How Quiet to Be When Baby Sleeps

Hello, well let me tell you I have 4 children and my youngest is almost a year and sleeps through everything. I never made my other 3 children talk in low voices or stop playing loudly when we brought him home from the hospital. Actually when my husband came to pick up the baby and myself from the hospital he brought all the noise(3 kids) with him. Good luck and be patient it's very hard and verve racking being a new mother.

Be normal. They say, the womb is as noisy as a vacuum cleaner. I used to take my first daughter to the bowling alley to watch Grammy bowl, she would sleep the whole time.

When my kids were young I would actually vacuum under their beds while they slept. I never kept the house quite. This way, the children learned that bed time was bed time. Even when we had parties, I could put the kids to bed at their bed times, and they would go to sleep. The outside noises were not their concern. My kids were not allowed to have bottles in their cribs, nor TV's in their rooms. A radio was allowed but only with soft music. To this day, my kids follow the rules. When they bring the grandkids, we can put the babies down, and have some adult time to share.

Hope this helps

A 52 year old Grandma

I totally agree with you. I have a 4 month old son who can sleep through anything. We have always left a TV or radio on while he is sleeping. We make sure we don't tip toe around or whisper while near him sleeping. I'm so glad that we did this. I feel it's important to have them used to noises and not wake at any slight noise. In fact, we went to a party recently where there was a football game on a big screen tv with surround sound and he fell asleep next to one of the speakers. Everybody thought it was so funny. Good luck!

You know P., I've read a lot of these responses but none of them said what I am going to say... which is this: Does this child take a nap at home during the day when mom isn't there?? because arguing about this with your wife when she is there is not helping your relationship, I would simply suggest you give up arguing about it... At night, when your wife is home, be quiet, but during the day, when she isn't and the baby is napping, gradually increase the noise level she can sleep through... In this way, you'll have the best of both worlds, a happy wife, and a baby who can sleep through things...

Believe it or not, once your child can sleep through a certain amount of noise, you'll start gradually being a little louder when your wife is there too and your wife will see that the baby can sleep right through it!! And, then all need for arguing will be over!!

Have a great day!!
huggles!!
~S.~

I feel for you. My husband does the same thing. I have heard if you make noise when they are napping when they are young, it will teach them to sleep through anything. Not sure if this is true:)

Hi P.,
I agree with you.
I am a mother of five, and from the day we brought each baby home from the hospital, it was buisness as usual.
The washing machine still had to be run, along with the vaccuum cleaner, the doorbell still rang. I guess what I am trying to say is that we weren't quiet.
My thought was, this little one is going to have to adjust to our world and all that is in it, (including the noise of everyday life).
This might sound selfish to some, and I realize I raised my kids a while ago, (my youngest is 24), but I firmly believe that you have to try to resume your everyday activities and carry on as normal, and this includes the noise pollution.
Good luck and I hope this helps a little

My husband and I believe that being 'silent' while our baby (6mo girl) sleeps is actually counterproductive as then any noise is more likely to wake her.

However, as you say this is causing problems with your marriage, I believe the best way for you to handle this is to comprimise.

Turn on something that makes a constant noise, like a fan or radio static, in order to help drown out other sudden noises that may occur. You and your wife can still be quiet around your sleeping baby without needing to be 'silent'. This will both appease your wife's concern about waking your baby and put less of a restriction on you.

My baby is the same age...April baby?? and we also live in an apartment. While she sleeps in the bedroom, we function the same as far as talking, walking, being on the telephone etc. If I go into the bedroom, I just won't open drawers, closets, those are loud and creaky. She seems to wake up when she is ready. Maybe ask your wife what her concerns are if the baby wakes?? Crying...not being able to calm her down?? If she wakes up, she can catch a another nap later that day. (my baby still naps throughout the day. Good luck!!

Oh P., NO. NO. NO. You need to just be yourselves and go along with your business. Your wife needs to make noise so the baby will sleep. If she does not make noise the baby will never sleep when there is more noise then the baby is use to. You will never be able to have family or friends over when the baby is sleeping. No family dinners at your house unless you make noise. Make noise. Run the vac when the baby is sleeping and even under the cribe. You are right.

M.

Dear P.,

As a mother of 5 childern and grandmother to 6 with one more one the way let me say that I have found that if a child is taught to only sleep when it is totally quiet then she will only sleep when it is totally quiet. If you remember back to the hospital when she was born, that nursery was not queit and if she was with you and your wife in the room even then it was not totally queit with visitors, nurses and the like going on. I raised my kids sleeping with the radio, tv, or other noise going on and even laid them to sleep in places other than the crib so they were used to sleeping in different areas. They were able to sleep anywhere in any condition. Babies are very adaptable. All the really need is food, a dry diaper and lots of hugs and love. Good luck Babies are the best.

P. Passamano

we have 5 kids, and run a child care business out of our house. I do have to say I can tell the children who's parents tip toe. I think is is fine if that works for you, but it doesn't (you are asking so it must bother you). Make normal noise, use the phone, vacuum the living room. He/She will wake up at first, but you and your wife will be much more relaxed (and be able to use nap time the way you should). She will thank you later.

I would never get in between a man and his wife (I am quite a feminist) so I write this as if you were the stay at home mom, sorry. If you are the one in charge of the sleeping patterns of your child and the one who must deal with the decisions that are made you do have slightly more say in the matter. AS LONG AS IT DOSEN'T INTERFERE WITH THE SAFETY OR DEVELOPMENT OF YOUR CHILD. That being said my sister had the same fears that your wife had with my nephew and the house remained on lock down while he was sleeping until after he was 2. Now that he is 5 he still has trouble taking his nap or sleeping at night if there is any noise over a whisper in the house. On the other hand, I used my son's sleep time, from the time he was born, as my alone and cleaning time. Being a stay at home mom if you don't you loose precious moments with your child doing mindless cleaning while he is awake. I even vaccumed the same room he was sleeping in. This left time to fully concentrate on him while he awake instead of stressing out and ignoring him to get the house in order. Although it took a few weeks he eventually slept through the normal house noises that occur, even the hum of the vaccum. Now that he is 5 he still sleeps like a baby even with normal noise. Not to worry about desensitizing your childs ears while he sleeps, if an unsual noise like a crash or someone screaming occurs he does wake. I hope this helps you both to talk it out and reach a compromise. The debate of a sleeping child should never keep the parents from sleeping together.

