How Do You Do It All???

I Sure don't.. not any where close . I just make sure my Kids and family are healthy and happy .. house chores and things can wait=)

Oh how I have asked myself that same question over and over and over again... and then I sit for a minute and watche my two beautiful, creative, unique, curious, etc, children and think... "what a gift". Sometimes, things get sacrificed, it's ok if the dishes go one more day, it may make it more difficult to make dinner the next day, but maybe you got to watch your daughter build a tower of blocks instead and the joy she gets, just from knocking it down. I found found myself wound up in trying to create a quality time too. I have learned though that what I think is quality time is not what they think is quality time. At one point I was worried I wasn't reading enough to my 3yr.old son. All he wanted to do was sword fight, but now he can't books down..."mommy tell me a story, mommy can we read this book, please can I read a book before I got to bed". This is what I hear all day long. Of course my 9 month old daughter doesn't want to sit while I read the chapter book my son has selected. So we sit in a place where she can play and still hear what is going on and I know she is hearing the language whether she is paying attention or not. I do understand the fact that your son is hearing impaired can make that exact event challanging. My degree is in Speech Pathology so even though my children are hearing individuals, I have a lot of experience with hearing impaired kids. The key with that again though is exposure. It involves eye contact and supervision to keep those hearing aids in, that to them are a nuisance, those plastic things stuck in their ears that just get in the way and are not always comfortable no matter how well they "fit". Perhaps giving him some down time, even if it is short, when he can take them out and just play. Do you incorporate sign language at all? I use it with my kids even though they are hearing to give them another avenue of communication. As far as working out goes...we all need time to ourselves. We can give more if we don't refule ourselves. However, maybe a walk in the neighborhood that you can do as a family would be more appropriate to get your exercise in, energy out for your kids, you can talk and discuss what you see and experience. We call them adventures and tell stories along the way, of course. My son also stops at every utility cover and stands on to to do a "show", it is a huge creative outlet, a lot of "quality time" and a lot of language. Another idea is to turn cleaning into a game instead of a have to. Your kids are old enough to help. Set the timer for 15 minutes and see who can clean up the most. Whoever wins gets to pick the activity you play together when your done. The point of this novel... you can't do it all, but you can get creative with how you get done what you get done. I'm anxious to hear the other responses so I can get more help too.

I used to be you. I was a school teacher with 2 small children. I spent hours taking care of other people's children, I had little to no time for my own. I knew there had to be a better way.

Now, just two years after I quit, yes I walked away from a secure income, a guaranteed paycheque AND benefits, here I am two years later, my own home based business, travelling in the south(I'm Canadian)enjoying a lifestlye of homescholling my children, spending quality family time in places like California, Mexico, Florida, Dominican Republic, AND generating an income from my business that affords me this lifestyle. Yes, in two years. It wasn't easy, but boy was it worth it.

Kids are the most important things in this world. You will never get this moment back....or this one...or thing one... You need to make some SERIOUS changes RIGHT NOW. If you are serious about making changes, I am serious about helping you.

T., we get so caught up in the "what should I do's?" and we totally forget about the "What I SHOULD be doings!"

I am here if you want to talk more. Check out www.TheYummyMommy.com to see how I did it, and to see how you can do it. There is more info about me on our website, www.HeyYouGetReal.com.

T.. whining and complaining will get you no where, action on the other hand will take you wherever you want to go.

If you want to take action, I am your coach.

B., B.A.B;B.Ed.

You can't "do it all". It's impossible, you'll drive yourself crazy trying to. Do you have the money to have a maid come in once a week? Something like that would help free up some time where you'd be cleaning and not spending time with them. As for when doing the reading or workbooks, try getting one of them to do something else (i.e. color, play with some favorite toys, or even watch T.V., I know it's bad, but put on Noggin or something like it which is all toddler shows that are teaching in some way) while you're with one then switch out after a little bit so they don't have time to get bored. Try making grocery shopping a family thing, I know it can be a pain getting everyone to go, but that way you can work on their speech some while walking through the store and if your husband's with you too it make it easier to keep control of both kids. For doing the bills and other things like that, try setting a day a month (which is just the norm for bills being due, if you've got to do it more often then do that) where your husband has the kids and you can just do those things you need to. As for the working out while he's cooking, keep it up, you need you time and it's a lot better for your kids to see you do that than sitting around doing nothing. If you feel too bad about it, try adding something the kids can do with you. The 5 year old can follow basic workouts that aren't too hard and the 3 yo can be used as equipment (I do crunches with my 10 month old or 3 yo on my legs all the time). Like I said, you can't do everything and stay sane, you have to just try breaking stuff down and do what really needs to be done and not try to have everything perfect. Just love those kids and take sometime for yourself, because a stressed mom is not going to be able to be a happy mom. Hope this helps and you just take sometime to slow down.

