How Do I Stop My Kids from Sleeping in My Bed?

I just told them if they had a bad dream or had to come in for whatever reason they needed to bring a pillow and blanket with them and stay on the floor, because there just wasn't enough room with us. It didn't take long for them to prefer staying in their own bed ;-)

When my first went through a phase where he had night terrors (or just woke up in the night, he never did seem upset) I left a comforter/duvet on the floor in the corner of our bedroom. I made sure the hallway had a night light and there was nothing he'd trip on (and baby gate at top of stairs) and I said you can come flop there if you need to in the middle of the night. I made sure it wasn't too comfortable. He did it for a short period. Then he either didn't wake or preferred his own bed.

Another one of mine did that, and I offered him the same thing. He had no interest in sleeping on the floor, so it was just a matter of walking him back to his bed a few times.

Any reason your kids would wake in the middle of the night? My sister had that happen and it turned out her heater/furnace shut off at some point and everyone got cold.

A simple answer is to not let them get into your bed. First, tell them you are making a change. Tell them they cannot get into your bed in the middle of the night. Because your children are young, be simple. Don't try to talk them into doing this. Have brief conversations in the daytime , about this process, while you're consistently, quietly returning them to their beds. Listen for ways to help them adjust. Perhaps a night light or music. Perhaps they wake up when the music stops. If they share a room, perhaps when one wakes up, it wakes up others. Do what you can to help making being in their own bed better. However, be careful that these conversations are said in a way that doesn't turn into talking them into it. Gather information.

My 3 yo granddaughter will tell me exactly what she wants and why. With a bit of listening to and sympathizing with her, I can repeat what I want her to do and she nods her head and says OK. She sounds so grown up, I have to smile. Sometimes we share a high five or literally thumbs up. Her mom taught her how to do this. She feels heard and is ready to cooperate.

Consistency and a calm demeanor is necessary. Getting up in the middle of the night is difficult. I suggest they will adapt after a few nights. I suggest getting them to stay in their own beds is worth the loss of sleep.

With 3 doing it, it may be exhausting to take them back to their beds every time.

I'd do the sleeping bag/pillow on the floor (or blanket, old comforter, whatever you have). Put it there and they can crawl into it IF they do not wake you or crawl into your bed. If they get in your bed, they have one chance to get into the sleeping bag with no argument, otherwise it's back to their rooms. If they can sleep quietly on the floor with the security of having you nearby, fine. I wouldn't make an exception for "if you have a bad dream" or "if you don't feel well" because that will become the reason every time. (Obviously you would make an exception if there was a major fever but you don't have to tell them that now.)

Short term, it means you don't have any adult privacy, and I get that it's a problem. But your bed is your bed, and it's not a kid bed. Same as the wine rack or liquor cabinet or car keys or kitchen knives not being kid-allowed. Non-negotiable.

Longer term, the idea is that the floor will be uncomfortable and boring, compared to their nice warm beds with their special blankets and stuffed animals. If there's no interaction with you (no talking, no snuggling), the attraction will wear off. But still they will have the short-term security of not being alone.

I have never been a fan of the 'family bed'. Both my kids slept through the night in their own cribs right from birth. I really lucked out. And they are now 17 and 14 and I still don't have a problem with them either going to bed at a decent time or getting up on their own.

However, when they were both around 2-3, they would come in and want to sleep with us. I am a VERY light sleeper as it is so there was no way I was going to do that. But they would come in and sleep by my side of the bed on the floor. I did NOT make it comfy for them. They would bring either their blanket, pillow and/or stuffed animal or all of them and just lay down and sleep. One did it for quite awhile and the other only for a few weeks. Then all of a sudden they just were in their own beds all night.

So maybe do that for yours. Tell them they can come in and sleep on the floor but they can't wake you up. They can bring whatever they want to be comfy. I hope you find something that works. Good luck.

You could lock your door.
Or take each one back to their own bed every time they leave it (exhausting for you but it works eventually).
Or set up a sleeping bag or two next to your bed - and they can sleep there if they come in the night without crowding you out of your own bed.

Yes. Get up and walk them back to their own bed and help them into it, with minimal conversation/words/noise. It will be tough the first few nights, but do it. Every. Single. Time. they appear at your bedside. They will quickly understand that there is no reward for their efforts and will stay in their own beds and go back to sleep. At some point, they will cease to wake enough to even realize they are waking (just like you and I do multiple times per night).

You will hear people say, "why? Just let them in" or "make them a pallet on your floor and teach them to lie there so it doesn't disturb you." Ignore that. You asked a specific question, and it doesn't include how to make it less upsetting for your kids to get what they want. Your question is how do you stop it. That's how. You walk them (do not carry them, make them walk and guide them with a gentle hand on their shoulder or gentle nudges on their back as they walk to guide them), as in ESCORT them. Not carry.
Good luck. It will be in the past soon.

S.,

It's really simple. NO. When they come to your bed? You take them promptly back to their bed.

You ask them what the problem is and LISTEN to the problem that brings them to your bed. You tell them that you love them and want to know what's wrong, but they can't sleep in your bed.

Where is your husband on this? Does he like them in the bed? My husband was adamant about no kids in the bed. We fought over it for a year. No kidding. We ended up with the compromise, while they are breast feeding? They can come to the bed. Otherwise? no. And it's been GREAT!!

My kids are now 14 and 16 and they come to my/our room when there is a problem - which over the years has happened maybe a dozen times. Bad dream. Not feeling well. I might lay with them in their bed, but overall? Their bed is THEIR bed and mine is mine.

Good luck!

Tyler and I agreed from the beginning. NO FAMILY BED.

What does their dad say about this? We have 4 boys. It would have been crazy to allow them in our bed.

Take them back to their bed. Tell them if they want to stay in your room, it's on the floor.

When they have been sick? I sleep with them on the couch. I don't like being far away when they are sick.

Tell them no and put them back to bed, every time. Explain that you are there for them if they are scared or sick, but that a good night sleep is important and so everyone needs to stay in their own bed unless something is really wrong.

Every time one of them shows up, get out of bed and tuck them back into their own. Repeat for as long as necessary. It will take awhile since you've been allowing it to happen more often but if you're consistent with enforcing the new rule, it will eventually stick.

The 6 year old is old enough to be told that she should only come into your room if there is an emergency or she is sick.

"Sweeties, I love you so much. But, if Mom doesn't get enough sleep, she's going to be really cranky tomorrow. Unless you want a Cranky Mommy tomorrow, please go back to your own rooms." Also, do they have nightlights? That helped with our son.

i've found that saying 'no' works really, really well.
khairete
S.

You tell them: From now on you all sleep in your own beds. And every single time a kid crawls into your bed in the night you walk them back to their bed and tuck them in again. Every single time. Once they realize you will not give in they will stop doing it. When my son turned 3 I decided no more crawling into bed with us in the middle of the night...when he crawled into bed with us it meant I had a very bad night's sleep and suffered the whole next day. This is what I did...it's a pain but so is having kids sleep with you. Don't forget to praise them for being big kids when they stay in their own bed!

isn'tthisfun? said exactly what i was thinking.. re read that answer