My middle son is almost 4, and he seems to have a hard time following simple commands. Not always, but often enough. For instance. He was just sniffing, so I asked him if he needed a tissue, so I directed him over near the desk where the box of tissues was sitting on the floor. I said, "They are right there, on the floor." So, he goes to the desk and starts searching the top of the desk...while I am repeating, "honey, on the floor...." About 10 seconds later he finally saw the box of tissues on the floor. My 2 year old is usually able to follow my directions better than his big brother does.
I am still not confident about his listening skills when we go places. He still doesn't get the concept of holding hands in the parking lot, or not going into the street, or trying to run into a store at the mall. He's been walking with me since he was 2. But he just seems like he's always prancing around singing, "La, la, la la!" Ya know?
Even my oldest son who has ADHD learned how to do these simple things very early on.
Do you think it is just a discipline thing? Should I put him back on the backpack leash when we are out and about? I doubt that the expectations are too high for him.
He isn't hyperactive at all, and usually TRIES to be compliant, but he just seems like his head is in the clouds some times.
Sounds like a typical male? He is just thinking about other things. Sounds like a carefree little guy. What I used to do, if it was important, is make them look at me. Then I would tell them what was needed to be done. I would not put him back o the leash thing, that just gives him permission to walk away. That is not teaching him anything.
I try to get eye contact, and if that fails I make physical contact (hand on the shoulder or arm)
Sounds like you've got a dreamer!
I feel you, since I have O. too!
He's still pretty little. Make sure you have his complete attention when you're telling him something.
My 16 year old would have done the same thing with the tissue box.
He was and remains a dreamer.
Oh, he can tune in when he wants, but I find for the little things (like tissue boxes) he just wanders around until he stumbles over them.
I really would not worry.
For the important things, you must ensure that you have his complete attention - that means eye contact for my son - and be consistent with him. He will improve with age. Mine did.
You are describing auditory processing issues to a T. Think of it as auditory dyslexia (actually most brain researches now think it is this auditory mix-up that leads to dyslexia. It's not that kids mix up "b" and "p" as visual letters, it is that they never have been able to tell the difference between the "b" and "p" sounds and therefore have trouble assigning them a visual letter).
I live with 4 people that have this issue so you have my deepest sympathy! They get hung up on trying to understand one part of what you say and totally miss the rest of it. Thus he hears "desk" but none of the other stuff you said and while he's trying to figure that out he can't take in the fact you are pointing right at the tissues.
If any of mine miss my first couple of words, they can't hear anything after because they're thinking about what they missed. I could talk a novel worth of info but if they missed "this morning when I was having breakfast" none of it gets processed. It's like being trapped in a "whose on first" routine without the laughs (well, OK, sometimes it is so bad it is funny...)
If it's something important I have learned I have to get them all to look at me (like in actually saying "look at me") make eye contact, tell them they must pay attention and then proceed. It makes me batty sometimes. My oldest and youngest had enough of an issue that they both worked with a speech therapist to get over some language humps. And I often wish someone had sent my DH to therapy at some point (maybe it's not too late?)
So I don't think it's discipline, but it may be that he does need the leash to be safe if you can't be sure he's processing your directions. Reminders to look at your face/eyes/mouth when you are speaking will help him get better at processing over time.
Just last week, my 4 yo son was wanting to go down a dark hall and wanted me to turn the light on for him. I told him I would tell him where the switch was and he could do it himself. The switch was about 3 feet behind him on the light side of the hall. I tried and tried to tell him to turn around so his back was facing me then take 3 steps and there is the switch. Just couldn't do it. He stepped the wrong way or didn't turn at all. I finally showed him where it was. I think it's normal and my 37 yo husbands head is in the clouds sometimes.
I suggest that this could be normal. My 32 yo daughter often cannot follow my directions to find something. lol I suggest that he's thinking of something else. Also children this young are not good at listening.
As to holding hands, just grab his hand. Same with going into the street. Four is too young for many children to stop. I had to hold both of my grandchildren's hands as we approached the street. I'd grab a hand, say "stay on the sidewalk, look both ways," and then cross together. It's a teaching process.
He's prancing around, singing because that's his personality. He's care free which is acceptable. It just means you have to be more focused on making sure he understands. Perhaps it would help if you stopped walking, held is face, looked in his eyes and said hang on to the cart or whatever you wanted him to do.
