How in the World Do You Handle a Newborn and 16-Month Old?! Anyone...? - Bel Air,MD

ok, i did it twice, and although this may not be very ummmmmm pc? the things that saved me were baby gates, crafts, and finger foods. tv helps too, im not gonna lie. my babies all nursed continually, like every hour or 2 at some stages, and when you have a little one (or 2!) running around and no help, its not easy. im being real with you, do what you have to do. you want to enjoy this precious time as much as you can, not just get through it.. get some new arts craftsy stuff that doesnt make too much of a mess. stickers are great, so are those self sticking foam shapes, bendaroos, stuff like that. michaels has those little sticker books for a dollar or 2 with a million tiny stickers in there, give her a sheet of construction paper, some crayons, and a page from the sticker book. you will be finding those tiny stickers everywhere for the next 2 years, but whatever. oh, and thats the other thing you need,.. a willingness to give up some control of the state of your house. hence the gates. you know she is safe wherever you want her to be, with you or not, whichever works for you, and you can sit and she can do her thing. everyone will tell you to make nursing time a special time for the toddler, its special reading time, our special book time, whatever works. and its absolutely true and it should be your first try. but when you are nursing all day long, it just doesnt work every time and when it becomes a forced thing its no fun for anyone. use tv if you need to, educational stuff of course, at least for now if you need to until the nursing spaces out a little bit. super why, word world, were 2 of the best ones for us. plus the nature shows like life or planet earth, especially at night to mellow things out. and although its hard to hear, your 16 month old knows whats going on, the baby really doesnt. give your daughter the extra attention whenever you can. she needs it a lot more right now.. the baby has you while he is nursing and that is really close wonderful and frequent bonding time, i figure it evens out if you put the baby down if he is content whenever you can and play with your daughter, especially physical stuff to let her run and climb and jump and get the energy out. ....or even ... gasp!... get a shower or a bite to eat for yourself! you have to take care of you too, so you can be the best mommy you can be. and sorry to say it, but dont leave them alone together at all for a while. she is jealous, it is perfectly normal, and although she knows "no", she is an intense little toddler with very limited self control and big feelings that she doesnt know what to do with. involve her with caring for the baby as much as you can, as much as you think she is happy with. for most kids, giving them little jobs really makes them feel special, and it will help her bond with the baby. its worth a little pumping to let her give him a bottle here and there, it can make a big difference. let her be in charge of getting the diaper ready when you are changing him, she can be the wipe warmer, whatever. oh... and get out of the house! work it out, find contained places where she can play while you sit on a bench or blanket and nurse. find friends with kids the same age that you can meet out, an extra pair of eyes/hands while you bf. even those play places at the mall, especially once it gets cold out. if you arent comfortable bfing in public it will be a little harder for you, but there are always ways around it. i found that dressing rooms are great. grab a top or 2, go into the big dressing room if you can and bf. the big mirror is usually good enough to entertain the little one while you nurse, especially if you have a little stash of dress up stuff, crowns and necklaces and stuff,,, though you should have a bag of tricks with you too, of course. those lace up toys are great for out and about. when my 3rd was born and i was nursing him every 3 minutes and had a 4 year old and a 2 year old home with us, i joined the childrens museum by my house and we went there almost every day. lots of the rooms had doors, the music rooms for example, and the little classrooms, and we had a whole routine, the other 2 took a music class or an art class or a reading class, i sat in the back of the classroom and bf, then we walk around and play for a while, find our way to the music room or the toddler area and they could run while i nursed, repeat. that place saved me... .... good luck and really try to enjoy it. if you thought it went fast with your daughter, just wait till you see this fly by! soak it up :)

Crayons, books. Sit next to your 16 year old while you breastfeed, and color, read, etc.

The adjustment is hard, but you will get there. Expect major "replays of the devil" with every major developmental milestone of baby.

