How Do Moms Keep up with Everything?

So did you loan her the money? I bet next she will say every mom in America loans out large amounts of money to unemployed SIL's everywhere and graciously tells them to forget about paying it back.

No, your SIL's a b#$@$ with no clue.

Do not let yourself be bullied by that wanna-be organizer SIL or anyone else trying to tell you that you are lazy, stupid, should work more, etc. Anyone who thinks that a woman's day should be filled with chores and no fun is a discriminating pig. Some people do discriminate against themselves and make their lives a living hell while feeling righteous about being a martyr -does that look smart to you? why should you follow that example?
No, not everyone is spending days picking stuff after family members, many of us have better things to do.
I suggest in your new place you hire someone for a few short sessions to watch your kids while they play outside so you can organize the new place to your liking. After that get a regular cleaning person as often as you need. If your husband does not do repairs/fixing - he pays for someone to do them, right? That's how it works in my house, anyway. If you cannot do it - you outsource it.
As for SIL - you can apologize, pay her what you owe her up to date and try to gracefully exit this tight situation. She needs to learn that if she works for someone organizing things for them she needs to make their life easier not harder. She will not go far with that attitude of being unhappy that her employer messed up her work. That is what she is hired for - to clean up the mess and make you organized, if you could do it alone, you would not be hiring her.
Good luck, cheer up, stand up for yourself.

I don't and I only have two children and I don't work outside of the home. It's rare that my house is show ready. These past months I've been trying to get caught up. We moved into a fixer upper so there have been many repairs to complete (I try to do most of the work myself or with my husband and/or a friend and isn't finished. For example, there isn't trim in my children's room, the kitchen is 1960's-tastic, and the yard is a dandelion palace.

But, I gave up perfectionism a few months ago. Decided I'd be better without it. It really bugged me that my house wasn't as clean or organized as I would like it. I'm have a tough time with organization and am pretty all or nothing. Thus I'd try to do huge projects in too short of a time and then become discouraged. Now I'm trying to do bit by bit, lower my standards, play more and make more messes, and try to stay one step in front of the chaos.

It's better than before but...I still need practice. Anyway, I don't approve of what your SIL said. Seems pretty reactive to me.

Does this woman have THREE children?? Was your husband there for this lovely conversation that you and his sister had? Is he on her side or yours? Sounds like tasks in your home should be a bit more delegated to me. I remember living in an apartment with a 3 year old and a baby and yes, I kept it up. THAT wasn't easy, but it got done. Now that we own a 1600 square foot house, I still keep the house up. BARELY. At the expense of my sanity, really, lol. I might also add that I am a SAHM. I cook, clean, pay bills, grocery shop, keep the 2 kids stimulated etc while my husband works nights 6 days a week. So in a lot of ways I am like a single mother most of the time. It can be daunting at times, but we get through it. NOW, that being said, I can only imagine what it must be like to work outside the home plus work from home some days, I am sure the days that you work from home are much, much more difficult! Talk about being streched thin! Wow. Then add selling your house. And a rude SIL?? No honey, we cannot do it all. Discount her opinion all together. Its worth zero.

My 2 cents..Your SIL needs to shut the HE** up and your dear hubby needs to step up! I am really bad at keeping up on things when I am working or now not working, we are a busy busy family always on the go with the kids sports, my husband is always willing (ok maybe not always, but alot) to help. Your right about your kids they can help out too with little things. Sometimes it is the little things that make the biggest difference! Keep your head up!

I'm going with what Susie Q said. No,, every mom does not spend every hour of the day picking up after their kids. What kind of mom would you be if you did that? Kids are little for a short time. There are things that are important and things that can slide. Personally, I think spending quality time with your kids ranks way higher than an immaculate house. That said, there's no way that I'd have your SIL help in any way....pay her a fair wage for what she did and call it a day. Hire an unrelated, non-judgemental 3rd party to help you finish the job. Relatves and money do not mix...

