a dress. Men in Scotland wear kilts. Good luck. Jan

It's Halloween today, and you're in Seattle. I think that means anything goes, so you can tell them it's part of a Halloween costume, if you want to explain it away.

Unless you want to come "out" as being into MLP cosplay, which most people will think is weird. Whatever. If you're in to it, own it, or quit doing it.

What is your family doing in your closet looking through your wardrobe anyway? Unless they're doing your laundry or going through your stuff, this shouldn't be an issue that you have to address at all. If they are doing your laundry, or they're going through your stuff, then be an adult, and move the heck out where you can do whatever you want.

Why do you have to explain it to your family? If you live in their house and you want to do whatever you want to do then move out.