How to Deal with 3Rd Grader's Possessive Friend

I suggest you ask the teacher for his/her opinion. This type of thing frequently bleeds over into problems in the classroom and the teacher might have already noticed it. My daughter had this issue and the three girls visited the counselor together a couple of times. The teacher also separated all 3 in the classroom so there was no jealousy that one got to do a project with another and the third was left out.

Tell your daughter to play with the person who she feels is behaving like the better friend. She doesn't need to TELL either of them...just play with the nicer, kinder girl and ignore the one who is being rude. It's important that we teach our girls NOT to make rude people a priority in our lives just because they create drama.

This is a situation where real-life consequences are important. Everyone will learn a lesson: K will learn she doesn't get her way all the time and doesn't own your daughter, Y will learn that her kindness and not being rude gets real friendship, and your daughter will learn that it's she isn't in charge of making everyone happy (if she thinks she is, please help her to nip that pre-codependent thought process in the bud, momma).

Best!
♥
C. Lee

suggest to your daughter to find a "Z"

This age is the prime time for this. Went through it with my own daughter. And now again, at the age of 13, she's trying to figure out and deal with the various friends she has, some who don't like the others. It is a fine balancing line, one your child will need to learn and use over and over again all through her life.

No one should hone in on and believe they should be a child's "only" friend. I always tell my daughter to make friends--not just one friend. Because kids keep changing their friends and friendships so fast as they grow up, you don't want your child to have only one friend, because if that friend suddenly doesn't like her and dumps her--or dumps her for a new friend--then your daughter sits there without any friends.

My advice would be to encourage your daughter to play with both friends--even if that makes the other mad or upset while she's playing with the other one. She can even tell her friend(s) that she likes to have a lot of friends, not just one friend, and she will find time to play with both of them.

If she finds another friend or two, then she'll have more friends to play with/choose from and she won't be at the center of a tug-of-war between these two girls.

I can't really offer you any more specific advice. I pretty much told what I told you to my daughter as she grew up, and she pretty much used that as a guideline when dealing with friends. And not all "friends" are friends, per se, but some are rather more acquantainces than friends. Which your daughter will have to learn to differentiate between as well.

And all little girls say hateful things like that in their battle to make sure that you're their only friend. Is your daughter the only friend that either of these two girls have? That is also a warning sign that you'll want to make sure to help your daughter cultivate friendships with other girls, because the ones she's currently hanging out with like to monopolize their friends. They'll also think nothing of dropping your daughter like a hot potato when they find another new friend they like better or have more in common with (seen it happen).

Don't say anything. Let the girls deal with this. Mean while continue teaching your daughter kindness and make sure she includes anyone who wants to play.

Just keep encouraging your daughter to play with who SHE wants to play with, and to not exclude anyone. This is a common problem with girls, they are drawn to pair up and there are often issues with threesomes (any odd number group, actually.)
I would only call the mom if things get really bad for your daughter. I always start with the teacher first, because often the teacher has some insight as to what's going on at school and can intervene, if necessary.
But in the meantime, let your daughter handle it. And remind her if she ever feels caught in the middle she can always tell the girls, I don't like the way this is making me feel, I'm going to play with someone else today.

Let the kids work it out.

I posted a question almost just like this one regarding my 3 rd grader. The advice I would give is to keep talking to her and listening and try to encourage her to find a way to take turns playing with everyone or include everyone. And remind her of how she would feel if she were the one being left out.
I did talk to my daughter's teacher at one point because I felt like my daughter being close to this possessive girl was affecting her other really good friendships. And her teacher had told me that she had pulled some of the girls aside to help resolve conflicts. So she was already awre of some issues.
She basically said that sometimes the consequence of losing a friend is what helps teach the lesson. Lessons that you would rather her learn now than when she's older and the consequences are more severe. I've left it alone and have just kept things open with my daughter and it seems to have resolved for now.
There is a good American Girl book called The Smart Girl's Guide to Frienship Trouble. My kiddo found it helpful.
Good luck!

omg, do not go to the mother.
kids DO need to learn to work these things out. i cannot imagine how our next few generations are going to cope. they are not allowed to figure out anything on their own.
the best thing to do in this situation is to a) listen to her without telling her what to do and b) role play with her so she can figure out some different strategies.
then leave her alone.
if a kid is getting beat up or hatefully verbally abused, of course a parent has to intervene.
but parents intervene waaaaay too much these days.
khairete
S.

My daughter has dealt with the friend triangle, but was Y in her situation. Her best friend was being controlled by another girl who didn't like my daughter. She allowed the other girl to tell her what to do. This went on for about three years until this school year. My daughter and her best friend are finally in the same class, and the other girl is not in their class. She has made friends with another girl from her class who she seems to be trying to dominate as well. She still wants to play with my daughter's bff, but since the other girl is in the picture, she doesn't mind my daughter being there so much.

It's frustrating, but since the teacher is already aware, there's not much you can do other than role play with your daughter and give her lines to say. Tell her if K gets mad that it's not her problem. If she won't be her friend if she wants to play with Y, then she's not a true friend.

I haven't dealt with this yet, but maybe your daughter can use the word "share" - all kids know the concept of sharing. Your daughter is sharing her time with boty Y and K. To share, she has to take turns. So she can tell them that they can all play together, or they have to take turns.

I dealt with this at my daughter's last slumber party. It was awful and the girls DID NOT get along. It was awful and in my case easy that I just don't have them over at the same time, but they do not go to the same school so that is not an issue.

What I found worked somewhat was telling them that they all needed to either play together nicely or take turns playing with X. They could not play together without starting a fight, so they just basically took turns.

Stay out of it other than to tell your daughter that K and Y's problems are just that - K and Y's problems. They are not your daughter's problems and there is nothing she needs to do other than to leave the problems with their owners - K and Y.

And you need to just stay out of it. This is between the girls and really nothing you need to concern yourself with. This is a situation neither you nor your daughter have any control over as it stems from other people's behavior. You can't control that - don't try. Leave it alone!

She should try to have a sit down with both of them and explain that she likes them both equally and wants to play with them both. but in the end she may lose on, friends at that age do tend to come and go.