How Do Parents Make Life Changing Decisions?

Well, you need to lay in bed tonight and pray about it, you will hear a little voice that will tell you what the right thing to do is.
Also, your son is 12, let him know all the options and let him help make the decision as well.
My mom had to decide whether or not to have my 9 yr old sisters head sawed open to remove a brain tumor with the 50/50 chance that she would die on the table. Sometimes we get faced with these and there is no easy answer. I think I would do all the most non evasive things first, make sure I've gotten plenty of dr's opinions, and then ultimately make the final decision.
Prayers to you for courage and discernment.

So sorry you're facing this. I can imagine how difficult your choice must feel.

Three thoughts: if your son's hearing loss is already so severe, can surgery really make it all that much worse? Does he risk further loss if you reject the surgery? These are important considerations, too.

And have you gotten more than one medical opinion? Another pediatric surgeon may suggest a different set of choices or outcomes.

And finally, what does your son want? Does he understand the risks? He's the one whose hearing is already severely compromised.

My best to your family.

I definitely feel for you and your family. Talk to your son and see what his opinion is and also get a 2nd opinion. One thing to thing about though - I know you are reluctant to do an additional surgery to do the tubes but to put tubes in is such an easy surgery normally. Not sure in your sons case. Something to ask the specialist about. Would it be worth trying the tubes to see if it helps any and maybe avoid the other surgery ? Just something to think about. Good luck !

I really feel for you.
Dang it! There are risks to everything and it's so hard to choose which is the lesser risk.

I, personally, would go with the procedure that carries a lesser risk for permanent damage. But, that's just me. This is something you have to talk to the doctor about. I'm assuming you have a specialist.
What I would do is look the doctor right in the eye and ask what decision they would make if it were their own child. "If this was your child in this situation, what choice would you make and who would you trust your very own child to as far as the procedure?"
Sometimes when you put it out there like that, for one thing, it makes it more personal for the doctor, and they can talk to you in terms of how a parent goes about making such a decision. It might help give you a professional/personal objective to consider.

I wish you the very best and I hope all goes well for your son.

Prayers go out to you dear. I don't even know if I could make that call as a parent. Since your son is 12 years old, and at 12 I would think that he could maybe tell you his opinion, talk to him about it. See how he feels about the situation. Hopefully someone has a better answer for you, and I will be praying for you and your family!

I suggest you visit a school or facility for the hearing impaired and speak to other parents who have children with these challenges and have your child interact with the students as well. I think your child is old enough to have a say in this too! but that is just how I would go about it, you will find the answer that works for you.

http://www.metrodeafschool.org/

good luck what ever you decide will be correct just educate yourselves as much a possible.

Updated

I suggest you visit a school or facility for the hearing impaired and speak to other parents who have children with these challenges and have your child interact with the students as well. I think your child is old enough to have a say in this too! but that is just how I would go about it, you will find the answer that works for you.

http://www.metrodeafschool.org/

good luck what ever you decide will be correct just educate yourselves as much a possible.

mastoidoitis, if left untreated, can be dangerous.
if your son has no hearing right now, i would say go with the surgery.
why? because then you can consider cochlear implants.
we don't deal with mastoiditis but my daughter has had a surgery to replace one of the deterioriated hearing bones (with a titanium implant) caused by hundreds of ear infections in her young life, doses and doses and doses of antibiotics. She also had her eardrum patched during the same surgery. The surgery failed. That was the most heartbreaking news i have heard since the day I was born. the recovery from surgery was so difficult. the rules she had to obey at 6 years old were so difficult yet she did it for one whole month. her hearing returned for about 3 months. we were over the moon. for the first time i was actually happy. then the hearing started going away, because the surgery had failed due to poor performance by eustachian tubes. who would have thought? we never even knew that eustachian tube can screw the results. it did.
you saying you are having a hard time dealing with his hearing loss, is what i say and feel, and think about every second of my waking hour. i don't sleep, and if i do fall asleep i wake up all sweaty and in tears because that is what i am dreaming about.
i am forcing myself to look at the bright side. we can do hearing aids, if those don't work, we will consider cochlear implants.
my bright side? it's hard to find one. 99 per cent of the time i don't see the bright side, but that one percent i say, she's alive and well. and she knows, and i know, i will go through everything to provide her with whatever is the best out there for her.
another bright side? one day the medicine will find a solution to hearing losses. what solutions? i don't think about it. i need something to keep me going. even if i am feeding myself lies. one day at a time.
please hang in there. make sure your son's life is not in danger. make your decision based on that.

