How Should I Handle This? - Richardson,TX

If the relationship is otherwise good, I would just let it go as morning grouchiness. I always think that I have very few friends or family members - no, make that, I have no friends or family members - that I could spend a week's vacation with and not be irritated at some point. So I expect I will be irritated with my spouse sometimes and he will be irritated with me sometimes and most times, the best thing to do is let it go.

When some men are on vacation - they want a vacation from everything - including family (that's why a lot of guys will go on a fishing/hunting trip). Yeah, it's a bit selfish. When do the rest of us get a break from everyone?
He can't transfer his bad mood without you accepting it from him. Just refuse delivery.
There was a discussion here awhile back about being married and sleeping in separate bedrooms. It works so well for so many people. Perhaps you and Hubby should give it a try. When everyone is well rested, there tend to be fewer meltdowns.

Basically y'all woke up on the wrong side of your perspective beds this morning. Change your bad mood by thinking "I am not a single mom, I'm blessed to have that pain in the arse man around for the most part, he is home now with a cranky child and I am in a peaceful place with adults AND I have a job in this horrifying economy, and NOW I AM GOING TO MEET MY DEADLINE with ease right after this next cup of coffee with some added sugar and cream..... and I cant wait to get home to my lovely chaos that was created from my loins because I love them ALL".
Have a good day. It's new years eve.... be thankful, get your work done, and get your tired butt back home workin' Mommy and Wife!

I think you should continue to co-sleep and your husband should get have his own room:) I don't get why this society is insistent on making young children sleep isolated and alone, but yet model adults cuddling to sleep as the norm. And especially when they are only children. I do think it is different when there are multiple children that can share a room/bed. Children have the rest of their adolescence and adult lives to sleep alone(not everyone is fortunate enough to get married)...but they only have one childhood to feel safe while they sleep.

Well how does he feel about your child sleeping with you? Maybe this is the root problem. We don't have our kids in bed with us because we just can't get good sleep at all. I think in this case it was an issue of tiredness mixed with unreasonableness and it just blew up, I so hate it when that happens! Sorry you had a rough morning, but maybe it is time to talk about how the sleeping arrangements are working because in my experience blow ups don't come from nowhere and maybe what you thought was ok, really isn't. I do think he overeacted, so maybe when you are both cooled off try to find out what is really up, I bet he is not liking no getting to cuddle up to you etc at night and maybe getting frustrated about it. Good luck, sorry you started your morning off so rough, hope your day gets better!

First of all make your child sleep in his own room. It will take time but it is so worth it. You will be able to have private time with your husband and you will both be able to get a good night's sleep. Second try to keep the same sleep schedule everynight. When we drastically change our sleep cycle on weekends or vacations our bodies can't adjust and we get grumpy.
Now on to your question. If your routine is the parent who has to get up early sleeps in a different room and the other parent sleeps with your child but your child wanted you then your hubby should have slept in the other room alone. He should not be angry at you for having to get up for work, that makes no sense. I think this whole situation is a symtom of what is going on in your home and marriage. I believe you forgot how to be a couple and have devoted yourselves to being parents. You need to re-connect as husband and wife. How often do you go out on dates? How often do you have sex? When is the last time you snuggled up with your husband and watched a movie?
Yes your child is important but so is your marriage. The best thing parents can teach their children is love and they learn that by seeing a healthy loving relationship between their parents.
You may need couples counseling, go for it.

anxiety fuels anger. you may think this is a long shot. But is it possible that your husband is just anxious because of this sleeping arrangement that

takes you away from him
causes lack of sleep and irritability
possibly he was even resentful because he was going to be babysitting

I am not saying you don't have a right to be annoyed by your husbands behavior, but I think examining the situation and where the anger came from..... acknowledging what is really bothering your husband and trying to do something about it might help your whole family

Co-sleeping is not the problem here as most previous posters would seem to think. If-and only IF-as a couple this something you want to change, then so be it. If, as the parents, you are OK with it, then leave it alone. I don't believe that co-sleeping has anything to do with this particular situation-unless your DH is harboring resentment for it. Then, that is his issue that does need to be resolved, but not a co-sleeping issue.
My personal opinion is that your husband needs to step up. If this went on in my house, I would have tried to calmly explain to my child that mommy needs to get ready for work & Daddy is here for you. Then, probably not so calmly, explained to daddy that he is on vacation this week & can go back to bed if he wanted or nap with the his child. This seems to be the agreement that you both had set up before today. Then, after both of you have had a chance to calm down, discuss what happened. It's very possible that he has regrets about his actions & had a pretty good day with his kid.

