How to Dress a Newborn and Infant

I always dressed my newborns in onesies .... Gowns rub against a cord just as much. I never put them in little shirts actually because I feared the bottom of the shirt would aggravate the stump. In a onesie the taut buttons on the crotch part make a "bellow" out of the tummy part and keep the cloth lifted off the belly.

I gave it a lot of thought

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If my MIL tried to tell me how to dress my child, I think I might flip. Let mama be mama and only step in when if and when you feel like he is in danger. Relax Grandma. Let her learn on her own. That's how you did it right?

are there newborns who AREN'T infants?
you are begging to be excluded from this child's life.
i strongly suggest you back off. way off.
khairete
S.

This is not a battle you want to fight - you will lose and it will suck.

There is no rule when it comes to newborns. Your daughter-in-law did OK dressing him that way. As a grandma, I urge you to stop trying to tell your daughter in law how to do things. It's difficult to keep ones ideas to ones self but it's essential for a good relationship.

You can't help with the comfort of your grandson. You have to let mom and dad figure things out unless they ask you for advice.

Later after your SWH Yes, I'd stand and watch. She's learning and most of us learn best by experience. Most of us don't like to be told what to do. It's hard to not intervene but it's necessary for a good relationship.

Ok, I don't mean to sound harsh here, but that was a while ago (relative to the little guys life so far). He was a "newborn" in FEBRUARY. It is now APRIL. So he isn't in the first 2 weeks of life still healing at the navel. It should be healed by now, and if it isn't, he needs to be seen by his pediatrician.

Outside of that, how she dresses him is up to HER and your son. If you want to have a good relationship with your DIL and be actively involved in your grandson's life, then you need to take 2 steps back and let those new parents figure out things on their own. They aren't imbeciles, are they? You can be there to help out WHEN ASKED, but otherwise, keep out of it. You really really don't need to tell them how to parent. They will figure it out. YOU did, right?

Unless you see something blatantly dangerous, then don't interfere or intrude. Offer advice only when ASKED for it. Otherwise, you will be seen as the meddling MIL who is annoying and trying to "take over" their baby. I know it is hard, but you will only damage your relationship with your DIL (the gatekeeper of your grandson for the next 18 years) if you don't learn to bite your tongue about insignificant matters. Please don't undermine her. She probably is a bit nervous to begin with, but telling her what she is doing wrong is not the way to go.
Here's how you help the comfort of your grandson: You let mom and dad work it out. It isn't up to you to decide "what to do then" when one is hot and one is cold, or a myriad of other parenting issues that will come up. That is for THEM to figure out. If they come to you for advice or ask your opinion, then fine, give your opinion or share "what I would do" about it. But don't find yourself in the position of telling them how to raise their child.

I know this all sounds really harsh, and I REALLY don't mean to be. But the level of concern I sense from your post just sounds to me like you run a real risk of being too much in the middle with your grandson. For YOUR sake, please don't be. Stay on the periphery a bit and let your son and DIL figure things out. They deserve to be able to do that, and it will make them better parents and give them a stronger marriage down the road. And isn't that your end goal?

After your SWH: No, if it bothered me, I would leave the room. It isn't dangerous.

Gowns for a couple weeks? Not in this day and age (sorry!). He should however not have tight pants around his little waist if his umbilical cord hasn't fallen off yet. Loose onesies and comfy pants are the norm. The only gowns I've seen are the sleep ones, which are pretty much impossible to get a baby into a carseat wearing one without hiking them up and exposing baby's legs. I don't think dress as you would dress is a good rule, I always heard to just touch the baby's skin and feel their temperature. If they feel cold, cover them up, etc. I don't know your DIL, but to tell a brand new mother that she's not dressing her child correctly is most likely not the best idea. Try to be sensitive, if you're worried he's cold or that his clothes are too tight ask her about it, don't tell her he should have something else on. At 4 days postpartum with my son, if my MIL or mom had told me I was dressing him wrong they would've had to deal with tears or me yelling depending on the way the emotions were running. If you are seriously concerned with his health (and it doesn't seem you need to be) talk to your son and let him decide if it's a valid concern. Let them dress their child. You don't want to alienate them and you want them to be open to asking for your help, if she feels criticized she's not going to want you around.

I'd let her dress her son the way she wants.

There will be MANY more issues that come up in the coming years - pick your battles!!!!

How on earth did babies in northern areas survive thousands of years (or even hundreds) ago? My mother was a hardcore undershirt fan, and I swore I wouldn't make my kids wear them. We layer if the weather calls for it, but I had a March baby and an October baby and they both wore plenty of snapped onesies and pants from birth -in fact, both wore those outfits home from the hospital -and neither ever wore a gown. The closest they came to gowns as newborns were the sleepsacks they wore. It will be fine -this is not the hill you want to die on!