Dear P.,

I'm with you, the baby needs to learn to sleep with the normal sounds of the home buzzing around him. If you can believe this, I am 76 years old and remember laying in my bed listening to the family noises and they were reassuring to me. I have always been a scardy cat and still am, so that told me that I was not alone and that they were still close by to take care of me. Children, even if they are sometimes demanding and bossy - know that they are not capable of taking care of themselvesk and need reassurance now and again.

This noise of the home is a good way to begin to teach the babies that they are a part of a group, not an entity all unto themselves.

One last thing. When I was about 2 years old, I was laying in bed and waiting to go to sleep, I guess, when my father's figure appeared in the light coming in from the hallway. He came over and said something nice to me and I knew that he loved me. He passed away when I was 21 years old and I miss him all the time, and remember the little gifts of love that he gave to me.

C. N.

I agree with you. A tired kid will sleep, even with a little noise. I know people that tip toed around when their kids were sleeping and they were sorry about it later. You have to be practical. Congrats on your new baby girl!!

I'd say make noise. My kids can sleep at a loud birthday party , Our washer buzzes when it's done and they sleep right through that and their room happens to be next to the noisy heater, The are great adapters and if you teach them now it ok and normal they won't have a problem, but shelter them and you'll have to all the time thing of traveling with her, some hotels are noisy. And if it is causing a problem then it needs to be addressed. If you're the one home with her train her during the day.

I agree with you, P.. I always made noise while my children slept so they would become accustomed to it. My sister put her children down next to a radio.

However, there are some children who are naturally light sleepers, so no advice is ever all-inclusive.

Best of luck,

S.

My three children experience brings you this advise. Get out into the noisy world and notice that your child will fall asleep when she's tired. I thought it important to live in this world, not make a world that will be hard to deal with later in life. When you're at home maybe some nice mellow music. If you tip toe now, what will you have to do later in life?
Breathe deep

Hi P. K,
It can drive you both crazy if your little one doesn't nap too, so I understand this dilemma. Is your child napping in a room that can be closed up - the doors and windows shut? Then I suggest that you have a baby monitor in the room so that you can hear if your little sweetie wakes up, and put a nice little fan on in the room. The fan - maybe aimed at the wall if you don't want the air flow on the baby, will create a lovely 'white noise' effect that should allow for some normal activity and conversation for you and your wife.
Remember, your wife is probably anxious that you both won't get a break from your little bundle of joy if the nap is interrupted, so try to stay loving and patient with each other. Relaxed parents create relaxed kids (usually) :)
P.S. I'm a Cert. Parent Coach - J. molina

I am a stay at home mom to 3 kids...when my 1st was born ,,my mom said to me "If I can give I bit of advise,,dont be quiet around him."Now,,,,I can vaccume under there beds when they are sleeping!

Babies know how to sleep around noise. They do it for 9 months in mom's womb. When my two were babies, they were a year apart, from day one I did not keep them in a quiet atmosphere. I would not vacuum next to their crib but I would vacuum the rest of the house along with the stereo balsting.

They both can sleep through land mines going off now.

Tell her not to be shy with the noise.

From a mom with expeience.

hi P.
well i do understand as a mom that we as parent should be very quiet when our babies are a sleep. but you sould act as normal as when an adult is having a nap. babies are ok when theirs noise around then you could even run your vacume cleaner will she is sleeping. so tell your wife that it is ok and not to worry about it to mush.

I raised my children in a neighborhood with a dozen boys, all a few years older than my kids. The nursery was in the front of the house and the boys regularly used my lawn as part of their "soccer field". My daughters learned to sleep through barking dogs, shouting boys and soccer balls bouncing on the windows and walls.

You might want to remind your wife that when you are out and the baby is in the stroller, she'll nod off no problem. Likewise in the car, correct?

We have never been very quiet when our son was sleeping. In the hospital, he stayed in the room with me and i left the tv on for noise, when we got home, he generally slept with a tv on and/or in the living room, and no one in my family is very quiet.
we kept up the practice of not being super quiet, just maybe toning it down a notch, even when we moved to an apartment.

Now, he's 16 months old and can, honestly, sleep through a freight train (railroad tracks are outside our window).

I'd always been told it wasnt a great idea to get super quiet when the baby was sleeping, because then you could never have noise, because the child would end up a noise-sensitive sleeper.

I hate to say this cuz you're "the guy" but you are right! The more noise you make when baby sleeps the more she will learn to sleep through. Music, vacuums, talking are all noises baby heard in the womb and she will get used to sleeping through them now at a higher decible. Keep showing Mom the baby books and comments, reassure her and then when she's away during the day, crank up the tunes!!!

You are correct in not being quiet while the baby sleeps. It is not good to get them used to sleeping in total silence as you will be sorry. You should be able to vacuum while your child sleeps. The phone should not disrupt the baby, etc. Good Luck

Obviously it's just an opinion, but I think you HAVE to maintain a normal noise level when kids are sleeping. We did it with both kids (now 2 and 4) and they're great sleepers. Once they're out, they're out. A friend did the whole tiptoeing thing and now that her son is 2 1/2, they're basically held hostage on the couch when he naps. One floor squeak and he's up!

I don't know how it will be adding noise at 9 months old, so like others said, you may want to add a little at a time. My 4th child, who is now 22 months old can nap in the living room with the other kids playing around him. We've had him nap that way from the beginning. Yes, he is sometimes startled awake, but he really is quite a heavy sleeper.

