i am a grandmother,and i was always at work, when my daughter was growing up.i am so scared for abrina ,she's the grandaughter she's wild and boy crazy.and desperate for a boy , cause her friends all have boyfriends.and she feels left out .please any advice.......thank you
You should ask her what it means to have a boyfriend. You might be very surprised at her answer.
My son is 11. I'm pretty sure having a girlfriend means telling others that they are girlfriend/boyfriend and maybe some gigling at eachother.
I think saying she's too young is just going to intensify her desire to have a boyfriend.
you need to ask your grand daughter what she feels and thinks a boyfriend is.
She may feel that a boyfriend is someone she talks with over the phone and sits with in school. Not what YOU feel a boyfriend is.
the first thing most people shriek is TOO YOUNG FOR BOY/GIRLFRIENDS.
it's also the best way to make having a romance unbearably exciting.
your wild and boy crazy granddaughter may well have a very different view of what 'having a boyfriend' looks like than you envision.
neither of my boys ever went through a 'girls are icky' phase. they both had girlfriends in kindergarten, and longed for them wistfully during awkward phases of elementary school. in kindergarten it meant sitting next to a girl at story time. by 5th grade they might write each other notes or hold hands.
if you're an authoritarian, by all means lay down the rules and impose harsh consequences for transgressions. i think it will backfire badly, but there are all sorts of methods of parenting and maybe it will work. but allowing young children to explore adult behaviors (like playing house or astronaut) does not mean you're helpless and uninvolved and contributing to immature sexual experiences. a parent (or grandparent) who has thoughtful age-appropriate discussions with kids about what romance entails, and later what sex is all about, and realistic (not hysterical) talks about the reasons to hold off on physical intimacy until later tends to have better outcomes in my experience.
you don't say exactly what the issue is here. is abrina upset because you or her mother have forbidden her to have a boyfriend? or because she's interested but none of her male peers are? are you raising her?
the 'desperate for a boy' sounds like a tragedy waiting to happen. my approach would not be to forbid boys, but to make sure that i stayed part of the conversation and was accessible for questions or worries.
khairete
S.
Fanie,
Welcome to mamapedia!!
When my boys were 11 and girl crazy? I asked them what they wanted a "girlfriend" for? They both said so they can eat lunch next to a pretty girl or pass notes in class. Or play tag on the playground....
it was innocent. It wasn't like they were going out to restaurants and planning their weddings! Please don't make a mountain out of a mole hill. ASK her what she thinks a girlfriend does and what a boyfriend is. You might be surprised.
Your granddaughter needs to be kept busy.
She needs after school activities to keep her busy so she finds a some better friends to hang out with and at the same time have less time for hanging out.
Taekwondo would be very good for her.
Not only will half the class be boys but she'll learn how to defend herself.
Girl Scouts, a sport, an art class, a dance class, learn to play an instrument (get involved with band at school) - there are quite a few things she can do which will broaden her horizons, look good on her applications for college, have her meet people who are focused on their future and be less worried about why she thinks she needs a boyfriend to be a complete person - because she doesn't and she really needs to learn this most of all.
And yes - 11 IS too young for boyfriends/girlfriends.
My mom taught 6th grade for 30 years - some of those students were sexually active at that age.
We had a pregnant 10th grade girl at the high school I worked at.
So no, a pre teens idea of what a boyfriend means isn't always so innocent.
And if you don't want to be a great grandmother anytime soon it would be worth talking with your granddaughters parents about keeping all their kids busy when they are out of school.
When my son was 11/12 it was like this in his school. I had serious talks with him about how he's too young to have a girlfriend and now is the time to focus on his school/learning. There was a girl who had a crush on him and they sort of became a couple at school. We had her over a couple times with his other friends and I made sure to hang out with them the whole time and watch. For them it was very awkward and innocent. Then we moved. His new school and friends don't seem to have this kind of thing going on...so I think part of it is the culture of the school and what all the other kids are doing. If your granddaughter is wild and crazy she definitely needs to be supervised and educated on things like sex ed, STDs, contraception, etc. Her parents need to stress the importance of education and what they expect of her right now. PS - my 14 year old girlfriend back in high school would tell her parents she was with me but then she would go over to her boyfriend's apartment to make out while no parents were around.
