How Do You Politely Say "NO"?

I thought that with the questions you listed that she was a young child and I was going to tell you it was normal. But then you said a Junior High thing, and I was like "man!". She should know better. If you don't want her coming with you, just tell her that she can't come. If you don't mind if she comes but don't want the "I'm bored" tell her what you are going to do. Then tell her if she is going to be bored or make comments, then she can stay home and be bored. If her mom asks for her to stay the night, tell her no because you have somewhere to be at a certain time. or tell her that you have to be somewhere by 10am if you have to be there by noon. if you really don't want to be involved with these people anymore, than just stop answering the phone.

I feel bad for Penn but you know this is an excelent learning lesson for you and your daughter. First off stop trying to be so polite with this Penn. Tell her up front and have your daughter be the same. Obviously the mom isnt and its the kid who will suffer. She is probably very lonely and loves the attention she gets from you and your daughter. Like previously said say no more. But Also do still have play dates but tell her. You know so and so this is notthe behavior we find acceptable in our house you must learn to control it or we will not be able to have you over. Or you know Penn I know you have a lot of questions but your asking to many and its getting to be to much. Thank you for sharing with me but lets calm it down.

IMO...I think when Penn starts drilling you with a lot of questions, you simply need to say....Penn I have business to attend to and that is all you need to know. You should also tell her that it's not polite to ask people so many personal questions.

It seems to me that Penn is not getting a lot of attention from her mother. Her mother has brought her a lot of materalistic items to keep her occupied, so she does not have to deal with her. Penn sees the relationship that you have with your daughter and that is something that she probably wants with her mother.

If you invite Penn to the Junior Night, your requirement should be that Penn's mom attends as well. If her Mom can't or won't come than Penn will not be allowed to attend . I know this may sound like Penn is being punished for her mother's actions but it's not fair that you should be left having to care for Penn and her mom is somewhere else doing whatever. I would also remind Penn's mom that if she has to leave early for whatever reason Penn needs to go with her.

You should not have to adjust your schedule to fit Penn's needs. The best way to curb this is to be honest and open with Penn's mom. When she asks you if Penn can spend the night, kindly say no and explain that when Penn comes over she is often bored after a short period of time. Or if you have made plans you shouldn't be apprehensive about saying that you have plans to do whatever that night or the next day. Even if the Mom says she will pick Penn up before your scheduled events continue to be firm and say no, because you really don't want anything interferring with the plans that you have scheduled. If you stand firm on your no's than it is less likely that they will continue to ask if she can come over. Don't keep explaining why Penn can not come over. No means no and they both need to learn to accept it.

One last act of kindness I would try (for the sake of Penn). I would ask the mom if SHE would plan a mother-daughter day out for the four of you. Tell her you will leave all the planning to her and she can let you know what day and where. If you are available to go, tell her you can meet her at the location of choice. Do not get suckered into picking Penn up with the promise that the mom will meet you there. If the mom has to cancel for whatever reason and she tries to insist that the three of you go ahead without her, tell her no and she can reschedule when it's convenient for the four of you to go out.

Be blessed!!

Let the relationship go would be the ideal thing to do, however if you let this kid go no telling where she would end up, what front door. You obviously has the tolerance for the kid. My don't totally cut off, but minimize the visits. Especially until the mom develope a greater sensetivity to your time.

Honestly, the polite answer is just "no." Can she come over. "No." Can you watch her until noon. "No, sorry." Can we have a sleep over. "No."

They are both walking all over you, the mom more than the daughter (and guess who's teaching HER to do it!). I would just draw the line. No need to explain why she can't come over. The answer is just no. She is not your child and thus not your responsibility. I know it's hard, but at the very least when she is at your home, she needs to be respectful. If she isn't, she goes home immediately. And if you know how she is going to behave, don't allow her inside.

I feel for you. A very difficult situation.

It's really tough, but you have to decide whether or not you want this friendship, for both you and your daughter, any longer. If you are not getting anything positive out of it, then you have to say no. You don't owe any explanation. When she calls, you say no and get off the phone in a nice way, saying you're busy. If she continues to call, assuming you have caller ID, just don't answer the phone and let your answering machine pick up. Eventually the calls will probably drop off.

If you decide the friendship has redeeming value for you and/or your daughter, then you have to set the limits. You will meet them at this place at this time, for x number of hours, and if the mom tries to leave, then you say "sorry, you have to take Penn with you, as I have prior commitments."

People will take advantage of you if you let them. Ultimately, although they are clearly overstepping the boundaries of friendship, it is up to you to say no, enough is enough. Good luck.

I personally would cut this relationship loose. Don't mean to sound harsh, but is Penn's mom reciprocating in any way to you? Sounds like you are being inconvenienced more often than not. Regarding the work you do with the mom...if it's something you could do without, where you wouldn't be hurting financially if you back away from her? You have to weigh if it's worth it for you to continue with her, but that daughter sure sounds obnoxious and ill mannered! If you google the words toxic people you will find plenty of information about this subject. I wouldn't return the calls and would explain if I bump into them that everyone is just really busy right now for summer, etc. You don't have to justify why you can't spend time with them. Eventually they might take the hint. Bet all her other "supposed" friends feel the same way about this girl and her mom...how sad, so that's why they keep pestering you! Good luck! Start making a list of pros and cons about the mom and daughter and then you'll have your answer about whether to keep it up or let them go.

http://www.peopleskillsdecoded.com/how-to-deal-with-toxic...

She doesn't sound at all like a friend to me.

Here's a really good book that I think you might find helpful:

http://www.amazon.com/Boundaries-When-Take-Control-Your/d...

Blessings =)