How Do I Address Certain Behaviors with My Grandson?

I agree with Diane. Some can be just typical 2 year old behavior (being disagreeable and testing his limits with his behavior) but I would think he's just reacting to the upsets in his life.

Is anyone talking to him, and explaining what's going on? Listening to him? Quiet time?

I was ill for a long while and my kids really reacted. One quite badly. A lot of one on one time was required - just laying on the floor, playing Lego, or reading. Sometimes just walks. Does he just spend time with his mom without anyone around? (without baby?). He may be very needy at this point - emotionally.

As for the food - throwing it and such, some of that is typical (a phase) also.

You just put out only so much at a time. If you're giving little pieces of a sandwich for example, you could do one corner of a sandwich at a time. When he's done that piece, and he's a good boy, and he wants another - he can ask nicely, you hand him the next piece. You don't want to make it a reward exactly, but reward good behavior by responding. Ignore inappropriate behavior.

Spitting, pulling hair, etc. you just calmly remove him and put him in another room where he's safe, and say "When you can behave and be kind, you may join me and we will play (lego, playdough .. whatever fun thing that he would like to do) so he gets that he cannot join you unless he behaves.

I never removed stuff like toys. I just made it CLEAR that they were not to join in unless they were well behaved. That worked far better for me.

I hope your daughter recovers soon. How terrible. How nice that you are helping out!

I hope your daughter continues to recover well.

Concerning your grandson, I think he may be asking for two things: the first is that he may be asking you to let him safely and within boundaries to be a two year old, and the second is that he may be asking for structure, routine, and security.

A two year old finds out rather quickly that those hands can hit and pull hair, and that water creates a slippery mess, and that cups make a delightful sound when bouncing off the kitchen floor, and that adults react with anything from amusement to dismay to horror. So it's important to find the safe things to throw (balls, outside) and safe water to play with (a toddler play pool that is safely supervised, or a water table, or the sprinkler on the lawn). And he needs consequences that are reasonable and logical. If he drains the water dispenser he doesn't get to touch it anymore because it's now not accessible to him. If he throws his cup more than once, he doesn't get a cup. If he hits, the person he hit now removes all contact, and interaction or play time stops immediately. If he throws his food on the floor, his plate is taken away without any comment, until the next meal time.

As for structure and security, make sure he has a routine. Bedtime is at the same approximate time with a bath, a story, and lights out. Make sure he has his favorite snuggly toy which is reserved for sleep time. Meal times are at the same place in the kitchen or dining room or picnic table, and the manners are enforced.

And I hope that your daughter will follow these basic routines as much as she is able. If she is trying to make up for lost time by letting her son have an ice cream cone for supper while running around the yard playing, well, that won't benefit anyone.

Try to establish routines and structure and you'll find this can help with the natural two year old behaviors and the safety and security that your grandson is craving after having his mother so badly injured and having his baby brother at one grandmother's house while he is at another grandmother's house, with different toys, different rules, etc.

And kudos to you for being willing to step up and help your daughter at this time!

In my humble opinion, I think a lot of his behavior is for lack of discipline because you feel bad about his mother. The fact is, stuff happens and it stinks, but this kid still needs to learn right from wrong.
He needs to be told no. He needs to be told the rules and the consequence. If you touch the water dispenser, you sit in time out. If you hit, you sit in time out. He is not too young to learn right from wrong.
Since his mother can’t teach him, you need to.

With such a young child going through something like this, my first thoughts would not be about discipline but about making him feel safe and loved. Of course it is not OK for him to hit or be violent but he is two and probably doesn't really understand what is going on or how to express what he is feeling. It may be hard to find but I would try to work with a counselor so that you all have a bigger toolbox of skills and ideas to deal with all of these changes.

Kids at that age, that go thru a tragedy like that don’t understand the emotions their feeling, and don’t know how to express them yet. Yes, 2 yr olds act up but he has been thru a lot! Did he act this way before he started visiting mom? At that age that’s how they express their feelings & get your attention. Seeing his mom hurt & then having to leave her is probably very scary for him, and he probably isn’t use to feeling that way. I suggest doing an activity, like coloring, and talk to him while doing it. Ask him how he feels about what happened, and then try to explain the feelings to him. They are new feelings, to all of you, but he just doesn’t know how to express them yet like adults do.

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Kids at that age, that go thru a tragedy like that don’t understand the emotions their feeling, and don’t know how to express them yet. Yes, 2 yr olds act up but he has been thru a lot! Did he act this way before he started visiting mom? At that age that’s how they express their feelings & get your attention. Seeing his mom hurt & then having to leave her is probably very scary for him, and he probably isn’t use to feeling that way. I suggest doing an activity, like coloring, and talk to him while doing it. Ask him how he feels about what happened, and then try to explain the feelings to him. They are new feelings, to all of you, but he just doesn’t know how to express them yet like adults do.

If he wants to act like a “crazy baby” treat him like one. Don’t let him do big boy things.
Hand feed him. Put him in a play pen. No TV. Just baby stuff.