How Do I Make Her Sleep on Her Own???

I went thru the exact same thing! I was a single mom with my daughter for five years and I usually always had let her sleep with me (which was completely my fault), when she got older I knew she needed to start sleeping in her own bed. It was a struggle she would first throw fits and then just come sneak in my bed in the night if I could wake up I'd take her back to her bed. Sometimes she was so quiet about it I didn't know until it was time to get up. It was just a process and she's been sleeping in her bed ever since. It will take time but it will happen, I promise!

foes your daughter know that she is getting ready to go to school soon? it sounds as though she's a little anxious about it, new people, no mommy or daddy there.... has to be scary for her to think about. i commend you for co-sleeping, i think it's awesome. i do the same w/ our son. it's amazing all the people who recommend the "cry it out" solution. i really don't think torturing a child is a "solution". sorry, i read through a few responses and i got a lil heated. i just feel so bad for all the babies crying themselves to sleep. thats rediculous. have you talked to her ped about this? maybe she just really wants someone near. i think she's old enough not to want that for the rest of her life. maybe something is spooking her. i had a lot of fears when i was growing up and did not like sleeping alone. scary movies kept me spooked. good luck and let me know how everything goes. remember they are only young for so long. it could just be a phase

I agree. TV is not good for kids to fall asleep. There need to be consequences for her not listening and not staying in her bed. There is no way my kids would come and get into bed with me. If they have a bad dream I come to them. Tell her to stay in her bed. She is 6 and should know better by now. Sometimes as moms we need to have some tough love. If she can read you can put the rules on her door or wall for night sleep. Rewards work too. If she stays in her bed then take her to a fun place (like putt-putt or chucky cheeses *sp?*). You might also want to move bed time earlier. Read Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child.

My kids are almost 4, almost 2 and 8.5 months. All of them have been sleeping on their own since they were 6 months old (the oldest since he was 2 months old). And I am still nursing the youngest. They all were sleep trained (with the book mentioned above) and sleep through the night.

The last thing you want is a a pre-teen who sleeps in bed with you. I have heard of that happening when parents don't put their foot down.

Best of luck.

Have you thought about letting her make her room her own? I don't know if this would work, but if she has a say in redecorating it a little or a lot, maybe she would claim it as her own and stay there. I have never had this problem, so I am not speaking from experience. I let my kids go to sleep with the light on, or a night light. We have put glow in the dark stars all over the ceiling and they have started actually letting us turn out the light.
Good luck

The longer this goes on the harder it will be. Can't believe it's gone on this long!! I guess you shouldn't be surprised at this point, that there is a problem.

Try books, reading, books on tape, prayers together, etc. MAKE THE TIME BEFORE BED MEANINGFUL! That is something I ALWAYS look forward to. I let Abbie pick whether we read, do a seek & find, color, etc. We end w/ saying prayers. I LOVE IT!

Start a new tradition with your daughter now that she's school age. Tell her it's important to make traditions and make a HUGE deal out of what you're doing together and the time you spend. Make it special for both of you.

There MAY be some times when she comes back and forth, but guaranteed it will get less and less if she has something else to focus on and talk about how cool it is that she's growing up, sleeping on her own, etc. DONT let her see you have a hard time with it! AFFIRM AFFIRM AFFIRM.

Hi, C., Sleeping in your bed is a habit that you established a long time ago, and she takes it for granted. All you need to do is sit her down, explain that she is now a big girl, and the rules are going to change. Then LOCK your bedroom door. You may hear her crying outside your door for a few nights, and you may find her sleeping on the floor outside your door in the morning. So be it. She'll get the idea in a very short time. This isn't about her need for comfort in the middle of the night-- it's just a bad habit that you let go on for too long. Children need to establish good sleep patterns early, or they have problems sleeping through the night. She just needs to accept the change, which she cannot do if you give in to your guilt, so pick a long weekend when it won't hurt if you lose a little sleep and get it done. You'll all sleep better! N. B. (Mother, grandmother, and retired nurse)

My daughter is 4 and she LOVES her CD with her name in it. It is a bedtime CD. You can get them online not to pricey but worth the money. We will read her a bedtime story and turn on her music and we will lay with her for 1 song rub her back and cuddle and we are out of there. It is funny we like the CD we sometimes fall asleep to with her lol. She will wake up and say MOM get in your bed. lol She has been in a full size bed for about 1 yr now. I am not sure of her bed but like someone else said let HER make her room so she will want to go in there to sleep. We will go away to visit family and Avery will say MOMMA I miss my room so she did what she wanted with it and did her decor well picked it out. That is her little get away she says. lol Hope things go better. When she gets in your bed do what supper nanny would do put her back in HER bed. I know there when we put her in her toddler bed from her crib she would get up alot and we had to take things away like a movie she liked to watch or a horse. She has alot of horse toys and it ALWAYS WORKED b/c she hated not being able to have them... Good Luck... I am a 37 yr SAHM of 2 Avery she is 4 in Sept and Quentin he is 11 mo the BIG 1 in a couple of weeks
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Don't use the TV to help her go to sleep. The TV actually has the opposite effect on her sleep cycle. You may find that she can fall asleep to the TV but it will not allow her to sleep properly b/c it disrupts her sleep cycles. That could be one reason why she wakes up at night and doesn't go back to bed on her own. Also, I'm not sure how long you have tried to get her to sleep in her own bed... she's been in your bed for 6 years. Chances are, when she wakes up at night, her room may seem unfamiliar to her and she needs familiarity to go back to sleep. I would try and play with her in her room when you are home so that she gets used to it. Maybe buy her bedding that looks like yours? Also, figure out a reward system that you can use and tell her when she stays in her bed at night, she gets a point (or star, or whatever) and when she has so many stars (maybe 40), then she gets a toy that she really wants. Or, tell her that if she sleeps in her bed for 5 nights in a row, she gets to stay 1 night with you. Find something that will motivate her to stay in her bed. Good luck to you.