I wish I had advice for you, but I don't. The only think I can do is recommend a site for you to check out. www.flylady.net will help you get and keep your house in order, without spending so much time doing it.

For many years, I felt like you. I ultimately quite my job, move to a much smaller house and learned to live with less. Yes, we moved from an upper middle class family to a upper lower class lifestyle, but it has been worth it.

Do what is right for you, your kids and your family. If you love your job and it fulfills you, then you deserve to keep it. Frankly, I miss an outside job and will probably go back to work when the kiddies are older.

Good luck,
S.

I didn 't read all the other responses, but I too work full time, as well as my husband, however, we work opposite shifts so at least one of us us with the children more than a caregiver. We have four children, and I find any me time is just done after they are in bed, it might mean I need to get up an hour before they do, or go to bed a little later, it's not ideal, but it's what works for me.
Also with the cooking, your daughter should be able to help with any meal preparation. Getting your kids involved with the everyday household chores is a learning experience for them, and paves the way for them being capable to do their own chores. My 2 yr old will set the table for dinner, my 5 yr old knows how to make his own sandwiches and will make lunch for him and his younger brother. He also uses the peeler for carrots, and helps in other ways in the kitchen. All the kids help with the laundry, cleaning up of toys and vacuuming... yep, my 2 yr old can and will vacuum. And they like doing this kind of stuff, and if you put it in a way that you are very thankful and appreciative of their help, the more they will be willing to help.
And if you have some help then you have the ability to set aside time to play a game, and it would be a good insentive to get them to help. I suggest get some fun games that both the kids can play together as a reward. some of the games have stragedy and would be good for your daughter. Also sometimes the TV is a HUGE distraction and just nullifies the senses of a child.. So limiting the TV watching and getting the participation going might help out. It's what works for us. And my home is not a wreck, It's cleaned everyday, and both my husband and I are big time volunteers in chuch and Scouts, which my kids are also involved in, and I have a nice sized organic garden, which the kids have helped with as well. But I often have people ask how do I do it... well I don't know, I just do it, and not fret on how. But our TV watching is very limited. I was rasied on a farm, and the whole idea was everyone helps, it's a family inherited ethic. LOL

Hi T., I agree with what the others are saying--no one can do it all. Just do what you HAVE to do each day so you can do what you WANT to do each day. I try and think about what is the most important thing today and get it done and if I get to the rest--great. If I don't get to it--there is always tomorrow.

I am a medical foster mom of a sweet 20 month old Baby D. He is just now getting fitted for hearing aids due to a hearing loss caused by cancer. I see that your son already has hearing aids. It gives me hope to know that you are handling it with your son, so we will learn how to get through it here.

It has to be very busy working full time and having 2 little ones, but find time to enjoy them--they grow up so fast. My biological children are now 15 years old, 18 years old and 19 years old. I remeber how busy I was when they were little, but they grow up too fast :) T. L.

Hi T.,

First and foremost - NO parent or parents can do it all. Pluuueeeeeze!

I am a 43 year old single mom by choice (had my daughter at 40 after using a friend as a donor) with a 2-year old.

I work full time, Mon-Fri, 9-5pm and sometimes many Saturdays as well. Juggling the priorities of work and home life is always hard but I have found a couple of great things that have saved me... so I'll share them with you!

First, routine is what gets us through weekdays... because we know what to expect, when and why we go where we go and what will happen when we get there. I get up and shower and am mostly ready by the time I get her up. I usually end up putting on my makeup in my downstairs powder room while she eats. I NEVER clean my breakfast dishes before leaving the house... I rinse them but leave them in the sink and just wipe down counters quickly before we go. That way, I do all my dishes at night (after she goes to bed), which saves us time in the morning.