You left out the part about crying at diaper changes, but that is completely normal. There is nothing that I've ever read that says babies shouldn't wear onesies. None of my three children ever wore gowns, and their belly buttons all healed just fine.

As hard as it is, you should stay out of it. Your daughter-in-law is the mom and you need to let her do her job. Do not offer advice until she asks for it. This will keep your relationship healthy. Remember when your first was born? Did you want your mother-in-law second guessing what you did?

Just let it be :) The baby will do just fine. I never put any of mine in a gown and shirt. I did little pjs most of the time and just folded the diaper down for the little cord. When it comes to things like that, just hold your peace. You had your babies and now this is her little baby and you just need to follow her lead on how to care for him. If she asks, be there with advice, if not let it alone. Congrats on your new grand baby!!

Honestly, if you were my MIL, i would stay clear of you, its her child, she should dress him how she wants. I have and will continue to do onsies, I never had any issues. jmo

I think it's her call. My mother-in-law always felt that I didn't dress our children properly and let me tell you it didn't help our relationship. It's her baby and her decision how to dress him.

I actually like those little gowns; they have some really cute ones and changing the diaper is super easy. Although I actually agree with you, you should be careful. Have you heard the expression "you can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink"?

If you have something to offer, I suggest you start out by saying "I know you didn't ask about such-and-such, but here's something we used to do and it seemed to work wonderfully....." keep in mind that times have changed (they used to recommend formula and spleeping on tunmmies, too!). If your daughter in law doesn't take your advice, it's because she didn't want to do it, but trust me, she heard you. So don't bring it up again.

You sound genuinely caring. My mother in law is awesome and isn't obstrusive at all. If she would happen to start telling me unsolicited opinions, I would say "thanks, but I've got it under control", or "thanks, I'll consider it". If she consistently did this, I would probably say "I know you are trying to help but it's really bothering me".

Good luck!

I, too, like the "old ways" and nearly 30 yrs ago-adhered to them. I remember being in , what I consider to be the finest, private hospital in Washington, DC-now, and at that time; having my first baby-and I stopped a gal in scrubs and asked her "Where are all the nurses?"-and she said-"we are the nurses"-I nearly died on the spot! Long story short-we made it-He'll be just fine-you love your daughter-in-law and she loves her little son-and he is after all-a Hoosier! (one of my children went to IU-love the people of the great state of Indiana!) God bless you all-and Happy Easter!

Personally, I found the gowns to be annoying.... when the babies were small, I did t-shirts/onsies and footed sleepers. They slept very well with that. Of course, when we went out, I wanted them to look nice, too!

Every baby has different temperature needs..... just like each person is different in their temperature preferences... your DIL will learn what her baby wants.

Most babies cry during diaper changes, anyway.... for the first few weeks, that is, until they get used to the being moved around. After all, they are warm and cozy, even if they ARE wet, and suddenly someone is taking their clothes off, and the change in temperature is startling. Pretty soon they realize that the diaper change isn't that big of a deal.....

I would really try to NOT give too much unsolicited advice to the new mother..... she will do just fine and you will have a much better relationship.

I can understand your concerns, but...
If you love her, have respect for her as a new mother! Just because you think the baby should be wearing something different doesn't mean anything, you need to let it go, in every kind way I can say this, it is her baby and not yours!
Just as you feel like you know what is best, she needs to develop that as a mom too, and having someone knocking down her clothing choices is not uplifting or positive.
Just like when all children grow up, you sometimes need to back away to allow them to become independent, doing things they should be doing on their own and telling them what to will not help to develop their independence (and parental bonding) which they need! (Especially as new parents!)
You will cause more damage by holding on to what you think is best than realizing you are not in charge and no matter how much you love the new family, please show that by respecting them and letting them raise their child...with love, and advice only when asked by Grandma.

As for the tight clothes, the baby will be fine, mother knows best. Most babies fuss when getting diapers and their clothes changed. She will notice his needs the more time she spends with him.

You could encourage her to this website or a moms group like MOPS or a Moms Club in your area... Offer to buy new onsies, and if she declines, leave the issue behind you. It's not yours to be involved with.

I'm sure this is a difficult time, but you must know that your grand baby is not your baby, and understanding that is what's best for everyone.
Your daughter in law is more likely to embrace you and your wisdom once the boundry of who is mother is solid.

I hope this was helpful for you!

