I have a (just turned) 4 year old with a severe language delay. He used to be very honest - I don't think it occurred to him not to be. We always praised him for his honesty and tried to help him understand that because he was honest, the consequence was minimal (It doesn't seem right to let him off the hook completely for hitting or throwing...just because he was honest...but if you believe otherwise...please explain...maybe there's a point of view I haven't thought of). There have been a few times recently that I am pretty sure he's lied to avoid a consequence (he had gotten a pair of scissors and cut a piece of paper of mine to shreds (NONE of the other kids do that), pushed a sibling, etc.). His consequences are minimal (generally a 3 minute time out, apology, fix something broken, etc.). It happened again today and I was trying to explain to him the importance of honesty and that mommy is always more sad when we lie than anything else...when you do this...there's a little consequence...if you did it and say you did not...it's a big consequence...yada yada yada...I just don't think it's going through ??. He does also have a cognitive delay...not as severe as the language delay...but it is there. I'm trying to think of a way to simplify it and bring it down to his level. It sure is harder to teach no lying than no hitting! Anyway...any thoughts on things I could try saying or doing?
(We also have an 'Honesty under Pressure' award/ribbon that goes next to a child's name on the whiteboard when one of the kids is honest and I can tell it was kind of tough...I really try to emphasize honesty...it's pretty important to us!)
Thanks Dawn...That's a good idea...I'll have to bring it up with him :)
I like the idea of not giving him the opportunity to lie...and I like the idea of using stories! Thanks again :)
My son has a language delay due to his Autism but we do social stories for concepts he doesn't grasp. I'm assuming your son sees a speech therapist? Ask them to write you a simple social story to show the importance of what is true and what isn't. My son does best with "real" pictures vs the P.E.C.S cards but either can work in a pinch. So in your case, I'd take a picture of you looking really sad so you can ad that to his social story. GL!
This is a question best directed toward your child's developmental pediatrician. (He has one, right?) The thing is, none of us know the extent of his language and cognitive delay.
I would be surprised if the doctor said to let him off the hook for inappropriate behavior. But I wonder if he would tell you to put aside expecting your son to understand this concept of honesty this early in his life, and just tell you to give him consequences for misbehavior.
I do want to say that his misbehavior is totally normal for kids with no issues whatsoever.
I hope you can get some help from your doctor on this.
Dawn
I agree with Dawn. I'll add that even so called normal kids have difficulty at this age knowing the difference between truth and fantasy. I suggest he's appearing to be less honest now because he's developed more in the area of creating fantasy. Therefore, this could be a developmental stage.
You could try talking about the difference between fantasy and truth at times when you're not needing to know the truth. Read fantasy stories.
You could also say something to him like, you'd like for it to be this way but the truth is this happened.
And what I learned to do around this age is to not ask if the child had done such and such if I knew he had. Don't give him the opportunity to lie about it.
