How Much Should We Be Doing for Our Four-year Old?

My Grandson is 4 he dresses himself (they pick out the clothes) he can zip his coat and put on his shoes and or boots, he can take a shower and wash himself but Mom or Dad washes his hair. He takes care of his own bathroom needs. I started teaching my kids to do things for themselves from the start but remember each child is different so they will learn and be able to do things at their own pace and remember she is still only 4. The more they learn to do alone the more self esteem they will have. Sounds like you are moving her in the right direction.

she should be doing all of this & more. She's 4 & will be going to school next year!

Absolutely, she should be dressing herself....shoes & all. She has to be able to tie her own shoes. This is part of the KG screening.

She also needs to be self-sufficient in the bathroom....wiping & all.

As for bathing, hair, & teeth: she should be doing it all with little supervision from you. From about age 3 on, I simply made sure it was all done properly. I am a firm believer in autonomy & allowing kids to mature as they wish....& have never insisted on being in charge, especially with their personal hygiene. All of the kids in our family had the choice of a bath or shower by age 3. & as for hair, I simply made sure the rinsing was complete.

Small chores: absolutely! As many as you can give her, & she should happy to do so! I believe in teamwork when it comes to teaching lifeskills. My kids were folding laundry, putting it away, helping clean, clearing their place at the table.....all by age 2. With my daycare kids, by 18-24 months....they're able to clear their place setting & put away (properly) all toys. Kids love to learn, they love to help.....if all of these chores are presented as 2nd nature....then they just jump on it! :)

Contact your local school district & ask for the KG screening packet. Lots of good stuff to be taught before school! Teaching lifeskills is affirmation for me!

She's good.
Sounds like you're making her pull her weight! LOL

My four year old son can get himself washed (including hair, but "forgets" cause he doesn't want to do it), dried off, dressed all on his own.

He cleans his own room (I or hubs advise him toys are put here, clothes are put here but he does the work). Helps clean the bathroom. Loves to help with the dishwasher and loves to vaccum (now I have to re-do this one but he tries).

We let him help with what he has asked and we encourage him to do the rest.

I think you're right on track.

in general, if it's in regards to taking care of themselves, i feel like, if they can do it, they should. it's their body to take care of. i am also in agreement with the chores. setting the table is great for a 4 year old. my son is 5 and has been emptying the dishwasher lately - but he is tall for his age and can reach almost everything with his stepstool. what he can't reach i have him put on the kitchen table for me to help with. i don't know what kind of hair she has but with my son, i put the shampoo in, and he scrubs and rinses, then i check it. that's just what we do, it sounds like we're on the same page to me. good job!

I think those are good things. If you know your DD can get dressed, tell DH what works for you.

My DD is 3.5 and I try to see what she can do herself. She has long hair so she doesn't take care of it herself. She can wash her front but not her back, so I give her a once-over in the tub. She can get her shirt, jacket and pants on, but she keeps putting her panties on wrong so I hold them the right way to get her started. She can mostly put on her own socks, but sometimes gets the heel up front. With a little guidance, my DD feeds and waters the cats, sets the table and busses her own plate. Etc.

If your DD brushes her own teeth, do a quick check because kids miss spots. Right now I'm brushing DD's teeth and she double checks me. Makes her feel important. Nowadays a lot of shoes are velcro only but your DD should be able to put them on.

My son just turned 4. He washes himself in the bath, brushes his teeth (which I check and do a quick brush after), and has a Chore Chart (modeled after the one he uses in Pre-K) that has the following chores:
Make Bed
Pick up Toys
Bring up Garbage Bins (he loves pulling the garbage and recycling bins up to the house on those days)
Clear Dishes (after meals)
Clean up Trash
Use Listeners (meaning he listens to us)
Share with Maddy (his 2 year old sister)
Be Happy

He gets a smiley face for each job he does well each day. At the end of the week we add them up. He earns rewards including 10 cents for every 7 smiley faces (a totaly of 80 cents/week) for his piggy bank, which we match and he uses to buy special think he wants.

We thought a Chore Chart was way too early for his age, but he wanted it because at school they have something similar to earn rewards for the treasure chest. Odd thing about it - my daughter LOVES it, so we made one for her too. She is doing "chores" WAY earlier than he ever did, as well as brushing her teeth and brushing her hair.

She should be taught how to put on her clothes, shoes, and outerwear. If you don't want to teach her how to tie laces, then get her velcro shoes for now. Start working on things like buttons and zippers (this may take a while, or she may get it quickly). She should know how to go to the bathroom by herself, and wipe well. She should know when she needs a tissue, and go get one. She should be taught how to wash her hands thoroughly.

I'm a preschool teacher, and these are things I want my class to know.

But also, it's a way of thinking for all three of you. If you do too many things for her, she will get the message that you think she can't do stuff, that she is just a baby. If you teach her to do age-appropriate things independently, she will feel confident, accomplished, and capable. Keep your eyes peeled for opportunities to teach her new things as she gets older.