Get baby used to noise - even TV/radio! It's how they adapt from Day #1 at home - no need for silence! Believe me - I'm old and have 6 grandchildren - I KNOW!!!!!
Show this to your wife.
C. from California

Hi P.,
We've raised 4 children. Our first was the most difficult, as far as sleep goes--It took me longer to put him to sleep than for him to wake up! But even with him, as with the other 3, i went about my ruitine without modifying the noise. The radio or TV were usally on, windows and doors open, and that never really bothered them. They do need to get used to noise. I've come across other parents who do the same thing your wife is asking you to do, and they have a hard time going anywhere or having people over when it's nap time for the child. And what it really comes down to is, you are not being realistic with your baby. There will always be background noise. The only way she'll ever sleep with absolutely none, is if she's alone on an island. I understand everyone's child is different, but i did this with all 4 of mine, and they could sleep anywhere. Even on family get-togethers that went way passed bed time.

Hi P.,
I have an 8 yr old boy and had this same issue with my husband / mother-in-law when he was a baby. I believe that you should NOT try to be very quiet when she's sleeping as that will only make it difficult for her to sleep with any noise in the future. What about entertaining at night in the future? It's not just about right now. I think that my point was highlighted on my son's first birthday. My mother in law used to watch him at our home during the day while we worked and she would ensure that the house was completely quiet while he napped. We had about 30 adult family members to the house for his 1st birthday and he proceeded to fall asleep and take a nap (in his crib) right in the middle of all of the noise. My mother in law couldn't believe it but I used that as an example to highlight the fact that the house does NOT need to be quiet for him to sleep.
Good luck,
N.

I think you need to continue doing your regular daily activitys so the baby gets used to the noise.

I agree with you. We never were quiet, didn't ask people to be quiet, and i even vacuumed UNDER his crib/bassinet while he was napping! He learned to sleep very well. When they are tired, they will sleep and if you constantly keep it quiet, the child will have issues if/when there is any noise. I know too many people who talk about the problems they have now. BUT, it's not worht a rift in your marriage. Try to find a compromise!

Every since my daughter was born, as soon as she goes down for a nap I run and do chores around the house. I run the dishwasher, vacuum, etc. She has gotten use to the noises and takes naps with noises around her. Good Luck :)

I completely disagree with your wife, sorry. You should go about doing your regular things in your house. My son sleeps through almost everything vacum, lawn mowers outside etc. and I think this is because we didn't stop our lives or change them, we just kept on living. Odviously we weren't playing extreme loud music or something to crazy, but just go about life like you always would. Good Luck

I highly reccomend NOT being quiet when your baby is sleeping but you really need to start this when the baby is very young. With my first child we were very careful to not make any noise and we created a extremely light sleeper. With our second we do not worry about noise and she can sleep through anything. I would encourage you to slowly increase the noise level to allow your daughter to acclimate... I hope it helps.

hi P.! i confess to being a bit neurotic about noise around our napping son (now 15 months old) on occasion. my SOLUTION was to buy a "white noise" cd--i found a fabulous niagara falls cd that runs for 50 minutes and i put it on repeat. my son has been known to sleep for a 3-hour stretch with that thing running! it drowns out any other noises in the house. love it! best of luck to you & your beautiful women.

Hi there P.. WOW !!!!.is all i can say. it shoud be more of your wife than you on this site. Maybe if she sees how many women agree to what you have to say , then she will listen and do what she reads. Wel here is my story . The first child till today cant sleep with the light on ,the noise around her , anything that she wants she gets till this day which is 11 yrs later.It was all because of my parents and them tell ing me that this was how it was supposed to be. Then came the second child , and i promised myself that i will not happen to me again. So when she came 2 yrs later , she had to be around noise galore. NOw i have the 11 yrs old and the 9 yrs old in the same room and the fights that they go through , because the older girl can sleep till every thing is quite in the hosue. As for the second one she can sleep with a night party going on at my house. So show this story to your wife and tell her if she really wants to live with the nightmare that she is developing in her kid. This is an honest to God Truth . Hope this makes her see the future .
L.

We make as much noise as we can. When I was pregnant I was told to do that so the baby would learn to sleep with noise. We have dogs and I did not want her to wake up each time they barked, which is often! LOL It worked like a charm. My dogs bark and she does not even flinch. We also watch football in surround sound and she sleeps all the way through. They do get use to it, but I don't know if you can start that late. It may take some waking up in the beginning. Good luck. Oh, vaccuuming actually comforts and puts our girl to sleep. Look up things on the internet. It tells you why a noisy environment is better, especially in the beginning(if you have another). It comforts them. Tell your wife the womb was a noisy place and the baby slept all the time. Heartbeat, placenta, stomach growling, and mom talking. Hope things get better for you. : )

No you shouldn't be quiet, just go about your daily business. Your baby will sleep no matter what, your daughter needs to be able to sleep anywhere, no matter how loud the noise level is. She will get used to your noise you make and it will even make her sleep better.

Yes, I think she is being neurotic. Kids need to learn to cope with all of life's stressors. My kids can sleep through anything because we always kept on doing what we needed to do, vacuum, watch TV, talk on the phone, dishes, laudry, whatever.

Hi P.. I agree with you. When my first son was born we vaccumed while he was asleep (he was in the same room we were cleaning). We were never quiet and it paid off. He is now 8 and we do not have to worry about too much noise waking him up. I watch my nephew who is 4 months and his mom insists that it is quiet when he sleeps at home and he is a very restless sleeper. Every noise either wakes him or causes him to stir. I really encourage you and your wife to try it your way. It might be hard at first but the baby will get used to it. It will make your life much easier.
E.

