How Do You Know When It's Time for #2 - Tucson,AZ

I have 3 children... DD#1 and DD#2 are 3 years apart, and DD#2 and DS are 18 months apart. DH and I have always wanted two kids, about 2-3 years apart, so that hopefully the kids would grow up together as "friends". When DD#1 was around 1 YO, I didn't feel like I was ready, so we waited and planned for them to be 3 years apart... and DD#1 & #2 are almost 3 years to the day! LOL We weren't planning on DS, but he came and I wouldn't trade him in for the world!
I'm glad that DD#1 & #2 are 3 years apart. It made things easier because #1 could communicate to me verbally. Also, the diaper bag wasn't so full! I have a hard time sometimes with DD#2 and DS being 18 months apart in age, since #2 doesn't yet talk, and DS is still under 1 year. And with the diaper bag, I have to keep diapers for both kids and bottles and sippy cup and snacks. There's just A LOT to carry around sometimes!
Yeah, it was a change going from 1 child to 2 children... but I felt I was ready.
And you know... if what happened to me with DS happens to you (and I can guarantee I won't be using that BC pill again! LOL)... you will be amazed at what you can accomplish and take on because you have to!

Just to side-step you a little ;-). If you feel like you want to have more kids, but you are unsure of a. being pregnant, and b. life with a newborn--why not consider adoption?

I never really thought about it because I could (and still can) have perfectly normal, natural births, but there are thousands and thousands of kids world-wide who need homes from babies on up to teenagers. We got into foster care when my eldest daughter was 18 months because we loved children, but weren't ready to have another one of our own. We didn't originally intend to adopt, but things worked out wonderfully and now 2 1/2 years later we are finally starting the process to adopt our two precious foster children. During this process we also got pregnant with our "4th" child so altogether we now have two 3 year olds, a 2 year old and an 11 month old. Talk about change!!! But I wouldn't have life any other way! It is definitely the best decision I've ever made. Not only did I get to give love to two needy children (and receive it!), but my daughter immediately got a new brother and sister (and then another brother)who she loves as much as I do.

Going from 1 to 2 wasn't that hard...we had all the basic supplies and we already had "experience" raising babies/toddlers. In some respects, adding the 3rd and 4th babies was when it got "hard"...not because I felt it was that much more difficult, but it is harder to find someone to watch them for you and with more mouths to feed it is more expensive and with more bodies you need a bigger vehicle...things like that. But going from 1 to 2 was easy.

Honestly, it is very difficult for me to think of "negatives". Children are a blessing from the Lord. With more kids comes more "noise", but it also comes with a built-in playmate--you are no longer their only "friend". It is also fun to watch them help each other and stick up for each other. And frankly, with my artificial "twins", they play pretend together for hours after I get bored with it! :-D

Okay, I'm rambling. Just wanted to throw out there that there are more options than just getting pregnant. (And yes, you do love all your children (including the adopted children) as much as your first, and yes, my daughter loved getting new siblings and did not feel left out at all).

Having a baby is always an adjustment, whether it's #1 or #6. Especially the newborn stage. But for me, it was much easier adjusting to my 2nd and 3rd compared to my first. It's a huge adjustment going from no kids to 1 kid. It's a whole lifesyle change. But with the 2nd, 3rd etc., you are already doing the Mom thing, so it's much easier. Also, the first child is harder because you are all they have to entertain them, so they are real clingy. But other kids that you have will have a sibling to play with. That made the 2nd child much easier for me. In deciding the age difference you want between your kids, focus on how far apart in age you want them when they're older. It might be a little harder having them close in age when they're younger, but it's so nice having them close in age when they're older, for many reasons. My first 2 kids are 3 years apart and will never be in Jr. High or High School together unfortunately. I myself always loved having a sibling in Jr. High & High School with me. So anyway, that's just one example. Just think about how you want things to be in the future, when your kids are older. Good luck! You'll love having a second child!

C.