I think you are doing just fine; my daughter is 4 and is capable of getting herself dressed but sometimes I just end up helping her because we are in a rush. She still needs help with zippers, buttons and snaps but she can put on her own shoes. Most things I will do part of it and let her do part of it, like brushing her teeth, washing her hair, and wiping her bottom, so she gets some practice and feels like she is able to do some, but I'm still making sure it gets done thoroughly. There is such a wide range at this age of what some kids are capable of and what some are not, I don't think there are any hard and fast "rules". I do think sometimes parents get so used to doing everything for their kids as babies and toddlers that they just get in that mode and don't always realize when they are capable of taking on more or being able to do more for themselves. I also think some parents get so hung up on something being done perfectly that they just want to do it themselves so they know it's done "right" - but that doesn't really teach the child anything either.

Keep in mind too that many kids can act differently for one parent vs. another - if she knows that Daddy will always help her, she may be perfectly fine with letting him, but she also knows that you most likely aren't going to "come to her rescue" so she has no choice but to get dressed on her own.

I think that is perfect. I don't think there are any hard and fast rules. My son is almost 4 and I still dress him because he takes forever. He does take care of his personal hygeine but then I check or go over it myself (like I brush his teeth after he has brushed them). He has jobs like helping clean up his toys, water the plants, clean up the catfood with me, ect. I would not give him any job that he could accidentally break something. He also brings in a bag of groceries and helps unload the cart at the supermarket. He also helps carry in wood and push the buttons on the washer and dyer. If he can "help" I try to get him involved. I wash his hair and get him ready for bed.

In working with my grandson, who is 4 1/2, I encourage him to get himself dressed, to put toys away, throw things away, help unload the d/w, pick up dishes, trash, whatever I think he can do. He enjoys helping with all of that. He still needs guidance and instructions on how to do things, but he is learning.

Now, if we are running late, I may be doing more of the dressing, and such... it just depends on how much time we have, and how cooperative he is being.

to me, that seems like a bit much for a 4 year old to be doing. My son is 4 and I still wash him in the bath. He just can't get everything yet, so I still need to be there to help him. He does clean up his toys, but sometimes he still needs help, so I will go in and help direct him on what to do next (get all the airplanes, ok, now get all the books...). I still brush his teeth too. I think it's fine if you want to set up some chores, but maybe have her do it with you if she needs help. My son will dress himself and about half of the time he doesn't do too bad lol! But, sure some chores are fine at this age, just make sure they can handle them and be there to help if they need it

It sounds like you child is doing great. I still wash my daughter’s hair (she is 5) because it is faster and I want to make sure it is clean, I also help get her dressed for school or she will just play and be late. She dresses herself on the weekends. Her dentist told me to continue brushing her teeth (after her) to prevent cavities.

I figure there are plenty of things she can do on her own so I don't push. She lets me know if I do too much and will tell me that she can do it by herself. I do give her some chores around the house because I feel that it is important for her to learn now to keep the house clean and put her stuff away.

Sounds great but she old enough to pick out her clothes and dress herself for play time or pre-school. Where she doesn't need to match or look a certain way.

Our girl is 8 and I still wash her hair for her and while the conditioner is on it I comb out the tangles. Then I help her rinse it very well. By the time I help with hair all the other stuff is done.

Our 5 yr. old can dress himself, shower himself, etc...but as for washing the bits and pieces? I don't think he gets that dirty and we don't teach either of them they have to scrub. I help him get the liquid soap on the scrunchy and he washes the business, hiney, then on down to the feet. I help him wash his hair, condition it, then rinse it well.

Hubby lets him have blocks in the shower and he just plays. Hubby hands him the scrunchy soaped up then hoses him down.

i think all kids are different .. my fiances god daughter and his friends daughter are only a few weeks apart in age and they are like night and day.. gd doesnt say much or do muhc on her own/ always wants to be carried, friends daughter talks a mile a minute and wants to do everything herself "like a big girl" .. and its the same with my cousins 2 boys.. only 2 weeks apart and are completely different .. some kinds are just way more independant than others.. if u feel your daughter can handle it i say let her do more on her own.. if u dont feel shes ready theres nothing wrong with helping her out for a little while longer

I think it depends on the child andwhat kind of parent you are. I know moms who still do a lot for older kids, and others who push young ones to do a lot.
But what you are having him do sounds about right. Both my kids are of the "I can do it myself" type, which is great BUT can take a long time, so there were times that I would help them to speed things up. Your chores seem appropriate - my girls would also pull warm laundry out of the dryer into a basket since they liked it. The other thing they liked to do it use the Swiffer broom to do the wood floors.
But indeed my husband would do other things for them than I would but as long as that does not cause friction between you two then that is fine. Also, our dentist said that up to age 10 (!) he recommended that parents take the occasional turn brushing teeth (certainly at 4 we would since my kids just talked and played in front of the mirror and did not really brush - getting an electric brush helps). Enjoy.