How to Divorce in a Peacefully Way

I just read the post from Tina B., which stated in part:
"I personally do not think there is such a thing as a peaceful divorce" With all due respect to Tina B., I must strongly disagree! Tina B. also stated that she has not personally been through a divorce. I have, and I did personally experience a "peaceful" and uncontested divorce. I guess my point here is that when a woman requests "advice" on a particular subject, one should consider whether they actually have "experience" in that area before responding. (Hope this is taken in the spirit in which it is intended and no offense is taken)

I do however agree with the comment that "Nobody wins in a divorce". However, sometimes we are forced to choose between the lesser of two evils. In my case, after trying everything available including counseling at our church, it was much better for us NOT to be together.

I also agree with Tina that "Lives are separated and there will be an impact on your children no matter how "civil" the two of you behave". However, there may be an even greater negative impact on the children if they stay together! Numerous studies have been done on children of parents who "stayed together for the kids". As one respected Doctor of Psychology says "It is better to be FROM a broken home than to LIVE in one". (As one whose parents stayed together for the kids, I AGREE!). We are not aware of all the details of the situation and certainly cannot make any assumptions one way or the other.

What Lucie was looking for was "secure, clear but inexpensive way" to divorce. "We do not want to “fight” we just want to be sure about the terms and make everything specially safe for our daughter". Again, with all due respect, she simply did NOT get an answer to her question in that response, only the personal opinion of the effect on Lucie's children from an individual that has never experienced a divorce. Just a thought.

L., I personally do not think there is such a thing as a peaceful divorce. Nobody wins in a divorce. Lives are separated and there will be an impact on your children no matter how "civil" the two of you behave. My parents divorced before I was 2 years old and once the divorce was final, my dad "was outta here." I'm not implying that this will happen to you and your child(ren) but you should understand that when two parents live separately, the child(ren) will be impacted in a negative and long term way. I'm sorry you are divorcing and going through such a difficult time. I do not have "legal" advice to offer because I've never been divorced.

***Just to clear something up because some of you have contacted me, I just want to say that what I mean by "peaceful" is this: Parents will divorce and move on but the separation of the family will impact the children. This "impact" will not be peaceful for them and I am not interested to know what the experts say, the children will be affected because they will not come to understand why the family had to be separated until they are adults. Someone responded personally to me that I must be angry to have responded like I did.. I am not angry at all and I don't see how what I've stated suggests any anger at all. I have nothing to be angry about. I am happily married and have children of my own but I was simply trying to convey that IN MY EXPERIENCE (I was a child from a broken home) and in talking with friends who HAVE divorced, there is nothing "peaceful" about it. Praise goes out to you folks who remain friendly with your ex's. How do the children feel about it, however? I was simply trying to state that children will be impacted~~hence that is not peaceful. That is what I was trying to convey and I feel that some of the responders have this feeling that I shouldn't have responded because I'm not divorced. I didn't think I needed to be divorced to have an opinion.

L., I really wish I could offer something positive. I just hope that whatever happens, happens for the best of your children. And, I gather that is EXACTLY what you want, or you wouldn't have asked for advice in the first place. I don't know if you are spiritual at all, but I'd suggest asking God for healing during this very difficult time. My heart feels for you and I'm sorry if my opinion offended others because I am not divorced, but I just wanted you to know that despite how much you want to end things in a friendly manner, in some way, the children will be impacted. It's inevitable but others say they won't, so I hope that is true for you.

My ex & I had a very peaceful divorce. We agreed to everything & just used a paralegal to complete the ppwk. Then we had to pay the court cost. It was very easy & inexpensive.

Hi, L.. I applaud you and your husband for wanting to work out the terms of your divorce in the best way possible for the safety and well-being of your child. Not many people have that kind of heart, but go at each other like enemies; God bless you for your efforts to do this peacefully and rationally.

In the State of Florida, you can't use just the simplified divorce kit if you have children and there is going to be child support, shared custody, etc. You need to at least consult with a lawyer or a trained paralegal once or twice in order to get these details straightened out and onto a legal document that you can file.

There are state guidelines for child support amounts, based on each parent's income (and possibly also the age of the child). A lawyer will have that information. It might be available somewhere on the internet, but it's been a long time since I looked into these issues.

I'm in the process of a simplified divorce that doesn't involve children, so I know that the simplified divorce papers need to have a lawyer or at least a paralegal in order to do them properly because at a certain point in the paperwork, it tells you that you need to consult with someone. I'm not sure exactly what it says because I didn't need that part of the paperwork.

If you live in Dade County, you can make an appointment with the Family Court Self-Help Project in the civil courthouse in downtown Miami, and they can have a paralegal assist you and your husband. The paralegal can witness your documents after you sign them, too, and she won't charge you, but you have to buy the divorce kit (at least $50 if not more). I don't have the phone number, but you can call Switchboard of Miami 305-358-HELP and they can find the number for you. 311 might have it also (local government info).

I wish you all the best in this process and in the healing that is to come.