I think we all ask the same question at one point or another!! lol :) My hubby and I literally polled hundreds of people!! People at the grocery store, at restaurants, Disneyland (a few times) etc. and some said having them really close together is better so you don't get out of the swing of things, others said wait longer like 4-5 yrs then you can "fully enjoy" each of them, but most often people said between 2 1/2 and 3 1/2 years. (even the ones who had close ones and the ones who had them a little farther apart in hindsight) When my dd was 1 we started talking about it---I freaked out and knew I definitely wasn't ready physically or mentally. We got pregnant when she had just turned 2 by surprise, but I had a miscarriage at 11weeks--so when we got through that and decided to try again--they've ended up being 3 1/2 years apart.
I mostly like it, a few neg's are--you forget how hard it is when they're little (sortof) and also my older daughter "knows" when she isn't getting all the attention, so in my opinion if they were a little closer it "MAY" be a little easier--but who knows really??!?

Also you can read my post about when my second daughter was about to be born, I got really nervous and the moms here gave me some AMAZING advice... :)
You'll probably definitely be done being pregnant much sooner with the second (around 6-7 months) most of my close friends and sisters have felt that way too! But that's ok, I'm so glad we had another and it's DEFINITELY WAY harder, but it's also twice the fun, twice the joy and twice the love!! I wouldn't change it for the world!! Good luck, and you'll know when you're ready--you will.

I know we considered having #2 when our first was around that age, but we waited until my son was 25 months. The reason for this was we couldn't afford to pay for 2 in diapers. We were able to get my son potty trained before #2 came. It worked out perfectly!! Our son is 3 1/2 and our daughter is 10 months, they get along great!!. He is her absolute favorite person in the family, if he leaves her she crys.

For us it's great becuase #1 can talk and this makes things around the house much easier along with him helping arouns the house. #1 has always helped us with #2 since she was born with getting the diapers or wipes. He loves taking care of her and is always thinking about her example: Mommy the tv is too loud becuase #2 is sleeping, please turn it down. SOOO CUUTEE.
As for the prego part of it. Every pregnancy is different so who is to know. I don't really think anyone is ready for #1, #2, #3 ETC. I knew I was ready when my son turned 2 and I really missed all the newborn stages of his life, such as breast feeding, changing diapers, him clinging to me all the time. Who would have knew you were going to miss those things so soon.HAHA.. I hope this helps

SAHM of a 3 1/2 year old little boy and a 10 month old baby girl

My kids are 3 years apart and so was my sister and I. I love the age difference. I felt like I had experienced all the fun stages and once the new baby arrived, my first was out of diapers, independant, and ready for school . Then I had some one on one with the 2nd. I did however have a grace period so she did not think I was rushing her to school after her sister came. But it worked out great for me. It was like my first was ready for a little friend to watch or take care of. I think it is amazing of the moms that can have little ones - one after another and all in diapers and keep it going. They are amazing. My personality would never work that way. I always thought it would be great to have two...then they will always have one another. But I think there is never a rush.....you will see when your ready....

I don't think you can ever be ready for number 2. I asked the same question and that was the advice I got. In fact, when we were getting ready to start a family I told an old boss I'm not sure if we are ready and he told me, "You never will be, so don't wait, otherwise you will be waiting forever." I took his advice and it has worked out. My daughter was 13 mos old when I got pregnant and it was a little more work, but really nothing to be worried about. The real work came when my son was actually born. It has been ALOT of work and the kids keep me on my toes. The real tough part is that my daughter isn't quite old enough to really understand who he is and the he is not trying to make her life difficult and he's actually someone who will be a great playmate later. Anyway, it has been a lot of work to have kids 21 months apart, but I know in the long run they will play and take care of eachother. Plus going through the diaper thing all at once is a little easier as long as you can afford the diapers! Good luck.