He is still awfully young and has a different personality than your other two.
I was thinking auditory processing issues too . . . have you explored that possibility?
Ironically I have a son who can tell me something I told him 5-6 years ago in a conversation. He has an extreme auditory gift in a sense. He can pick up very nuanced sounds too.
But guess what - he's got a visual processing disorder. So if I point to something forget it. He also does not see visual cues very easily.
It could be a phase, too, but I tend to think if you notice it alot there might be more to it.
Some kids/people are just this way. There is not a lot to do about it, except accept it and take it into account and be patient and loving. He very well may have a Sanguine Temperment and if you have a Choleric Temperment - well they just don't mesh all that well. Everyone comes in with certain temperments no matter the environment. Yet this individuality, heredity and environmnet meet and influence each other. There is no good or bad temperment, each has their own negatives and positives. Sanguine temperments are very flighty. They usually can't stand repeition and although easily aroused by something different or exciting it quickly loses it's strength and disappears. They're like a butterfly floating here and there and every where or some might say it's more like a little nat buzzing around. The point is they're hard to reel in and keep them paying attention. They cannot help themselves. They live on nervous energy and therefore with this "type" it's important to keep things simple and orderly, so their nervous system can rest so to speak. This is especially important in the bedroom for restful sleep. Sanguines have to see and look at everything all the time, their attention darts here and there, tiring them mentally, hence the quiet, simple surroundings. A sanguine child can be very exhausting on parents as they require a lot more patience. Punishment means very little to them and guilt is fleeting at best. A sanguine child wants to behave but he forgets, actually forgets. They love to bring you happiness and so if you tell them something makes you happy or pleases you, they will continue to try and bring more happiness. For the sanguine the love felt is the biggest motivating force around them. --- Again, I don't know if he is this temperment and it's too early to tell, but often we can see signs even at this age. Knowing your child's temperment and understanding the temperments and how to utilize such can be a powerful tool in the household.
Sanguine is also the phase of life he's in, which will continue till about 8 years old. It's hard to say what a person's temperment is until they reach about the age of 8. We all have one that is promnient and another that is secondary, but we all have all four as well as different phases of life which are indicative to a certain temperment. The temperments are expressed by psychological and physical characteristics. You may want to look up the four temperments, you may find it interesting as well as imformative. I've read several books on the subject and know people who know much more than I do. I've noticed a lot of the sites on this subject leave much to be desired, but there are some descent ones too. Just thought I'd share this as it could explain a lot. Have patience and just love him as he is.
You might want to try meeting him eye to eye when speaking to him more often. A lot of times people who are this way just don't hear you because their mind is on what they think it is instead of hearing the directions. They're caught up in their own thinking processes. Just like when he kept looking on the desk where the tissues would usually be instead of the floor where they wouldn't usually be. He couldn't hear floor bc it should be on the desk.
p.s. sanguine temperments aren't the easiest for me bc they're out of this world most of the time. But do know he is in this stage of life and if he is a sanguine, they grow to be fine adults just as anyone else. (I know this is awfully long but hope it sheds some light on the situation)
The Best to you and yours
If you have one with ADHD, it's fairly likely that maybe he has ADD. Sure sounds like it to me. And remember, they are all on a big spectrum, so your younger son may have it different or worse than his big brother. BB may have more hyperactivity and less distraction and YB has no hyperactivity and lots of distraction. My DD has severe ADHD and I experience all ends of this. What do you feel in your gut and heart? I knew that I knew when everyone else said that it was a discipline problem. Now with meds and diet, our dd is amazing most of the time.
I have a 3yo in my daycare....(sigh)....honestly, he's driving me nuts.
He flat-out does not understand directional commands. If I say "behind the couch", he goes in front or to the side. If I say "under", he puts the toy on top. & he's not always opposite in his response. Sometimes he just stands there & doesn't get it. Sooooo hard to work with!
& surprisingly, he's very musical. I've tried songs & fingerplays to help him along....& they're not working either. For this child, it's not a discipline issue....it's purely developmental.
After watching the parental interaction, I am finding more & more that they do everything for him. Still put his coat on him, still zips for him, carries him out the door, etc.....I think this is part of his problem. :)