If I had 3 kids and work full time I would be going nuts (never mind you mentioned you are moving!!!!) I have an OCD mother that wants to keep everything neat/ cleaned up/ organized (did I mention she lives with me and I have 2 young kids?)
There are days that I just feel like there is no escape I have to either clean the mess up or play with my kids (worst days because all I want is to spend time with my little ones)
From the trenches on my side I can give you a couple of tips that have helped me:
- get rid of things (I owe this tip to Flylady.net like others have suggested) it has been the best advice ever, I cannot emphasize enough. I feel liberated, my house was a pool of toys, at one point we couldn't play on the floor because there was no space. I have sold/ given away/ donated toys and things that only take space (you know those things that you accumulate thinking you will use them one day? Or those clothes you think you will wear when the 80s come back? Or the items your family have given you over the years but honestly you will never use? Donate them, finding a happy home and you will LOVE the free space. It has also cut my time on picking things up. If you don't have a lot of clutter then you don't have much to clean up.

- do a 10 min room rescue at night before bed, this has also helped greatly. Flylady says if you just run like a tornado (ok she didn't use those words) and put timer for 10 minutes and pick up and return everything you can to their place, in the morning it will be easier and things won't pile endlessly (shoes by door, books on every table, mail on the dinning table, dirty clothes piles everywhere...) it does make a different just 10 min

Hope this helps, you are not alone.
Good luck moving!!!

In your current situation, you just have to minimize what everyone has access to. Keep a small basket of toys in the corner, let them play in just one room, and pack everything else up. There is no way you can keep a house "show ready" with 3 kids who have access to all their toys. That way, if you get a call, you toss everything in the basket and you are good to go.

As far as everything else, start eating on paperplates, pack everything up...if you have a bookshelf, just keep 1 book (the biggest book) or 1 knick knack on it for display, and as far as paperwork, if it doesn't have to do with money like bills or bank statements or insurance throw it out.

I have found the easiest way to keep up with it all is exactly that, keep up with it all before it gets completely out of hand. I have six children and they have a place to put their backpacks and shoes the minute they walk in the door, if they don't I tell them to come back and fix it, they rinse their dishes and put them into the dishwasher right after eating (I make sure the dishwasher is available or I am left with dishes in the sink), pick up their rooms before leaving the area, make sure dirty clothes are in the laundry basket (also I do the laundry but I leave each kids on their bed and they are responsible to put it away- little ones I hang their shirts up but they are to put their drawer items away themselves), leave the bathroom as you found it-cap on paste no spit in the sink,etc....
At first it is kinda a rough go to "direct traffic" but there is not has much clean up and definately less stress!
Best of luck-if you implement this system, self accountability, it also trickles over to other areas of their lives such as homework.
Just a positive ending here, SIL should try not to be so hard on you, obviously you are trying to find a solution, you stay positive and try a few of the suggestions everyone has taken the time to tell you what works best for their family, I bet if you can make a few small changes you will notice a BIG difference!

Rent a storage unit, pack up most of the stuff and put it in storage. Put a basket in the bottom of the kid's closets. When the house will be shown, throw the few toys you leave at the house into the basket. Pack up all the knick knacks, personal photos, stuff off the front of the fridge, etc. The less stuff there is in the house, the less of a mess they can make. If your older kids are upset about you packing away the toys, put them at the front of the storage unit and let them "visit" their toys on the weekend to exchange some of the ones they have been playing with for some different ones. Clorox wipes and the swiffer are your friends. Institute a "food only at the kitchen table" policy to cut down on messes. It is hard to show a house that is lived in, especially with small children, but less clutter will make it easier to keep straight or to straighten up in short period of time.

I also have three little kids and I work full time outside of the home. I sweep, do dishes and wash a load of clothes daily. There are always toys in the floor, laundry piled up somewhere and the toy room - well, I don't go up there very often because there is a gate on the stairs, and the older two go up there to play, but we all sleep downstairs. So I went up there Sunday and almost asphyxiated. All the toys are dumped out (again) and my middle one got into the storage tubs in the guest room closet looking for shoes and trashed the guest room, too. Send your sister in law over here. My theory is if you don't like the way it looks, start cleaning, because my plate is already full. When she has the responsiblities you have, then she can be judgmental. For now, just ignore her, because she has no idea what it is like.