I had the same problem with my youngest son. When he was 6, my husband told him "No More!". If he came in ten times, he got sent away ten times. It broke my heart but ultimately I think all of us get a better nights sleep. You could also tell her she has to sleep on the floor next to your bed...in a safe place, of course, where she could not accidentally be stepped on. A crib mattress is good for this.

First I would lose the TV. Studies show that when a child falls asleep with this kind of crutch, they do not know how to put themselves back to sleep, so she ends up in your bed.
I am a huge fan of hte book "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child". Although they talk about babies first, there is a section on sleep problems.

i was just laughing about this this morning with my husband. my 6 yr old came and got in the bed with us me now balancing on the edge as to not be ensnared by long arms and legs she seems like she's as tall as me, anyway she has always been a clingy sleeper but does pretty good on her own too. but last night she came to our bed twice and ended up back in her bed on her own. i've never had a problem with her sleeping with me i figure she needs some comfort and why not give it to her she's going to want her independence soon enough why push her away. maybe you could sleep in her bed with her for the first couple nights or part of. and then make a plan with her as to what time or nights you will spend with her, aside from that any time she's to be on her own whenever she comes to your bed walk her right on back to hers and just be consistent, she'll get it. also if she wants to start out in our room we just trick her and say ok just take a 2 minute nap first and we'll come get you or we say just lay in there with your eyes open and we'll come get you in a few minutes, she's quiet and usually asleep within 10 minutes

I completely understand what you are going through. I have used co-sleeping with my son since birth and have treasured it. I wouldn't trade this experience for the world. It does make transitioning into their own beds really difficult.

Now that I have transitioned my 3 1/2 year old into his own bed, I have some advice that worked for me. This is a 3-part plan.

1. For every full night of sleep in his own bed, I would allow him an instant gratification toy (cheapy toy $1-$5, hot wheels, sand bucket, shovel, toy bugs, etc.). He knows where the "rewards" closet is and he was able to pick out his reward for each FULL night of sleep in his own bed. Half night of sleeping in own bed = no toy.

2. For every full night of sleep in his own bed, he would put a reward sticker on the calendar. For every X stickers (I used 5), he got a bigger toy (monster truck, dvd, piece to the Thomas collection) also out of the "rewards" closet that he was able to pick out. He knew he had to count the 5 stickers to get to this event. So he had X nights to go before he could get another toy. Half night of sleeping in own bed = no sticker.

3. Then after 2 months of this type of rewards system, I implemented a bigger one... if you can spend 30 consecutive FULL nights in your bedroom, you will get the big finale reward and we are completed with the project. I let him pick it out. He wanted a scooter. 30 consecutive stickers later... he got a toddler scooter.

Total cost to implement this, probably around $150 (over a period of 3 months) but could probably be done a lot cheaper if you used less expensive toys. It worked well and the instant gratification combined with teaching him patience to wait worked well. Plus for me, the counting, adding and subtracting element was an additional bonus to teach him.

I used the same technique for potty training, modified slightly... instant rewards and then the sticker chart with X stickers rewarding a bigger toy.

I think everyone else has covered the topic of the TV in the room... :)

Good luck.
L.

what you have started is great !!! now u just have to keep with it . its hard, but everytime she comes into your bed you HAVE to make her go back to her own. Once she realizes that its no use and that you won't give in she'll stay in her bed. believe me, it isn't easy. it might take every night for about 2-3 wks. but you have to stay committed. My son finally gave in after 1 week but my friend put up with it for 3 wks.!!! but it works. the only thing is, one time of giving in & you go back to square one !!!! AND, the child doesn't end up traumatized at all, my son is now grown and living in NY and is VERY independent and successful. Remember, every time make her go back, and she will eventually give in. Good luck and get ready for some unrestful nights, but it is worth it. K.

Until your daughter knows you mean business, she will continue to come into your bed.
EACH time she tries to get in bed with you, you must get up and put her back in her bed.
Do NOT say anything, just escort her back to bed.
This might go on for a period of time but don't give up, she will get the idea.
You might want to allow her to come in in the early morning AFTER IT IS LIGHT OUT for a little snuggle time, but that is up to you.
Starting first grade is a great time to get this done.

A great book with a practical plan that works (my 4 year old had the same problem): The No-Cry Sleep Solution. It works if you work it. Good luck!

This would be a great time to introduce a pet to the family if that is an option. Most kids will sleep in there ownh bed with a puppy if it is theirs.