I've been dating my bf for a couple of months now. He is very serious, and wants me to be close to the kids. I do not like his 4 year old at all. He is coddled, catered to and acts like he is 2 when things don't go his way. The mother never disciplines so I just don't want them at my house. When they are over, my dog and daughter have to sit in a room with no TV because his kids are in the living room watching what they want. My daughter is 15. The ex is always making up a reason to talk to my boyfriend daily. She wants to bathe the kids at his house when picking them up or he has to discipline them when they act up during the exchange, or she picks a fight with him. Exchanging the kids can take up to an hour at times! Am I wrong that my bf should be the one to put her in her place? he says she won't understand and I might have to be the one to tell her. WHAT???? Other than these two issues, he is respectful, attentive, and good to me. Should I leave? Because PS I am unhappy with the frequency of sex between us and it really isn't all that great anyway. Help
Thank you everyone. You all are confirming what I feel I need to do. I have asked him not to involve his kids so heavily and he took it as I didn't accept them. He told me if I can't accept his children, he can't be with me. I get that, but I tried to explain, it's just too soon. He claims he is involving them because he wants long term, serious relationship. And the thing about the kids and tv is that if there aren't cartoons on the kids will not sit and will act up and it burns me up because he expects a 4 year old to sit and watch tv all weekend. I am actually the one that says " let's take them outside to play". But you're all right. Different parenting styles (my kids never acted the way his do), different sexual needs and he is moving WAY too fast. Thank you. I will talk to him tonight. I just hate to break his heart because he is genuinely crazy about me and my daughter actually likes and respects him. :(
A couple of months...yea, it sounds perfect. Break it off and find someone more suitable. You will pull your hair out when they want to spend time together during the holidays.
Here's how I would address these issues. I see a few from what you've written here.
Your house - your rules. "You can watch a show, then it's my daughter's turn".
It would be great if your boyfriend handled that (you can ask him if he'd prefer to handle it) but it's your house, you set the tone/rules. Same with anything else he does you don't like. I always wait for parents to handle themselves, but if they don't I just say "Here we don't have cookies before dinner" for example.
The whole ex thing at his house - that has nothing to do with you. That's on him. I would not personally get involved in that whatsoever. Not your circus ....
However, I will say - it is a huge red flag. For that reason alone, I would not get involved any further. For me personally, I would end the relationship. It's not going to get any better from sounds of it. Him asking you to get involved is weirdest thing I've ever heard. Drama.
And if the sex sucks ... need I add more?
Do yourself a favor and be kind to yourself. Move on. You deserve more. So does your daughter.
You don't sound happy at all in this relationship. Walk away for your sake and for the kids' sake.
RUN Fast as you can. If he can't stand up to her now he never will and it's not your place to do it.
I hope this is a troll post.
This sounds like a train wreck. You barely know the guy, have a horrible attitude towards his kid, he has no boundaries with his ex, and you're both being selfish and immature by moving too quickly regarding involving your kids in this relationship. End it.
Next time, date a guy for *at least* 6 months before you meet his kids or he meets yours. Yes really, six months. There is no need for your daughter - or the children of anyone you date - to be involved in your dating life until you are certain that the person you are dating will be around for the long term. Not every boyfriend is a keeper - have all the fun you want dating, be choosy, but keep it private and separate from your kids. If you date someone who doesn't respect that rule and follow it himself, then he is also being selfish and immature by dragging his kids into his private life.
If youre not so much into him then its not worth the effort to talk about it. His ex will always be a headache.
Yes you should leave him.
Yep, you should definitely leave.
You have to see your boyfriend for how he is at all times, not just whether he's "good" to you. If "good" and "respectful" are defined as letting his kids watch your TV when they are over at your house while your own daughter sits elsewhere (although you could consider being good hosts and making the guests feel welcome), if he is telling YOU to get involved with his ex-wife (a HUGE no-no), and if he can't manage coparenting with his ex without being manipulated into keeping her at his house while she fights or bathes the kids, then he's not such a good match for you and not the sort of person you want around your daughter.
You're not compatible with him as a parent (totally different disciplinary styles), as an adult (he can't stand up for himself), or as a sexual partner. So what's keeping you with this guy?
He’s not the one, move on.
Your boyfriend and his kid(s) are a package deal.
He will be raising/co-parenting his son for at least 14 more years.
He and his ex have co-parenting issues and boundary issues that they need to work on and will be hammering out for years to come.
It's not a side show that would entertain me for any length of time.
Just accept that this isn't a good match for you and move on.
Run now before you invest anymore time or emotion.
It seems like you are looking for us to confirm what your gut is telling you, namely that this relationship isn't going to work out long-term and you should get out now.
Re-read what Diane B. and J.B. wrote, and act on it.