No...your SIL is a clueless idiot. Really, you are totally normal. Cut yourself some slack!

Flylady.net is a helpful resource for getting into routines that will help you feel more in control and as you get into routines, you can then naturally fold your husband and kids into the mix. It's easier to start with just you, though, doing small routines for short periods of time, than it is to try to develop master chore lists that you have to orchestrate and beg and cajole people into doing (ask me know LOL).

Flylady also has a helpful moving section with plans and tips for packing. When we moved, I also had three small kids (one 6 months old) and keeping the house ready for showings sucked. We did rent a storage unit and a dumpster and purged and purged and purged. It's no fun, but you can do it!

http://www.flylady.net/d/getting-started/flying-lessons/m...

I say every day..I did not make all of this mess so I am not the one that is going to clean up all of this mess.
2 adults, 3 kids, and 4 cats. No way on Earth can I, will I or am I going to be solely responsible for keeping it spotless. I gave up on spotless a long time ago. Our house stays sanitary but is always well lived in.
Trying to sell only makes it worse. There is a completely unreasonable expectation for the house that I think is insane. People still live there until it sells. I was perfectly capable of seeing a house for what it was and look around the owners belongings when shopping for homes each time. But that's another rant.
Your family needs to step up and help, especially your husband. If mine didn't help the house would be off the market so fast because I refuse to deal.
I would tell your SIL that it's not working out and fire her. It's just more stress that you don't need. You paid her, you can fire her.

Hahahahaha!!! Your sister is hilarious, and obviously has no children.
I have three as well - 5,3, and 15 months - and keeping a house clean with little children in it is like shoveling show in the middle of a blizzard.
A mother could spend every waking moment cleaning and still never have it all done. As one of those famous 'mothers' that your sister supposedly knows so much about, I can tell you that my house is usually a bit of a mess, and I don't slow down much during the day.
As a 'paid' employee to you, your sister needs to shut up and do what the 'boss' has asked her to. Sounds to me like she's trying to run your home, and that's not why you hired her.

Oh, just read your response and it looks like your sister DOES have children. But as a stay-at-home-mom that puts her kids in daycare all day (what?!) it pretty much puts her in the same boat as someone who has no children at all. MY house stays pretty clean too when the kids are out of it all day.
Sorry, I really shouldn't be this snide with your sister. I'm sure you love her, and she loves you. Her view on what mother's do all day and then projecting that guilt onto you is pretty reprehensible, though. You're obviously stressed and don't need misinformed comments from a mom who really doesn't do the work of a mom.
Sister in LAW, sorry :)

I only have 2 kids, work from home keeping kids and I still can't keep up with everything!! I try and try but having kids in the house for any amount of time creates dishes, mess, crumbs, laundry, muddy footprints, crayon on the table, handprints on the glass, etc. Unless you are a magic fairy with a cleaning wand, it's impossible to keep a spotless house, let alone have time to eat, play a board game with your kids, watch a show, etc.

Don't let anyone tell you that anything you're doing is wrong!! You go mama! I think you're doing great!

CW,

Don't even try to do more. You already have so much on your plate. You need to take some time for you. Sorry, but your SIL is completely clueless. For one thing, if you have kids, it is impossible to have a show ready home. Happy kids = messy home. Priorities such as the well being of your children always trump housework. I agree with previous posters, fire your SIL and delegate some tasks.

If mama ain't happy....ain't nobody happy:)

I work full time and have three kids between 12 and 17, and we are constantly going somewhere or other for a kid-related activity. Therefore, my house is a mess most of the time. It typically only gets cleaned up when we have guests coming, and all of the kids have to pitch in. (Unfortunately, hubby doesn't help much usually, but he does load the dishwasher so at least we have clean dishes!) Laundry often gets started before I leave for work and then thrown into the dryer before bed and maybe another load started.