Hi,
I have 2 girls 10 mos apart. They are birth sisters that we adopted (we started fostering them at 5mos and 15mos respectively). I can't speak to BF, but can talk about the chaos of one mobile, one feeding and vulnerable, and the back and forth of the love-hate-jealous-best friend relationship of close siblings. Some of the tossing things at her brother may not be mean. Remember that she does not have the control that we do, and she may be trying to share with him. If she likes it, so will he. Oops, so it hit him in the head ;o)

My older daughter would alternately snuggle with her sister, then be "mean." Let me explain. Before Anna was mobile, if Emma was feeling generous, she would share her toys. It took awhile for her to share them without knocking her sister in the head with them, but eventually it happened. However, if her sister seemed to be having too much fun with something, then she would re-think that toy, and want it back. Then the grabbing, and battles began. When baby sister became mobile and could chose her own toys, well, that just wouldn't do. Things got ugly. At one point, we had a physical therapist come check out our youngest because she was almost 17mos and wasn't fully on her feet. Since she was abt 10 mos though, she had been "walking" on her knees. The physical therapist watched the girls and laughed. You see, "sister tipping" had become the way that my oldest had kept her baby sister away from things she wanted for herself. Children get onto their feet to free up their hands and to reach things, so Anna had figured out how to move (fast) across the room with her hands free, grab what she wanted, and keep her sister from knocking her over.

Anyway, I digress. Sharing became, and is still the word of our house. My girls will share almost anything with anyone, and it started pretty early. While everyone is still pretty small, work on the concept that Mommy's lap can hold both of them. Especially for one or two feedings. It sounds like your daughter won't sit still for the whole feeding, so your son will still have his Mommy time, but she will feel included. Use the floor, or sofa instead of a chair, so she will fit next to you. Have her get you diapers, if you trust her to stay out of the powder and diaper cream. Like the other mother said - BABY PROOF A FEW ROOMS AND STICK TO THEM! For the first 2 years that we had our girls, we lived almost exclusively in thier "playroom" (we had a TV, loveseat, and chair along with their table, toys, and other paraphanalia...)

Don't let anyone guilt you into not working. If your family needs the income, do it. I also think that if it is a good daycare, you children learn better social skills and academics in a structured environment, than from you. Your daughter did not learn to be jealous of a new brother and have adjustment issues from moving from being in daycare part-time. You also need time talking to other adults about things other than children and child issues (which is what invariably happens on playdates).

Enjoy you children. These are adjustment issues for everyone. Remember that sharing is about people and laps, not just toys. They get older and your son will start to fight back - but that is another post ;o)

S.

Congratulations on the new baby and on breastfeeding! Your 16 month old may seem really grown compared to the baby but she is still a baby too. I found the books on what to expect at each age really helpful because then I knew my kids were just acting appropriately for their ages. And having reasonable expectations for your daughter and the rest of your family makes everything so much easier. I get most overwhelmed when things don't go how I thought they would.

Keep everything as simple as possible in your home for the next year. For example, make one room really safe with baby gates at the entrances or doorway. That way, you can sit and nurse or play on the floor with your kids without your daughter escaping or needing to be told no over and over.

Some parents use a special basket or box of toys and books that are only for using while you nurse the baby. She might like "nursing" one of her dolls or stuffed animals too. My kids really liked the idea of the nursing only toys. And they were encouraging about nursing the baby because they didn't like to hear crying.

You may be really tired this year but try to take pictures and enjoy the moments because kids grow up so fast. It helps to get outside everyday. Do you have a fenced in playground somewhere close enough to get to by walking or driving? Some babies sleep when they are outside and you could chase the toddler without her running too far. And you'd meet other moms too.

I hope their naps overlap at least some of the time so you all get some rest together. Good luck.

And good job on marrying a man who shares the care of the children!

Please don't go back to work-your daughters behavior was probably learned in daycare. She will get accustomed to the routine-it takes time-maybe you could read to her while feeding the little one-it will be good for both. Enlist her help with the baby-a sixteen month old can fetch a diaper-wipes, burp cloth, etc. She can help gather laundry and feel vested in the baby-not in competition. Treat her like a big sister and she will rise to the occassion! Best of luck!