Hello P., when my daughter was born the doctor told me that when the baby is in the womb there is so much noise going on..that it's very healthy for them to hear every day noise even when they sleep..My daughtr who is now 15 months old will even sleep when I run the vaccumm.. My sister on the other hand was doing the same thing that is going on in your house and her daughter is scaryed of alot of different noises..I hope this helps..

J.

I have a 5 1/2 month old and - although I am purposely quiet when he missed a couple naps - I always have noise in the house whether it's music or tv. He sleeps through it. He's been to a Bat Mitzfah, a wedding, a couple Christmas parties... even in these noisy environments he hasn't had trouble sleeping if he's tired. I really don't want my baby growing up thinking the world revolves around him even though he is also an only child. (advise my mother gave to me)

I hope this helps. It might take a while for your daughter to get used to some background noise - but maybe not, she could be a sound sleeper.

P.,

Congratulation. My babies are 18, 16, 16 and 5 years old. I didn't read all your responses so I hope I am not repeating.

I think that the important issue is what kind of noise is it. If the noise is more constant, low, regular talking through the wall etc. the baby will just continue to sleep or even fall into a deeper sleep from the calming effect of the sound. If the sound has clanging, tapping, abrupt sounds even if quiet can sometimes wake the baby because she doesn't recognize what it is .

I think you also need to talk to your wife and possibly talk with a counselor about the fact that this will your "only child". Possibly your wife if trying to make this experience "perfect" because it is her only one and she knows it. This can make the experience stressful for everyone including the child. If this is the case, please talk about it with a counselor and bring out any future problems in a loving and safe arena.

Relax and enjoy,

Evelyn

Not to be rude, but that is not a good idea, the quit thing. If you walk around on your tippy toes, your baby will be afraid of everything loud. Believe me, this is what you don't want. You want to play the radio, vaccum, dishes what ever you need to do while your baby is sleeping and if don't, you'll find yourself constantly catiering to the baby, thus, the baby will be very cligy and needy. This will not be good for you or the baby.
Just a strong suggestion.

Hi P.,
Our son is 2 now but ever since he was born, he was right in the action. We took him everywhere. He was able to take naps with music playing and people talking. He took naps with motorcycles in the background, boats driving by, vacuums going, etc. His naps were always about 3 hrs long and it was great to not have to tip toe around. The fact that we did that from day one really helped.
Good luck!

I have an 8 month old as well (my first) and I made the mistake of being really quiet while she sleeps. Now I cant even go into her room to put something away without waking her up (unless Im REALLY quiet)! My sister who has 6 kids all grown up now, said she used to vacuum in her kids rooms while they were asleep and they would stay asleep! Now they can sleep anywhere with any noise. My next baby I will not be as quiet.

I agree that a little noise is ok....soft TV, some gentle music...I always found that the nap time was perfect time for me to read, or fold laundry, or get a start on the dinner, possibly EVEN nap a bit myself! My son (now age 32) grew up to be a pretty mellow, healthy kid, and loves to nap, in any position,and all environments.
But I DO think that just as you, a grown-up would appreciate some quiet during you nap, so does the baby. And sound sleep helps them adjust to the amazing growth that they do as they sleep. A little moderation would be my advice...by the way, does your wife tiptoe around when you are napping? Good luck to all three of you, Sincerely.

We are not quiet when our baby sleeps. We close her door slightly --leave it slightly ajar --which is just so that us passing her door won't be a distraction if she peeks a eye open during her nap. We walk and talk around our house as we would do normally if she wasn't sleeping. If we plan on doing something loud such as putting away and washing dishes then we close the hallway door for that time period. I have had a few friends say they wish they weren't as quiet when there child was sleeping--backfired on them in the long run.

That depends on how well she sleeps, how much you "need" her to sleep when she naps, and what she is used to. My little girl would often fall asleep in the car and she would transfer well to her crib, unless the dog barked when we opened the door mid-transfer. I would be so bummed because that was the end of the nap, which I was counting on for at least an hour. Maybe you could put some music on in her room, which would mask some of the household noises. Or a white noise machine. It is far too much work to be tip toeing around, and things will make noise like the phone or doorbell. You need to find a way to have her sleep in the real world. If you don't "need" the naptime, go ahead and make noise and see how she reacts - also, let her see if she can soothe herself back to sleep (this is much harder with a nap that nighttime). Good luck

Hi P.,
Good for you for being a stay-at-home-dad! You've already received a lot of advice so I'll make this quick. Can the baby sleep through noise or is she a light sleeper? If she can tolerate some noise then there should be no problem, but there are some babies/people who wake up at the drop of a pin. In that case, I wouldn't blame your wife for wanting silence.

My daughter has been a light sleeper since birth so I was the same way. If we made too much noise then I would have to go to her. Dh couldn't go to her because I was breastfeeding and she would only go to sleep nursing. Since you're home with her all day, then she's used to you putting her to sleep. Maybe tell your wife that if she wakes up then you'll get her back to sleep. Maybe then she'll relax a bit. Good luck!

I think initially babies are able to cope just fine with noise while sleeping, the womb is very loud! But for me, after a few months I notice my kids wake up with sudden noises. Even the slightest ones. I kept my new baby downstairs for naps in a moses basket and he slept right thru my twins rants and all the goings on. Now at 7 months, he cant do that. So I can understand where your wife is coming from. I treasure nap time, so I find I am telling my 4 year olds to be quiet when they go upstairs when the baby is napping. Or telling my husband to not slam every door and cabinet in the house... wait that's another issue!

PUT THEM IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NOISE! check parenting.com or any other source and they will tell - the more distration they can handle now, the better off they will be in school, etc. Vaccuum, drums, TV; just not consistant noise so they HAVE to fall asleep to noise. Seems the important thing is routine time of day

Hey P. I have a 18 month old boy and at first my wife and I would do the same and try and be as quiet as possible,but you are correct if you keep quiet during her sleep she will never get used to their being noise around.