I have a sign hanging in my kitchen that is something like 'Sticky floors, dirty oven, happy kids'. You can pretty much put anything into those first two slots. But this basically sums up my philosophy - that your kids need your love and attention more than your house does. Your kids will only be with you for a few years, and you might as well make the most of that time. The cleaning will always be there...

Tell your husband to split the chores at home or you are either going to quit work or hire a maid. You can't do everything so stop trying!

I started writing an answer that would’ve rival you post about my husband and kids not doing anything around the house and expecting me to do it all, but this is your post and not mine, so here’s what I think you may want to do: If you’re selling your house, rent a storage space and place all the extras there; leave one toy box with the most used toys and send everything else to storage. Any extra furniture, storage. Excess clothing or linens in the closets, storage. This is because if it seems like there’s a lot of stuff, you’re potential buyers will think you don’t have enough storage space in your house. We did this when we sold our condo and it worked wonders; we sold in 3 weeks.
Since you’re husband can’t/won’t help, ask if can contribute to a cleaning lady, at least until your house is sold to help you keep up with the showings.
As for your MIL/SIL, for your husband's family it will always be your responsability to keep things clean and organized, so ignore them and tell your self that until they're in your shoes and have to deal with your kids and husband, they really don't know what they're talking about.
Good luck to you!

I prioritize. I have a few baskets near the stairs where 2nd floor items get put so when someone goes upstairs - they are supposed to grab a few items from the basket and put them away - or grab the whole thing! It does a good enough job. However in all honesty - I would enlist some help with all that you are juggleing. See if you can have someone come in and do a deep clean and see if you can have them come once a week. Set a designated day of the week, Wed is show day where the house WILL be perfect and then just make sure the house is walk thru ready the rest of the week. Get a storage unit and get rid of "stuff" that you do not NEED and condense the furniture. Right now you can remove the winter clothes, personal photos/many decorational chachtkis (sp) and things you would be heartbroken should someone (cleaning lady, open house guest) break or steal (it happens). I think the extra blankets, towels and the majority of toys/guest bedroom items can go as well. Your home should be clutter free, you may want to get sofa covers -use a metal pipe to keep the cover down in the couch, and you should have a few laudry baskets where you can toss things for a quick clean on a last min warning and put them in a closet. The kids should have responsibility for themselves, even just a little bit and again, Prioritize. Your realtor is not being mean, just doing her job.

Yeah, where's your husband in all this?

I ask because I have had to list houses and keep them in show shape at all times with three kids and dog and it was VERY challenging.

However I was a SAHM, if I were working FT at the time, then I certainly would've expected a LOT more from my husband with regards to help in those areas.

In fact, forget trying to sell your house, just in GENERAL you need help, and he CAN help you. But you will have to ask. He may need direction.

Hon, I can't get to X and X, can you do this tonight when you get home from work please?

Try it, and see what happens.

:)

Oh brother.
I'm a single mom raised by an OCD mother and I used to be the same way. Good Lord! I would stand on a ladder with goggles on and scrub the corners of the bathroom ceiling with a toothbrush. I even did that after having a couple of kids. But, after my divorce and working full time +, my OCD went out the window.

You can only do what you can do. You have a goal. Staging your house. So....enlist your husband to help you. He has NO option. As for the kids, start packing their stuff up and only leave a few items for them. Relegate them to one room as far as scattering things and enlist them in picking things up as they are done with them. If they aren't used to doing this by now, NOW is the time to get them in the habit.
It's all overwhelming, I know, but I went through a divorce and had to move when my son was just a baby and I also had my daughter. It was just me trying to pack and keep things looking nice.
If your sister in law isn't going to be a help, then she isn't going to be a help. But, as devil's advocate, I have helped people try to get ready to move and I felt more like a maid because the dishes weren't done, there was laundry and toys everywhere each time I came back and it kind of felt like, "Are you trying to get ready to sell your house or not?" I know it's hard, but you just have to break things down in doable doses. I know you are tired and juggling so much. So...maybe don't put so much pressure on yourself as far as timing.
I'm not saying this to be mean, I promise I'm not, but if what you accomplish one day is two steps backwards the next, you won't make any headway.

