How Do I Know If I Am Being an Effective SAHM?

It sounds like you have the right mindset. Ignore people who say that you asking this means something's wrong. That's ridiculous.

Just remember, a lot of the experiences she needs to become a confident and caring adult require YOU to move out of the way to allow her to experience them. Don't try to MAKE every experience for her, just facilitate them happening as much as you can.

Keep doing an awesome job.

♥
C. Lee

Are you exhausted? If yes, you're probably doing fine! Just expose her to the world, talk to her about everything around her, what you're doing, etc. so she learns how things work, etc. Give her choices in the little things so she learns how to make decisions (loveandlogic.com). Every mom thinks this :)

And JIM - totally ROTFL!!!

Kid is alive, fed, and in a semi-clean state...and even that last one is negotiable . :)

Bwahahahahaaa, Jim!!

R., if you and your child are happy, then whatever you're doing is just fine. Like most posters are saying, if they're fed, clothed and have a general well-being, that's all you need. At 2, *every mundane thing* you do with them is a learning experience.

I think that we all worry about doing a good enough job with our kids whether SAHM, WAHM, working mom whatever... Are your kids happy and well adjusted? Are they growing up to be good people? I think that we all put to much pressure on ourselves....

Are the kids still alive? Is your house relatively pulled-together? If so, then I'm sure you're doing fine.

The same things as a working mom. Is your child happy, fed, learning, clothed, delighted in, secure, protected. Is your home reasonably clean? Yes? Then, you're doing fine.

ETA: Jim, I nearly spit water on my keyboard!!

Not caring about what other people think.

Seriously. So many moms and dads get down on themselves because they feel they don't measure up to others. There are variations to the "keeping up with the Jones' " mentality.

Do you love on your little one daily and make her FEEL loved? Do you provide a safe environment? Do you teach her manners and respect? Do you read books,go for walks and talk to her? Then you are being a good mom regardless if you are a SAHM or Working mom.

Set your own standards for what you expect of yourself in being a full time SAHMommy. There are always people that will try to set those standards for you.

I for one keep a neat and tidy home, have a weekly dinner menu planned out, exercise 4 times a week and read daily with my kids.(oh..and lots of hugs,smooches and talking) But that is me..right now..at this stage in life. I have morphed over the years with the needs of my home, my family and my sanity level.

You come up with your own plan. Don't worry about pleasing others!! That is a sure fire way to feeling inadequate, and just plain down in the dumps.

If you provide her with lots of love and a love for learning about the world around her..mixed in with respect for others then you are doing just fine. Don't worry about flashcards in a foreign language, mommy and me courses at the local community center, ballet, and a home that looks like Martha Stewart lives with you.

One thing I would like to add though is that I take my job/role in our home very seriously. I do not work for pay but I put my heart and soul into my "job". I love what I do and do not regret putting my degree on the back burner to put my kids and family first. I think some SAHMs(and daddys out there) may feel inadequate to what they think the image of "success" is and do not embrace what they do and the benefits their "job" brings to a household.

If you ever need a pick me up...feel free to PM me. My kids are a bit older..but I have been where you are right now. It ain't easy...find support around you.

Jim- too funny. R. I think all parents wonder from time to
time. I'm sure your doing just fine.

I have no idea, I was a stay at home mom until my youngest was five, I never saw it as any different than being a working mom.

If my kids had turned out to be illiterate drug addicts I would not have thought I was an ineffective stay at home mom, I would have felt I was a failure as a mother.

So perhaps you should explain to us what are these additional responsibilities a stay at home mom has that a mom doesn't. I must have missed that memo.
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Oh my god Jim! Why didn't I see your post first!! Truly enlightened. :)

Is your child happy? Do you provide your child with a variety of experiences? Do you take your child places to be with other children? Do you talk to, read to and play with your child? Do you provide your child an opportunity to play independently? Do you provide your child stimulating toys to play with? Do you make sure your child gets out of the house for fresh air and sunshine? Is your home relatively clean and your child relatively healthy? Does your child have clean clothes? Regular meals? Hugs? Cuddles?

Sweetie just that you are asking for advice on this makes me know that you ARE a great mom! Most importantly enjoy every stage of your little one's life!

Go to the park, turn off the tv, cook real meals, read a book to her daily, get off your cell and talk to her--if you are doing half of those things, you are doing good. God bless.

I could not be a SAHM, so I applaud you...

What kind of pressure are you feeling? Like, you should be doing more around the house, more with your daughter, something else?

I think if your daughter seems happy and you are happy you are probably doing a good job. At 2 she probably isn't really too interested in playing with other kids all that much. At about 3 she'll really crave being with other kids so you'll have to make sure to provide those social opportunities with her.

Just be aware of all of the learning opportunities there are in any given day. Observing nature, seeing how things work, learning colors, counting, labeling feelings... she's a little sponge, so talking to her and describing things for her to notice will stimulate her.

Good luck, Mama

It took me a while to figure out this sahm.. job description... and what I thought was important.

my duaghter was super shy.. adn i knew that by age 5 when she went to kindergarten.. she had to be able to go into a classroom independently..

So we went to every library story time, playgroup, whatever was going on.. we were there. and she blosssomed.. just bloomed.. on the first day of kinder.. she walked in there without a tear. I was so proud as I cried.

I think the role of a mom.. whether they stay home or go to work .. is to get the kids ready for the world. They need to have the skills they need for school when school starts. so they need to learn the colors, shapes abcs 123s... all of that stuff.. + all the social rules, no hitting, nice to our friends.. share... there are so many things they need to learn and if you are with the child all day you need to teach.

now she is 2.. so she doesnt need formal lessons in anything right now.. but you work in little lessons throughout the day.. colors, shapes, social rules.. take her places and expose her to the world.. and read read read.

every day read.. that is the best thing you can do for her.

If I make it through the day, they are all alive and somewhat in good spirits - I call that a success. My bar is set pretty low, though.

Well, that's highly subjective. For ME, I am not always able to get the dishes done, and for some families that would be falling down on the job. My couch is infested with small toys. But DD is happy, healthy, well-socialized, fed and I'm not stressed out and crazy at her. I've had a shower! I am wearing real clothes. ;)

I would encourage you to get out of the house for your own sake, too, but at the end of the day, look at your kid. Is she happy? Is she learning to be a functional human being? Is she able to interact with others? Is she clean and fed and loved? I bet you are doing a FINE job.

You DON'T find out through online articles that say, "Answer these twenty questions to find out if you're a good parent!" or television shows featuring some multi-degree expert or other. Instead, talk with your doctor and/or an older (raised children already) friend or relative whom you highly respect. Don't ask for evaluations; ask for suggestions. Have fun with your daughter. Enjoy your daughter and husband together. What does a good mother look like? There are lots of different pictures of it. Don't worry - you may be doing just fine!

I always started pre-school then for them. 2 is tough. Me alone with the child all day wasn't good. Pre-school was great! We have 9 to 1pm here 2 days a week.

Didn't we answer this question before?