Peace & hugs,
Syl

Hi L.:

If you are looking for an attorney to help you with the documents, please feel free to contact me directly at my cell ###-###-####. I am a practicing attorney specializing in family law in Broward County. I deal with amicable divorces often thus understand the requirements for concluding the process quickly and amicably.

You can browse our website

http://www.scottjbrookpa.com/index.php

I wish you luck!

You need to use a lawyer but if you all are agreeing on terms and not arguing over any details you all can use the same lawyer and just ask them to draw it up. Shop around and find one that will do it for the least amount of money but you definitely need legal documents filed with the court. This is not something you do on your own.

i used to work in family law at the volusia county courthouse. if you have both agreed to the visitation, custody, and child support and whatever else you need to agree to then you can go the courthouse near you and go to the family law dept. they will typically have packets that they can sell you for you both to fill out by yourselves. you both sign and get notarized or take back to courthouse together and sign there and then have them "notarize" it. you file the paperwork (not sure of the cost anymore, but you can also file for indigency). also in the state of florida you have to take a parenting class if getting divorced that will teach you how to act around the child throughout the process. they will typically give you a court date close to when you file, you both have to go in and tell the judge you are both agreeable to the terms. he'll look over the paperwork and see if everything is in order. if it is he'll grant you the divorce. pretty simple. you'll get you certified signed dissolution of marriage papers in the mail.

and let me say, there are such things as amicable divorces. my aunt and uncle had one and they are still very agreeable to eachother. she is VERY good friends with her new husbands ex wife and her husband. they go out to dinner with eachother every time they are in town. it's possible. the only suggestion i would make is to remain cordial even if you are angry and to never talk bad about the other parent in front of the child.

i also believe that with the packets you can attend a class that will help you fill them out however they are pretty much self explanatory. there are also mediators if you have a problem with agreeing to terms. they have child support calculation sheets to see how much shoudl be paid, etc. obviously the child visitation is typically once during the week (typically wed. after school) and then every other weekend. but my SIL doesn't have custody of her child but she gets her every day after school, and every other weekend. also if it works for you, you can do every other week. one parent has her one week the other another week. also you can put in there that you have first rights. meaning that if one of you goes out while having her then the other parent has the first right to get the child to "babysit". i would suggest, look at your schedule, see what works best for both of you, and your child. with work, school, etc.

Hi, I am not sure what state you are in but in Florida if you both agree you could go to SELF HELP unit in the family court building. Once there you go to the 24 th floor to self help and you buy a divorce packet you tell them you have children, assets, and they give you the right packet.You fill it out make and appointment go to sign it and then you file you get a court date it is final ............as long as you agree it should be "painless". Good Luck!

There are alot of lawyers that will do an "uncontested" -meaning you both agree on terms, for about $400.00. Go to Google and put in unconteated divorce in Jacksonville,fl. You'll find a whole list. Just make sure you are clear about what you want to do when you call them and ask how much they charge up front.I put my first husband through law school, you pick up a few things along the way. I've been divorced twice and am still in touch with both. The last one was 20 years ago. Some people just are not happy with each other, but they can still remain friends.

I totally disagree with the previous responder.. YOU CAN PEACEFULLY DIVORCE!!! You can get along and be friends and NOT want to stay married. I am living proof.. and trust me having a friendly divorce is a LOT easier on your child than staying with someone you do NOT want to be with. Look for a legal clinic in you area. They will draw up the paper work based on what you tell them you want.. as long as your soon to be ex agrees with everything, he will simply sign the paper work and the legal clinic handles filing it for you. 10 yrs ago.. in Jacksonville it was $500.00.. that included all filing fees... we then went in to meet with a mediator.. agreed to the terms and the divorce was final! By the way I am now married to a wonderful man that gets along great with my ex husband and my children are being raised by 3 amazing parents. It DOES WORK out... GOD BLESS YOU!!

Hi L.. You all can file for divorce by going to the courthouse and buying the divorce packet. At the time of my divorce, it cost $250, plus filing fees. As long as you all can come to an agreement about everything, i.e. custody, visitation, etc., it really is simple. I'm not sure how it gets when you start to include property and such because my ex-husband and I didn't have any property together. Child support will be established based on both your income and his and all contributions made towards the child's well-being such as daycare, health insurance, etc. The clerks at the courthouse can help you decide which forms are needed. Good luck.

To peacefully divorce or divorce peacefully is an oxymoron.
Like in jumbo-shrimp.
If you and he are so agreeable then try to stay together for the childs sake. If not it will be hard on her, you and him and all your relatives and friends. They hurt when you hurt.
It will be lot lass peaceful than the current conversation.

oxymoron

A figure of speech in which two words of opposing meanings are used together to express two contrasting qualities in one concept.
"Bitter-sweet" is an example of an oxymoron; memories that are bitter-sweet are both painful and pleasant to recall. A contradiction in terms.
A paradoxical juxtaposition of two seemingly contradictory words.
P. G.