How Do I Get My 14-Month-old to Sleep by Herself Through the Night?

Updated on January 09, 2009
R.F. asks from Kansas City, MO
6 answers

We were almost getting her to sleep through the night when we went on vacation for 2 weeks (she was 9 months then). She had to sleep on the same bed as us, and ever since we got back, she refuses to go to sleep by herself! We have been in the process of moving, and finally got ourselves set up, but we are living in a large studio apartment. This makes it difficult to just walk away and let her "cry it out". I've tried letting her cry, but she will cry for so long and upset herself so much that I have to pick her up. I've tried to rock her and sing to her, but as soon as she feels her crib she's up and screaming. My husband works nights, so it's a little difficult to do this. At this point, I am willing to try anything! Thank you so much for your help!

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S.H.

answers from St. Louis on

transitions take a toll on little ones....give her time & life should settle down again. Try to encourage her innate ability to "self-soothe" through use of a favorite blankie, toy, or pacifier. For my daycare, I always have a fav blankie & soft music going nonstop during sleep time. I do not watch TV while sleep time is going down, instead I use the music choice channels to keep the mood soft or use a portable cd player by the porta-cribs. It truly does help!

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R.C.

answers from Wichita on

Why not just let her sleep in the bed with you? Sounds like she needs to feel more secure right now, so being right by you is what she wants.

I've been co-sleeping for 4 years now. It's true that there are adjustments to make, and the process of moving from the family bed to the kid bed is gradual and takes time. But you didn't think you'd parent without making adjustments in your lifestyle, did you?

I look at it this way. There is no stage that a child doesn't grow out of naturally. We can get in the way, or enjoy encouraging our children's development with compassion. There are lots of people who co-sleep, but I don't know anyone whose kid is still sleeping in their parents' bed as a teen. Eventually they will want their own space, whether you push them away early or just let them go when they feel ready. Dr. Sears says that when you meet a need, it goes away. When you don't meet a need, it persists, or turns into a problem.

Some good articles on so-sleeping:
http://www.naturalchild.org/articles/sleeping.html
hth, R.

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M.E.

answers from Kansas City on

Dr. Sears baby sleep book is full of great advice.

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B.C.

answers from Joplin on

I Know how hard it can be, I was a single mom with my oldest son and I hate to admit this but he was in bed with me for almost a solid 3 years, it was so hard to get him in his own bed that I Vowed Never to let my kids sleep with me again. There are benefits to co -sleeping, ity just wasn't something I wanted to do. I know it is hard, but the best thing you can do for the sake of your sanity and your child, is be tough and go with the crying it out method...it Only gets harder as they get older. I rarely lay kids down after they are asleep, I wait until they are starting to get tired, lay them down and walk away...a good bedtime routine helps, such as a bath before, then they even make a lotion that has lavender and chamomile that is very soothing that you can give baby a massage with, and then a book or lullabye from mom and off to slumberland.
Good luck, stay strong = )
B.

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K.G.

answers from St. Louis on

We moved several times while my son was learning to sleep by himself, so I understand. The cool thing is, once she is able to fall asleep by herself in a new place, it will be easier to travel in the future!
Try letting her cry for about 10 minutes. Go to her, pat her, but don't pick her up. Then if she is still fussing about 10 minutes later, do it again. Continue this, making the intervals slowly longer, until you go to her about every 20 minutes. It will take a few nights (maybe even up to a week), but it really is worth it.

C.B.

answers from Kansas City on

girl it sounds like you've had an exciting couple of months. well on the plus side at least hubby isn't home to lose sleep over little girl crying at night lol. since it's just the two of you (my husband worked nights when my son was small too), you can take advantage of that and get her sleeping at night on your own. you can totally do it! you don't have to just let her scream and scream, but you can start small by leaving her in her own bed and when she cries, go and comfort her, without getting her up. if you feel like you have to give in and get her up, just try to make it longer and longer before you do that, each time. maybe place her bed next to yours at first, then move it farther away. everyone has their own opinions about co-sleeping, but i have to be honest, mine is against it. i know lots of moms who have done it, and eventually, they all wish they had their bed back. so if that's what you want, i would absolutely encourage you to be strong now, because it'll be a lot easier than dealing with a screaming three-year old who will NOT stay where you put her! also, keep in mind, it's been a very disruptive time for your little girl, so it's not that she's refusing to sleep in her bed out of being spoiled, she's just had some huge upheavals. vacations at that age, and moving especially, can be more scary than exciting to little ones. it's confusing to them and they don't understand that everything is okay, when their whole little worlds are so different. (we moved two weeks ago and my two year old still asks to "go home") with kiddos, it's all about the routine. get her into the habit of sleeping in her own bed (maybe introduce a new lovey, if she likes blankets or stuffed animals, that "stays in this bed", to encourage her to sleep there) now and keep her in that habit as much as you can. you'll be so proud of her and yourself! good luck!

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