You were being COMPLETELY reasonable. You need to tell your husband to grow up and be a man... or at the very least, an adult! What an absolute JERK!! He was on vacation for goodness sake! YOU had to not only go to work, but it was an important day, and I'm sure your husband knows how your son prefers you to him, so waking him up would have been a purposeful way to make you late or not on top of your game for work.

He needs to work on his anger issues, basic self control and his passive aggressive/spitefulness.

I've bed-shared for over 5 years, and my daughter has mentioned she's ready for her own room and bed. My bf for the last 3 years, now my husband - has never liked the bed sharing aspect of parenting and I told him tough sh*t - you are an adult, she's the child. Her needs come first. Men can't seem to understand that once a woman becomes a Mother... her significant other is no longer the 'center of her universe' if so they ever were to begin with.

I don't think he should have acted like that. I am at work today and my husband is home with our kids. He should be happy he has a day off and gets to stay home with his child! He needs to quit being a selfish baby. Everyone needs their sleep, but for him to yell at you like that was not fair. You are the one who had to get up and go to work. Sorry if I sound harsh but I would have been ticked at him for reacting like that too!

I think you are both grumpy and unhappy with how things went. So of course you took it out on each other. That's what married people tend to do! (unfortunately).

I, personally, am not an advocate of co-sleeping. We didn't do it and never really even considered it. In our household, it is vitally important that my spouse and I have some place where we are married people. It can be hard enough to transition from "mommy" to "wife/lover" mindset without having a squirming little one in the middle of the bed every night, and you have to be able to do that if you plan on having a successful marriage, imo. A successful marriage is a key to a successful family. If your marriage is a shambles everything else will be too. I don't think one of you routinely sleeping in another room sets the right tone for a solid marriage. Baby/toddler gets what he wants but one of YOU gets kicked out of your bed? Not in my house. I am not against co-sleeping for others if it is working for your family, and for some families it is just fine. But it doesn't sound like it is working for your family.

Does your husband ALWAYS complain about your snooze alarm? Mine doesn't like it when I hit the snooze button, but unless he is particularly grumpy (didn't sleep well to begin with) he wouldn't overreact like your husband sounds like did.

Did you and your husband have a discussion about co-sleeping or did it just sort of happen/evolve? Not sleeping well is a horrible way to live. Thankfully the first few months of a baby's life is "usually" the length of time that nighttime waking lasts, and not much longer. (not in every case of course, but generally speaking, kids are not still waking in the middle of the night at 10 months - a year old). You need sleep to function and maintain your sanity, and your patience. Sounds like lack of sleep is affecting your marriage in some subtle ways and some not so subtle ways.

Check in with your hubby and find out if he is agreeable to discussing a change in your bedtime habits. You guys need to be on the same page about what you are doing with this. Whatever you change (or don't), be sure that you are in agreement or at least agree on the compromise/trade-offs. Don't be afraid to try something different, since what you are doing isn't working for all of you. Yes, if you decide to move baby to his own room it will take some work on your parts... but if you make that decision, do it. ( It sounds like you wanted this for awhile already, but were too tired to get it to happen). Since hubby will be a part of that decision, he gets to help make it happen. Take turns, swap nights to accomplish walking little one back to his room, or whatever. But it will be a JOINT job. And when you get it done you will both sleep so much better and be able to love each other without all the grumpiness from disrupted sleep affecting setting you both off over little things.

Sometimes when you are startled out of sleep and you are not quite lucid yet, you may not behave quite rationally. Maybe that is what was going on with your husband. And maybe, even though he appears to be sleeping like a log on most other occasions, he's not getting a lot of good quality, undisturbed sleep (I'm sure you can relate to that) and just the build up of that set him on edge this morning.

I wouldn't like being yelled at first thing in the morning (I never like being yelled at actually) but it's hard to be perfect all the time and if your husband doesn't have a lot of bad moments, then maybe he's entitled to just this one. Talk to him about it when you get home. Maybe you need to figure out a better plan getting everyone to sleep in their own beds. Or maybe this was just a bad morning for your husband and he'll be back to normal before you know it.