I think your sister in law is thinking of how things look more than she is thinking logistically in terms of getting things packed up and pared down and minimizing the amount of things you have. That's the most necessary thing. She can move furniture all she wants, that's not really getting you anywhere. You may even need to get a storage unit or have a yard sale and start getting rid of all the things you don't need. Anything you can get rid of will be that much less you have to pack and move.

Moving sucks. I'd rather jump off a bridge. I hate it that much.
But, if you have a goal, you'll just have to get a bit organized and if your sister in law isn't the person to help you, tell her thanks, but no thanks.
Last time I moved, I had "help" that made things worse than not having them not to mention the snide remarks about why I hadn't burned my wedding dress as opposed to being careful with it. Yes, I'm divorced. So what? My wedding dress is no one else's business and it ticked me off.

Anyway, take a deep breath. Fire your sister in law if she can't be helpful as opposed to snarky and enlist your family to work together a little bit each evening and weekend.

Hang in there!

I agree with Lovemy2kids about getting a storage unit or a "Pod" to take the extra clutter. When we sold our townhouse we had a bunch of clutter since the house had NO storage space we had a friend who let us store our clutter in her basement until we sold the house. That's an option too if you a good friend like that ;)

Also, I hate to be mean, but what does your husband do? I don't mean that as a job, but how does he help you? I feel if he wants to sell this house too he needs to step it up. I am a stay at home mom and yes alot of the chores fall on me, however my husband does his part too especially when I feel overwhelmed. I think you need to have a heart to heart sit down and ask him for help. Give the kids little chores, they should be expected to clean up their own toys and if they can't they go in the storage unit since they can't be taken care of. I bet you'll find they'll start helping out more if there's a chance their toys will be put in "time out" ;) Hope your house sells quickly and that you'll get the help you need!

BTW your SIL obviously doesn't have kids or she's a SAHM if she thinks you can do it all by yourself. She's selfish, move on and ignore her comments. You're not super woman and EVERYONE needs a little help.

OOOOHH, with those comments from her I'd have had a hard time keeping my mouth shut!! I have a similar situation in that I have two small children and a husband who tends to make a mess (physically and financially) more than my own kids. I cannot keep up with cleaning up after everyone....I, too, don't like when people come over - the first thing I say is "please don't judge what the house looks like." I don't and can't keep up everyday and, unfortunately, a lot of my weekend is spent cleaning up.
I think I'd tell your husband, "either help and do your share around here or tell your sister to keep her comments to herself."
I don't think I'd ask for her 'help' anymore either.

I wouldstart out with a cleaning person once a week. If hubby doesn't want to help then tell him you'll find help yourself. I give you lots of credit for doing all of this yourself but it is way too much. My toddler doesn't put his bowl in the sink every day but some. He will help with just about anything if I ask. He loves to get into the dishes (too bad I worry about the sharp utensils)or he'd do them all for me. If they start out young they'll enjoy it. Keep a dump station bin at the door for when they come home. They can put their papers/books right in it. Shoes get set by the door and coats hung up by the door right away. That keeps a bunch of items out of the living space. Go through the mail as it comes in. Throw away all unwanted ads/junk mail asap to avoid it building up on the counter. Keep a bin or two in each childs room. The rest in the basement or attic. If they want to switch they can. Weed through the stuffed animals. Go in with a garbage bag real quick and take out what you can. Take them to goodwill or give to a family member. I just did this. I filled a big bag but couldn't part with a tote of special ones yet. I cut the amount in half though making room for other things. Get a book shelf for their books. have one kid load the dishes and one unload. Have this done before they go play after school and dinner. Give them a few bucks for helping and that might spark some interest. Give them each one shoebox for special things they want to keep in it like baseball cards,rocks etc. Go through your kitchen cabinets and throw out or take to GW whatever you don't use instead of just packing it up. Do the same with each dresser drawer. Just try to do one room at a time. Maybe taking a half hour each day will work. I don't work and I have been working for weeks to organize my house. I know what you're going through. I've been getting these tips off of websites.Good luck. You can do it!

