How to Delicately Give Advice to Husband

Every time he complains, ask him what kind of quality time does he want? What does he want to do? If he has an answer, then have him go do it (or suggest it next evening/weekend). If he doesn't, then tell him when he thinks of something, you'll help him.

Trust me, in another 2 years, it's going to be ALL about daddy.

For now, send him on errands & have him take his son with him.
Weekends (he's not tired, right?) find local events that interest your husband & tell him to go! And take the boy! (Is there something your husband has an interest in? Outdoor living shows, golf expos, etc.?)

Tell your husband that he's NEVER getting this time back. He's NEVER going to be 17 months old again and what a tragedy it would be to miss it.

One and Done has some excellent ideas.
I haven't found a delicate way to give advice to my husband. My pastor says unsolicited advice is just a nice word for nagging! I plant seeds in his head and help him to come to the conclusion I want him to reach. Such as praise him for doing something he isn't actually doing. I try to phrase things in such a way to make him think it was his idea. "Sweetheart, after our talk last week, I see you have been paying a lot more on on one attention to the baby. I can tell because he asks for you all day while you're at work" Then dad thinks, hmm if I start paying one on one attention he will miss me!
BTW, dad is partly right about baby playing independantly. My husband is the same way and they think daddy hung the moon. He will give them a little time, then send them to go play, then when he gives them time again, they are just over the moon. Babay really doesn't need to be held and played with 24/7 and you will regret it later if he is! Babay does need to learn to self soothe himself to sleep and to play independantly.

maybe he J. doesn't like pretend play. I HATE it! So does my ex, so to get my daughter involved with him when we were together when she was tthat age, I would suggest going to the park, or set p play dates with friends, or going for a walk...at first he resisted then he realized how it was fun to bond during these times. I still feel horrible and HATE pretend play or playing on the floor, but instead I;d do books, board games, naure hikes...its going to be easier for him to bond come this summer when he can play ball...maybe start some sports like soccer with yuor son and have him all proud showing his dad how he can kick

Tell him, if you want to build more of an emotional attachment to our son, then you need to work on spending quality one on one time with him.

This is something he obviously wants, so give him some ideas on what he can do. It's hard for some people to figure out how to engage with a young child.

And yes, you can say that. if he says "I'm too tired," then calmly ask... "How do you expect to get to know your son better, and for your son to want to play with you, if you aren't actively seeking him out and playing with him? You have to make the investment with your quality of time together, to see it pay off."

Quality time is measured by HOW you spend the time. I think it's kind of OK to let your son play independently, if your husband NEEDS to get things done. Example: I can unload the dishwasher and talk to my DD while she eats breakfast. I can shower and let her stick her hand in and sing to her.
Independent play is good unless like you said your son really wants the attention from him.

I agree with posters here that your husband's quality time might be best spent out of the house. That's how I spend my time with my DD, while my hubby can play on the floor for hours.

I wish you luck with trying to break the ice. Maybe a date night and some wine?

Is your husband not getting enough sleep each night? Does he go to bed too late? My husband "can" be like this at times...he is watching the kids but really he is on his laptop or doing something else and not really interacting with them. But other times he is very engaged. If he takes them somewhere to do something fun with them then he is all about the kids. If he is at home then there are other things that may take up his time. On his day off he has started taking our toddler out to ride the bus to the pool and then they swim in the little warm pool for about an hour. She LOVES it and she gets daddy's undivided attention. Riding the bus and swimming are both the coolest things to her right now. Maybe he can plan one outing with his son each weekend where his ipad cannot distract him and they can both get some quality bonding time! I recommend the pool :) PS - The other posters are so right in that when your son gets older things will totally change. Our oldest is 7 and he is ALL about dad right now.

I did not read your other post but when the time is right you gently put it like you have stated it here. Something like look, he is drawn to the people that do stuff with him. Right now his world revolves around those that constantly pay attention to him. I know you have to work and don't get to see him as much as I do or my parents do, but you have to make the best of what time you have with him. Nobody said that having kids would be easy. It is tiring, its tiring for me too, but I just try my best. Also pleas let him know it won't always be like this, in a few years your husband will have the ability to talk with him, play ball with him. There are quite a few restrictions when you talk about playing with a 17 month old. It will get better. You can also offer to give him some alone time.

I'd focus on the positive. There are a couple of ways to do this.

Would he read a copy of "Playful Parenting," or perhaps "The Dangerous Book for Boys?" (http://www.amazon.com/Playful-Parenting-Lawrence-J-Cohen/... and http://www.amazon.com/Pocket-Dangerous-Book-Boys-Things/d...) Those might help him remember better what it was like to be a little boy himself – how adventurous and curious he was. Putting one in his Christmas stocking might be a bit too pushy. Maybe just read it yourself, comment on some great new thing you learned, and leave the book lying near his favorite roost.

Another thing that could help is to comment positively on how well your son responded when Daddy did _____ with him. Mention the joy your son showed, or the sense of awe or respect your son seemed to exhibit. The more you notice, the more your husband is likely to notice, and a positive feedback loop can start that will encourage him to do more.

All of us, man, woman, and child, respond most eagerly and joyfully to positive input.