Hope you are able to work this out very soon.

I think this was a "wake up call" for the two of you to reality.

One of you is content with the co-sleeping arrangement.

One of you just goes along with it because you don't want to get up and tend to the child in the middle of the night.

It's time for communicating because from experience, it will only escalate and create more problems in your household.

I second what TerraD said... lol

You've had a lot of great replies and you've already told us "what happened" so there's not a whole lot to add with your original questions. However, I wanted to throw something out to you that worked for us . . . ONLY if you are serious about getting your son into his own bed - if co-sleeping does work for you, then that's what you should do. It worked for us for a while but then as she got older it started to become problematic. So what I ended up doing is telling her that she had to go to sleep in her own bed but if everyone was asleep and she woke up she could come get in bed with us. For a while she'd come in regularly in the middle of the night, but then slowly it became less and less. (and even so we'd get some uninterrupted sleep). Now, only on rare occassions does she come get in bed with us, usually if she isn't feeling well. Good luck!!

Ugh! Men! Sounds to me like he just woke up on the wrong side of the bed. I know I get TERRIBLE sleep when my son sleeps with us. My husband's sleep is worse than mine since he gets all the kicks in the middle of the night. Could be several nights of bad sleep all added up to his selfish explosion this morning. I'm sure by the time you get home he'll have realized how he overreacted. I'm not going to tell you that you guys shouldn't co-sleep--I am just a fellow mama, not an expert and everyone does things their own way. But, maybe you need to ask your hubby if co-sleeping is becoming a problem. He may be resentful of your son being in bed with you guys as it interferes with sleep and intimacy between you two. My husband tends to get on the crabby side if he's super tired and we haven't had sex in a few days. Good luck!

It sounds like you and your husband are both tired and grumpy. To try to make you feel better, I dont work fulltime so no matter WHAT happens, my husband has never gotten up with the kids. Never. Of course we have fought about it, but its not going to change so I just do it.
Like a lot of others, I strongly suggest you get your kid in his own bed. The longer you wait, the harder it will get. It will probably be a rough week, but very worth it in the long run. I would be extremely sleep deprived if I had to sleep with a wiggle worm every night. I would be pretty grumpy too.
Drink some coffee, relax and try not to let it bother you. Just because you may not be aware of it, your son could have been keeping hubby up all night too with this moving. This situation is not good for anyone. Everyone is grumpy!

You need to sleep in the other room when you need your rest clingy baby or not. He needs to realize that when he is on vacation he has 100% full charge of kiddo giving you the belssing of focusing on work. Really these are things that should be discussed quickly and when someone else has the kiddo so you can "duke it out" however you need.

Marriage counseling.
Communications workshop.
Marriage Encounter or Marriage Enrichment weekend.
Until you can get to one or another of these,
make a list of all of his behaviors that are causing difficulties for you.
Ask him to make a list of all of your behaviors
that are causing difficulties for him.
If possible, see if the two of you can whittle the lists down,
make them shorter by loving respectful conversation.
About being reasonable/kind when abruptly awakened . . .
that IS a difficult situation.
But still . . . . he is not giving you
the respect and consideration you deserve.

I would agree with what has been said about having the kid sleep in his own room. That being said I know how difficult it is to make that happen when it has become a pattern (been there, done that). If at all possible I would work on the kid being in his own room over the course of three nights where you can afford to be a little grouchy the next day. Easier said than done I know but that was how we did it. So, as to his mood and getting loud. I know people who hate snooze alarms with a passion and most people who treasure their sleep that much seem to really hate snooze alarms. I also know from my experience with my husband that he SUCKS at understanding and respecting that bedtimes should probably stay consistent for all of us because when it is not it is extrordinarily difficult to get up after staying up WAY too late. I would research the putting the kid to bed in his own room and how you will accomplish that effectively. If you are consistently the bedtime caretaker your husband may not care how that gets accomplished, but discuss it with him if he does care. As for your bedtime and him I would discuss with him how he would like to handle it if you need to get up early and he does not. I don't see why you cannot sleep in separate rooms if you need up and he does not or vice versa. I would also say be prepared that he might think of sleeping separate as a problem but I don't see how being separate some nights is more of a problem than the yelling is now. All of this being said if your husband is otherwise even tempered and considerate perhaps the disruption was just his breaking point this one morning

