How Do I Get My Husband to Agree

You are so funny with your description of your hubby!

I am not sure how to convince him but would your school have an intermediate program? My brother went to one that was between Kindergarten and 1st grade - might be something your husband would feel more comfortable with. Another option is going to a private school for a year of kindergarten, some churches offer it. That would make it easier on your son as well so he could just take a year break from his school and then start again with a new set of peers who wouldn't know his circumstances so he wouldn't feel embarassed. There is no reason to feel embarassed but I know that daddys and little boys have a hard time with that.

Just some suggestions, good luck!
A.

If your son feels he can't keep up with other kids in the class, he might be "acting out" to make up for embarrassment. Maybe by stressing to your husband that at this age, your child is too young to understand "failing" a grade will help. If your son needs to be held back in a later grade, he WILL understand, and it can be very emotionally difficult. Holding him back NOW might help him catch up to his peers, then he'll really shine in future learning. It could be great for his self-esteem! Good luck!

You need to ask the school a few questions first. Did he fail kinder because he is not able to sit still, or can he really not do the work others are doing?
Such as
1. Count to at least 20 (with no help)
2. Recognize and name all of the letters as well as their sound
3. read some words and short sentences
You can get a more detailed list from the school and even informally evaluate him at home. Be realistic don't prod, help or keep redirecting him. Many times children can do more one on one because a parent coaches them so much which ultimately taints the true ability of the child.
If your son appears behind his peers to a great extent, show that to your husband. Have him ask the questions. Have him work with your son. If possible have your husband go to summer school and observe your son with his peers. Many parents become so accustom to our child we have a skewed sense of what age appropriate is. When he sees what others can do compared to your son, it might change his mind.
Finally, as you know only one parent signature is required to sign for retention. I am not telling you to disregard your husband but which is more important, him being in charge or your son getting what he needs. After kindergarten school only gets harder. Getting the basic building blocks is so important to better reading and math skills later.
L.
Mom of 2yr. old and Special Ed teacher 12 years.

Hi L.,

Do you know why your husband does not want your son to repeat a year? Maybe there is a specialist who can talk with him about how it could help your son. Or another father who may have gone through this, too? I agree with PP that another school would make it easier on your son, and maybe for Daddy, too.

Good Luck!!
A.

I have a 7 year old daughter with ADHD and another medical condition which causes a communication disorder. Her first year in kindergarten was very stressful for the teacher and distracting to the other students. Instead of completing Kindergarten she went back to a preschool program for children with disabilities to complete the year and then did kindergarten again the next year. By that time she was on medication and the difference was night and day. Do you have a good pediatric neurologist who can recommend a medication or are you just seeing a regular pediatrician.

I used to be concerned about the medication thing, but once I was educated on what causes ADHD and how it relates to a child who is diabetic, it made more sense to me.

You see, our neurologist explained that a child (or adult) with ADHD doesn't produce enough of a certain chemical in the brain that stimulates movement like caffiene, causing the body to self-stimulate with a higher-than-average level of activity. Medications like Ridalin and others replace that chemical, allowing the body to recognize it as a natural stimulant and the body therefore does not try to overcompensate, allowing for more focus.

True, many parents are very causious about giving their child any medications. But, we very rarely hesitate to medicate when they have a fever, or when they have a cold and can't breath. ADHD is often compared to a child with diabetes. Although ADHD is not life-threatening like diabetes, a diabetic child is missing the right amount of insulin to break down sugars and require artificial insulin replacement in order to stay healthy. Same thing for ADHD. Ridalin and other medications simply replace what the body is missing to stay healthy. There are some side effects, as there are with insulin. Type 2 diabetes can be controlled with diet and maybe there's a type 2 ADHD, but my child doesn't have it.

She's just completed 1st grade, is reading at a level greater than some other kids in her grade and is on the "B" honor roll. There have been days when we ran out of medication and couldn't get a refill quickly enough and she had to go a few days at school on nothing but room air. The teachers said the difference was night and day. My daughter is on a medication called Focalin. We tried Ridalin for awhile but it didn't work as well as the Focalin.

Good luck!

L.,

I think you are both right not to medicate yet, if ever. As a former teacher and school counselor, I know that many schools pressure parents to medicate, but there is a lot of good research out there to make you think twice! One good resource is www.mercola.com.

Also, many boys are mistakenly ID'd as ADHD. Boys have MUCH energy and traditional school is often not the best oriented to how boys learn. I think you are very smart to question how summer school will actually "catch him up." It is often truly in the child's best interest to repeat a grade, especially this early. I just encourage you to seek out professional advice from a licensed counselor not affiliated with schools; perhaps one who is supportive of treating ADHD naturally (again, I think it is too early to diagnose him!), and see what other options you might have. I know private school is often too expensive, but you might check into it. A Montessori situation might be good for him. There are lots of avenues...just do lots of internet reading and ask your husband to do so with an open mind. Not to sound like I live in LaLa Land! - but if the two of you can stay objective and able to listen to and learn from each other, you will find the answers. Bottom line is, you both obviously love your children and care very much about them, or you wouldn't be looking past the "easy" solutions! I wish you the best of luck...just remember that all of this - life, children, learning - is an ongoing process with few black and white answers or solutions.

S.