Hi P.. This same question came up when our daughter, Alexandra, was a baby. She is now 14. My doctor recommended that I go about my business as usual and not be overly quiet. The baby would adjust and get used to our household noise and activity. That is exactly what happened. When Alexandra is tired she sleeps like a log. Nothing will awaken her. If we must wake her up, she is never is a foul mood. That was by far the best advice I ever received. Good luck.

Both of my kids, now adults, were exposed to the house being cleaned, conversations and the the daily noise of a house. They learned to sleep through it and to this day they can sleep through an earthquake (which they did when the Northridge one hit!). I agree with you ,your wife isn't doing the baby any favors. If you go some place where there is alot of people the baby won't be able to sleep and telling others to please whisper would be rude. My sister in law did that with my nephew and it drove my hard of hearing mother nuts because she missed out on those whispered conversations!

Your Wife may not be neurotic but may be a bit overbearing with this "tiptoe" requirement. Apartment life means you have "noisy walls" surrounding you just as I have the occasional noise of the I-10 freeway and the musically-deficient bass-pounding punks car music "seeping" into my house. (It's hard to block out a flock of news choppers during a car chase, for instance. And your Wife WILL NOT be able to control the neighbors lifestyle either) The bottom line is that you need to remind the Wife that babies sleep when they DARN WELL PLEASE and for as long as THEY need! Tiptoeing is OUT. Better to have background noise such as a radio (on low) to condition the child to grab some shuteye DESPITE the conditions. Otherwise, you are setting yourselves up for rigorous sleep requirements and, yes, I'll say it, A spoiled little brat who is catered to by you until she's what, 23? Your place is your domain. I'm not saying you should proceed with the Mariachi practice at your place, but kids are guaranteed to change your life (as you already know) but NOT the way you walk! Do you also expect the baby to be awake in order to parallel your schedule? Ain't gonna happen bud. Wait until her 1st birthday party when she dozes off IN THE MIDDLE of it! My hat's off to you as a fellow stay-at-home commander! Enjoy your kiddo and PLEASE take thousands of photo's...because she's changing and growing EVERY time she sleeps! Save the tiptoeing for the Tulips...

Hi P.,
First of all, that's great that you're able to stay at home with your daughter. I'm sure that other dads and moms would love to be in that position. As for your daughter's sleep routine, I don't think it's a good idea that you whisper and tiptoe around the apartment while she sleeps. She'll get used to that type of environment and then won't be able to sleep if there's noise around. I have 2 children (5 year old daughter and 17 month old son) and my son can sleep through just about anything. When my daughter was born, we played music so there was white noise in the background, but for the most part our daily routine didn't create that much noise. My father in law watched her during the week and when she was sleeping he'd just watch t.v. So, she had difficulty sleeping when there was noise. Especially when we were out and about, she wouldn't sleep even if she was tired because there was always noise and she couldn't fall asleep that way. With my son, he had to learn to sleep with his older sister yelling and screaming around the house if he ever wanted to get some sleep. Now, if we're running around town and he's tired, he'll go to sleep regardless of what's going on around him. I think it's better that way. I understand your wife's concern and I'm sorry that it's putting a rift in your marriage, but maybe at your daughter's next check up (if you and your wife are present), you can bring the topic up and get the advice from your pediatrician. Maybe that will help. Also, see if she'll compromise and have music playing in the background while your daughter sleeps. You can say playing classical music in the background it's supposed to help in your child's cognitive development, at least that's what I've heard and been told. Good luck!

I cleaned houses when I was pregnant with my first child, so there was alot of noise around her before she was born. As an infant (and today as a teenager) she could sleep thru anything. We could even vacuum under her crib as she slept. A friend of my, pregnant at the same time, worked in a quiet office. Her child would wake at the slightest noise until she got adjusted to noise. When our 2nd and 3rd came , we couldn't be quiet when the big sister had friends over, but it worked out just fine. I think that a constant noise in the background, like a radio, helps a lot. Just don't let something like this cause a rift. There will be bigger problems to deal with. If it is that important to your wife, then give in on this one and whisper. Good luck L.

I raised all 4 of mine to sleep in a regular noise environment. I can't imagine trying to keep 2 and 4 year olds quiet while the baby was sleeping.

But by regular noise I don't mean loud rock music or practicing drums or hammering somewhere else in the house. But normal kid sounds and tv,etc.

My daughter has 2 boys (2 and 1) and she does keep it a bit quieter when they are sleeping as they never seem to sleep and she needs the time herself to regroup. I personally think this is a mistake as she sleeps quite well as an adult (normal noise upbringing) and her hubby wakes up if you turn on the water 3 rooms away (quiet sleep upbringing).

Good luck,

K.

Hi P.,
I have 3 kids (17, 15, and 12) and I agree with you that your daughter will not get used to noise while she sleeps if you and your wife tiptoes and such... why not start with having a soothing background music for your baby. This might help esp if your baby is a light sleeper. Tiptoeing and whisper while your baby sleeps gets really old after a while. You have to act normal as what you do shapes how your baby grows up to be.
Hope that helps.

P.,
I know how she feels about the precious time to get things done or even stare at the wall. I find that turning on the bathroom fan or a low radio or just background noise helps so that you don't have to be so quiet. I think that what wakes the baby is the changes in sound rather than the sound itself.

good luck,
N.

loud during naps and quiet for night time sleep, this is what we were told by many, and it works, we keep the air purifier on and music for our noise and do normal stuff, although we don't talk loud because that sometimes can wake her, hope this helps

Dear P.,

I am way past this point in my life, but I remember facing this issue too - I don't remember it causing trouble between my husband and me, but I remember trying to figure out which approach to take. I have a hard time sleeping when I can hear noise outside my room - in fact I now sleep with a fan going year round to help drown out noise. I didn't want to pass that trait on to my children - I wanted them to be able to sleep through anything. I can't help but wonder, though is this is something we train them to do, or if it is something they either have or don't. My two older children shared a room when they were small and when my baby came, after she outgrew the bassinet, she slept in a playpen in the living room. ANY distraction was an excuse to stay awake. to the point where I put blankets around the sides of the playpen so that she couldn't see me before she fell asleep. I would say in your case, you can't control any noise coming from around the apartment, if she's sleeping in her own (or even your) room, try not to make a lot of noise, but go about your normal activities and not worry about it. If this makes your wife crazy, then on the days/times she's home, you two can have quiet time when your daughter sleeps . . . I don't believe, like so many things, there really isn't a right or wrong, only what you two decide works best for your home.

