How Do I Deal with a Shy/mean 5 Year Old?

he's only 4, I would give him a break for a few years. Usually kids grow out of that behavior. I recall being VERY shy as a child and I would get almost physically ill and practically shake when I had to talk to people I didn't know. By first grade I was fine.
The kicking and biting have to be dealt with, but you should probably avoid situations that are problematic for now. As far as haircuts, dentist, doctors, you should start preparing him weeks in advance. Let him know what to expect and what he has to do. Give him a reward and let him know he will get a reward if all goes well. I think the reaction is because he's dealing with the unknown and he's scared.

I have a very shy 4 year old. He has a tantrum at doctor appointments, haircuts, and dental appointments. He hides when strangers say hello to him. He gets anxious when entering a crowded place. He screamed when our family sang Happy Birthday to him at his 3rd birthday party and at family gatherings he will find a quiet room to play in. I am lucky to have 5 children so he gets a lot of socialization from his brothers and sisters. He is a classic introvert. I "get through" the necessary appointments and I plan activites that I know he will enjoy but won't overwhelm him. My advice would be to read some books about introverts. It will help you understand your child, enjoy him and help him be successful. There are so many positive traits introverts have. My 4 year old is the sweetest boy and has has a tremendous imagination. Keep your focus on the positive and try to be patient.
T. Y
SAHM of 5
(13, 12, 6, 4, & 2)

I just wondered if he does this to his father also?

Please consider taking some parenting classes. He's not even 4 yet and he's out of control. I know all about it because I have one too. He's 7 now and we routinely have to pick him up and carry him out kicking and screaming.

Parenting classes have really helped us to be consistent. The more he sees that he's bothering you the more he's going to continue.

I also suggest you have someone else take him for his appointments you can't get out of. Have dad take him for a hair cut or a friend. They know how he acts. They know going in what is likely to happen. Make sure they respond differently.

It often leads to different results when we change it up. If hubby takes our kiddo to Walmart they could easily be a small explosion. When I take kiddo to Walmart I go in with a plan, he has an electronic device with only games he can easily play, no stress.

Hubby takes him for hair cuts, I hate it and the stress gets kiddo going.

You might want to talk to a psychologist. I woukd want tp get this under control before kinder.

Start giving him practice by letting him do things he wants to do. Ie. ask him if he wants a hot fudge Sunday. When he says yes, take him to McDonald's and make him order it. If he doesn't order he doesn't get it. It may sound mean but I did this with each of my girls and it only took them that one time to learn that lesson. Also, have him answer the phone when it rings. Have him tell the dentist or doctors office staff that he is there for his appointment. If he wants a toy or book etc...have him call the store to confirm it is there before you make the trip. Once you get there have him ask an employee what isle the toy is in etc. Practice, practice, practice.

My girls were quiet by nature but you would never know that today. They both take on leadership roles in their activities and are very friendly and outgoing.

Does he go to preschool or daycare? If yes, talk to his teachers, if no, look into parenting classes in your community. Sounds like you need help.

I'm sorry you are dealing with this. It really sounds like he is very anxious/fearful of certain situations. When you and he are both calm and safe, talk to him about alternative ways that he can react when he feels that feeling. See if you can get him to come up with ideas himself. You could even try to "role play" to practice the new strategy. Then remind, reinforce the new behavior with him. If he feels that uncomfortable and anxious he might not be able to react in a more calm way and just lashes out instead.