I think everyone needs their sleep but some people (like me) turn into real monsters with sleep deprivation. Sounds like he is not a morning person either - I need my sleep but get out of bed about 1 minute before the alarm goes off. However, yes, I would expect consideration of my work day if hubby was staying home.
Perhaps it is time to address the whole sleeping together thing. There is a great book called "how to solve your child's sleep problems" by Dr. Ferber, that we used for years, from sleeping through the night at 6 mos to getting to sleep in their own beds, to giving up naps, all the way to sleep walking and night terrors (that we thankfully never had to deal with but friends did).
Either that or get 3 single beds and each can have their own bed. I have been married 22 years and while I love cuddling with my husband in one bed, when it comes to truly sleeping, I soooo prefer my own space.
Maybe the best way to solve the problem is to kindly ask hubby how you as a family can best solve this issue together. If he wants kiddo in his own bed then he will have to help with the nightly getting up until all can sleep through the night. Remind him that there will be sleep issues forever, this is not a one-time fix. One daughter gets nightmare and come to wake one of us up, my other daughter had similar issues worrying about fire after the fire department came to school to teach them about stop/drop/roll in elementary, there will be illnesses that require night time help, etc.etc. If he truly cannot function without sleep and wants you to be the night time fixer, then he will need to compensate in some other area, so you can take a nap in the afternoon or something. Wishing you the best of luck and some rest.

I admire your nurturing spirit for your child, but this scenario is exactly why we never began letting the kids in bed. My husband-an amazing man-would be WAY WORSE than your husband if this ever happened and it would be a battle to the death between us about who's screwing who's sleep more and we'd both be right. As it stands, we both love our long nights of sleep and only have trouble the nights the hubs doesnt' have Breath Right strips. In this situation, I'd put the adults first so they can both be the best workers and caregivers during the daytime. Lots of bonds are built during waking hours. My co sleeping friend's kids aren't any closer to them than mine are to me. One thing we always make sure to do is have a great night of books and talking before bed, and a big celebration of hugs and happy greetings EVERY MORNING, and if they come crawl in bed with us in the morning, that's OK.

Welcome to parenthood!

Sleep deprivation can effect people in many different ways. It seems like both of you need to catch up on your sleep.

Each family has different dynamics and what works for some (i.e. toddler sleeping in bed) does not work for others. Since you have determined that for your family your toddler will sleep with you, and either you or hubby will sleep in the other room, you should have stuck to that plan, and he should have delt with your toddler and his clingy mood. You both did things outside of your normal agreement. You could have also moved to the other room once your child fell asleep.

just an idea was he dreaming maybe. that sounds like my ex when he was sleep walkng and talking. he never even knew he did it. and maybe he started in his sleep and woke up in the process? just a thought and yes they can hold reasonable conversations in there sleep and then all of a sudden quit making sense.

I got ate out one night for 30 minutes over something I didnt do and I kept talking to him and all of a sudden his conversation went wacky thats when I told him to lay back down and go back to sleep. and since he was asleep already he happily complied. he went out side lookng for the mail man one day and yelling at me cause he couldnt find the mail man who never even ran to the house our mail boxes were a block away. I am leaning toward he was dreaming.

Well I know its hard to get young children on a rountine but your child belongs in his own bed. To me it sounds like your husband just wants a break. Being a parent is a tough job dont make it more diffucult by giving your young son too much control. The two of you are the ones in control.
I dont think its a big deal that he didnt cover your son with the blanket.

Don't end co-sleeping just because someone else thinks your child should be in his bed. Dumping your baby into a crib and leaving him there all night isn't was it best for all families. Co-sleeping builds a bond that lasts. Do what is right for you, not what is right for someone else.

Personally, I would make the sacrifice of putting your sweet baby in his own bed. Your exact situation was the start of the end of my husbands previous marriage. When we had kids together he insisted they sleep in their bed from day one. Tough on me, because it was my first child and it was his 4th. BEST THING WE EVER DID!!! We still have treat nights with the kids, but when we go to bed our sleep is solid and consistent with little to no interruptions through the night. The kids sleep much better in their own beds as well. Not only that, it instills a sense independency making other matters easier to handle as well.

He may be acting like this out of resentment and pure frustration, which can be expected when you are not sleeping well or long enough.