I didn't have time to think about it. I was pregnant 3 months after having my 1st. (12months apart--both born in Jan)

It's nice to have the 2 now...cuz they're buddies. They play together and it gives me a break.
Now that they're 2.5 and 3.5 I am trying to convince myself to have a 3rd. So I know what you mean about making the leap.
The two were like twins. and it was tough. But one by itself should be easier right?
I think I'll finish up potty training the little one before starting all over.

I never had a decision to make, since I was open to having another child any time after the first, and just let it happen naturally. My second was born 2 years after the first, and in truth it was hard, because I was very nauseated and it's harder being pregnant and sick with a toddler around than it was being pregnant with my first. It was also hard after the baby was born, taking care of two. But having my third (born when the second was 20 months) was a piece of cake in comparison, because the two others could play with each other while I was busy with the baby. I'm having my fourth next month and am not worried at all, since the three I have area close in age and play so well together.

Having them close together is hard in some ways, but I'm very, very happy I did it this way. My girls are so lucky to have siblings so near in age (I didn't) and have so much fun playing together. Being pregnant and nauseated will be hard whether your daughter is 2 or 3 or 5 or 8. Being pregnant is no fun (for me at least; some women love it, I know) but the end result is worth the misery 1000 times over.

but I am wondering how do you know if you're ready?

I smiled when I read that:) It is different for everyone. I suppose you know when you not just think about it all the time but when you ache for it as well.
Have your husband and yourself do some deep questioning.
"What is keeping me/us from having another child?"
"DO I want one because my daughter shouldn't be an only child?" "Because everyone is asking?" "Because _____" Ask yourself if you are wanting another child because it is what we do as a culture?
"What do I fear the most about getting pregnant again, or having another child to care for?" Then take that fear -really sit with it and then imagine yourself coping with that fear.
This isn't really a matter of the pros and cons kind of list. It is really a self inquiring, so that you feel good about your decision, either to go ahead and have another baby, or not. I dont' know if you meditate, but often our own answers, the ones that are really true for YOU, lies within.
If you decide to have another baby, I can tell you by experience that yes, it is hard work, but as you know with your first baby, it's the most rewarding thing ever....with EVERY child you have:) And even when it is hard - the pregnancy, motherhood; with great love, great faith, and great determination you will get through the difficult times and the embrace the beautiful moments more.
Also if you do decide to get pregnant there are some great books out there for pre-conception - Preparing our emotional and physical bodies.
Much good energy to you.

A.
mom of 4 delish children, Happy 14 yrs of marriage, birth and parenting educator.

H., I am a mother of 5 children ages from 10 to 2, they are all about 18mo. to 2 years apart from eachother, and I wouldn't have it any other way. Let me tell you that your first child is way way way harder then haveing 5 kids. I thought it was hard, you come from being completely selfish, only haveing to really worry about you too all of the sudden haveing this precious spirit needing your every ounce of self. It was so hard for me to get use to, then I had another child (17 mo. apart from my first) and that help out a lot. They played together and now they are the best of friends. Each child there after brought a fabulous new excitement to the family circle. They grow up and become such great help. Even my 18 month old would go get me the diapers and wipes to change the baby. You will love it. The fact that you are asking such a question tells you that you are ready. There is a sweet little spirit up there just waiting to come to your family. Good luck, and God bless.

Rachelle

We went through the same thing. My daughter is 3 and we are finally 10 weeks along with #2. We had intended to have them 2-3 years apart but that didn't go so well. First of all it took us a long time to conceive and then at 5 weeks we miscarried. So had I known that this would set us back a few years we would have tried alot sooner. We stopped trying and finally conceived again, so we just let nature take over, and I am glad we did... Good luck and if you are already thinking about it, deep down you want another one... So go for it...

Hi H.,
We wanted our son to have a sibling close enough in age, but far enough apart that neither would lose out (from a "needs" standpoint). Our's are 15 months apart: good enough for us.

Don't worry, the second is waaaay easier than the first: you already know how to handle all the crazy newborn stuff :)
T