How Do I Get My Husband to Understand?

Hi L.,

Our three year old son has a rare autoimmune disease for which he needs many medications. I am the one who works full time while my husband stays home with our son. He would regularly "forget" to give him his medications and would minimize the importance every time I'd say it was necessary. He just didn't get it and he thought I was making a big deal of nothing. To solve this problem, I made him go to the next scheduled doctor's appointment and gave her a head's up as to how he was forgetting to give the medications. She sat him down and explained what could happen to our boy if he continued to do this and he never forgot the medications again. I think it takes the MD to get through the heads of fathers sometimes. I was saying the same thing but it wasn't true in my husband's head because "you always over react!" Well, the doctor, not being the wife, is not over reacting and sometimes we can say it over and over again and it will go nowhere and all they need to do is hear it from the doctor and that makes it "true." As angry as I was that it took this to get it through his THICK head, at least it eventually did and now he remembers to give all the medications and if he should forget, he will at least listen to me and not be argumentative about it.
Good luck.

Ask him if he would like to see his son in an ambulance all balled up like a cripple not being able to breath, his eyes rolling up into his head, hands so cramped from hypervenalating and not being able to catch that onoe breath, not knowing who is around and who is not. My ex thought the same way until he saw our daughter like that in the back of an ambulance moaning...asthma does funny things to children when it is not taken care of. You should have him talk to your pedatrician or do some reasearch on line, asthma KILLS..belive it or not, I was kinda the same what when we found out about our daughter, but my mother has sever asthma and has almost lost her life twice, so I talked to my daughter's doctor, read the liturature, did online searches and read all I could to understand it. Maybe if he did that, he might understand it more...maybe not. I hate to think that seeing his son the way my ex saw our daughter is what it would take for him to understand it.

Hi L.,
mY name IS kELLY AND I WORK IN PEDIATRICS AND WE SEE ALOT OF KIDS WITH ASTHMA AND IT ISN'T PRETTY WHEN THEY COME IN SICK AS A DOG WITH THEIR ASTHMA ACTING UP. YOU SHOULD GET YOUR HUSBAND TO TALK WITH YOUR PEDIATRICIAN AND TO AMKE HIM UNDERSTAND HOW IMPORTANT IT IS FOR HIM TO HAVE MEDICATION AT THE GIVEN TIME. YOU CAN ALSO PULL INFORMATION OFF THE INTERNET ON ASTHMA. I HOPE ALL WORKS OUT FOR YOU.
KELLY

HI Lexi so sorry to hear you are having such a hard time getting support. My 14 yo son has astma and allergies just as i do. Most people in general don't get it. I wish i could tell you what to say to get his support.
as a side note are you interersted in maybe doing a playgroup? That is if you have no pets. We have asthmatic episodes around them. anyways i could be a great support. I have two daughters 18 mos and 6 weeks. I live in Nashua. Let me know what you think.
L.

L.,
Kelly's right. Your husband has to get in there and have a consultation with your son's pediatrician. This is probably the best way to make your husband understand your son's medical situation. The hardest thing for any man is to accept that he has a child with a medical illness for which there is no 'miracle' cure. Good luck.

My recommendation would be to turn the situation around. Be pro-active rather than re-active. I have a severely allergic child, when he was having recurring asthma attacks, I looked into what might be the cause. It was so empowering to find out that we didn't have to always be on the receiving end of these fits. In our case, it was food allergies. Perhaps if your husband could be convinced that it's not a hopeless situation, he might be more helpful. Best Regards...

L., I was a child with asthma. Your husband needs to be told what it feels like to have an attack and have no medicine. It's SCARY. It's PAINFUL and when you're a child, you rely on your parents to protect you and help you through it. It feels like an elephant sat on your chest and you just can't breath. It's up to him to relieve that if you can't. It's not in your head and if he can't understand that, maybe he can understand this. If your son doesn't get his medication, HE CAN DIE. That's it, no do-overs. Tell him to toughen up and deal with it. It's a real sickness and it's probably not going to go away anytime soon. I'm sorry if this sounds harsh, but you've got to be your son's advocate. If you don't.... who will?

Best wishes for you and your kids,
A.