I have an "adopted" family. I adopted them. I have a mom, dad, and 3 little brothers through this family. And to all of them I am sissy. It started when I had no where to go when I was younger and they gave me a job on the farm and a place to stay. They really are the nicest people I know and have helped me so much through out my life. I have always known them, it wasnt until age 17 that they really got into my life this deep. Dad is a 4h leader, kid helper, hard worker, Mr. fix it, and everything you could imagine. Mom doesn't work, SAHM and farmhand lol.
Last night dad passed away from a severe heart attack. I got the call at almost 11 when he was found in the shed by the hired hand. (lord please help him get through the pain of finding him. My "adopted" mom is in shock bad. I dont know what to say or do to help her through this. My "little brothers" are 8,10, and 15. I havent talked to them yet, I know the two younger ones will be crushed. The 15 year old who is severe ADHD never shows emotion really but I know this hurts for him.
What can I do? I am a mess myself!
Mondays are not my kind of day!
If you are close enough to go be with them go!!!!! You are family to them and they will appriciate you being there. If you are not close try to make arrangements to go be with them.
How nearby are you? Within driving distance? If so, can you go and stay for a long weekend, as it seems they all know you well enough, and maybe just having your presence and helping hand while your sweet adopted mom makes this difficult transition would be the best thing you can do. You could watch after the kids while she tends to all the funeral details. Alternatively, bring meals, or send a meal?
There are no magic words here. Just let her know how much your adopted step dad was such a positive influence in your life and how her entire family saved you from who knows what. They are at the center of who you are to this day.
Even a trip to the library to pick up kids books on grieving would be helpful for the kids.
** Update **
Please go read today's highlighted blog...it's about being a widow, becoming a widow and a friend supporting her friend becoming a widow....very apropros for you right now.
http://www.mamapedia.com/voices/empathy-for-the-widow
I'm so sorry, mom. This is so very sad. You tell them how terribly sad you are. You tell them that you love them and that you hope they know how much you loved him. What a fine man he was. How you are praying for them.
I don't know if you can visit or not, but if you can, it might help the wife. Bless her heart. I cannot imagine going through this.
So sorry.
Dawn
Write a letter telling what he did for you. It will help you and them to confirm what a good man he was.
The mom is going to be going through paper work and needing to be places. Babysitting, if you are close, would help.
Listening. It's a shock and it helps to process it with someone.
You are in my prayers for comfort and wisdom.
Sudden death is very shocking.
They are going to be stunned first and try to figure out what to do.
There's the funeral and service planning.
There's the estate/inheritance/will/life insurance/legal issues.
There's the coping with day to day farm chores he always did that now have to be done by someone else.
It's going to be hard for everyone for quite awhile.
People send food/meals/casseroles because the family are too stunned to cook.
Start with that.
Their grief might take many forms and it might take years to get through.
The kids should see a counselor at school.
Just go be there. I am so sorry for your loss.
I'm really very sorry for your loss. Sending thoughts and prayers your way.
I am so very, very sorry for your loss. Our chosen families are so dear to us, and it sounds like you and this man you consider your dad had a beautiful, very meaningful connection.
Like many others have said, if you can go and just be with family at this time, do so. Being present is hard and a good thing all at the same time. Keep expectations low (esp. in regard to the teenager showing emotion...it's good that you already know that this is difficult for him) and just be genuine.
I hope you can find some peace in all of this. If you cannot go, reach out as much as you can and do give yourself time to grieve over the next while. Your 'dad' was such a role model for you. It's okay to spend time remembering him and his kindness.
Oh Honey! I don't have an answer for how to help them, but wanted you to know that prayers and hugs are being sent your way.
Maybe the guidance councilor at their school can help?
Just be there for them. Stand by with open arms (a big hug helps a lot) & be ready to listen if they want to talk. Just your presence will be appreciated.
