How Do You Help a Child Understand Grandparents Moving to Another State?

Can you visit? Or have him visit you for a weekend? That would be the easiest way to explain.

ETA: Given that he's talked and skyped with you, I wonder if perhaps conceptually, he is using words like "passed away" to mean "not here". So, he knows that you are alive, somewhere else, and perhaps he also thinks his great grandpa is also simply someplace else. Death can be a hard concept for a child to grasp, especially if he was told that, for example, great grandpa is in heaven now. From a simplistic point of view, great grandpa is in heaven, you are in Michigan. He's never been to either place, he doesn't know what/where either place is - they are both completely abstract to him, so he might not understand the difference. So don't be heartbroken that he think you are dead. I don't think that's true.

I suspect he really doesn't understand the concept of "passed away" and death. He likely doesn't think you are dead, he more likely thinks great grandpa lives somewhere else. "Passed away" and "moved away" sound very similar. Great grandpa "passed away" and I don't see him anymore, grandma "moved away" and I don't see her anymore. That's what he knows, and to him they amount to the same thing. I suppose you could try showing him a map with his location and your location circled. He might not be ready to understand death yet...

My daughter came to live with me when she was 7. Her birth mom lied to her during their one hour visits. She would get very upset. Do you know what his mom is telling him?

I suggest you stop trying to convince him you're alive. Talk about his life with you and his life with Mom. Consider that he feels like you died. Sounds like there wasn't a few weeks of him being with his Mom and with you. As far as he's concerned you left him which feels like death.

Why could he not move with you? Is the state Children's Division involved? If so, I suggest calling them for help. Was there a couple of weeks during which he saw both of you? Do you get along with his mom? Is he torn about loyalty between the two of you.

Was he with you because his mom couldn't keep him safe? Is she able to keep him safe now? Has she had help in knowing about his needs and how to provide them? Your home and the way you cared for him is, no doubt, different than the way his mom cares for him. That is why you need to talk with him about life with you and life with Mom. It would be best if you can honestly tell him you both love him. It's best if you and his mom are friendly with each other. Find a way to help him adjust to his new mom and new home.

Sympathize with him about how hard it is for him. Show him that you're still alive by continuing to talk with him. Don't talk about death. Talk about things that are happening now and relate them to what happened when he lived with you.

My grandson has learning difficulties. He's in a special ed classroom. Once he gets something in his head, he holds onto it even when we try to tell him something different. I've learned to just let what he believes go. I don't try to convince him differently.

Is your grandson getting help? It's essential that he and his mom have.professional help to deal with his developemental delays before he starts school.

Our son also has learning disabilities, and what I found helped: Doing photo albums. So, e.g., with helping him at school, his teachers did a photo album titled: Your Day at School, which showed him step by step what he did in a day. You can send him a photo album of: Here's Grandmother's Life: a photo of your house, where you shop, where you go, have friends take photos of you at different places.

Also, something to consider: If you've been with him since birth and no longer are, he may feel confused and abandoned. He may not be able to understand why you are no longer in is life, and your being dead, at this point in his life, makes your absence easier.

If that is the case, you might just let this go until he's older.

welcome to mamapedia...

if you have had legal custody of him - why didn't he move with you?

someone told him you died. it's that simple. He doesn't understand seeing your face on a phone or computer screen.

I'm sorry.

You've talked to him and he's still not getting it.
I'm afraid there's no explaining it to him for right now.
You'll be able to visit him sooner or later and then when he's older he'll be better able to understand.

Did you not tell him you were moving? Why don't you talk to him on the phone or better yet Skype or FaceTime with him so he can see you?

Even if you don't have a relationship with his mother surely she can see that it is in his best interest to maintain a relationship with the only caregiver he knew for the first 4 years of his life. I sincerely hope this poor boy does not think that you abandoned him.

I'm not sure why he thinks you passed away. Who told him this? And who told you? Did you talk to him before you moved? I realize you have to do that more than once, because they don't retain it, but still, you could have set up some sort of arrangement to keep in touch.

Do you have, or can you get, grandparent visitation?

Sorry, just not enough info in your post so we have to grasp at a variety of possibilities.

My children saw their grandmother and my family rarely on visits or when they came to stay. Even as toddlers they could grasp the concept that they lived away. Could your grandson not think of a place he has visited that he can recall or people he's stayed with and you relate it to being the same thing?

My kids at age 4 knew what death was in terms of animals they'd seen that had died (birds, etc.). By age 5 we had lost a pet and my youngest got it. I don't think she would have mistaken death for someone being far away.

I'm not sure whether his learning disabilities prevent him from comprehending distances? Is that it?

I would just continue to skype or facetime him or call and just reassure him you're well just a trip away. Even if you have to say Long car car ride of whatever he would get.

ETA: Marie has a good point about the book. While my kids did not have learning disabilities, my sister made them a photo album about her house, her pets, her kids (their cousins), and things we'd be seeing and doing - before we went on a road trip to visit her. She felt the kids would be excited and interested. When we got there, they knew where the cats liked to sit, etc. And when they called (this was before skype) they could reference things they had seen. Good idea.

I guess just keep it simple. He went to a different house to live with mom. You live in a different house now, too. Have him come visit as soon as they can.

Maybe next time you skype, show him a map and show him where you are. This is akin to parents saying to their kids that they're going to work, but young kids don't really know what that is/means so for them its a black hole. That's why I take my kids to work occasionally - so they know where I am.

Wow. How many hours apart are you two now? Could his mom drive him to you for a visit?

Death is so extreme for a 4yr old. I wonder where that specific idea came from. Maybe you can speak with him weekly to see if that helps him understand more that you're still here?