Dear A.
I am so sorry for your loss, even though I didn't loose my baby from a miscarriage I truly understand what you are going through. My oldest daughter would be 20 this coming May and there is NOT a day that goes by that I do not think about her and how she would look, what she would be doing, etc.
I was 22 when she was born, she was born on my birthday, we shared even more of a special bond; at 9 months she had surgery to remove a brain tumor, which was cancerous...she lived another 6 months after that. Her death has been the hardest thing I have ever gone through...if you would have told me back then that I would be "somewhat" normal I would have told you to go to hell. Parents are NOT suppose to out live their children. It does suck!
You do survive; even though it doesn't feel like it right now. My marriage however, did suffer. The doctor's told me that if our marriage was not strong enough to begin with it might not survive the illness. My ex-husband wouldn't talk about it...he kept it inside. And I didn't force the issue; Men feel that they have to be strong for us...they can't show emotion...Truthfully I would have loved for him to show emotion.
I think they do not understand because to them the baby isn't real until he/she is born. You need to talk with your husband let him know that you need to know what he is feeling, tell him how you are feeling; work at this together for you both to survive this and move on with your life.
I do have two beautiful daughters a 17 yo (Same father as my oldest) and a 3 year old (a true gift from God). So you can have more children and as one of the other ladies said your doctor will consider you as a "high risk" pregnancy and watch you even more closely. I am sure you will be nervous especially until you pass the weeks that you lost your 1st born (I know I was); but you will be able to get through it. I promise.
I also believe that you do need to ask your OB/GYN for some depression medication. It doesn't make you forget but it helps you to get through the day and your emotions easier. I have been taking depression meds on and off and it hasn't hurt me or my children one bit. Don't be afraid to ask for help. As for talking to a shrink or support group. I went to both and it was ok; but it was easier to just talk to friends or even strangers about her; yes, I know our situations are a little different; but talking helps and if people are uneasy about it then they truly aren't your friends.
I look back now, and realize everything in our life happens for a reason and even though we don't agree with it, it is for the best.
I know that I have my own guardian angel, Dominique, watching over me and my girls. Granted I would love to have her here with me, but there is a saying that our children "are children are only on loan to us"; but a Parent is NOT suppose to outlive their children.
I pray that you and your husband find peace in your heart, so that you both can continue on your journey together and add to your family.
Bless you both,
G. & Girls