How Do I Get My 4 Year Old Son with ODD and ADHD to Stay in Bed? He Has to Sleep

Why would you deprive your child of medication? These are real medical conditions. His mind is literally "racing" 24 hours a day and he can't slow it down to sleep. Without sleep, your body shuts down because you NEED to rest.

You want him to sleep? Speak with your doctor about medications. This makes me crazy. My guess is that your doctor is letting you know that you need to do something ASAP or you are making a choice to put your son at risk.

Medications are not "evil". Call the pediatrician back and ask about a sleeping medication that will allow your child to experience some peace.

A lot of times kids with ADHD simply lack the ability to shut down. My two younger kids had to take clonidine to fall asleep.

I understand not medicating a child as young as four but I am hoping you are not planning on handicapping him for the rest of his life. I grew up an unmedicated kid with ADHD, I can assure you it is hell and it is a pointless hell. My kids have always been medicated in school and they flourished.

Your child is only four, so I can understand not medicating. But when he gets to school, you may find that it is necessary. I too fought medicating my son, until he was in second grade. That is when we realized that he was not going to be successful without it and that just wasn't fair. It made a world of difference, and he's almost 17 now.

However, he does need to sleep. I would definitely try creating a calming routine to settle him before bed. Bath, snuggling, book, music, etc. My oldest had a hard time going to sleep. We bought a set of audio tapes of fairy tale stories and she would lay in bed and listen to them. It worked really well. If that doesn't do it, then try Melatonin or another natural sleep aid. If that doesn't do it, then you may need a Rx for a sleep aid.

He really needs to rest and sleep. His behavior will improve the more he is rested. Good luck.

Hi there - I first want to say, which you likely already know, with lack of sleep the symptoms of the disorders get worse. Lack of sleep will make him more hyper, less focused, and more oppositional. So, I know you mention no medication, however, if it is interfering to the point he's not getting sleep regularly you may need to reconsider your thoughts on medication. Or - if you are open to this - try melatonin.....try the smallest dose and see how it works. There is a lemon flavored liquid option that is available at CVS.

there is a med called melatonin. it is natural not chemical. give him one of those about an hour before bedtime. he will pass out. My son is adhd. of the charts. that is what we started with. pm me if you want more info on the stuff we had to do.

I too don't agree with all the medicating, but I also believe that there is a time and a place. If your little guy is that sleep deprived, perhaps this is the time. I do not have any disorders and I hate trying to go to sleep at night. I lay there and think and think about things. So, perhaps having a talk with your doctor may be helpful. Medication does not have to be forever.

On a non medication token my son was getting up a lot b/c he he was being a stinker, not b/c of a condition. So, I gave him tickets and he was only allowed to get up 3 times which he had to provide a ticket for. It really helped and now we don't need them anymore.

In your case we don't have enough information to know if this is a physical or behavioral problem since we don't know your routine, etc. But please try some different things so he can get some sleep. Best of luck!!

My son responds well to melatonin -we mix two liquid drops with a couple spoons of applesauce. He eats that as part of his bedtime ritual, prior to his nightly warm shower and teeth brushing. We were resistent to medications for his ADHD after we confirmed his diagnosis, but I'm glad we tried it b/c it
made a big difference for him.

I'd recommend that you try to educate yourself about meds so that at least by the time he starts school you are at least fully aware of the options. Do not deprive him of something that could be medically necessary out of some kind of misplaced fear or lack of information.

No amount of "willpower" or even consequences and rewards will make him behave differently if his brain is unable to make the connection between request and execution. His body is having uncontrollable impulses, his mind is constantly racing, and he is trying to cope with all this nearly every minute of his waking day. He may become incredibly frustrated and feel like he's stupid, which would be a terrible way to go through life. This will lead to all kinds of social and emotional issues later on. In any case, I'm sure you don't want him to be incapable of living up to his fullest potential.

Maybe start with the melatonin for now, but do consider the rest of what I said. For his sake and yours. Best wishes.

This is a very frustrating situation to deal with as you could loose your son. Here is some advice.

1. Set a bedtime earlier so the power struggles can be dealt with during the extra time.
2. "You wish you could play some more. You love to play." (He is saying yes!) Then set the limit. "But now it's time for bed." Assure him he will complete the desired. "You can play some more tomorrow,"
3. Have a calming bedtime routine so he can wind down. Have a bedtime story.
4. Have special time with him every day.
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4. As he makes progress, you can gradually set bedtime a little later.
5. Have a picture schedule that you guys can always refer to.

Good luck.

Oh this is so hard. My son is 6 and has anxiety disorder and ADHD and ODD. I totally understand what you are going through. I'm sure plenty of moms are going to tell you that you just need to be firmer or you need to have rules, but it's very difficult to use "normal" parenting strategies with a child who has ADHD. Here is what has worked for my son:
Children with ADHD usually don't transition well so you must prepare them for much longer. Your son may need a 2 hour wind down before going to bed. Establish a routine that you will follow every night. It won't be successful at first, but just keep doing it. Our routine is that we switch TV programs to be calming and soothing (my son calls them baby shows, but he still likes them). I tell him consistently throughout the show that at the end will be bath time. Then we do bath time with plenty of play time in the bath. Then I set a timer in the bathroom for 10 minutes left. When the timer rings, bath is over. Then lotion, powder (all soothing) and cozy pajamas (be sure to figure out what pajamas he likes and get them, try different options), then we lay in bed and I read some books that he picks. Then lights out. He has always wanted me to stay with him until he falls asleep and so I do that. It use to take up to an hour for him to get to sleep. He would get up and I would put him back in bed, up and back, up and back. Close the door to the room so he cannot wander. No toys, no lights coming on. Sometimes I would sing to him to help him fall asleep, sometimes I would sing for 30 minutes or more. Make sure he doesn't sleep too late in the morning. Wake him up early and don't let him take naps.
I promise if you keep at it, things will get better. I really honestly thought I would not make it through my sons 3s and 4s and some of the 5s. It was so hard. And you feel so alone and so ashamed because it feels like you cannot parent your child. But it will get better. And try to remember that he is not doing this on purpose. He is out of control of his behavior is suffering as much as you are.
You can consider getting parent training through a psychologist.
Good luck!

You don't mention what your bedtime routine is. If the routine involves him playing video games or watching tv until the very last second, then that is part of the problem.

For us, when we turn the tv off about an hour before bedtime, or even at dinner time and don't turn it back on, the the kids usually settle down for bed faster then when we let them watch tv until the last second.

For my kids, I try not to be too picky on where they sleep just as long as they sleep. If she falls asleep in her bed or on a comforter on the floor, as long as she is in her room, I don't worry. I do NOT let them sleep in a recliner as we had a child family member die sleeping in a recliner with a parent.

Melatonin. Natural sleep aid hormone...only need a third of a tablet is needed.

Also make sure no TV/computer after dinner. No caffeine, sugar, artificial dyes.

Read back on one of my recent old response about weighted blankets and also about doing deep pressure work when the child is settling down for bed.