I make work a complete priority while I'm there... and try to bring as little home with me as possible. I try not to do anything personal in my office, b/c that helps me focus and feel good about leaving right at 5. My daughter's school is within 1 mile of my office, so I leave the office at 5pm sharp... go get her and then my attention is completely on her until she goes to bed at 7:30pm). We watch one hour or less on TV and focus on being "snugglebears" when we first get home, so we can both "switch gears", but I try to sit down with her while she watches. Quality time is not only minutes spent "doing" or "teaching" something to them, but also "loving" and "being" completely present to them as little people who need love and comfort just as we do. I do my best not to take personal phone calls, check e-mail, or do anything related to housework (other than cooking) from 5:00-8:00pm.

Now, I tend to be very flexible about my kitchen and, if dishes pile up in the sink before they make it into the dishwasher, so be it... the way I think about it, she will never be this age again and want to sit on the floor playing with mommy for an hour after dinner! Pretty soon, Mommy won't be cool enough to hang around with, right? Then at 7... we go upstairs, take a bath, sit on the potty, put on jammies, read stories, say prayers and turn out the lights... same routine every single night. My girl thrives on it!

I try to do all my laundry on Friday night if possible and finish what's leftover on Sat morning, when I do my "chores." This way, I do not have to spend my entire weekend doing housework. And even at 2, my daughter likes to help out and puts wets clothes into the dryer for me when I take them from the washer. It's amazing! She also likes to clean up crumbs of food that have dropped from her place at the table, so I let her do this to understand why we don't want food to spill.

We try to snuggle in bed when we first wake up Sat. morning and read stories. But she's happy to play by herself after breakfast, so that's when I clean up around the house... vacuuming, dusting, sweeping and mopping kitchen floor, bathrooms. I very rarely get to everything in those 2-3 hours (before lunch and her nap time)... but I always try to vacuum the downstairs (living, dining rooms and kitchen) and dust and then vary what other items don't need weekly attention (like mopping) or the downstairs powder room.

Once she's up from her nap (and sometimes, Mommy lays down and naps too or reads to get some rest!), we either take a bike ride, do our grocery shopping or hit Target, or go out and play. We do church every Sunday morning at 9am, then go to my father's house for Sunday dinner, so by the time we get home from there, it's time for dinner again and the nighttime routine.

For me, if I have to bring work home... I do it at night in front of the tv after she goes to bed. When special things come up, we do that instead of usual errands on Saturdays (like the fair, etc.). And occasionally, when I have time, I run my errands to Target or the drug store and sometimes even do some grocery shopping on my lunch hour at work, so that I don't have to spend precious weekend "fun" time doing nothing but life maintenance!

The point is... making yourself feel badly because you are not completely focused on working on your children's speech is not going to help matters for them or you. Understanding that every "present" moment you have with your children is quality time (no matter what the outcome) will help you give up the unrealistic expectations and simply work to communicate effectively with them, which, in turn, will give them many tools they need to improve their speech. Even in the car on the way home, rather than tuning out or putting on a dvd or cd, talk to your kids as you drive home, work on words, whatever you think is best and reacclimate each of you to being together before you enter your home again. I love this transition time in the car and am always amazed when my girl asks me what I'd like to have for din-din or something similar.

No one is perfect, certainly no parent, nor any two. Be the best YOU can be and let it be perfectly okay to the that. As long as your children know that you love them unconditionally, treat them with respect and expect the same of them and that you will always be there to help them, you guys can work through any other issues that might arise.

Take it easy on yourself please and just "be" with those miracles who are your kids.

Have a great weekend,
K.

just remeber the dirt will be there tommorrow and when you are grocrey shopping or what evre with the kids in car or whereever just play a word games and that will help witht the speeach believe me i had to learn this a hard way i am a stay at home mom with 2 special need kids with dr appt all time at nemours or wolfson and try to homeschool and be a wife to a disabled husband as well. Just remeber to take one day at a time . the dishes will still be dirty the house will still need touch up but it will get done and everything will be ok and also remeber it is ok to take time for yourself through all this.

loving mom of 2 boys and a silly husband who makes my 3rd kid lol
l;L.

First of all, I know it's difficult. My question is 'Do you absolutely have to work'? If so then, I would save my exercising until after they're in bed. I know that's hard but it is so necessary to have a good foundation now in order to make it when they're older, believe me it will get harder. Fortunately you will grow with them but now is the time to bond. I have had children of my own, was a kindergarten teacher, took care of twins and was a nanny for triplets. These are the years that you will have to nurture them and grow together. God bless you.