As a mom whose child survived meningitis as an infant, my heart goes out to you. My daughter also continued to have chronic ear infections which caused speech delays. And don't feel guilty for doing what you felt was best at any given time, not one of us has a crystal ball. While the surgery(ies) may be necessary, I would still get a second opinion from a pediatric specialist (ENT? Neurologist? Both?). If you've none there, I highly recommend Rainbow Babies and Childrens Hospital of University Hospitals here in Cleveland, OH. Best of luck and health to you and your son.

You've gotten great advice, but I would echo the sentiment to try tubes first. The "surgery" is VERY minor. Our daughter (who had 9 ear infections by the age of 18 mos) had it done. The doctor explained to me that in an adult they would never "knock us out" for it - but for a child they can't explain the surgery well nor trust them to hold still and be patient/calm, so they do put them under. For us it was less than an hour from getting there to having her back in my arms and heading home. WAY harder on her than us - she was back to her normal playing self after a good nap that day.

I'd seek some follow up medical opinions and strongly look at trying tubes first. Best of luck!!

I believe mastoiditis is very serious. I encourage you to get a second opinion but be prepared to hear the same response. Your son might have to have the surgery. You say that he is 12...I would also suggest talking with him about how he feels (with you making the final decision of course).

I want you to know that hearing loss doesn't have to be the end of your dreams for him. There are deaf teachers, lawyers, doctors, etc. Deaf or hard of hearing people work in every job you can imagine. There is a lot of equipment out there to assist a person with a hearing loss...from vibrating alarm clocks to flashing lights for the phone or doorbell. If you haven't already done so, you might want to get in contact with a local teacher of the deaf to get information from them. You don't have to do this alone...there are other families dealing with similar issues who also have deaf or hard of hearing children. I encourage you to connect with them. They might be the support group you need to see you through whatever happens. Good luck in making your decision.

Take a deep breath, first.

I would strongly suggest getting multiple opinions and doing research on specialists outside of your immediate area. I will tell you that the "tube" surgery is minor and is almost always outpatient. I had tubes twice as a child due to the same condition. I DO have a hearing loss, but it is very very minor. I have a hard time hearing certain tones and filtering out background noises. There is a difference between being "deaf" and having a "hearing loss". Also keep in mind that there are many devices that can be used to augment hearing.

I would sit down with someone neutral- neighbor or colleague- and ask them to help you:
1. Identify each option and write it at the top of a sheet of paper
2. Draw a line donw the middle of the sheet and write all of the "benefit" and "risk" factors for each option;
3. Walk away from the sheets for a day
4. Sit down with your husband and the doctor and go through the reality of each option.
5. Make a decision and stick with it.

There is always risk associated with medical procedures, but using a somewhat objective method of sorting may help you feel more confident when you make your decision.

Have you only gone to one Dr.? Please get more than one opinion before having the surgery.

I'm sorry you are all going through this. What does your son think? Does he understand the possibility of risks and have an opinion on what he wants? If he is almost totally deaf, than does more hearing loss mean totally deaf? Will the tubes help his overall condition as well as the hearing loss?

I would speak this over with a specialist, and get a second opinion. Without knowing the full extent of everything, I would try the tubes and antibiotics first, and if that doesn't work, then the surgery.

We've certainly made some tough medical decisions, the way we figure it out, is first, the pros and cons. How is his quality of life now, will the surgery improve it in the long run, even if it may be a tough rough in the short run? is it worth the risk to seek the most aggressive form of treatment possible. Will the less aggressive form of treatment work temporarily, and then only have to have the larger treatment later. Then, we always follow up with prayer that we can be guided, make a decision, and pray again to know if we could have peace in that decision.

I hope some of that rambling helps.

