How Do I Encourage My Daughter to Participate?

Back off everything. She is young. I would not sign her up for anything. There is plenty of time for dancing, gymnastics etc. You have to say no.

She's so little! Swimming lessons are a good idea. I made mine do them from when they were babies, whether they wanted to do it or not. Otherwise, I would look for something that you could do with her, such as a Mainly Music group.

I personally would not bother with other lessons at least until she's at school.

She's simply too young to commit to anything, and forcing her at this age will only make things worse.
Personally I would only sign her up for individual classes, or very short term commitment/low cost stuff.
Longer term, higher commitment activities are more appropriate for 7/8 year olds, who are beginning to have an understanding of expense and follow through.
Personally I hate all these structured classes for 3 and 4 year olds, most of them simply want to play and experiment at this age, not go to an actual class every week.
Do they have an "open gym" type thing she could participate in? Our gymnastics center had that and the little kids loved it! You only paid for the time you went, they got to use all the stuff, trapeze, low beam, ropes, foam pit, etc. fully supervised but no lessons or instruction, just free play. That's PERFECT for that age group.

Other than swimming lessons (which are truly important), the rest of it can wait until she is quite a bit older. The first organized activity (other than daycare/preschool) that we signed my son up for was flag football last year. He was 8. Kids now have so little time for the unstructured childhood I grew up with. I think it is generally sad.

I probably wouldn't sign her up for anything for a little while. Three is a little young for the follow it through lesson.

I suggest that at 3 and 4 a child may not be mature enough to make a commitment to an ongoing class. Their attention span is too short which affects their interest level. I suspect that children that age that stick with it are able to do so for reasons other than just interest. Perhaps they want to please mom or feel a connection with the instructor or other children or reasons unrelated to commitment.

When I consider the number of 3-4 yos in organized classes it's really a small number.

What our dance teacher tells parents is to bring the kid then leave.

If a parent is in the room the child is confused, they don't see the teacher as their authority figure in the classroom so they don't mind them or listen to them.

So if you are staying at the studio please drop your child off then walk out the door.

The teacher needs for that child to realize there is someone else telling them what to do, it also can take several lessons like this until kiddo gets to accepting the teacher and acting better.

I have seen parents who won't leave sit almost right on the tap floor and yell at their kid to mind the teacher. They distract the whole class so much that all the kids end up not learning anything.

So try taking her to the class then leave, see what happens, ask the teacher after class how she did. If they say she didn't do anything or didn't participate you need to find a different place. Sometimes kids have an off day, don't we all? But if the kiddo is consistently not participating then take them until the part you've paid for is over then drop that class.

ALL Parents, YOU are hindering the learning process if you're sitting there bossing your kid around during class, practice, or anything. The teacher, coach, leader all need for that kid to get to that point where they understand you are not there and they are not minding you. They are listening and minding to the other adult.

Your post is a bit confusing. Is it the six year old or the three year old who is doing classes for only a few times and then stopping?? It seems to me that you mean the younger girl is the one you sign up and she tires of things -- this answer is based on that assumption:

Just do not sign your younger child up for anything that is longer than ONE session. She can do a one-time library story time one week, go swimming with you and her sister as a family another week (not a lesson, a fun swim), stay home and help you bake something another week. She has more than proven that she is too young for ongoing classes -- listen to what her behavior is telling you. She's not her sister and shouldn't have the same privileges of doing activities; those privileges come with age and maturity she doesn't have yet.

She sees her older sister doing classes and it seems like fun, but little sister is simply far too young; bear in mind that older sister is literally twice the age of younger sister, and there is a huge difference between three (even if she's "nearly 4") and six years old in terms of maturity and stamina and the ability to focus and anticipate the future -- even the ability to anticipate next week.

When your younger child begs to do ANYthing, now is the time to learn to just say no with a big smile and then distract her instantly. "Mommy, I waaaannnnnt to do gymnastics! Please!" ...."No, we're not. OK, time to head out to the library! Do you want to see if they have the new Dora book?" or whatever. You must tune her out and not cave on this or she will burn out on everything. Wait.

And be sure that your older girl does not feel that little sister is holding her back, or is always lingering around older sister's activities. If little sister is frequently or always a "tag-along," sitting with you and waiting and watching while your older girl is in this or that activity, take your younger daughter somewhere else while your older child is in class. It gives you alone time with your younger child; it reduces the chances she'll whine for an activity of her own in order to copy or emulate her sister; and it lets your older girl mature and get used to doing things on her own and being dropped off (if it's permitted by that class).

she's so tiny. for you it's 'quitting' if she doesn't love it and gives up after a few tries. but for her it's an endless stretch of time.
i'm always sad when parents force kids to participate in activities they turned out not to like. the reason is usually given as 'they've got to learn to follow through' but i suspect it's more your honest 'i paid for the damn thing.'
don't sign tiny kids up for expensive activities. 3 year olds can dance and swim and do tae kwon do and ride ponies in small, fun increments without the commitment of time and money. let her sample activities before you commit her.
khairete
S.