Good luck!
B.

Hi P. K.

I have seen the gamut with my friends and I have to say that the smartest friend I had was the one who carried on with life as per the normal routine. Babies don't know any different at first, and in fact, if you will notice, the brighter the lights and the noisier the conditions, the better the baby will sleep, at least at first.

Your baby will definitely be used to the household sounds by now, and so, since you are a stay at home dad, why don't you do an experiment at nap time. try vacuuming outside her door when she's napping one day, (or you might have the radio, tv, etc. turned on at your normal listening level) and after a few minutes, open the door or listen to her monitor and if she stirs, cries and wakes up completely, you will know that she is a light sleeper. If she doesn't you should have your answer there, and be able to take this to your wife as a bargaining tool.

I daresay, since you are the one who is home all day long with her, you are the one who knows her daily schedule, and not your wife... HOWEVER, having said that, I too was once a First Time Mommy and wanted ONLY the BEST for my golden child...Good Luck, I hope it works out for you! (P.S. Does your wife's mother have any advice for her?)

Hi P.-
Congrats on being one of the hardest working dads around- what a blessing to be home with your little angel! I agree with you, although it depends on the size of your apartment- I would have my daughter down for her nap in her room and vaccuum when she was that age- plus we have a dog who barks at every gust of wind, so our dd learned to sleep through most things, although I'd still classify her as a light sleeper, now that she is 6- another benefit was that she learned to fall back asleep on her own if she was awakened.
BUT ultimately I also think that parents need to agree (or compromise) on parenting issues. Especially as the kids get older and you can't discuss things in front of them, it is important to respect each others opinions, and try to reach a compromise that works for you both. I hope the responses you get here will be a good start for an open discussion with your wife!

You are so right to not be quiet. I have three kids, and have never been quiet when they sleep. They can sleep through anything. When my daughter was an infant and my sons were 3 and 5, her cribs was on the other side of glass doors from their room, and her crying never woke them up. We have poker games in our house with 10 people in our dining room right at the foot of the stairs (the kids are upstairs) With the screaming and hooting of the game, none of our kids have ever woken up. If you give them the silence, then they will demand it. Good luck! (You can probably find some experts with this same advice on the internet somewhere).

Yes, tip toeing is a bit extreme. You need to be able to live a normal life and enjoy yourself while your daugther is sleeping. If you have been tip toeing for 9 months, increase the noise slowly. Also accept that all children are different and some don't sleep as soundly as others. Once you have normal noise levels in your home during her naps you can see how deep she actually sleeps and adjust if needed.

P. K. I might ask this question at a doctor appt. so your wife doesn't get defensive. Let her know you are going to ask it before hand as well. I bet she is getting some peace while the little angel is sleeping and doesn't want to disturb that. My child development background says...let your baby tell you how much noise you can make. Some babies wake at the slightest noise, some can sleep through rock band sessions. If you would like to make more noise, assure your wife that you will take care of the baby if she wakes. You will do EVERYTHING until she goes back to sleep. I am pretty sure she will relax and allow more noise if this promise is made. If you are not willing to make this promise and expect her to take care of the baby if she wakes...tiptoe away!

M. R :-)

Usually by the time you have your second child, you figure out that a fair amount of "white noise" is a good thing for a sleeping baby. I often put on a fan (don't make it blow directly on baby) or soft music etc. . . They even have white noise cd's that you can purchase and play softly in the room. The white noise helps so that when you guys make a little noise, it won't wake her. A baby's nap time is sacred because it is the only time you get a few things done or maybe even a little rest too. Best of luck to you. Happy dreams to your little one.

We started remodeling our house for months when my daughter was around six months old. She had a really hard time with sleeping. She seemed to adjust somewhat to all the hammering, voices, etc. at the time, but she has always been a sensitive sleeper. Even awake, she is sensitive to noise like vacuuming, garbage trucks going by, etc. She no longer freaks out with the vacuum cleaner, but will stay on the couch and wait for me to get done. I think it depends on the child. My daughter didn't sleep through the night until she was around 17 months.

We did the exact opposite from tip-toeing and whispering. we ran the vaccumm cleaner, talked in a normal voice, left the phones on, and played our music. Just normal house noises and our baby slept beautifully. He still naps very well, at 2 years old, and sleeps all night and there are five other people living in the house so plenty of noise to sleep through. we were told that if you get the baby used to complete silence they will need complete silence to get good rest and be able fall asleep. it would be difficult to keep five people that quiet anyway but the advice has been very helpful and it's great to have a little one who will sleep through anything. including drums and pianos, at times. hope that helps. good luck.

Dear P.,
I am a stay at home mother of 2 beautiful girls, ages 7 and 3. I used to think the same way, about the the noise around the house as your wife does. But I noticed that my first daughter was a baby she used to "jump" while asleep when she was a baby. My mother used to tell me that it wasn't good for her health for her to be so jumpy. So I began to have her sleep with either the radio or tv on while I was cleaning up, including vacuming. Both of my girls got used to the noise, and honestly, it's great. They sleep through almost anything. Especially when we go to family gatherings like weddings where there is alot of noise. I used to be afraid that they would wake up and be fussy or that when we would get home, they wouldn't be relaxed enough to fall asleep and be jumpy.
So my advice is get your baby used to the noise. It was the mentality that I needed to get my girls used to the environment and not the environment used to them.
good luck.
E.

