How Do I Talk to My Children About Divorce?

I would tell the children the least amount of information as possible about what's going on. I come from a divorced family, my parents divorced when I was about 12. If I were you, I would sit my kids down and explain to them that you need to talk to them about something, but you want them to know that nothing you are about to say has anything to do with anything they've done, and it is something that is strictly between you and their father. Then I would explain to them that sometimes when people are married, they end up finding out that they're not good for each other. It doesn't mean that either of them are bad people, it just means that when they're together, things aren't as they used to be when they first became a couple. There is no reason why you or your husband should ever say anything negative about each other to the kids. I've dealt with that my whole life, and it is horrible and hurtful and well beyond what a child is capable of understanding. As long as you and your husband leave the kids out of the divorce part, I truly believe they'll handle it the best way they can. Make sure you give them time to ask any questions that they may have about what everything means. Make sure you also let their school counselor know so she can watch out for them at school. Most importantly, try to leave decisions about spending time with their dad/mom up to them as much as possible. I realize that you guys will probably come up with a custody agreement, but I would make sure that in the meantime, keep the kids involved just a little by asking them if a certain schedule is okay with them. My mom and dad set up a schedule and then forced the three of us to stick with it. It ended up making me rebel against going to my dad's because I was getting to the age where I wanted to stay home and hang out with friends, and my dad lived about 20 minutes away. I would also buy a book or two to read yourself and really educate yourself on what experts say how to handle divorce and how to help kids make it through without blaming themselves and being dragged down.

Last but not least in any way, take care of yourself. You are the only mother these kids have. If you're going around the house depressed and upset, they don't have anyone else to balance you out. Kids depend on their mothers for security, love, and nurture. If you're not able to give that right now, do something about it as soon as you possibly can. The longer you wait, the longer your kids are going without their mom being there for them like she normally is. Do what you need to do to get your life where you need it to be, and then you'll be able to be the mother those kids need

I just want to share my experience and testimony here.. I was married for 6 years to my husband and all of a sudden, another woman came into the picture.. he started hailing me and he was abusive..but I still loved him with all my heart and wanted him at all cost? then he filed for divorce..my whole life was turning apart and I didn't know what to do..he moved out of the house and abandoned the kids.. so someone told me about trying spiritual means to get my husband back and introduced me to a spell caster? so I decided to try it reluctantly..although I didn't believe in all those things? then when he did the special prayers and spell, after 2days, my husband came back and was pleading..he had realized his mistakes..i just couldn't believe it.. anyways we are back together now and we are happy..in case anyone needs this man, his email address ____@____.com, his spells is for a better life. again his email is ____@____.com.

C.,

I am 30 years old and went though a divorce in 2004. At the time I had a bright 5 1/2 year old and a 5 month old. My ex husband was very selfish and a controll freak. He was a great provider. We had also just bought a house togather in both of our name. When I left I left with 800.00 a two suite case full of clothes. This guy that I thought would be there for his kids was not I had no job no income and he did not care. he ended up with every thing because I could not afford it. At the same time why he lived the high life I had nothing not even money to buy diapers. This was hard and this was the part that was hard to explain to my 5 year old. I read where some said tell them a least as possiable ( which is true to a degree) My daughter finally asked me about it. She would ask why daddy and Mommy fight so much and why we were not living in daddies house. I explained it to her the way she could understand. I told her that every body has a heart and that daddy had hurt my heart and mommy daddy's heart. When you heart hurts you need time to make it better. Sometimes that times means not living with the person that hurt your heart. Because Mommy and daddy's hearts hurt we need to go make them better. My daughter looked at me and said will you come back and live with daddy. I told her that I would have to see what happens why I am getting my heart better. She said ok Mommy. My oldest daughter never cried when we left her dad's house. It was not until 3 months later when we went to his house to pick up her stuff that she said mommy I do not miss it anymore because you fought all the time. For the first time I knew in my heart I made the best descison by leaveing. I felt guilty that I took my kids away from there dad I was sad and even though it was a unpleasent world for me I thought about moving back in with him until that day. Over those three months I became a happier person as well as my kids. It was amazing how leaving made me so much happier even though i was struggling finacialy. Kids are not dumb and they no when you are unhappy and they know when things are bad. You need to sit down explain to them on there level. They bounce right back. Do not take them from there sports or freinds or what ever. Keep there routin as normal as you can. I would advise seeking counseling for all. It maybe even night save your realtionship. I know my ex has a anger problem and was given medication when he took it he was the most wonderful fun loving perosn to be around. The thing was he felt he did not need it and would not take it. If it was not for those kids you would never better your relationship. Those kids are what is giving you the ability to see what you need to do. I hated doing it to my kids to. Sometimes that is just what is dealt to us. It make you a stronger person with the ability to say NO WAY am I doing this to my children! God gave you those angels to protect and never second guess having them it is not there fault and be sure to tell thme that. I am now re married and the guy that I am married to is my kids DAD.. There father has little to do with them and see's them maybe once a year. That becomes even harder Because them you have to explain why daddy does not see them more offten and pick the pieces up when he does come around and put them back. My ex came and seen my daughetr the weekend before school started this year after not seeing her for over a year. It was one of the hardest things to make ok once he left. People for get to tell you those stories. If you need to talk any more plaese email me ____@____.com I understand more then you might think... Good luck and god bless!

I am sorry you are going through this. Although I have never gone through what you are going through, I can imagine it is very difficult to deal with emotionally. My thoughts are with you!

I am glad to read that you acknowledge that he is a wonderful father. Even if you hated his guts to the end of the world and back, please never forget that he is also a parent to your children and they deserve to have their father in their lives. I know it sounds like I might be on his side (I'm not - it sounds like he isn't emotionally supportive towards you and you need better than that!) but it is so important for the growth and development of your children to co-parent successfully. I'm sure it won't be easy, but above all things put your children first over feelings you might have regarding their father. Never speak negatively about him in front of them, allow them his appropriately allotted time with him, and try your hardest to have a decent parenting relationship with him. Don't use the children as pawns or make them have to choose between mommy or daddy - it'll be hard enough with the divorce, let alone making them pick.

Do you have the resources to see a counselor or therapist? That might be a good first step in learning how to deal with the divorce when it comes to the children. You should ALWAYS let the kids know that the divorce has NOTHING to do with them: it isn't their fault, it wasn't something they did or didn't do to cause the divorce, but gently explain to them that mommy and daddy just don't get along anymore and the best relationship for them to have now would be to live separately. Reassure them that just because mommy and daddy do not love each other anymore, both "mommy and daddy still love you two kids very, very much and we will always be there for you no matter what".

Good luck - I'll be rooting for you!