How Do I Help My Grandma with Her Medical Problems When I Leagally Cant?

I used to take my mom to the doc. He'd talk to me at her appointment and she'd get mad. She'd tell him she was "over here" but the doc understood that she wasn't capable of taking care of herself.

I think you can ask grandma if she'd like you to handle it for her then have her talk to the company first, telling them she'd like them to freely speak with you, for this one phone call, and see if you can handle this.

I'd offer to be her advocate only when it seems she needs help but tread lightly. She's likely feeling old and worn out and doesn't need someone coming in saying she's not capable. So speak to her in a way to say you might be able to get them to understand there's a serious issue but not make her feel smaller and older and less useful.

Unless grandma signs a power of attorney for health care in your favor, there is absolutely nothing you can do.

How do you know the doctor isn't doing anything about it? Do you know for sure that Grandma or Grandpa has even told the doctor there's a problem with the c-pap machine?

Look, the doctor can't talk to you - but you can give info to the doctor, either by phone or by letter. You can insist (although you shouldn't have to) that the doctor not tell Grandma that you called. But the doctor can ask questions or at least investigate symptoms based on the suggestion that there's a problem with the machine and therefore she's not getting enough oxygen. (Not sure how you know this is the case - have you seen the machine, or is Grandma saying she can't breathe or the motor is cutting out or the mask doesn't fit or something else?)

If there is serious elder neglect, you can contact Elder Services anonymously, but with this many family members aware of your stance, it's possible they will figure out that you are the one who called. On the other hand, maybe there is something they can do in a subtle or "back door" way.

It's up to you and your conscience.

Well it seems like you are more concerned than grandma, her daughters and your fiance combined. I mean you could try talking to them all, having a meeting to say what your concerns are, but I don't know if that would be overstepping in his family or not. In mine, it kind of would be. But you say you've tried talking to your fiance. What about Grandma? If you look after her most of the time, and she's capable as you say, can you not encourage her to call to have it serviced? Or does she not handle that?
Without knowing the dynamic of the family and how you relate to these people (can you talk directly to the people who look after this stuff?) it's hard to advise.
I have to admit, most families wouldn't let a grandma suffer and not get enough oxygen - unless it's a case of neglect. If that's the case, then you could call social services. Just be prepared to deal with the family after you do though. In my opinion, it would be easier to talk to them first.
As for doctors not helping her more, are you involved in the medical appointments and such? Some of this sounds like you're just observing but not really in the know. Maybe they don't feel that's your place. Hard for us to say.
Good luck though - I hope she gets cared for.

Based on your SWH requesting meditation techniques... try saying the Serenity Prayer to yourself whenever the worries start running through your mind. "God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference." [If you prefer not to use the word God, substitute Higher Power or Good Spirit or whatever works for you.] You are quite right that you cannot intervene more than you have done already. G-ma knows you are concerned, probably everyone else knows you are concerned, so the ball is in their court. You need to ACCEPT that other people do what they will do and you can only CHANGE what you do. If asked, you can do something for her, but only then. Good luck with a frustrating situation.

it sounds very worrisome and frustrating, but you need to back off.
i DO help out with my in-laws medical stuff, to a degree. i make myself available for doctor visits and anything else the family requests of me, but i've learned to keep my chops shut and my opinions to myself. and i get it. i'd be pretty poinked if my dad's girlfriend's kids felt free to tell me how to handle my dad.
she's not your grandma, and you can call your bf anything you want, but in 9 years he hasn't bothered to marry you, and you're right, you have zero legal standing.
and it's quite clear that the family already finds you interfering and obnoxious.
you make sure that the family is aware that you are ready to stand and deliver, and that's it. make grandma her favorite cookies, watch her favorite movies with her, and stay the hell out of everyone else's way.
you want legal standing, marry your 'fiance' and have him set you up with power of attorney. short of that, you button your lip.
khairete
S.

If you think she's being neglected, maybe you can call it in to social services.

https://www.dfps.state.tx.us/adult_protection/

I make calls for my post-stroke husband all the time. All they usually do is ask me to get my husband on the line and he gives permission. The rest of the phone call is up to me. They also send out something he signs saying they are allowed to speak with me. I also think you should ask grandma if she would like you to take her to the dr. Good for you for caring!!!!!

Maybe sometime, when you're with her, during a calm moment, you can help her make some calls. If she has trouble dialing the phone, or is reluctant, you do it for her and encourage her to speak up. Have you seen those tv commercials about life insurance where the adult kids talk to their parents and say "hey, mom, let's make the call together." The mother actually makes the call, but with her kids sitting by her and making her a cup of tea. Help her figure out the c-pap repair number, and make that call. Ask her if she wants help in making an appointment and getting to the appointment. You wouldn't be taking over, just encouraging.

I understand the complexities and tedious nature of multiple medical issues, as my daughter has many problems. It can be overwhelming. Maybe grandma just needs someone to sit by her side while she makes appointments.

Check out her doctor on healthgrades.com and if he's truly not showing interest in her, help her find another doctor. Or maybe he has shown interest and she's not following his instructions or understanding them. Gently ask her how she feels about her medical care but be careful to just demonstrate concern and love, not control.

The next time you are with Granny, get the phone number of the company that gave her the cpap machine, dial the phone, and tell them that her machine isn't working and you need someone to come out to repair it. If they need to speak with her directly had her the phone and let her repeat what you said. A lot of older women are so use to doing without things or putting themselves last (a habit learned from raising children) that they don't think things are important when they are.

As far as the doctor not taking things seriously can you go with her to her next appointment and bring up concerns?

Ask grandma if she wants someone to service her machine...if she says yes then make the call. If your grandma is not well simply ask her if she wants you to take her to the doctor. Then take her.

I do a lot of care for my husband's grandmother. I go into the examine room with her. She has told the doctor's offices that they can call me with test results etc. If she has a UTI I am the one that calls and talks to the doctor. I do not have power of attorney but work does gravitate to those who do it.