I agree with you. But, it may be too late. We just went about our daily life. Our kids slept through anything.

The louder the better, creating an environment that is quiet while the baby sleeps is setting yourself up for a big mess. I wouldn't say to have the stereo blasting techno, but you should be able to use all kitchen appliances, take showers, have the tv on and even vacuum while the baby is asleep. Also try and remember that you guys love each other and this baby is a result of that love and these are small issues compared to what is coming........

Hi P.,

I appreciate your wife wanting to be quiet while your baby sleeps, but it is better for the baby to adjust to your environment. She will be fine with the sounds and in many cases it will be reassuring to her.

It will also encourage her to be a sound sleeper.

Maybe a way to compromise on both parts is to put a radio/cd player in your baby's room and play soothing music while she sleeps. Your wife won't feel she has to be quiet and it your baby will love it!

Hope it helps

S.
www.mannaworld.com.au

Hi P.,

My husband and I were the same way until we decided to put constant noise in their bedrooms. They both, 2 and 4, sleep through our dogs barking, talking, phone ringing, etc
We bought air cleaners at wal-mart and put them on the floor in their room on high. It keeps
the air clean and they learn to sleep with the white noise. That is the best advice I give to all my friends. You can have a dinner party while the baby sleeps. Good luck!!!

Casandra

I agree with you (sorry, wife, and I'm a mom!). I have two children, now 9 and 13. Babies sleep when they need to - you can see them in the noisiest places, restaurants, amusement parks, even concerts, fast asleep. Normal household noises will not affect them. You are right that you are training your daughter to require silence in order to sleep - and you'll be sorry!

You are absolutely correct! I can say that with complete conviction, and also a lot of experience as a mom of 4. First-time moms can develop some crazy behaviors. Been there and done that to some extent. Being quiet during sleep time is fine... no loud music or blari g TVs in the same room as the baby. But being abnormally quiet will backfire on both you and your child in the long run, and she will not thank you for it later in life. Your wife is going way overboard, as new moms tend to do, not realizing the long-term damage they are causing. If you have a second child, will your daughter be required to whisper and tip toe around during the baby's nap time? I wish your wife a lot of luck with that. :0) My firstborn has always needed a much quieter sleeping environment than his younger brothers, and it is my fault for conditioning him that way during infancy. He is 22 now, and he does not sleep nearly as well as his brothers do. Good luck! I hope you win this one, for the sake of your daughter!

My kids have been exposed to the sounds of music.. down to the sound of a blender at full blast. We are able to put them to bed even if we have guests or a gathering without a problem. I can't imagine having to tip toe around the house when so much can get done when kids are asleep. Maybe you can suggest classical music or soft music to break her in and eventually some other typical sounds such as a dryer, household appliences etc. When everything is silent kids tend to get startled more often and don't have full naps. You might want to do some research but I could swear that at one time or another it has been proven that certain sounds can be soothing to a baby and help them sleep including a vaccum cleaner. Think of when you have to visit someone and it's your baby's nap time...you can't expect others to tip toe around a sleeping baby. This is your first baby so as parents we tend to want to do everything for our babies but we learn that by the time the second one comes around most of our beliefs are out the window. Good Luck!

First off, congrats on being a stay at home Dad! We have two kids, 5 and 3 years old. With our first I would say I was a little quiet but not tip toe quiet, with the second I learned the more noise the better! We never wispered or tip toed around him. Seems the more you just go about things as usual, the better they sleep. It's when you are quiet all the time and then you drop something or close a door too loud, etc.. that you wake them. If business is as usual then these noises may not bother them. My kids could sleep through a tornado (although this hasn't been tested).
I hope you guys come to an agreement on this issue and can meet somewhere in the middle. It's not worth causing a rift in the marriage.
*I have to add after reading through the responses - I too vacuumed almost always during my daughters naps - this actually was a little bit of a problem as she got so used to it, I was actually leaving the vacuum cleaner on outside her room to keep her asleep. (I don't do this anymore) Mmmm, maybe that is why the motor burnt out! LOL

I have four children and I home school. My little one (now 18 months) has had to learn to sleep through her three older siblings playing and making noise. I don't let them go running through the house screaming or anything but they are anything but quiet.

It will actually be harder now that you have been so quiet all the way along. It would have been better to start from day one making normal noises. But you are correct. Babies can learn to sleep through noise. I have always run the vacuum while my babies sleep.

Please be patient with your wife and not let this cause problems. With the first child we always go to the extreem in one or two areas. It is not worth ruining a marraige over and your baby girl needs you both. :)

My kids are now 9 & 7 and I always went about my everyday business, dishes, vacuuming, & laundry while they were sleeping. I think it really helped shape their sleeping habits because they can sleep through heavy rains, winds and just the bustle of everyday life. My son still manages to get in a little cat nap while driving int he car with the radio on and the non stop chatter of our 9 year old. So my advice to you is to liven it up a little at a time and go about your business. The last thing you want is to have you feel your life is on hold for 2 hours while the baby sleeps. Besides, nap time is a time for you guys to get things done that you can't while she's awake.

Live life normally - baby will adapt. Ran a daycare for
8 years out of my home (not one single complaint - state
registered) and I could nap six toddlers and babies at
once. Later, my youngest child, went to grandma's for a
sleep over - came in and said, "Grandma, can you vacuum
or do laundry? I am having trouble sleeping." Your
life, your rules, babies adapt. Tense mama, tense baby.
So, relax and enjoy your life.

J.