Take a break from it all for now - for maybe a year or two.
It sounds like she's jerking your chain.
Next time she begs and pleads for a class - make it plain that you've been down this road before and you are NOT paying for a whole season if she's only going to go to a few classes and then quit.
If you sign her up for anything - she needs to see it though - and if she gives you a hard time and switches again - then you are not believing her next begging session for 6 months to a year.
You know - 6 is a perfectly good age for some unstructured play time at a play ground - she doesn't HAVE to be scheduled for any sort of activity.

She's too young. unless you dont care about the money.....

It's very typical at this age for kids to want-want-want but then find that the discipline and the routine are just beyond them. I'm not sure there's a ton of benefit to structured activities and classes (dance, gym, sports, art, anything) at this age.

Why can't they do more of those things through regular play? They can go to a once a week story hour or a gymboree type program that isn't every single day. They can play in the yard, make up dance "routines" to music you put on the iPod or the CD player, they can dance to a kiddie video you rent at the library, they can do some fun crafts if you just get a bin of supplies from the leftovers of other people (yard sales are great), they can play dress up and school and princess and fantasy whatever with your outj-of-style clothes or things from the thrift shop. These activities exercise their minds, imaginations and muscles just as much as programs you pay for.

We see so many parents on Mamapedia talking about 7 and 9 and 12 year olds who don't want to finish out a program that was signed up for. I think parents spend so much money on things the kids seems to want but then they change their minds or the program is too competitive. We've lost the ability or willingness to have backyard play, creative fun, at-home birthday parties without a ton of programming, pick-up kickball games in the neighborhood, and much more. And we have tons of kids who can't think independently because they've been over-scheduled and out-competed.

So you don't keep a 4 or a 6 year old going when they want to quit. You just don't sign them up for anything. You get creative in some other ways and you make it fun fun fun. When they're sick of it, you move on. If you have a few supply bins with materials for different types of activities, great. If you want to have a general plan of arts & crafts at 10 a.m. and sports at 2 p.m. because you think some structure is good, that's up to you. Meantime, set up some play dates and let the kids have fun without a structured program. You don't have to say "I'm not signing you up because you wouldn't go" - you just say "we're doing gymnastics at home."

Good luck!

Pretty soon your kids will be in school (probably the 6 year old is, but the nearly-4 will be too), and there will be homework and school responsibilities and school schedules and the need to get rest and get up early and all the stuff that goes along with the school year.

If you don't establish some kind of boundaries now, you'll be going crazy and your kids will be stretched too thin with a dizzying array of unlimited class and activity options that they can choose from at will. Kids can ask for the moon. They hear another kid say "______ class" and in their little minds it sounds awesome. They're not thinking about lesson schedules, practices, rehearsals, fees, uniforms, costs, commitment, etc. And they shouldn't, at that age. They're not capable yet. That's why the parents need to establish the rules early on.

The 3 year old is really too young for much beyond swimming safety lessons or some kind of fun free movement activity group play thing.

Wanting to "do everything" doesn't mean you get to do everything. Allow your older daughter to choose one activity, or one class, such as dance, and one social group (like Girl Scouts) at a time. And teach her that she has to put in a required amount of time (and mark it on a calendar), like 3 months, or for the time that you have paid for, or one school term (till the report card arrives). Then you will have established a precedent for her younger sister. Both kids will learn that they have to commit, have to choose carefully, have to have limits, and can't flit willy-nilly between classes and lessons and teams.

There's nothing wrong with telling your younger child that she has to wait until she's 5.

And if your older daughter has a limited class or lesson schedule, you'll just be going to one event, like one dance class, or one gymnastics class, and it won't seem so draining.

I would tell her no, that she has to wait until she's 5 unless you can find shorter programs or programs that have a variety of activities. One program my oldest did when she was three focused on a different sport every week so the kids wouldn't get bored.

My 3-year-old wouldn't do well in any activity. She is a bit immature and not even potty-trained. This summer I signed her up for full-day preschool (diapers accepted) but her class works on training, so that's good. Then I use some of that time to take my older kids (4, 6 and 7) to their activities.

I squeeze in as much as we can. Saturday alone we have 5 activities!

We hate being at home. We like to stay busy. But I won't drag the 3 YO with me; hence the preschool. When she is older she can do some activities. The preschool actually has music class on-site, which is nice.

My little sister was this way. I think she just wanted to be "a big girl" and do the things big girls did. Music lessons, Dance, Girl Scouts, Camp, Cheerleader. Finally in about 4th grade she was really into gymnastics.

But she only did that for 2 years. In High School it was Soccer and she did stay on that team for the 4 years. (I had never played soccer, interesting that she stuck with this one)

But at this age she could not follow through. Give her a few years and then sign her up for the lessons.

Just tell her the classes are all filled up.

Why don't you try a gym class at the y for moms and kids and do it together for fun. No need to spend big bucks for such a little one.

Hi Mama:

Your sentence: "it would be nice for me because she could take a class the same time as big sis and I wouldn't have to try to keep her busy in the little waiting room during big sis's class."

It is your job to keep your child busy. It is your job to parent your child to teach her how to occupy her time constructively.

Your job is to teach your child to take "NO" for an answer. She needs to learn how to self-soothe when she can't get her way. Do you get your way? You are writing us because of the expense of letting someone else entertain your child and you can't afford it.

Learn to say "NO." God's work is absolute. He doesn't mind telling you "NO." You are standing in the place of God. Teach your children respect for your word.

Good luck.
D.