He is now 12. Talk to him and tell him what the complications can be.
He hasn't been hearing and has been in pain for much of his life, maybe not hearing anything and being pain free is an option he would rather have.
I would also definitely get a second opinion.
People who are deaf can be very successful, it is not the end of the world.
Many prayers for your family.

If you haven't already, I definitely would get a second opinion. Write down all of your options and the pros and cons of each (short term and long term). Sometimes just looking at it on paper will help. I feel for you and your son and wish you both the best possible outcome.

This may sound really trivial and you may have already tried it, but my heart goes out to you and I wanted to add it just in case it will help.

My brother had chronic terrible ear infections his first year of life. My mother finally found a specialist who recommended that she take him off of all dairy and put him on raw goat's milk. He gave her the name of a farmer and she had to promise not to tell anyone that he told her (raw milk is illegal in WI). The results were incredible. My brother no longer had ear infections and his colic and digestive problems decreased. She put him on regular cow's milk when he was two and he hasn't had problems since.

It sounds like your poor boy is far beyond what my brother had, but you never know. I really hope you can find something that helps your son and doesn't result in too much hearing loss.

Okay so is there anything you can do first? Before hving the surgery that will, in fact, result in hearing loss?
If so, I would try those things first.
So you haven't tried the tubes yet? Then try that first.
Try that and the antiobiotics first.
Also, my theory is avoid surgery unless you absolutely cannot avoid it.
Can he not have this surgery and be okay?
If the answer to this is yes then don't have the surgery.
I say, avoid surgery whenever you can!
So don't have it if you don't have to.
Hope that helps.
Thinking of you and your family.

I highly suggest taking your son to a chiropractor who deals with children. My 3 youngest have all dealt with numerous ear infections and we constantly did the antibiotic thing with the infections reaccuring. The two older have not had as many issues of late, but now the baby (19 months) has gotten them again and again. A client told me her daughter was back and forth to the dr. week after week. She finally made the decision to try chiropractic care and her daughter has been infection free for over 2yrs. With my daughters last ear infection, I was lucky enough to have a chiropractor in the family adjust her. She had been running high temps that would not respond to meds, not good considering she is prone to febrile siezures as well, and after she was adjusted her fever spiked a few hours later but the next day she woke up a chanbed little girl! We have not started scheduling her regular appts. yet but as the winter sick season approaches we will definately look in to it more. Good luck and hang in there!

I am with Jodi K.!
Chiropractic can do wonders!

I certainly don't have enough experience to give advice, other than I would recommend getting a second and third opinion before taking action. Go with the majority and feel confident you did what is best, no matter what the outcome.

If he has surgery, or tubes, be sure to talk to a dietician about foods to avoid, perhaps dairy, and get him on a good quality multivitamin from a reputable company.

K.
http://K..myshaklee.com

You say your son already has profound hearing loss. Since I'm a woman of faith, I just believe in making decisions final, I allow Peace to be my umpire. If I don't have peace while trying to come to a decision I make no decision until I come to a place of peace with a decision.

If I were you I would get a second opion on what would be the best course of action for my son. I would also weigh the costs of taking no action against all of the options available. Perhaps you are hesitant because you don't have the right answer for your situation.

Growing up every cold or sickness came with an ear infection. In my case I only have some minor hearing loss in my left ear. I know it is not the same experience you are having with your son but there is an entire world out there for the hearing impaired. A good friend of mine has a deaf son, one of her identical twins loss his hearing over time. He is now married with two little girls. His wife is deaf yet the children can hear.

Don't worry so much but learn more so you can be prepared for the road ahead. Your son has already had 12 years of not hearing so great but his future is his and yours to mold towards greatness. Prepared yourself and him.

i would seek an opinion from other medical/health venues besides just an MD. Chiropractor, as was mentioned, someone called a cranial-sacral therapist, a naturopath an accupuncturist and or a homeopath. All of these people should be used to working in conjunction with a medical doctor. They should also be willing to spend a few minutes over the phone explaining how they can help and from that you can decide if it is worth the time and expense to explore these options. (also like every field there are better ones and bottom of the pack ones)

Each of the professions are trained to look at health from a different lens and perhaps one or a combination will have a solution that won't result in a hearing loss.

I am sending you my prayers and please keep us updated.