How to Address Being Pushed to the Side at Youth Banquet

Updated on February 15, 2013
D.D. asks from Goodyear, AZ
11 answers

We were asked to do a photo stand for a youth banquet. We usually hear what the plans are ahead time and can plan for things. This year the meeting was late after a Wednesday night service, we were all rushed for time to get kids home. So no real direction was discussed as to what the director had in mind. So we show up and nothing is set up for the booth. I asked to find out who is in charge, they direct me to the person, and she is in the middle of cooking and we get shoood out of the way. I understand they have been cooking for days to prepare for the night, but we were here ready to get going and needed to know how to get set up and moving. I had my younger children with me, and right away they are like there is no one set up to watch the children, I am like that is ok, I am not worried about that I will tend to my children, I just need to know where to set up; What their idea was for the photo booth. I asked again, without looking at me the answer was I don't care, I just want pictures. OK.. I quickly get things put together and start getting couple pictures going and entertaining the people. I was there to help, free of charge, I just wanted direction. Yes I realize they are focused and stressing to get things rolling, but I too needed to get things rolling as well. How would you address this with the person? Feel like I was a little under appreciated.

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C.S.

answers from Las Vegas on

I wouldn't say anything. If you have done it in the past, you should have done the same thing you did in previous years.

As a professional, I don't give the client too much room to instruct me. If I did, they really don't need me.

If it was really that ugly, don't take the job again.

3 moms found this helpful

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B.F.

answers from Dallas on

Let me appreciate you! Thank you for doing the photo booth! Without you there would have been less fun and no pictures! You jumped in and figured it out and fun was made. Thank you!

I am supposing you are doing this for your church, right? In the bigger picture, you are serving God. His thanks will eclipse any you get here.

I have organized many things for church and school. From my point of view, I agree with Gamma G. It's a huge job. Things fall through the cracks.
The person in charge needed to be free to answer questions and handle situations. Instead, she was doing the mammoth part of the job that had to get done. She was hopeing that each person would take care of their job, as best they could. They are all adults.

Your part in this was to come to the meeting on Wed night and ask questions and understand your part in the proceedings. You would have been told your kids needed to be taken care of elsewhere.

I understand your need to get the kids home. But when you volunteer for something like this you need to understand that comes with a lot of sacrifice that nobody ever sees. It's part and parcel of the job. My family sacrifices all the time for the good of people who never once have thanked them.
I bet the family of the lady in charge of this has made many sacrifices, also.

The other perspective of this situation is that you didn't make the effort to either make the meeting or get the needed info before you showed up. You brought kids when volunteers were not supposed to. Then you expected people to fall out of their jobs to help you set up to do yours.

You have some choices to make.
1. You could go off on a leader who has sacrificed a lot of time and effort to bring this together.
2. You could understand your part in this and own it. If you feel like its asking too much of you at this point in your life, don't do it again till your kids are older.
3. You could find a way of doing it better the next time. You could decide the youth banquet is worthy of your efforts and sacrifice. You have experience now and could be a valuable cog in this. You could reap a lot of joy out of this!

I would choose #3. It's a very fulfilling thing to serve God. Sometimes there are bumps in the road. Build a bridge and get over that bump and the benefits will last eternally!

6 moms found this helpful

D.B.

answers from Boston on

Volunteers don't always organize things as well as professions, that's the first thing.

Secondly, if you can't attend the planning meeting because it's late and the kids have to go home, you can call the person who asked you to set up the booth before the event, or get there extra early with a back-up plan for watching your kids. Not everyone may have thought ahead to allow for babysitting or kids' activities.

So they didn't give you direction, and you didn't think ahead to ask for guidance/direction. Lesson learned for all parties involved.

Let it go and stop being angry about being pushed aside - you just asked someone what you should do, and that person didn't have the info and wasn't in charge. Late-comers are always a strain on those who get there early, and there isn't always time to help those who didn't attend the planning meeting.

You'll do better next time because you'll know you have to get to the meeting or call someone ahead of time.

4 moms found this helpful
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J.B.

answers from Boston on

I would suggest that you find some grace and let this go. They were also volunteers, correct? They're might feel a little under appreciated as well. One volunteers to provide a service, not to get thanked, correct?

It's great when a large event runs smoothly and is well planned but those instances are more the exception than the rule. Expect events to be chaotic and then when they are actually well organized, delight in in the surprise.

4 moms found this helpful
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G.L.

answers from Salt Lake City on

If you feel like it is worth it, find out if they plan to do a "lessons learned" or after-action meeting, because that would be an appropriate time to say something about how the photo booth could be handled differently next year. If anyone follows up with you personally and asks how it went, you could tell them what you'd need to do the job well in the future. If they thank you for helping out but don't offer a chance to comment, just accept their thanks and be glad that you were able to pull it off in spite of their lack of organization or help. Remember, IF you decide to do this again, that you will need to give direction ahead of time about exactly what kind of support you need. And if no one bothers to thank you, politely decline the next time you're asked.

4 moms found this helpful
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S.R.

answers from Washington DC on

It does sound like it was all volunteers and sometimes it's not great working with people who are unqualified and sometimes unorganized, but you take what you get.

Although I would not complain right now, If there is another event in the future, perhaps you could get on the organizing committee and bring up the problems you had this year so they don't happen again...but don't be surprised if they ask you to be the organizer....sometimes the people with the suggestions wind up doing a lot of the work.

3 moms found this helpful

L.A.

answers from Austin on

I am going to guess these people are never organized? Or just this years group?

I am noticing, more and more, Parents are just not stepping up and so smaller and smaller groups of Parents are trying to organize these events, that in the past, had a lot more volunteers.

Your feelings are hurt, Or are you put out that they were not organized?

As the PTA President, people knew that if they did not step up, we either made the event smaller, or cancelled it, if we could not do the event in an organized way. I was not going to run around and do everything myself. It does not work that way.

OR, if people complained, or were full of ideas, I awarded them the honor of being in charge, either that year or the next year.

These people either floated up and did a great job, or they disappeared and never complained again..

You agreed to do this event. You knew what you needed. They did not have anything set up and did not care how it got done. You took over and did it. Great Job! I am not kidding. This is what we have to do some times. I bet the families that get these photos will be thrilled.

I always just try to do my best with what we have.

Right now I am organizing a very large event for a friend. I love him dearly but, He is a flake and I knew that going in.. He is not communicating well enough for me. But I am doing my part and will be thrilled when the event happens. I just wish he would freaking communicate with me!!!!!

3 moms found this helpful
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D..

answers from Miami on

You weren't appreciated because you were free. CHARGE A FEE next time. Then they will treat you more professionally.

Dawn

2 moms found this helpful

T.S.

answers from San Francisco on

Perhaps they just expected you to take charge.
I wouldn't feel under appreciated if I were you I would feel good that they didn't feel the need to have someone tell you where to go and what to do, that they were confident you could figure it out. That's a GOOD thing!

1 mom found this helpful

J.S.

answers from Chicago on

I would consider this a lesson learned. All details should be worked out before the event, not the day of or at the event.

1 mom found this helpful

K.M.

answers from Chicago on

I think this is something you do not participate in again. If you must say something suggest each booth have an "instructional guide" of expectations so people can simply step in and get to work.

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