How Should I Handle the Marriage?

Lots of great advice there. I, too, found myself with two kids and a husband that was supposed to provide so that I could stay at home and raise our very young children properly. He failed on all accounts (including 'manning-up' and taking care of the kids while I worked), so I told him I can be broke and miserable and on assistance all by myself, and I left him. I am NOT saying this is what you should do, just that I've been through it. I was a single working mom for 5 long, hard, yet wonderful years. I finally met my true soulmate that actually assists me in everything, including raising my two boys. I guess what I'm trying to let you know is that it's possible to take care of it yourself, and that good will come. As one advice giver stated, your responsibility to you and your children come first, not what he can or cannot do. He's not doing what he's supposed to do, so don't feel guilty doing what you have to do. Those babies' wellbeing comes first and foremost. Best of luck to you. You're not alone.

First of all, you WILL get through this:) Just know that we all go through tough times so that we become stronger and better! God has you and your family going through this for a reason. As hard as it is to realize, the grass is not always greener on the other side. I would do whatever it takes to keep your family together. Use your best skills in talking to your husband. Push him up and never give up on him. Stand by his side during this tough time and pray, pray, pray! It will change your relationship forever and in ten years when you look back on this you will be so thankful of the outcome. I think losing your family unit it is much worse than getting into a little debt! God is in control. Praying for you!!
HUGS!!

I agree with Jena's response. Marriage does not mean allowing yourself to be dragged through the mire. If he refuses to talk about it, you have to take action - and don't count on any help from him. Most likely once you start making changes, he will come around, but even if he doesn't, you have to look out for you and your children. Take the reins and if he comes around, great. If not, then he made the choice. I'm very sorry you have to deal with this.

From the perspective of being the one trying to pay the bills and keep everything flowing despite dh's income becoming erratic due to the fluctuating economy, increased costs of insurance/healthcare, etc. try to find a way to talk to him. I was terrified to tell dh we might lose the house, and felt guilty that I couldn't make it work/take care of us with just my income with his changing, and it turns out he was feeling wholly responsible because his income wasn't what it used to be. Turns out, we just needed to talk it through, make some(ok, many) adjustments, pick up our toys like big kids, and do what's right for our family. Make sure it's very non-confrontational, and let him know you understand and that you're in it together no matter what. Being together is what makes you a family & makes your house a home, it doesn't matter where it is or what it looks like as long as everyone is safe & taken care of. With some open communication & the tacit understanding that neither of you is to blame, you can work it out. Best of Luck & Here's to Hoping that 2010 is a better year for ALL! :)

First, pray a lot.
Secondly, maybe discussing this with a third party such as a clergy member might neutralize the situation. A lot of us have been there. Unemployment requires a lot of flexibility because the plans you had are not what reality is now. It seems you are being more realistic. But his ego is at stake. He feels like a failure, since men identify so much with their career and earning power.
Both of you need to look at the big picture. A lot of families are temporarily moving in with parents. You can't go into debt to prove a point. That debt will drag you down further. You could go to work and he could take care of the kids. We did that. Our kids really bonded with my husband.
It takes great strength and wisdom to accept help. We have this notion that we are all independent. We are interdependent. We all need each other. Sometimes others need us more sometimes we need others more.
God bless.

Jennnifer,

Do not allow your husband to drag you into debt, whatever you do. Is your house finances jointly? In other words, are you on the mortgage, too, and are you making the mortgage payments on time? What about credit cards, etc.? Whether you stay or go, I would start investigating ways to avoid any repercussions from the financial decisions your husband is (not) making.
As for staying our going, what about counseling or, if that's not an option, announcing a trial separation? Is there somewhere you could go, with the children, for a month or two? You could tell your husband that you are serious about your belief that marriage is a two-way street and that financial discussions must be open and frequent and financial decisions must be made jointly. The proposals you've suggested make sense - you are willing to go to work, you are willing to move. He needs to start working with you as a partner or the hole you're in will only get deeper. When he's ready to make that decision, you can tell him, is when you'll be back.
I think that too many women accept financial peril as a "reality" if marriage. It isn't and shouldn't be.
Good luck and great for you for being so clear-headed in your thinking,
J.