I have an 18 years old, he is gay and we recently knew from that, so its not easy at all for me and his dad to process that information, but still we talked to him and told him we love him and we accept him as he is. The problem is he has no respect for anyone, much less for me, his own mother. He is bothered for anything and everyone. His sister tried to be with him in every moment cause she talked to him and he listened, but we recently had a fight, my own son hit me with his closed fists as if I were some guy from school> He doesn't work cause he isn't resident yet and hasn't a work permit, we are very limited with money and he doesn't understand that, he thinks he is always right and he deserves everything, he thinks he is a victim and I'm already tired of talking with him cause he wont listen. Please, i just need a north cause I don't know what else to do, I've tried EVERYTHING! and this situation is getting worse. Please help me and tell me where should i get help, what should I do now. Thank you very much.
Sexual orientation has nothing to do with it -if an 18 year old son of mine punched me with his fist, his butt would be OUT. Call the cops if you have to -there is no way or reason that his behavior is in any way acceptable or okay.
Personally I don't see how any of this has to do with him being gay. He attacked you. If he were straight I would kick him out at the very least.
If my son hit me, he would need another place to live, job or no job.
Gay or straight, that young man battered you and should be held responsible...I brief trip to the local police department, just might give your son a "NEW Attitude".
Blessings....
if he hit you....then he should be OUT of your home.
No messing around, he'll hit harder next time.
Doesn't matter if he's gay, doesn't matter if he's emotionally struggling, doesn't matter if he doesn't have a work permit.......he broke your trust. Next time do you want him to break your arm...or leg....or hit you in the head? I know this sounds harsh....but the reality of this is, YOU are the victim whether you are verbally harassing him or not. Family arguments should never, ever become physical.
You could try counseling, you could talk with your church elder.....but stop enabling him. Don't fight, don't argue. Give him some responsibilities to help out...& keep him active. Time to lay the law down.....
HE needs to move out on his own,
You said he hit you. At the very minimum thats a misdemeanor. If he did serious bodily injury, that's a felony, or at least it is in California.
I would call the cops and let them handle it. If he wants to try and hit a cop, they will explain the error of his ways much better than you ever could or apparently ever did.
If he doesn't have a green card or visa, let his home country deal with him.
If you do nothing, then you are teaching him to use you as a punching bag.
BTW, the time to correct his behavior was when he was two and hitting you was "cute". I suspect you are one of the many that don't believe in corporal punishment. I only said this in hope others will learn from you and not let their kids get away with this when they are still young enough to learn.
Good luck to you and yours.
He needs to move out. If he hits you, call the cops.
Your son hit you? Call the police and have him arrested. That will teach him not to EVER lay hands on you again. As for respect, how long ago did he come out and tell you he was gay? He sounds like he has a lot of unfinished emotional business---can you suggest counseling? Or a male mentor for him to talk to? He should be getting a job and contributing to the family at the very least----sit with him lay out the ground rules and get things straightened out. But don't let him get away with hitting you! GL
M
Better not let him get away with hitting you....call the police and let him know you mean business.
People treat you the way that you let them treat you. Has he always been disrespectful and it is just now boiling over? Is it something new? If it is new some therapy might help to find the root cause. If he apologetic than it wouldn't hurt for him to make some restitution (not talking about money)-though I'm don't think I would get past someone punching me but I'm trying to be open minded. If he is still acting like an deserving a s s, even after abusing you than it is time for him to find a shelter and get out.
i would have called the cops and he would not be welcome in my home until he learned to treat us with respect.
this isn't so much a parenting question - that's about 15 years too late. your son isn't a child. there are lines you DON'T cross. he did. he is 18 years old and he hit you. it sounds to me like he needs to face consequences for his actions. has he ever? he won't learn a thing till he does...
I would seek the advice of a therapist who can walk you through how to approach the situation. No, you do not want him to be hitting you. You need to develop a script of what you will say, and how it will get said, when these situations arise so that the violence won't escalate. If he is a recent student in a high school, call his counselor for referrals. Part of the script will be about calling the police and filing a report if this happens again--not as a threat, but as a natural consequence of an adult who hits another adult.
From your letter, I cannot tell whether he has only recently joined you in Florida, or whether the entire family has recently arrived--basically has your son been living on a daily basis with you for all 18 years, or has he recently joined you and has been without your direct guidance for a while? I have a feeling that if he has recently joined the family, he has many issues to sort through. He probably could use counseling himself, but you will need to seek it yourself first in order to establish a way to communicate within the family.
Best of luck to you.
I know I will get nailed for this, but have you found yourself a good Priest?
Find a PFLAG chapter in your area, or at least go to their site online: www.pflag.org
Bless your heart. My sister went thru this exact same thing and it was the hardest thing she ever went thru. However she did force hm out into the world and make him grow up. I have to say it took 1 maybe 2 years for it to be a relationship. If he were my child support and love him talk with him. Get his feelings be Mom without the wrong or right of things. Let him feel his decision and love him for it. He will grow and this too shall pass. If it doesn't he is still your little boy. I will pray for strength for you and your family.