My baby was born during what might have been the coldest week of the year (January), and I wrapped him up in everything that I could find. As it turns out, he is a hot box like his daddy. At home, when I was/am cool enough for long sleeves, he was/is comfortable in a short-sleeved onesie and socks. He also was born with a head full of hair, so all the cute caps were out of the question. His head would sweat.

Regarding the stress across his mid-section, I didn't want to be bothered with that stuff when he was only going out for doctor appointments where they'd undress him anyway. He just wore onesies and full sleepers.

I think that the more you fuss, the more she'll likely push in the other direction. She'll make sure that he NEVER wears a gown and ONLY wears pants. Choose your battles. Feel his hands and feet and head; make sure that they aren't cold. She needs to figure her baby out on her own. She needs a chance to develop intuition about what is good for this particular baby, and she can't do that with someone looking over her shoulder.

Each one of mine have been dressed different, but I have had babies in March, June, July, Oct & Nov... my summer babies were dressed in just a onsie, where as my March & Oct babies were put in gowns and my Nov baby was put in footed outfits. I did have gowns for all of them, but some of them seemed hot in them and other seemed cold in them. Just as you Daughter-in-law is always hot and your son is always cold - babies do have different perfered temps too.

I still put my Nov baby (11-15-11) in footed outfits unless the temp outside are warmer - then she gets to let her feet out :) cause I'll put her in a onsie & pants. Which she is just like the rest of the kids & loves the wind between her toes - lol.

As for the belly button cord thing... as long as it is out of the diaper, it should still heal & there should be no issues with it. Also, usually with the first... it is harder to take advice & you usually do want them to be so cute. If they have more and as it gets older she will see the light & knowledge you have... just let her come to you if she wants - don't push her to listen, or you might push her away along with the baby.

Unless the waistband of the pants was directly on the umbilical cord, I don't see a problem with it. I am always hot, so I would dress my son like me, plus a layer. I tended to overdress him and would find him sweaty, so I had to back off.

He's fine. You need to let this one go. Newborns cry when they are changed, and some really hate it. I read that they feel exposed and putting something on their chest, like a beanie baby helps them feel less exposed. If pants were a problem, the doc would have told them what not to wear.

Keep in mind that because they have an imature circulatory system as babies hands and feet will always be cooler then the rest of them. To see if he is hot/cold feel his tummy or the back of his neck. As for the onesies, my son was born in august and he lived in snapped onsies for the first couple months and his cord healed fine. As long as the cord is staying dry he should be fine. She might just be getting upset with you because alot of parents are offered alot of advice, (I had a nurse at the hospital take my daughter away from me insisting she could get her to eat better...i fed my son the same way i was feeding her and he did just fine!) maybe your advice, though well intended, was the tipping point for he and thats why she got upset.

The times they have changed for newborns and clothing. I, too, came from the t-shirt era of mommas but I also see where the onesies are better at keeping them warm.

Just try and keep all your hormones in check about being a momma. As they say, you had your chance now let them have theirs as hard as that is. Stay in the background and admire from a distance and keep comments to self.

Tell them you are proud of them as a couple and as new parents. It's their turn to stay up all night and to walk the floor and wonder what is wrong. You get to sleep in and relax.

Congrats on the first of the grandbabies.

The other S.

Awwww you are both 'right!' However, please let your DIL care for her baby in her own way. MIL's are supposed to be there to love and support and offer advice - BUT only when ASKED for. Thank you!

After having four of my own children, there is definitely no way a newborn has to be dressed. My first was a girl, so you can imagine from day one she was in all kinds of outfits, multiple times per day. Now by number four, I just put him in onesies or sleeper-type outfits because 1.) he was a boy and 2.) I was done playing dress-up :). But either way, I hated the gowns, except at night (easier diaper changes in the middle of the night) and my kids had all grown out of them pretty quickly. It doesn't matter what he's in...his body will heal just fine no matter what!

I think onsies are the greatest!! They cover the entire core of the body to help keep baby warm and they don't ride up like a t-shirt. What's the big deal with the 2 or 3 snaps. (my kids are in their teens and they were always in onsies).

Tight clothing is not good. However, I would think unless she had an unually large baby that any newborn clothing would be too tight.

I do agree with nothing tight around the waist.

I had little concern for baby's fashion sense at that age--I generally dressed mine in gowns and sleepers. Didn't want my baby outdoing me fashion wise;) I'd leave it alone though. There are going to be tons of little things like this where you feel super concerned but in the long run don;t really matter and DIL is not going to feel great about hearing everyone of these concerns--you don't want them resenting your well-meaning advice.