You always have to prioritize to find balance. No one manages to have perfect balance with two little ones.

I couldn't keep up with your current schedule. I don't have pictures on the walls, I will eventually. I just joined a gym with my one child at 5 years old. I didn't want to take the time away from him before that. Being with your kids and satisfying your need to parent and love them can be "time for you" and you can exercise while you do it.

I can't tell you how much my son enjoyed doing yoga with me. We got a tape and he loved it. It helps kids calm down. Wouldn't that be a good thing for speech therapy? One may go wayward. You have to keep coming back to it.

It sounds like you aren't nearly as messy as I am, but sometimes I just let my son make a mess when he's bored. Give him flour and cups, bowls.....let him mix and mess up.......

Take him outside to the blow up kid pool and swim with him. You could put floaties on those who need it in one of those $100 kid pools. There's a couple of feet of water to stretch and do leg work in.......the kids play.

A lot of people who seem perfect and have great houses and clean cars are either in debt or they're miserable or both. Don't look at other people. Listen to your heart and your body. If you need to go go go, get a trailer and pull the kids with your bike , or roller blade? When you get to your destination (a park ) you stop and play with the kids......maybe it's too late by the time you're home.

Tents in the house are a fun after hours event.

Here's one most moms wouldn't do, let them jump from the couch to the bean bag chair.....Ha! Activity! Weeee!

Play push. You let them push your hands with theirs or your legs with theirs......hold your legs up for a long time letting them push.....have a contest. Pretend they win every now and then.....

I used to put my son on my feet while I was lying on my back and hold his hands and lift him like super man......tireing after a while.

Think of your kids as weights? Weights that don't always cooperate and that talk and distract you?

I don't know...

It sounds like you have a lot of drive. It's hard to keep yourself still when you're like that. I know. Sometimes I go around and around in my brain. There's so much I am interested in and so much I want to be a part of. Sometimes, I go a little crazy. What I try to do is be deliberate in everything I do. Take good care of myself so I can live a long life and plan....create....absorb....rejuvinate.

Just looking at water rippling in a pool after a good play can be very rejuvinating.

Enjoy every living thing. Open your eyes to a new day with enthusiasm and involve your kids. Tell your genius everything. Hold back nothing. Involve your children. Tell stories about your experiences, exxaggerate for the response you're looking for. Whatever. Keep em connected throughout the day.

Good luck mama/ There was a funny show on Oprah. I don't watch Oprah because I don't watch TV, but somebody sent me the transcript. It was about how society expects women to be beautiful, working, parneting, house cleaning, doctors etc. We cannot be all things. Choose a few goals. Focus on that. Don't panic. Breathe and renew.

Even if you stay at home, it's not possible to get it all done. Something will always need to be done. If you truly want to spend more time with your kids, cut your expenses, move to a cheaper house and quit your job. There is no other way.
Best of luck!
Jen

T.,

Ever think of going to work part time instead of full time? It would benefit you and your entire family. Better yet, taking a few years off of working outside the home may really help out. If that is not an option financially, then I would go to part time and cut back on spending.
Also, there seems to be a few things that can be cut out altogether. Hanging pictures can wait and sometimes so can the cleaning. Are you working out every day? Maybe cut back to 4 days a week instead. Or find something that you can do physically that they can do with you or at least be with you while you are doing it.
Parenting is about sacrifice and love, so giving up a few things to give more time to them may be the solution.
As a mother of 4, I have time for me-time only maybe once a week, not every day.
Take Care,
T.

Take a look at your life on paper!!! The very first thing you will want to do is make a list of everything that needs to get done (including your outside job). Secondly, look at the list and see what can be delegated, if anything. Number all items on the list in the order of priority/importance.

Now that you have listed everything you do, get a Weekly Plan Sheet which has blocks of time indicated on it and design your life. Block out times on the plan sheet for every area of your life. Use different colored pencils for each group of things you must do (i.e. spiritual = purple; family = yellow; your job = black; child development = green; etc.). Let some things be done by someone else -- HIRE A HOUSEKEEPER and talk with educators to get your daughter enrolled into some special programs for gifted children. If they cannot help you, get on the internet and search out those programs yourself. I know there are programs out there -- probably many, many more now that when my daughter (who is now 45) was young. She, too, was a gifted child and would become bored easily. What areas does your daughter seem to have the most interest? Target those subjects of learning.

I hope this helps a little.

S.