Not at all! you can vacume listen to music and work around the home they get use to the noises around the home and do not be come light sleepers...L. W.
mother of 6 kids

I had a friend that invited me over to watch our favorite soap opera, but she had the sound down so low, I couldn't here it. She insisted we had to wisper or her baby would wake up. I promised myself that I would never tip-toe around my kids when I had them and I never did. The TV is always on and it was a noisy household as I had each of my 4 sons. The crib was next to the dresser where our TV sat. My kids could sleep through ambulances, fire trucks, helicopters, our fighting, whatever. They have no trouble sleeping now. Noise is part of life and an infant should adjust. What will happen when your child grows up and marries someone that must have noise to sleep? Good Luck, F. E

Hey P.,

I think you're right.

I can empathize with your situation. We have always been very laid back with our daughter and she learned to sleep anywhere as a baby. My nephew, on the other hand, was put on a strict schedule in a controlled environment since he was 4 months old. Travelling with him has been VERY hard since he gets over tired and doesn't know how to fall asleep in a carseat, portacrib or even in mom's arms!

We have traveled alot with our daughter (She's almost 4 years now) and she has learned to go with the flow. I think it is a slippery slope controlling the environment too much...We need to cater to our children but they also need to learn how to participate in the world as it is.

Nevertheless, here are a couple ideas if you are really desperate!

1. Perhaps some white noise to camaflouge the apartment noises? Fisher Price makes this neat aquarium that offers gentle sounds while baby sleeps. Here is the link. I have quite a few friends who have really loved this thing.
(http://www.amazon.com/Fisher-Price-Ocean-Wonders-Aquarium...)

2. Encourage your wife to experiment with new ideas with you so that you two can relax! Let her know, this is really causing you stress and that you matter too..Us mommies can be pretty baby-centric that first year without really realizing it...

Good Luck!

Margaret

Compromise.

Tell your to at least give your suggestion a try. Do the normal activitites in the house that would usually do if the baby was awake. If the baby does'nt wake up then you both can relax. If he wakes up you will have to do "quiet" activities. One suggestion is that you might want to invest in a inexpensive cd player and a lullaby cd and play it quietly in the baby's room. This would be a nice way to introduce music and quiet noise at the same time.

Congrats P. at being a stay at home Dad!
I always shut the DOOR into the room where my daughter slept, then went about my business. Some household noise is SOOTHING to a baby :)
Your wife is not being "neurotic". It's just that she needs HER rest too and wants to do her best to get YOU some "down time"/ Good luck!
A Wise Ole' Grandma In Rancho Cucamonga, CA!!

Hi P.:

My experience is that that is typical behavior by a first time mom! lol Then, the more children you have, you more you realize that whatever the normal sounds of a household are, the baby will consider them normal and sleep through them. I would agree with your wife insofar as the period of time when you are preparing baby for sleep, and as the child is getting into sleep.

My advice is to behave & talk normally. It's sudden, loud sounds that tend to wake people up. My experience is that my friends who insisted on silence around their sleeping children now have very light sleepers who cannot tolerate any noise in order to sleep. My kids fall asleep in our family room all the time & we just talk in a normal voice & go about our business as usual. We just don't slam doors, run the blender, etc. However, I do run the vacuum, run the dishwasher, have the tv on, play the piano & so on.

Hello P.!
I too have a 8 month old girl! I am a stay home mom as well. Since day one I tried to have regular house-noises (radio, TV, blender, washer & dryer, hair dryer and more) around my little Louise so she could get used to it. And guess what? She is... I can vacuum the house, dry my hair and she won’t move. I can also enjoy dinner with my hubby at a noise restaurant. When Cris and I are at home talking I try to leave Louise's radio in her bedroom on when she is asleep. I believe that it blends our voices in...
Good luck! Try to incorporate your little girl into your life style instead of changing your life around to fit her. She will enjoy it and adapt to it. Watch it!
D. Carvalho

I still have a smile on my face when I think back to my first born. Everyone hated to come to my house when my baby was asleep. I would shhhhhush everyone and whisper, be quiet, the baby is asleep. My Mother up and said, "Don't you tell me to be quiet!" "Teach her to sleep with the noise and nothing will disturb her!"

So I did it with both of my daughters, left the television on, run the washer and anything that made noise, I turned it on for nap time. When I had company, my babies slept very soundly and I didn't have to hush folks. Even today, and I might add that my daughters are grown, they still don't have a problem sleeping, but they still turn on the television at bed time.

I do agree with you P.. And that is what my mom taught me also. You want the baby to sleep during some noise because otherwise she will not learn to sleep well.

Aloha P.,

How sounds familiar your story is...
I was just like your wife when our baby fell a sleep for the night. She is now 4 years old.
My husband was sick of me screaming with whisper "You are making too much noise! I don't want our baby to wake up!..."

My husband was at the same page as you are. Not only this matter, but having a baby in our lives really shook our marriage. We both are very disconnected from each other even from our own feelings.

At the end of exhausting day for both of you, You may would like to kick back and spend time the way you want. For that, we prefer baby to stay sleep. Yet, what you are saying is right. If baby sleeps with total quietness, she may have hard time sleeping with noise.

I wish that you and your wife can have a time alone for a couple of hours, ask somebody to watch your baby. Take yourself for sunset strolling or picnic lunch, relax and talk about your concerns from your heart. I am sure that when you can show empathy for your feeling and her feeling at same time, you both can come up with your own solution.

Good Luck!

I am liking to see Male is doing a good job being a "Papa in Home"!

We have three kids 3, 22 months and 7 months. We are never quiet when our kids sleep. We want them to be able to relax and sleep in any type of enviornment loud or quiet. Its much better for them and for us. Your baby will be fine with a little noise. Being too quiet is unrealistic, expecially if you want another child. Then, its never quiet!! good luck J.

Did you know that when a baby is in Uterus the noise they hear is compared to having a vacuum in your ear along with all other sounds and noises of daily life. Let's not forget the echo of our ( the mother ) voices that sounds like a bass tube!! LOL The more sensitive we make our babies the harder it is for them to adjust. I only base my comment on my experiences and both of my children can sleep even if a parade walks through their rooms. I hope you find a happy medium for the sake of your baby!!!!! :o)