I don't keep up with it all. it isn't possible! I always have one "dump room," where I dump everything so it's out of site, and then mind. I keep up with the basics, but the other stuff? My daughter has been 4 for well over a month adn we still haven't gone for her wellness check! I'm tired. and sick of long lists of things to do.....because as soon as you do it, you have to do it again.

I don't have anything nice to say about your SIL...so we're moving on from that. Every working mom prioritizes differently and is able to handle chores/jobs/family differently. Hell, I feel accomplished if I get the dishes done, a load of laundry in and the bed made!!!! Woohoo! Anything beyond that and I REALLY feel like a champion! I work at home, but that doesn't mean my house gets cleaned! And I have a husband that DOES do everything and IS an awesome handyman!

So, NO...not all moms spend their days cleaning! Some stay up late to get it done, some just do what they can, some do it on weekends, and some just let it go! Do what you can and be ok w/ it! You said it yourself, you have 3 small kids...and you need to tell your realtor that this is the reality, so she can either do her job w/ what she has or you will find a new realtor! Sorry, but that's just how I feel! Best of luck to you!

i don't. There are days i am amazing at it and have a workout/shower/blow dry before I take my kids to school and days I go take them with jammies and yesterday's makeup. To keep your kids picking up after themselves you really have to ride them. My kids are 4 and 6 and JUST learning that when I say pick it up/put it away do it and do it right. It takes time and repetition. Take a deep breath and deal with it little by little. Good luck!

Hello!

You won't find more time to clean until your youngest is about three! The only thing I would encourage you to do is to ask for help and begin now to teach your kids how to clean and participate!!

I have a 5 and 3 year old and I tell them that they can make a mess all they want BUT they better be wiling to clean it up after before moving on to another activity.....and they do!

And for the sake of the family I NEVER clean when I'm tired or angry! It's not worth it to me to have a clean house....I'll attack it when I'm in the right frame of mind.....acceptance is a good thing!

Lastly, get clear with what your husband will do....it's okay if his strengths are not fixing the house, but he better have some other strengths that benefit running a family!

De clutter, less to clean, less to put away, less to relocate when you do move.
de cluttering tips. start small. tackle one drawer, one corner, one room at a time. organize into broken, unused but useable, and "keepers". Then take stock of the "keepers." if you have multiples, i.e. 6 egg timers, pare down further.

I am lucky that I have a small two bedroom apt. Hubs and I both tend towards neat, and we clean as we go along. We are teaching this skill to our DS as well, and don't pull out another activity until we have cleaned up the last one.

Nothing is put "down". Everything is put "away." Our surfaces are clean and clear of stuff, because clutter begets clutter. A cluttered house frankly makes me ill at ease.

As for the cleaning, in addition to the usual clean up as we go, I do one extra cleaning job a night. Seems to keep us in check.

Don't know how old the kids are, but even pre-schoolers can -
make their beds, run a vacuum, fold laundry, load and unload the dishwasher, put away the dishes, wash windows, dust, clean a toilet, scrub the tiles, sweep, put their toys away, get dressed, do their homework, scrub vegetables, prepare a salad, set the table, clear the table.

Our DS is 18 months. He carries his diapers to the pail. He helps me take the trash to the compactor. He carries coffee mugs to the kitchen. He collects his bath toys at the end of the bath. He puts the blocks away, he wipes the highchair and table down after he's eaten, and even takes off daddy's slippers, pairs them together, and puts them in the cupboard.

We didn't specifically "teach" him these activities. He wanted to "help" us. We gave him lots of praise and encouraged the help.

A more punitive alternative, is to give clear and fair warning, and "throw away" anything which isn't picked up and put away. If they can't care for their possessions properly, they must not care about them much after all.

Good luck to you and yours,
F. B.