Ask your husband what "quality" time means to him. See if you can get him to see his own faults. He isn't going to change anything if he doesnt see a problem with it. I think it is funny that he is demanding more "quality" time with him and then sends him off to play by himself!!! I would really ask your husband to DEFINE what QUALITY TIME is. It sounds like he wants it, but only on his terms, and that just isn't going to happen.

You could brainstorm ideas - write them down, put them in a hat/bowl/basket. When your husband starts his "whining" about not having enough time, pull an idea out, hand it to him and say "here you go! Have fun!!"

OR...when he starts complaining, say "you know, I have watched you play with Son and he really likes it when you ------------." Or "Son got really excited when he saw a big truck while we were driving yesterday. You should take him for a ride to go look for trucks". If he says he is tired, say "I was just trying to offer some suggestions for you to spend more quality time...if you are too tired, that is fine, but sometimes we need to put quality time before being tired".

Sometimes with men you need to be direct. If you sugar coat it, they just DONT GET IT!!! If you see him watching TV instead of playing with your son, say "You told me you wanted more quality time with your son. You watching TV while he plays alone in his room is not quality time WITH him"

Ask your husband what he needs from you in order to have more time with Son. Does he need those ideas? Does he need you to nag and "pull teeth"? Ask him directly - "What can I do to help you have more quality time with Son?" See what he says...make the conversation a learning tool, rather than an argument. Save the "argument" for when he sits down to watch TV alone 10 min after complaining about not having quality time :-)

MORE THOUGHTS ---- Look up "Screen Time Awareness" statistics or "children and television watching" online about how much time young children are exposed to TV watching, computer use, cell phone use, etc. There are some scary heartbreaking numbers out there. See what your husband thinks of those...

I constantly have to scold my husband for using the laptop while he is feeding my son snack, or watching TV while our son is awake and playing right in front of him...HUGE pet peeve of mine!!

You nailed it on the head in the last paragraph~"He says he is too tired to come to the park or play in the backyard, then he gets what he gets." Truly that is what is happening here. I would just point out in a "this is what I observe" manner: Grandpa takes him to watch the construction workers and their construction equipment. They talk, interact, etc. You are on the floor playing with your child, engaging in a specific activity with him. This is quality time. Sitting next to someone doing another activity is not. He may get mad, but at least it is food for thought for him.
Kids at this age develop their bonds with the people they interact with most, so seriously "the snooze, you lose" phrase applies here. I do agree with Oneand done that daddy will get his moment in a couple more years. My son and daughter both favored me for the longest time, but when my son turned 3 and half, he has really become "buddies" with his dad. He thinks his dad is the coolest. Dad puts him to bed, changes his diaper or gets up with him in the night because my son requests dad now, over me. I am not at all offended! LOL
Just speak to your husband in an empathetic and matter of fact manner. He can't deny the facts. Good luck!
A.

Maybe you could write him a letter to fully explain your feelings. Lift up his great qualities, along with all the positive things you see in him as a father, and then gently mention the things that you see that are causing the problem. Then lift him up some more. =) Also, try not to say "You do this, and you don't do that...", but instead, structure your sentences with "I feel such and such when you do such and such". You may have to say "Maybe the baby feels such and such" instead of accusing (not saying you accuse).
It may be that there are other underlying issues, and time with the baby is how your husband is displaying it. Maybe he's feeling inadequate in his roles in life, beyond the baby. It sounds like you may still be in your early marriage years, and also, parenthood is new. Ruts are easy to fall in to.
Best wishes-sorry I don't have some solid advice for you--I would probably look into books or websites that offer ideas for young families, and exciting things you can do, to help bring you out of any ruts.
Oh! And also, babies are funny how they love one person one day, and someone else the next-and sometimes it depends on who has the best toys. =) That's just part of being a baby, even tho some situations (like yours, possibly), need some help.

Ask him what his definition of "quality time" is. Then, nicely explain to him that you don't always "want" to get down on the floor and play, but you do it anyway so you an have "quality time" with your son. Explain that your son will only be young for a very short period of time and as he gets older, the things they do for "quality time" will probably become more appealing to your husband but he has to form a relationship with the baby now in order for the baby to look to him to do those things with in the future. A little patience and tolerance now will serve him extremely well in the future!

Not every Dad relates well to the baby/toddler stage of parenting.
And at this stage you really have to get down on the floor and PLAY!
Turn off the computer and tv (and the phone).
Roll a (soft) ball back and forth.
Pile blocks.
What kid doesn't like climbing on Dad's back to go for a horsey ride (even if it's killing Dad's knees)?
And then there's tickling and tummy flubbies.
I use to sit on the couch and my son would sit on my feet and I'd do leg ups with him till I got tired - he loved it!
As child gets older they can look at fire trucks together and he can be Dad's little helper (carrying tools), wearing a little tool belt, etc.
Everyone gets tired from work.
What Mom isn't tired, too.
Dad needs to stop grumbling and sit on the floor and play.
Heck, they can build a couch cushion fort together on the living room floor.
Or on the weekend they can get a large cardboard box and cut doors and windows in it for a fort.
I don't think you can step back and let it happen at first.
You have to show him how - and involve him, get him started then slowly back away a bit.
Repeat it often enough and he'll get the hang of it.