This is for moms and dads - I have a very poor body image. When I had my daughter, I was totally lucky and LOST a lot of weight. A lot. In the past two years, I've gained weight (I think I am about 145, I'm 5' 5"). I don't weight myself because I have struggled with anorexia and bulimia. It is really affecting my marriage because I don't want my husband to see me naked or in a bathing suit. I work out pretty much every day. My eating habits are healthy for the most part - but Idon't eat on a regular schedule, so I think my metabolism is messed up as well. My preferance for wine doesn't help - I KNOW! We do have an active sex life, but the more self concious I get, the less frequent it is.
Soooo....my husband will be gone next week - we have been on a virtual silence treatment with each other because he has literally said he is tired of this, he does not have sympathy or empathy for me and he can not fix me. I know I need to fix me - support would help, but it's out of the question from him apparently. I have a call into a counselor.
VENT - my true question - when you are feeling crappy about yuor body, and know you are trying to fix it - what do you do in the mean time to sexy yourself up? What I want to do it go underwear/bra shopping - buy some things that I like, that fit well, that I like. And a nice robe, becasue the one I have now is admittedly frumpy, and I like a robe when I get ready.
Men - self confidence is sexy. What do your ladies do that make you know that they like themselves? As is. (think the song I'm sexy and I know it). I want my sexy back.
Girl, I'm right there with ya.
Here's what they said when I asked a similar question.
http://www.mamapedia.com/questions/16014944380108603393
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I remind myself that my husband thinks I am sexy!
Seriously! That is all I have to do/say to help me if/when I am feeling down on myself.
I have been with my husband going on 16 years and met him at my finest at 19y/o..he has seen me at my best and at my worst. I went through a stage, much like yourself, when I was embarrassed for him to see me naked and I needed (and thankfully did) to get over it before it caused issues in our marriage. Men need sex to feel intimate with their wives, while women need to feel intimacy to want to have sex. If you give in and stop worrying about how you look to him, I bet you anything that things will get back on track for you guys.
Your husband LOVES you AND thinks you are the SEXIEST woman he knows, you want to know why he thinks that? Because you are HIS. So stop being afraid of him seeing you naked and remind yourself how much he loves you everyday if you need to!
I promise that you look in the mirror (much like most of us women) and think 'Ugh!' while he looks at you naked and thinks 'Damn she looks good'!
Men are really easy that way. He is not going to pick your body apart like you do...he is just happy and thankful that he gets to see you naked whenever he wants, so don't take that away from him.
~The idea to guy buy yourself some pretty panties and bras and a robe is a good one. We all feel better about ourselves when we love what we are wearing!!
You are only 145 and 5' 5" and you work out every day and you have a poor body image? Do you think you might have body dismorphic disorder?
Your standards are way too high. Have your thyroid checked, and find one thing you can cut out of your diet if you want to lose a few pounds, because at that weight, you probably don't need to lose more than 10 lbs., max.
I am your weight, and two inches taller, and in the last week three people have called me "tiny" which drives me crazy, because I always think of myself as kind of buff and tough, and large in a good way.
Maybe add some protein to your diet, and change your workout so that you gain more muscle over what you perceive to be fat. Feeling strong feels great.
I agree; from what you have described, counseling would help. It's hard for our spouses when we are leaning on them for our own self-acceptance.
It sounds like you know some of the things you can do to help yourself. Eating on a schedule is a big deal for many of us. I don't do well if I don't eat regularly-- it's asking way too much of my body and deeply affects my emotions/moods/outlook. When I am taking care of myself (walking enough, eating reasonably and on time, getting enough sleep)-- that's how I know I am valuing myself. We do not care well for what we don't value, and the same can be said in the opposite sense... when we are caring for ourselves, that sends our own brain a message of being loved, nurtured and cared for.
Aside from that, what works for me, in general:
Find lingerie or clothing that fits well and helps you like what you see.
Low lighting is my friend. :) Lavender candles, lotion or oil will be helpful-- both men and women find the scent alluring and it gets our motors running.
Have one glass of wine or small amount of chocolate. Chocolate sends pleasant messages to the brain (hell if I know the chemistry, but I swear by it) and wine can be relaxing. Not too much, though, or you can get into a funk. :( Good luck and keep working, thoughtfully, on doing things that make you feel good, just being you.
Your proportions sound perfectly normal, and you work out regularly ... I'm sure you look just fine! But the most important thing to remember is that men are simple creatures: If you have sex with him, he will be happy! He loves you and thinks you're beautiful (or else he wouldn't have married you). He is not examining and judging your body. To make yourself feel more relaxed, low lighting is a good option, and then think about you you *feel* (sexy), and how you are making him feel, rather than how you look. He's the only one seeing you, and he loves what he sees!!
I have never read a post that is so full of contradictions. I think you know exactly what do to if you want to and the right attitude to have if no matter what kind of body you have. You just have to make a choice and stick with it. No husband that loves his wife is happy when she hides away from him; I understand his frustration. He just wants to love you and you wont' let him. Sorry for being blunt.
You're on the right track with shopping for new undies. But take it a step further and get yourself a nice nighty that makes you feel sexy. That's what I do. Shower, shave the legs, put on something that makes me feel sexy (doesn't matter what it looks like as long as I FEEL sexy in it), comb your hair, spray on some perfume and there you have it - one sexy mamma! When I feel sexy, I am sexy!!!!
your bmi is 24.1. a healthy weight range is 117 to 155 depending on your frame size. are you on the high end? sure but that doesn't make you overweight. you are likely fine and healthy but yes a checkup is a good idea. once the doctor clears you of anything, then talk to the counselor. i am a former anorexic and get how that never quite goes away. i have a screwed up relationship with food, always will. i will always obsess about my body. i just do it alot less now than i used to. it's baby steps, not leaping over mountains.
Have you had your thyroid checked? You may have untreated issues that can account for your weight gain.
Apart from that...diet is 80% of weight loss.
You don't have to eat on a regular schedule, but you do have to closely monitor how much you're eating. It's simple calories in/calories out, and I'e learned in tracking my daily intake, how easy it is to rack iup 1500 calories in a day by eating very little.
I can't help you with your self esteem. You need to look inside to do that.
But take a much closer look at your diet and start replacing things there.
Have you ever heard the expression "act enthusiastic and you'll be enthusiastic"? Its because when you start to act a way that you don't feel, your attitude will eventually take over and you will feel that way. When I don't feel good about myself and don't want to have sex with my husband I just tell myself to smile and do it anyway. Trust me, in no time (unless he is a minute man Ouch!) you will feel different. He loves you the way you are. I think you have issues that have nothing to do with him that you need to work on. Like, why don't you think you are lovable? No new robe is going to fix that. Good luck
I induce a bowel movement, to relieve any feelings of bloat. My body feels good without the bloat.
Take a nice hot bubble bath. Get a mani/pedi/eyebrow arch/bikini wax, etc. Work out (treadmill, elliptical, swimming, etc.) Dress up in your favorite outfit and have someone take your pics (kids, hubby). Shoe shopping ALWAYS makes me feel better.
