Hi All,
How might custody work out in the following situation? Parents of young (elementary school) children are divorced or separated but have a fairly amicable relationship and want children to see both parents. The parents live in two different states. Mom lives in state where all grandparents live and Dad originally insisted upon living. Dad works in a place with very high unemployment, esp. among those who don't work in the entertainment business. As a result, it would be very difficult for Mom to find a job with a living wage in Dad's new home town. Mom has a full-time work schedule that is closer to "typical" than dad does. (Dad works in a volatile industry in which people often don't know where and when they will work. When they do work, they usually work afternoons and nights. Dad will probably work 5 afternoons/nights per week--3 weekdays, Saturday, and Sunday over 50 weeks/year.) I've seen some children spend the school year with one parent and summer breaks and holidays with the other. In the case just described, however, will children be adequately watched? How beneficial will the trip to dad's home be if dad is gone most hours the kids are home? Will kids spend most of their time with babysitters or become latch key kids? No step-parents in the picture at the moment.
Thanks,
L
Hi All,
Thank you for your advice. As the situation I described is fairly complex (parents live a five- to seven-hour drive apart, dad's work schedule is neither consistent nor amenable to a typical child care schedule), it sounds as though a lawyer or mediator could help decide what to do.
Poor kiddos!! How hard! How long have the parents lived in different states or is this a new arrangment?
Your questions are all good and have to be worked out between the two of you if you want to make this decision together. He would need to have a plan for handling those situations before I'd agree to him having the kids for the summer.
However, it sounds like you don't trust him to adequately supervise the children. I suggest that if you go thru the courts, the court can order a home study which could help determine what is best for the children.
Above all I would involve an attorney. You want to make whatever you decide a part of a court order.
Sounds like you guys need to go to a mediator who can help you both to address all the issues and come to some sort of agreement.
Parents who work but have kids that visit just have to pay for child care when they work. That's all there is to it. You have to have child care for your kids when you're at work and they are out of school, same thing with him.
There are some issues for sure. If he is working and has to go and ends up being gone for an extended time he won't have any way to have a child care center stay open extra hours. So him having someone like a roommate or neighbor watch the kids seems like it would be best. But if he's going to be gone for days or even weeks the child should come home at his expense of course.
Sometimes it's hard to say what the parents and/or courts would decide. If the parents are amicable and can decide/agree on something reasonable, most courts will go with that but if not, and the court decides, they may not like the outcome.
Although you say there live in different states, you didn't say how far apart they live (for instance, my ex lives in MD and I live in DE but we're about 2 hours apart...but some parts of MD are 5-10 minutes away) which can make a huge difference. If they live an hour apart, what is reasonable would be very different than in the different towns were several hours (or more) apart.
Based soley on what you have shared and assuming they are not close to one another (across the country, half way or something like that), it would probably be reasonable that one of them would have "placement" (or physical custody) while they could have joint "legal custody" (this one mean they have equal say but one would have the kids living with them full time and make day to day decisions. The most logical choice for placement would seem to be mom but that is not a given (depending on the persons themselves...are both fit parents? are they responsible? are their addictions or other problems?) If this were the case it would seem that the other two weeks a year (that dad wasn't working) he could have them coincide with school breaks and have the kids with him in addition to some long weekends where he could visit with them as well.
If they live relatively close they could work it out that he handles getting them to and from school on this two days off, and visits with them on there school days off before he has to go to work....over long weekends etc.
Proximity will make all the difference.
It is typical in cases of parents living in two states that the children live with one parent during the school year and visit the other on weekends (if possible), school breaks, and for an extended visit during the summer. All parents need to provide adequate childcare for any hours they are working.
The best thing, IMO, for all separating parents to do is to work this out together, or together with a mediator, so that they both feel they are coming up with the best solution possible for everyone. When two lawyers get involved, the details can take forever to work out and no one feels the result is the best (and huge amounts of money can be wasted).
Do your best to think of all the variations of things that could happen to impact a written schedule. Then, be willing to work out unexpected changes.
I almost thought you were the child in the situation. No matter what employment is like, what state, married or unmarried, people have night shifts, day shifts, weekend work in all areas and they manage to work out wonderful loving relationships with their children. The 'predicament' if there is one is just not working it out. I would image if Dad wants to see his children (CHILD?) just because there are awkward hours or mom, too whatever the situation they do the same as we all did married or not, loved our kids, made sure they were with safe people when we were not around and gave those children the might hugs and kisses they need. The hypothetical latch key kids are an everyday existence in even the soundest of marriages. If this is you you will work it out and if it is someone important to you and you want to help, then direct them to the many resources out there that can help this situation. And I just looked, it sounds like this may be your situation. Try to not worry, I know it is hard, but I used to be involved with acting and the children of some 'entertainment' people are very loved almost as a second family by the people in the 'biz' so if it helps and it never does when you love your own children so much, try not to worry.
Get a great lawyer for your peace of mind. Mediation or court, you need someone completely on your side. I think you are coming to the right conclusion.
kids need to be in the same place for the school year.. but could go visit dad all summer or half the summer. and for christmas adn easter school break.
